The word freedom might only be seven letters long, but my goodness does it pack a mighty punch when you really get down to what it means for you as an individual. I think one person’s freedom might well look like a cage to an onlooker. For some of us, freedom is physical, for others emotional. Many of us are so privileged that we can pick and choose what freedoms we want to fight for, while other people across the globe fight for a right to exist.
Freedom is an emotive and in many ways, an incredibly subjective topic. When you type ‘freedom quotes’ into Pinterest the search results alone show how varied the views on freedom can be. For me personally, freedom is a huge factor in my life. I have an innate desire to feel free to a certain extent and anything that challenges that state of being has to go.
I think that on some levels this makes me an incredibly selfish human being. When I was married I did not feel free. I felt stifled. That wasn’t always the case, and it was circumstance rather than the actions of my ex that made me feel the way I did, but once I began to feel like I wasn’t my own person anymore, there was really nothing left to do except leave.
Being a mother means my freedom is limited, but it is limiting in a way that grounds me rather than suffocates me. I think my child is my saving grace in many ways. I can be reckless and spontaneous and I can want things so badly I would walk across broken glass to get them. Being his Mum stops me from embracing those inclinations on many occasions.
Within the life I have created for myself though, I am free to do as I please in many ways. More so now perhaps, seeing as I am a single lady again. So long as I turn up to work when I agree to and look after my boy when he’s not with his Dad then any time I have outside of that is mine. I can do entirely as I please, I answer to very few people and when people who have no authority over me try to make me answer to them, the result is not pretty.
In the summer I went to visit family and made lots of decisions that were not in line with how my family normal conducts visits. I stayed in a hotel rather than in one of their homes and rather than doing most things with family, they were instead part of my visit as opposed to my whole visit. The entire time I was there I felt like people were trying to micro-manage me. Looking to see where they could get me to do what they wanted and I hated every minute of that. Trying to make me do what you want, in the face of me telling you not only what I want, but what I will be doing. Yeah, not cool, and will likely end with me just finding ways to deal with you less and less.
Part of my need to feel free is bodily autonomy. I like tattoos and I have no desire to discuss with another human being why I want another one, what that might be and whether or not they approve. It is my body, no one else’s and I don’t like having to ask for permission to decorate it or use it as I see fit. Of course, an exception here is making sure I don’t do anything reckless to it that would prohibit my ability to parent. I respect my body though and I want it safe and healthy, but I also like to use it for recreational purposes and it is those activities I don’t enjoy seeking permission for.
Being able to make my own choices and live the life that feels right for me is my definition of freedom. As is being able to discuss all aspects of my life here with all of you. I’ve mentioned this before, but I once knew someone who started a blog and it was a huge flop. The reason? She wasn’t allowed to talk about anything that mattered. She was censored by her partner to the point where there was no point even having a blog. I am eternally grateful to Bakji because not only did he never try to stop me writing about anything, even the things that included him, he also encouraged and supported me in my blogging endeavours and still does.
My freedom to share myself with my readers is highly important to me. If someone came into my life and ask me to choose between them and my blog? Well, I can tell you now, you’d be hearing about that story and they would not be getting to see me naked any more. I know that having a partner who shares sexy pictures of themselves online isn’t for everybody, but I am incredibly proud of what I create here, both words and images and only is the freedom to do that important to me, but also the freedom I gain by sharing here is phenomenal.
This whole post is inspired by this week’s F4Thought topic, which is, as you might have guessed ‘freedom’. The original idea for this came from a post by Mr More, Observing a Sex Blogger or Two, which you should absolutely read if you haven’t already. He discusses how freedom is the unspoken driving force behind many of our blogs and I have to agree.
I recently decided to change the tagline of my blog because I am no longer predominantly blogging about Kink, Fetish and BDSM. I don’t really know what I’ll be predominantly blogging about yet and so I really had to consider what it was I wanted to let folks know I was doing here. I looked at it from a few different angles and eventually, I settled upon a sentence that perfectly sums up what my blog has meant to me this year …
Finding Freedom and Clarity Through Creativity
Creativity is hugely important to me and I am ridiculously passionate about it, which anyone who comes to my speaker session at Eroticon will discover. The freedom to create content that matters to me is not an optional extra in my life any more, it is an integral part of who I am as a person. It is the reason that this post is my 332nd post of the year. Ironically, my quietest month was April, the month after Eroticon, purely because I was buckling under the weight of expectations I had put upon myself and I did not feel free to enjoy my blog in the way I wanted to.
Which is probably not the first time I’ve stood in the way of my own freedom and I don’t suppose it will be the last, but that is definitely something I am always working on. We only get one short life and this is a fact I am intensely aware of and I don’t want to live a life that makes me feel unfulfilled or stuck. I want to live a life that fills me with joy and for me, that means a life where I feel free.
For me, freedom is being able to be unapologetically myself, without having to bend or break to fit in with anyone else’s notion of how I should behave, or think, or feel. I want to surround myself with people who support that and who love me for all my ways, not just the ones that work in their favour.
Everyone is different though and your freedom will be different to mine, your need for freedom might be lower or higher, the words that define what freedom is for you may be a million miles away from the words that define freedom for me. Perhaps for you, freedom lies in love or submission, maybe even in money or the ability to travel. Whatever freedom means to you I hope you find it, embrace it and revel in how wonderfully free it makes you feel.