Category: FemDom Friday

FemDom Friday: Your sub Doesn’t Have To Be Weak!

Submissive men don’t exactly have the best reputation, and while FemDom isn’t only for submissive men, it is the go to notion when people imagine FemDom. Which is a crying shame because FemDom is sexy for all genders. For the purposes of this post though, predominantly due to outside views, I am going to be awful and make this a very gender focused post and I hope you will see why as you read on.

When people who don’t know any better think of Female Dominants and male submissives, they tend to get a very stereotypical image enter their heads. Totally ruthless bitch of a FemDom and a pathetic, grovelling, snivelling, weak willed man.

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FemDom Friday: It Doesn’t Have To Be 24/7

When you first join Fetlife, or even when you are perusing BDSM accounts on platform like Twitter and Instagram, you would be forgiven for thinking the majority of D/s enthusiasts are living the lifestyle 24/7, with high protocols and a signed contract as long a their arm tucked away for safekeeping.

Don’t misunderstand me, I am not dismissing the 24/7 lifestyle. It is valid and fulfilling for those who are suited to it and I am the first to love hearing from people who do enjoy their D/s dynamics in this way. However, for some of us, it just isn’t possible, or yearned for, and that is okay too. While I am not currently involved in anything close to 24/7 I certainly do not rule it out, you never know what is round the corner and I think staying open to all manner of BDSM opportunities is a wise move.

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FemDom Friday: Be Prepared for Top Drop

For any newbie kinkster starting to explore BDSM the topic of sub drop comes up fairly quickly. Whenever I write about drop it is always in a generic sense. It is not only submissives that can get drop, anyone engaging in any kinds of BDSM activities leaves themselves open to dropping afterwards. The reason is simple, what goes up, must come down.

When we engage in kink activities it can often feel euphoric, we can space out, fly high and when the fun stops, especially without proper aftercare we can come crashing back to reality with a bang. Tops are not exempt from this.

When I started engaging in FemDom with Bakji I got a bigger rush than I perhaps ever did with subbing. I love the headspace it takes me too, and our dynamic means I push myself as Top further and further as my experience as a Top progresses. I hadn’t experienced sub drop for a fair while when I started Topping, so I naively wasn’t prepared to drop as hard as I did.

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FemDom Friday: Be Prepared To Find New Kinks

This one is actually great advice for anyone exploring kink, fetish and BDSM, regardless of the initial interest that begins their exploration. Without exception every kinky person I have had in depth conversations with about kink has discussed at least one kink they never knew they had or never believed they would be into.

Fledgling Floss: I would never do piss play

FemDom Floss: OMG I sooo want to try piss play

Fledgling Floss: What happened to I would never … ?

FemDom Floss: *shoves a gag in Fledgling Floss’ mouth*

Bringing it back round to FemDom though, a journey many of us embark on in a fairly low key manner. Often with a little hesitation thrown in too due to many of the thoughts I will be addressing in these articles; Will I get it wrong? What if I’m not Dominant enough? What if I’m not a Sadist? These list goes on.

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FemDom Friday: Sensual Domination Is Valid

 

‘I won’t be a very good Top/Dominant because I don’t want to hurt people’

Most Sadists will at some point be the Top in a scene, due to the nature of Sadism being a doing thing, not a receiving thing. Not all Sadists will identify as, or have any desire to be a Dominant though. On the flip side of that, many Tops and Dominants have no Sadistic inclinations at all.

‘What can I do to be Dominant though if I don’t like causing pain?’

Pain play is a huge part of BDSM … for some people. It is the SM (Sadism and Masochism) part of the acronym. If you are neither a Sadist or a masochist though, you still have all the other letters to play with. Bondage and Discipline and Dominance and submission. None of which need to involve pain.

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FemDom Friday: FemDom Is For Switches Too

Switch – A person who may feel Dominant or submissive depending on their mood or their partner. Switching also encompasses those who identify as Top/bottom, and Sadist/masochist

I never would have found my love of FemDom if I hadn’t initially thought I was a submissive. When I joined the kink scene it was with the assumption that I would find a Dominant to explore my submissive side with. While in some ways that did happen, another and surprising thing happened too. I realised that while I do enjoy being a bottom, I have a great passion for Topping, and the resulting conclusion was that I am in fact a Switch.

Top – A person who is in control during a scene, this person may or may not identify as a Dominant

Bottom – A person who gives up control, receives physical sensation and/or verbal instruction during a scene from a Top, this person may or may not identify as submissive

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FemDom Friday: Don’t Be Swayed By The Stereotypes

When I first tried my hand at Topping, it was not what I would call a success. I bought the clothes and the shoes that said ‘I am a Dominatrix’, my hair and makeup matched the stereotype that the word Dominatrix conjures. When it came to the nitty gritty though I found that style wasn’t enough, because in attempting to explore that side of myself, I wasn’t the ideal version of a Female Dominant that the people I was Topping had imagined I would be.

In my various wanderings around the internet, I have seen many women say they can’t be Dominant within their kink explorations for a myriad of reasons. The only reason that I believe to be valid for not trying FemDom is that is truly does not interest you. Being petite, having no sadistic inclinations, an attraction to men who take charge in their daily life, or who are physically stronger than you – none of these are to my mind barriers to exploring or enjoying FemDom.

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