Tag: Female Domination

[FemDom Friday] FemDom Can Be Sex Inclusive

‘Don’t you miss having sex?’

A question I have been asked many times with regards to being into FemDom. It’s hard to know where to begin with unraveling the myth behind this particular question, so let’s just acknowledge one thing straight away … FemDom can be sex inclusive.

The beauty of being the one in charge, whether that just in a scene or in a more extended FemDom dynamic is that you get to call the shots. (Within established parameters and respecting limits of course.) I have always known that I could include sex in my FemDom scenes, learning how to incorporate it was trickier, that however was about my personal approach, rather than about some unwritten rule of no sex for Dominant Women.

When I tie Bakji up, which I do in probably 99% of our kinky sessions, one of the most joyful elements of that time is that I can do whatever I want to him, for however long I want and whichever way I choose. If I want to ‘force him’ into oral servitude, then use his cock as a dildo and demand he makes me comes with his magic fingers before making him go to bed without any comes himself, I can absolutely do that.

I can have all the sex I can take. I can even leave him untied, still turn him into a subby fuck (I mean this affectionately and with love) and demand he fucks me until I come whilst denying him the chance to climax himself. The key to this is rooted in a few things. Partly he wants to do this; D/s dynamics of all kinds only work if each side of the slash want their part in the exchange. Secondly we’ve taken time to understand what makes us tick when it comes to kink, I know exactly what buttons to push to get Bakji to submit to my wicked desires. I also know which actions will get me fucked by what is essentially a sex robot, and what actions will have him taking charge and fucking me into my very own puddle of subbiness. (Yes, I’m a Switch, yes I can still give advice on FemDom, no I don’t care if you disagree.)

Certain sex acts are deemed inherently Dominant by some people, I thoroughly disagree. Some sex acts may indeed be acts of Topping, in that you are the person doing the sex thing to the other person, but doing does not a Dominant make. While I’m on the subject, the reverse is opposite for certain sex acts being seen as submissive. Blowjobs anyone? Yeah not submissive. I give blowjobs in FemDom mode, and I actually prefer them to giving a blowjob in a non-kink context or when I’m bottoming.

That said, one of the things I love about FemDom is that I actually don’t have to have any sex at all if I don’t want to and you know what, sometimes, in fact a lot of times I don’t. I don’t have a very high sex drive. Often when I’m craving a scene with Bakji what I actually want is the control. I want to tease him endlessly and watch as his frustration builds, I love to laugh during our scenes and most of all the sex I like having is my hand wrapped around his cock. Yep, handjobs are the highest frequency sex in our relationship and I bloody love that.

What get’s you off doesn’t have to be sex, it can be, but don’t feel bad, or weird about yourself if it’s not. When it comes to giving FemDom a go the best advice I can give you when it comes to gaining your own pleasure, is simply do what makes you feel good, and what makes you smile. If that’s tying your sub up while lying back and masturbating, do that. If it’s leaving them untied (I realise bondage isn’t for everyone), but ordering them remain still while you fuck them, do that.

The list of joyful ways you can derive sexual pleasure from a FemDom scene is endless. If however having sex, whether that is P.I.V, fingering, oral or any other kind of sex then you can absolutely make that happen. You can roll over in bed at night, feel their erection, whisper in their ear that you want them to fuck you and the whole time you can be reminding them of how subby they are, of how that dick is yours, how their orgasm will be yours (if you permit there to be one), how every living, breathing, hot, sweaty, fucking inch of them belongs to you. Words are powerful things and they can make the most perceived ‘dominant’ actions exceptionally submissive if utilised in the right way.

This is why I love FemDom. It takes everything I’ve ever been taught about being a woman in a sexual relationship and says ‘fuck you’ right in its face.


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[FemDom Friday] Your sub Doesn’t Have To Be Weak!

Submissive men don’t exactly have the best reputation, and while FemDom isn’t only for submissive men, it is the go to notion when people imagine FemDom. Which is a crying shame because FemDom is sexy for all genders. For the purposes of this post though, predominantly due to outside views, I am going to be awful and make this a very gender focused post and I hope you will see why as you read on.

When people who don’t know any better think of Female Dominants and male submissives, they tend to get a very stereotypical image enter their heads. Totally ruthless bitch of a FemDom and a pathetic, grovelling, snivelling, weak willed man.

Continue reading “[FemDom Friday] Your sub Doesn’t Have To Be Weak!”

[FemDom Friday] It Doesn’t Have To Be 24/7

When you first join Fetlife, or even when you are perusing BDSM accounts on platform like Twitter and Instagram, you would be forgiven for thinking the majority of D/s enthusiasts are living the lifestyle 24/7, with high protocols and a signed contract as long a their arm tucked away for safekeeping.

Don’t misunderstand me, I am not dismissing the 24/7 lifestyle. It is valid and fulfilling for those who are suited to it and I am the first to love hearing from people who do enjoy their D/s dynamics in this way. However, for some of us, it just isn’t possible, or yearned for, and that is okay too. While I am not currently involved in anything close to 24/7 I certainly do not rule it out, you never know what is round the corner and I think staying open to all manner of BDSM opportunities is a wise move.

Continue reading “[FemDom Friday] It Doesn’t Have To Be 24/7”

Getting Off In FemDom Scenes

One of the most wonderful things about sharing my interest in FemDom as it has grown is getting to help other people find out what FemDom might mean to them. This week a friend asked me a question and I thought it would make a great blog post for anyone else who has had the same thought …

‘How do you get off during FemDom scenes?’

The reason I think this is such a great question is because it took me a long time to figure out how I incorporate my own sexual pleasure into FemDom sessions. I am specifying sexual pleasure, because even if I didn’t have an orgasm, I was getting a serious brain and body high from the act of Domination in and of itself. Wanting to include orgasms for me actually came along a little later, and it was then that I had to figure out just out to do that without losing the d/s dynamic that we have present during a FemDom session.

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[Erotica] Addressing His Needs

SinfulSundayLips150I often mention Sinful Sunday on my blog, either when submitting and image or as part of #SoSS posts when I am able to do them. When perusing the submissions for the first weekend of June, which was prompt week, one particular image inspired a line of thinking that ended up being a full blown story. Cousin Pons posted a picture of his feet titled ‘Underneath the Arches‘, and it got me to pondering what a story where a man feet were the catalyst for action. While that isn’t necessarily the story I ended up with, I am actually very fond of the piece of fiction below that did transpire from that initial idea. Thank you Cousin Pons for triggering some inspiration and very much hope you don’t mind me mentioned you image as my starting point for this piece.


Dinner has been served and devoured. As always his culinary skills are only outdone by his commitment to serving me. He works long days, as well as performing his duties for me, and it is appreciated that he never waivers in what is asked of him. He is instructed to sit and relax for a few moments while I prepare myself for our session.

When I return to him he has fallen asleep. Dozing peacefully in his favourite chair, his feet resting on the large footstool in front of him.

Continue reading “[Erotica] Addressing His Needs”

[FemDom Friday] Be Prepared for Top Drop

For any newbie kinkster starting to explore BDSM the topic of sub drop comes up fairly quickly. Whenever I write about drop it is always in a generic sense. It is not only submissives that can get drop, anyone engaging in any kinds of BDSM activities leaves themselves open to dropping afterwards. The reason is simple, what goes up, must come down.

When we engage in kink activities it can often feel euphoric, we can space out, fly high and when the fun stops, especially without proper aftercare we can come crashing back to reality with a bang. Tops are not exempt from this.

When I started engaging in FemDom with Bakji I got a bigger rush than I perhaps ever did with subbing. I love the headspace it takes me too, and our dynamic means I push myself as Top further and further as my experience as a Top progresses. I hadn’t experienced sub drop for a fair while when I started Topping, so I naively wasn’t prepared to drop as hard as I did.

Continue reading “[FemDom Friday] Be Prepared for Top Drop”

[FemDom Friday] Sensual Domination Is Valid

 

‘I won’t be a very good Top/Dominant because I don’t want to hurt people’

Most Sadists will at some point be the Top in a scene, due to the nature of Sadism being a doing thing, not a receiving thing. Not all Sadists will identify as, or have any desire to be a Dominant though. On the flip side of that, many Tops and Dominants have no Sadistic inclinations at all.

‘What can I do to be Dominant though if I don’t like causing pain?’

Pain play is a huge part of BDSM … for some people. It is the SM (Sadism and Masochism) part of the acronym. If you are neither a Sadist or a masochist though, you still have all the other letters to play with. Bondage and Discipline and Dominance and submission. None of which need to involve pain.

Continue reading “[FemDom Friday] Sensual Domination Is Valid”