[Sex] The Perils of Pretty


#F4TFriday, Self Reflection, Sex / Saturday, October 12th, 2019

When May and I took over at Food for Thought we said right from the beginning write whatever our chosen topic inspires in you. We always give an idea of what made us choose the topic and also some questions to ponder should you need some assistance getting the ideas flowing. Honestly though if you ever see the prompt, find your mind going to an idea and then see it wasn’t quite what we were thinking of, still write it and share it. To show that we mean this I’m doing exactly that for this week’s prompt, and almost writing about the exact opposite of what the prompt is. 

The current topic we are looking for thoughts on is safewords or words that make you feel safe. For some folks with BDSM interest, this might be about safewords we use during scenes, which I’ve covered twice once in Safewords Are My Kink and also in What’s Your Safeword? As yet I don’t have much else to say on them. Which means I initially thought my posts would be about words that make me feel safe either in my relationships or during play and May actually posed a great question for me on this weeks F4Thought blog post ….

May: I asked Floss if there are any words she likes to hear when playing sexually that will not only turn her on but will also make her feel secure within her environment. Check out her great answer…

Floss: Any words that reinforce my partner is having a good time. This might be endless expletives, it might be begging for their orgasm. As a bottom, the words ‘I want to fuck you’ are simple yet affirmative and like many folks, I’m always sky high if I get a ‘good girl’ whispered in my ear. 

I was going to elaborate on my answer for this post, but another post has been niggling at me and it’s all about how certain words, or in this case a certain word, has a particular effect on me and it isn’t necessarily in a safe way, in fact sometimes it is appealing because it often makes me feel like I’m entering a danger zone in terms of personal behaviour and it’s an interesting notion to explore. So here I am, co-host of the meme, completely doing my own thing and going off on a tangent. 

Pretty = Uh Oh! I’m in Trouble!

Last week I wrote Pretty and before my blog decided to randomly delete I received two comments on it, both of which disappeared when the post did, so I will have to paraphrase them. Essentially one was ‘yep totally get this’ and the other was ‘why can’t you be pretty and all those other things too’ along with some other lovely and kind words (thank you, Michael). Without seeming like a total know-it-all, these were the two types of comments I expected on that particular piece of writing and I’ve been thinking a lot about why I wrote it, what inspired it and how people might perceive it. 

There are two types of erotica I write, those that are entirely fictional and those that are perhaps a little more true to life than I’m prepared to admit. Not because there is anything wrong with what I’ve written, sometimes though the inspiration feels deeply personal and presenting it as my own personal musings feels strangely invasive, but dressing them up as fiction feels a lot safer. ‘Pretty’ was inspired by the times that word has been used to describe me and my honestly ridiculous reaction to it. 

Men Who Call Me Pretty Are My Weakness 

I don’t feel great about this admission but it’s definitely true. When I’m out and about in the world and a man calls me pretty I instantly give myself a warning to be careful. It’s not that I think the man in question is dodgy, it’s more that I’m dodgy, and easily wooed in the right circumstances! 

Pretty is an unsafe word for me, it makes me feel desired in a way other words do not. Hot, sexy, fuckable, cute … all great words, all amazing compliments but not of them lower my guard quite like pretty does. 

Here’s the tricky part of pretty, it’s usually said by men I shouldn’t be fucking! It turns me into a puddle though, it makes me wet, it makes me hunger for the very thing I should be walking away from! To be totally upfront, the more I know I shouldn’t be fucking him the more ‘pretty’ from his mouth sounds like the most inviting thing ever. 

Pretty Makes Me Slutty 

There is something about the word pretty that makes me think of one type of girl, but instantly want to behave like another. If ten hot guys a day called me pretty it would take all my willpower not to fuck ten guys a day. Even if I knew I shouldn’t. 

The dictionary definition of pretty is ‘attractive in a delicate way without being truly beautiful’. Which actually sums up exactly where pretty takes my mind. To me, it’s a feminine and delicate compliment. I know how to make the most of myself and I know what I need to do to look in the mirror and feel like I am hella sexy, but I never look at myself and think ‘wow, I look so pretty today’. When someone else looks at me and their instinct is to say I look pretty, it’s like being Alice in Wonderland, everything feels tipped on its head and I don’t feel like the same girl who looked in the mirror before I left the house. 

I don’t know what happens in my mind, but my mind is telling me that person calling me pretty sees me as the feminine, delicate version of me that I didn’t know existed and my body decides we should show that person how utterly filthy I can be. Every. Damn. Time!

I Don’t Always Give In

Despite my earlier statement that it would be hard to resist a day of fucking if lots of men in one day called me pretty, I do in fact have the capacity to realise when it’s a bad idea to succumb … most of the time. 

I won’t lie though there have been times when I’ve given in to the temptation that pretty presents me with and it’s always been extremely arousing and all kinds of indulgement. Even when, and I’ sure it’s not the done thing to admit this, but, even when it’s been with someone I absolutely should not have been fucking with, the power of pretty captivates me and I just lay back and enjoy my adventure in wonderland. 

Jupiter Grant commented that she finds the dichotomy of pretty and filthy very erotic, and I’d have to agree with her. I don’t entirely understand why. I suspect perhaps other people may have more insight on this than I do. What I know though is that pretty is definitely a way into my knickers and I have to be very mindful of that. 

How Is This Related To The Prompt?

The more I wrote for this, the more I wondered how I’d got to this post via the F4Thought prompt. I realised its all inspired by the notion of ‘safe’ and how much of it I want in my life. I want to perfectly clear, I value my safety in terms of physically and emotionally being left unharmed. I’m not looking to enter relationships where I’m at risk or being abused. That kind of safety is something I want for myself and everyone else, of course, it is. 

There’s another kind of ‘safe’ though, the kind of safe that makes me bored and breeds a lack of passion and desire. Which probably sounds awful and maybe it is, but I’m always honest with you folks and this is honestly my truth when it comes to these kinds of things. 

When I left my marriage, it was hard, partly because it wasn’t bad, in fact in many ways it was excellent, but it was safe and I’d become bored and at the time I hadn’t even hit thirty and I felt like I was too young and life was too short to lived without excitement and passion in my life. Being loved and cared for is great, it truly is wonderful. But those are not the feelings I want during sex, at all. 

I want exhilaration and passion that can’t be held back. I want someone who wants me so badly that they’re willing to pull pretty out of the bag to get me. I actually don’t care if they want to date me, love me or be with me forever. Even when I answered my question for May, I answered with words that aroused me and confirmed I wasn’t doing some harm. Not necessarily words that made me feel ‘safe’. 

This was one of the reasons I left my marriage, and one I don’t share very often because I traded love for hedonism and I actually don’t regret my decision at all. I don’t words to make me feel safe, I want words to make me feel alive.

5 Replies to “[Sex] The Perils of Pretty”

  1. I shared your “Pretty” post to Sexbytes.

    There was a mix-up and it got lost so I re-submitted it, then I guess my original submission was found, and both were approved, so it’s actually on there twice. But anyway. Just letting you know.

    1. Yeah, it’s fascinating to me. It’s funny because Bakji rarely if ever uses it. He says it’s for flowers. Not ladies

  2. Now that’s a post I hadn’t seen coming! Now I have to go back and read the ‘Pretty’ post. I can’t speak for others, but suspect we all have our weak spots. Being call ‘weird’, ‘crazy’, or ‘fucking nuts’ does it for me. Those are the words that challenge me just how weird and nuts I can be.

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