Tag: Share Your Voice

#SoSS – Therapy, Fucking and … More Fucking!

IMG_6992Monday brought me my first, ‘well that’s a #SoSS post’ moment when I read The Therapist by Karin at theswingshift. This week saw me starting to share some of my experiences with mental health, part of which details how I never quite succeeded in sticking with therapy. That isn’t because I don’t value it though, I absolutely do, especially when as Kinksters we find an understanding and supportive therapist. I don’t know Karin personally, only through the post I’ve read on her blog, that didn’t stop me thoroughly touched though at her thoughts on finding and visiting a therapist.

I’ve had an interesting week. I’ve been delving into the parts of my brain I don’t tend to visit very often and when I read Sometimes I need the Rough Stuff by Sassy Cat, I absolutely got it. Unfortunately weather and other commitments meant Bakji and I didn’t get any sexy times this week, but oooh boy was this a week for needing the rough stuff. For me it’s more about feeling something ‘bigger’ and ‘deeper’ than what I’m feeling in my head. Rough sex or kink that hurts so good, or words that sound harsh to the unknowing ear but sooth my brain niggles like a lullaby. I love that stuff, but as Cat says in her post, ‘only when I know they don’t truly mean what they say in the heat of the moment’.

Escape on the High Seas by Livvy Libertine is a following on piece from her previousIMG_6997 post A Valuable Treasure. I won’t lie I didn’t read them in order though, I normally would have but I got so caught up in the story I just couldn’t stop. I feel like I’ve read part of a book and don’t have the rest of the pages to quench my thirst for the rest of the tale. I am hoping that Livvy gives us more of this tale, because I really want to know more.

As I said I’ve been feeling the urge for the rougher side of sex and kink this week. For me that also includes dirty words and forthright descriptions of sexual activities. Such a Dirty Bitch Deserves a Whipping by May More delivered on both counts. I got to the end and all I could think was 1) that dress does look delightful, 2) I’m a dirty bitch and 3) Goddammit where’s my whipping!

My last offering for this weeks #SoSS is That Time in the Car Park by PixieHeart. It is an all over sexy tale, and it definitely got me hot under the collar and feeling frisky. However, there was one sentence alone that made it worthy of being included in this roundup.

He takes hold of my hand and for a minute I thought I was safe, that my punishment was over

Now I don’t know PixieHeart’s Husband a.k.a The Boss Man. However, the Sadistic Dominant in me laughed hard when I read this. That sexy evil laughter though, that tends to get masochists and submissives giddy with that nervous sexual energy. ‘For a IMG_6998minute I thought I was safe’, what a delightful way to make someone feel, right before you prove them wrong. Loved this Pixie. Absolutely loved it.

That is your lot from me this week. I hope you give all these posts a read and more that will be shared through #SoSS over on Twitter. I have seen plenty of sex bloggers commenting on how they have been shadow-banned this week, so this is definitely something we need to keep ploughing away at so that all these wonderful posts don’t go unnoticed.

#SoSS – Shared Joy is Double Joy

I follow lots of blogs, but I have never managed to keep track of any of that, for that I apologise, especially if I’m missing out on wonderful posts. It’s part of the reason I enjoy social media, because I get pointed in the direction of good things by those I follow. Another way I enjoy finding good reads is writing memes like Masturbation Monday, Wicked Wednesday and Kink of the Week.

Masturbation-Monday-badge-1Masturbation Monday led me to two of the things I’d like to share with you this week. The first being Teachers Pet by Hey Mrs. Robinson. When I started reading it my initial reaction was ‘ooh this is naughty, naughty’. I merrily read along, absolutely thinking I had this story banged to rights. Then I got to the end and realised I absolutely didn’t, and that made me enjoy it even more.

The second piece of Masturbation Monday fiction I enjoyed was The Shoemaker by Cousin Pons. This appealed to me for two reasons. One, it was super sexy and two, it involved feet. I never imagined I’d be someone who was into anything to do with feet. Here I am though, someone who enjoys foot worship and the giving of sexual pleasures by way of my feet. When I read The Shoemaker, I could imagine all the things that were described and they absolutely ticked all the boxes for me.

Now is the time for me to mention my current obsession, the Smut Marathon. We now have a page were we can link our posts we write with reference to the Smut Marathon, and this week that includes Smut Marathon Round 1: On Comfort Zones and Other Stories. Joining the Smut Marathon myself was a huge leap out of my own comfort zone, so I related to an a lot of what was said in this piece. I think sharing our experience of the Smut Marathon is great way to encourage people to perhaps consider participating next year, even if it doesn’t feel like the comfortable thing for you to do.

A long time favourite blog of mine is Poly.Land, which regular readers and podcast listeners will know. This week I read ‘There’s Something Magical About That Person Who Raises Your Standards’ and my brain was giving all the thumbs up as I read it. When I my Bakji my standards weren’t great, in many aspects of life, a low opinion of myself had allowed me to lower them to unforgivable levels. This isn’t the white knight story though, I wasn’t a damsel in distress and I didn’t need saving. What I need was a healthy dose of reality and a better vision of myself both of which Bakji helped me to find. I think the quote below from Page’s article sums it up perfectly.

‘There’s something magical about that person who not only meets your needs but also raises your standards. Who turns you into a bit of a love snob. Who can throw away the storybook notions you had of romance at nine years old and replace them with something that’s somehow both more realistic and better.’ -Page Turner, Poly.Land

My last post for this week is Fantasies of Being Gangbanged by Isabelle Lauren. I wanted to share this one because I spend a lot of my time, both as a blogger and a podcaster encouraging people to turn their kinky desires and fantasies into reality. I enjoyed this blog post for presenting the joy of indulging in fantasies that you know will never be reality, nor would you wish for them to be. I have some of those myself, some of them are impossible to achieve, the video below highlights this with the themes of vampires, fear and being buried in the dirt! Others involve a level of brutality and danger that I just couldn’t risk. It doesn’t mean the idea of them isn’t arousing though, and very much enjoy my alone time with nothing but my imagination and my vibrator for company. 

You find more #SoSS posts by checking out the hashtag on Twitter. It is a great way for us to support and share the writings that many social media platforms see fit to silence. Which is reason enough to get involved by liking, sharing and shouting about the posts you love.

The Importance of Having a Voice

I recently read this post on Poly.Land, ‘Whose Story Is It? On writing Without Permission’, as always a great post by Page, but it was the title alone that got me thinking about writing this blog post, before I’d even had a chance to check in and read the full post. Please do go and give it a read, because my post is not reflective of the content, merely a piece inspired by the title.

My online writing presence began with erotica, I very wrote behind a persona and to that end I could write whatever I fancied and it didn’t matter to anyone. When I started to move into blogging I was suddenly faced with a huge predicament. How did I write about things, and my experiences without pulling other people into the mix? I didn’t really know how, so my blog just didn’t happen for a really long time.

Then I met Bakji, and he probably doesn’t even realise that something he said sticks in my mind to this day and it was his words that eventually got my blog rolling, he basically told me I had to write from the heart and write the things I wanted to write. So that is what I started doing.

The blog posts I write are quite often not just my tales to tell, more often than not they are Bakji’s too. In the early days of me beginning to blog about things relating to our dynamic or my experiences within our dynamic, I was very cautious about not saying things he would be uncomfortable with. I would forward my writing onto him first and I wouldn’t publish them online until he’d given the okay.

Soon enough I realised this wasn’t necessary, I quickly got the measure of what was going to sit well with him and what wouldn’t. Quite honestly though I’ve never wanted to write anything that he would not be comfortable with. I mostly just want to tell people how lovely he is and how I love having him in my life. Feel free to barf from the sickly sweetness of that sentence.

I often discuss this topic with Bakji, and I’m thankful he’s supportive of my blog and my other writing endeavours. I’m also grateful that he doesn’t want to censor me, because my blog wouldn’t be half of what it is without the honesty I am able to inject into it and I can’t be honest if I can’t write about Bakji.

It probably helps that we do the podcast too, there’s really not much we don’t discuss there, especially with the addition of FemDom and Fetish Fun for our Patrons, where we discuss in detail our kinky scenes. There’s not much our readers and listeners don’t know about us now. It’s refreshing though. Especially if our being open and honest about our experiences is useful in some way to the people we are sharing with.

I know there are probably people reading this wondering why I think this is a big deal, but I can only imagine that for every one of us that has a supportive partner, partners or friends who champion our freedom of speech, there are many other people who would love a platform for their thoughts but are censored or silenced for a multitude of reasons. I am thankful that I am not one of those people. 

That’s not to say I don’t respect and understand people desire and need for privacy. I absolutely do. There are many ways to preserve privacy though and still be open and honest within an online setting. I wonder how many people have that concern though, and how many are more concerned with other things, like not being in control of opinions of themselves, or their partner receiving input from others that does not align with their own opinions and interests.

I’ve seen lots of people withdraw, or hold back from writing because their partners were worried about what they might say. You have to wonder in that situation, what it is they’re afraid of hearing. I think Bakji’s confidence in me and my writing is down to the fact he treats me well. Of course, neither of us are perfect, but on the whole I have nothing terrible to put out there. We’ve talked openly on the podcast about areas we both lack in and how we’ve improved, or continually try to improve. So there isn’t a deep dark secret that I’m suddenly going to blab to the blogging community. 

I say this as someone who knows what it’s like to have someone write about me in a way that wasn’t exactly delightful, and it was frustrating to have no control over the light in which they painted me. They didn’t name me though, and they needed to vent. I didn’t fancy them, our friendship had deteriorated because of the imbalance of feelings and that hurt, I get that. I know how it feels to hurt, and when we hurt we want people to support us and validate our feelings. However if I ever pointed out to anyone I know that the writing I’m speaking of is about me, they’d be very surprised to discover I’m not evil incarnate, and that I don’t spend my spare time chewing up men’s hearts and spitting them out.

We all tell our stories in a different way, two people can experience the same thing through very different prisms, but I do believe that each person has a right to share their voice in their own way with the world. Ideally that would be in a way that respects privacy, which I can honestly say I see in all of the blogs I’m fond of.

If you have stories you want to share, then be bold and find a way to share them, and if you’re stifling someone’s voice, please don’t, you never know who might be inspired or comforted by another’s words, and experiences.