[Life] The Freedom of Floss


#F4Thought, Life / Thursday, November 21st, 2019

The word freedom might only be seven letters long, but my goodness does it pack a mighty punch when you really get down to what it means for you as an individual. I think one person’s freedom might well look like a cage to an onlooker. For some of us, freedom is physical, for others emotional. Many of us are so privileged that we can pick and choose what freedoms we want to fight for, while other people across the globe fight for a right to exist. 

Freedom is an emotive and in many ways, an incredibly subjective topic. When you type ‘freedom quotes’ into Pinterest the search results alone show how varied the views on freedom can be. For me personally, freedom is a huge factor in my life. I have an innate desire to feel free to a certain extent and anything that challenges that state of being has to go.

I think that on some levels this makes me an incredibly selfish human being. When I was married I did not feel free. I felt stifled. That wasn’t always the case, and it was circumstance rather than the actions of my ex that made me feel the way I did, but once I began to feel like I wasn’t my own person anymore, there was really nothing left to do except leave. 

Being a mother means my freedom is limited, but it is limiting in a way that grounds me rather than suffocates me. I think my child is my saving grace in many ways. I can be reckless and spontaneous and I can want things so badly I would walk across broken glass to get them. Being his Mum stops me from embracing those inclinations on many occasions. 

Within the life I have created for myself though, I am free to do as I please in many ways. More so now perhaps, seeing as I am a single lady again. So long as I turn up to work when I agree to and look after my boy when he’s not with his Dad then any time I have outside of that is mine. I can do entirely as I please, I answer to very few people and when people who have no authority over me try to make me answer to them, the result is not pretty. 

In the summer I went to visit family and made lots of decisions that were not in line with how my family normal conducts visits. I stayed in a hotel rather than in one of their homes and rather than doing most things with family, they were instead part of my visit as opposed to my whole visit. The entire time I was there I felt like people were trying to micro-manage me. Looking to see where they could get me to do what they wanted and I hated every minute of that. Trying to make me do what you want, in the face of me telling you not only what I want, but what I will be doing. Yeah, not cool, and will likely end with me just finding ways to deal with you less and less. 

Part of my need to feel free is bodily autonomy. I like tattoos and I have no desire to discuss with another human being why I want another one, what that might be and whether or not they approve. It is my body, no one else’s and I don’t like having to ask for permission to decorate it or use it as I see fit. Of course, an exception here is making sure I don’t do anything reckless to it that would prohibit my ability to parent. I respect my body though and I want it safe and healthy, but I also like to use it for recreational purposes and it is those activities I don’t enjoy seeking permission for. 

Being able to make my own choices and live the life that feels right for me is my definition of freedom. As is being able to discuss all aspects of my life here with all of you. I’ve mentioned this before, but I once knew someone who started a blog and it was a huge flop. The reason? She wasn’t allowed to talk about anything that mattered. She was censored by her partner to the point where there was no point even having a blog. I am eternally grateful to Bakji because not only did he never try to stop me writing about anything, even the things that included him, he also encouraged and supported me in my blogging endeavours and still does. 

My freedom to share myself with my readers is highly important to me. If someone came into my life and ask me to choose between them and my blog? Well, I can tell you now, you’d be hearing about that story and they would not be getting to see me naked any more. I know that having a partner who shares sexy pictures of themselves online isn’t for everybody, but I am incredibly proud of what I create here, both words and images and only is the freedom to do that important to me, but also the freedom I gain by sharing here is phenomenal. 

This whole post is inspired by this week’s F4Thought topic, which is, as you might have guessed ‘freedom’. The original idea for this came from a post by Mr More, Observing a Sex Blogger or Two, which you should absolutely read if you haven’t already. He discusses how freedom is the unspoken driving force behind many of our blogs and I have to agree. 

I recently decided to change the tagline of my blog because I am no longer predominantly blogging about Kink, Fetish and BDSM. I don’t really know what I’ll be predominantly blogging about yet and so I really had to consider what it was I wanted to let folks know I was doing here. I looked at it from a few different angles and eventually, I settled upon a sentence that perfectly sums up what my blog has meant to me this year …

Finding Freedom and Clarity Through Creativity

Creativity is hugely important to me and I am ridiculously passionate about it, which anyone who comes to my speaker session at Eroticon will discover. The freedom to create content that matters to me is not an optional extra in my life any more, it is an integral part of who I am as a person. It is the reason that this post is my 332nd post of the year. Ironically, my quietest month was April, the month after Eroticon, purely because I was buckling under the weight of expectations I had put upon myself and I did not feel free to enjoy my blog in the way I wanted to. 

Which is probably not the first time I’ve stood in the way of my own freedom and I don’t suppose it will be the last, but that is definitely something I am always working on. We only get one short life and this is a fact I am intensely aware of and I don’t want to live a life that makes me feel unfulfilled or stuck. I want to live a life that fills me with joy and for me, that means a life where I feel free.

For me, freedom is being able to be unapologetically myself, without having to bend or break to fit in with anyone else’s notion of how I should behave, or think, or feel. I want to surround myself with people who support that and who love me for all my ways, not just the ones that work in their favour. 

Everyone is different though and your freedom will be different to mine, your need for freedom might be lower or higher, the words that define what freedom is for you may be a million miles away from the words that define freedom for me. Perhaps for you, freedom lies in love or submission, maybe even in money or the ability to travel. Whatever freedom means to you I hope you find it, embrace it and revel in how wonderfully free it makes you feel. 

12 Replies to “[Life] The Freedom of Floss”

  1. I enjoy reading your musings and especially this one as the concept of freedom is something I think about a lot.

    Part of your definition is “…, freedom is being able to be unapologetically myself, without having to bend or break to fit in with anyone else’s notion of how I should behave, or think, or feel.”

    My definition centers on the choice, freedom being our right to choose and not so much the feelings or satisfactions we get after our choice. On days like today when I want to feel a certain way and my freedom (choice) prevents this, I don’t feel free. Sometimes things are not black and white, including freedom.

  2. This is a great post Floss – those up so far for this prompt are all thought provoking in their own way and yours is no exception. The freedom to be yourself, to make your own decisions (we too stay near but not with family sometimes) and to be creative are vital to our emotional wellbeing. The freedom to be creative on this your blog means we get to read your wonderful blog, on whatever topic you choose to right about.

  3. I don’t think people think enough about freedom these days – which is why I thought it would be a thought provoking prompt. And you are right freedom is different for everyone. I am very free in my work life, no set routine – but to some not knowing what they will be doing in a few weeks time would feel more like a curse. One thing we all should remember is that time is something we cannot buy, so it is important to live our life being as free as we want to be xx

  4. I found the restrictions of child rearing (for 35 years in my case) were grounding and in comparison to the restrictions of a relationship that wasn’t working for me, to be positive and life-enhancing. I would like to think that I am now working on the enjoyment of spend freedom I now enjoy to do pretty much whatever I like outside of my working day. This is, indeed a privilege, and I am grateful to you for reminding me of this.

  5. Totally agree with … “Being able to make my own choices and live the life that feels right for me is my definition of freedom.”
    Sometimes I suppose that can work in a relationship, sometimes not, but it should always be respected shouldn’t it.
    Reading your post so makes me wish I could be at Eroticon this year (certain circumstances making that difficult, but still trying !!!)
    Xxx – K

  6. So much of this resonates with me especially the bit about being a Mother stopping you from going after things in a way that might be detrimental. That is definitely the case for me too.
    Reading your post makes me want to think about writing more on this topic as I realise I now have more thoughts.

    Molly

  7. I find it intriguing how many posts about freedom reveal the extent to which we see ourselves as “work in progress”. Your remarks about overcoming the control of family will ring big bells for a lot of people. As will your refelections on the relevance of motherhood – the best possible example of how freedoms must be tempered by responsibilies. Not easy being grown up when we’re all really just big kids.
    InigoMore recently posted…Ask for Whatever You WantMy Profile

  8. Finding Freedom and Clarity through Creativity = Fantastic! I enjoyed your clarity and freedom through your posting’s creativity. I find meaning in your blog and so many others as I reflect on the life I lived which was not “freedom” but instead the constraints of family & vocational norms and my own fears. Thank you. I’m writing your theme at the top of my calendar to remind me and guide me….to channel myself creatively to find freedom and clarity.

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