Tag: Sadism

Kink of the Week: Love Me Some Face Slapping

This isn’t a declaration I make very often, be it to his face or on this blog, but I love Bakji loads. Like serious warm and fuzzy feels. He is a wonderful man and he makes me so happy to have him in my life. I’d never want to harm him and keeping him safe and in one piece is my number one priority at all times.

That however doesn’t stop me revelling doing wicked things to him. Wicked things like slapping his face.

Continue reading “Kink of the Week: Love Me Some Face Slapping”

Kink of the Week: My Thoughts on Spanking

Kink-of-the-WeekLips-mark-sq-250.pngThis blog post was inspired by the Kink of the Week Prompt, you can find out more about that and read the other post submitted for this topic by clicking here.


I was catching up on some post from blogs I follow and one the blogs was written by PixieHeartblog and  inspired by the Kink of the Week prompt from MollysDailyKiss, the topic of the blog post was Hand Spanking. It got my little brain whirring and I realised that while I’ve discussed my love of pain before I haven’t explicitly spoken about what things cause the pain I enjoy. Hand Spanking however is one of the things.

I love being spanked. It is probably one of my favourite actions to be on the receiving end of. I like all kinds of spankings, but I especially love spankings that hurt. If they hurt so good that they make me cry then even better. I love the catharsis that comes with being pushed to the point where I just can’t hold on to the tears any longer. The first time this happened I was full of apology, promising nothing had gone wrong and nothing was upsetting me. I started to worry that maybe something was wrong, that I wasn’t okay, but experience has led me to understand that my tears are a perfectly normal reaction and that it is okay to embrace that feeling of freedom and weightlessness that follows a thorough spanking.

Spankings for me are not punishment, nor would I ever want them to be. Spanking for me plays more into the hands of my masochistic side, and also my sexual side with the right partner. That’s right, spanking might make me horny. Being spanked then fucked and/or spanked as I’m fucked is all the fun. I was realising this that really made me thinking about exploring other kinks I might have. I figured that if this new and previously unexplored thing turned me on in new ways, maybe other things would do too.

Another thing spanking isn’t for me is submissive. Obviously in a spanking scene I am the bottom, because I am having the spanking done to me, but spanking has never made the submissive in me rise to the surface, other actions definitely do this, but for some reason spanking isn’t one of them. I would struggle for example to come straight out of a scene where I was in FemDom mode and find it fun to be tied up, I could easily accept a spanking though, because for me it’s just an awesome, fun thing that I enjoy.

My specific variety of hand spanking that I enjoy is bare handed. The feeling of hand straight onto bum cheek is awesome. A light spank makes me want to wiggle my bum for something harder, and a hard spank makes me want to withdraw my bum to signal for something softer, and for me that battle can only be won by the firmer spank. Eventually after a good few, solid, rhythmic spanks my bum gives into the sensations being caused and I just relax into it.

As someone who could not orgasm, at all, ever, not alone and not with a partner. Spanking became a bit of a saviour in terms of unlocking my sexual desires and new arousal levels. I had tried every single recommended method of trying to achieve orgasm. I knew all about relaxing and exploring my own body, I’d tried toys and lube. I’d never faked one, my partner at the time knew I enjoyed sexual activities but that it would not and may never result in an orgasm. When one day we included spanking for some reason, the orgasm receptors seemed to fire up and I slowly started to discover that kinky things would help unlock my orgasms.

I also enjoy giving spankings, it’s not one of Bakji’s favourite things to do, so I don’t do it often but when I do I really enjoy it. I love seeing his bum cheeks go a lovely shade of red, and the sound my hand makes when it comes into contact with his flesh makes my vagina twitch with excitement. I like the fact he flinches and says ‘ouch’ whilst shuffling out of reach, but will obediently return so I can do it again. My hands like to spank, then move to see how hard he is, it feeds multiple parts of my FemDom ego when I discover that he is nearly always still hard despite the fact he doesn’t thrive on the pain of it like I do.

I’ve never spanked someone like me, who actively seeks out and enjoys the ouch a spanking can provide. I wonder if I’d enjoy that in the same way. Or if my particular brand of Sadism is fed by my partner being slightly reluctant (though I should add thoroughly consenting) to receive pain. I realise this has now taken a slightly sinister turn, so let’s try and get back to matter a hand. Nice warm and red bum cheeks that are partial to the benefits of a good spanking.

For me spanking is relaxing, calming, sexy, arousing and cathartic. It is one of those single actions that can allow me to escape from all other thoughts for a while. It’s also something I can enjoy independent of a kink scene. Bakji could quite literally dish out spanks completely randomly, with no other kinky or sexy stuff included and that would feel quite satisfying for me. I’ve realised while writing this that it’s been a fairly long time since I’ve been on the receiving end of a spanking, so I’ve added it to our sexy Trello to register my interest. Maybe there will be an upcoming blog post called ‘My Return To Being a Spankee’.

How Do I Feel About Pain?

N.B: This blog post was inspired an email from the Loving BDSM 30 Days of D/s. If you haven’t listened to their podcast yet please do so, you can also check out the website for great resources and links on how to listen or follow on social media.


How do I feel about pain? Awesome! Love it! Good talk.

What’s the next question? Just teasing, I’m not going to leave you hanging like that. I will of course waffle on about this subject for an entire blog post.

Unlike submission, which I don’t feel overly attached to or inclined towards, I do very much have a masochistic side that I am very fond of. My masochist is not submissive though. Pain play for me can be done independently of all my other kinks, and I can and do enjoy it in and of itself. I don’t need to build up to it, I don’t need it come with sex, I don’t need to be restrained for it. I just like it, I like the hurt all by itself.

I do have my limits though, I’m not for one minute claiming I the most hardcore of all masochists and that I desire all the pain to rain down on me all the time, because not so much. I enjoy the kind of pain I enjoy, and I enjoy it within the levels I can take. Some days I can take more than others, during my period I can barely take any.

While I do enjoy this side of myself, it is probably the part of me that needs the most monitoring. I can easily get carried away and over excited, allowing myself to go further than might be wise. For this reason I’m quite pleased that Bakji isn’t as Sadistic as he is sensual. While he has been known to get his Sadist on, it isn’t a main kink for him. I’ve been able to take time over the last couple of years to reflect and learn how best to let my masochist play.

As with most things where there are multiple options, I also like dishing out the pain too. Similarly to my masochist this can be completely independent of my other kinks. Unlike my masochist I do not get carried away with this side of myself. If anything I keep it on a very tight leash, and have had to gradually allow myself to explore it more.

Many, if not all of my kinks, including this one have developed within the last four years. I will write about why I think my kinky side developed one day, but not just yet. When I first discovered I had a masochistic side, I did not use it for good reasons. I was feeling very negative about myself, and this seemed liked a useful way to punish myself. This is absolutely not the way I play now, at all. These days I won’t engage in pain play unless I’m feeling in a good headspace. That is both giving and receiving.

I have got a long way to go with this side of myself, I think it’s something where I’ve scratched the surface but the true depths of it have yet to be fully explored. Which is exciting, but I’m in no rush to make it happen. I also have no desire to make this my main kink. It’s definitely nice to throw it into the mix once in awhile though.

It’s interesting that I’m writing this inspired by the 30 days of D/s emails, because for me they’re not linked at all. There are some thing I do enjoy doing only through the prism of D/s, for example humiliation. Pain play however is more of a sensory exploration, especially in terms of masochism. I simply enjoy the way it feels, my body and my brain join forces and translate the ouch into something awesome. As for the kick I get out of Sadism, well, it just arouses the fuck out of me, and I find that hard to argue with.

I think these can be two of the kinks people can struggle to come to terms with the most, even though they are really quite popular. I think the idea of wanting to be hurt or wanting to hurt someone can leave people feeling uneasy about themselves. It’s the reason I don’t go to great lengths to analyse my kinks. They are what they are and so long as I engage in them with consenting adults who will enjoy the experience then that is all that matters to me.