I read Personal sex stories: writing, narcissism and the value of ‘I’ by Girl on the Net and a) it was brilliant but also b) it fired me right up. My initial response was shared on Twitter when I quote-tweeted her article onto my timeline …
As I thought on things more though I wondered how many people might take issue with the word pontificate in relation to what we do as bloggers. Feeling it somehow might cast us all in a self-righteous and narcissistic light. I personally think it’s a fabulous word though and I decided there and then that one of my blogging truths is that I am without a shadow of a doubt here to pontificate.
My first incarnation of a blog was all about erotica, a site that I doubt any of you ever visited or even knew about. That site was all about storytelling, pure and simple. It had no ego, no stats that I ever checked and I was continuously surprised by anyone who ever left comments or got in touch after reading my tales.
That site got left behind, and when I began my journey into non-monogamy I had another brainwave, why not start blogging about that. Here’s the thing, at the time I had no idea who else was blogging about that. I had very few non-monogamous experiences but what I did have was a brain that had thoughts and a desire to share those thoughts with strangers, thus FlossDoesLife was born. That idea took off in some ways, and here I am, almost three years later still creating content for FlossDoesLife.
My reasons for blogging though have changed. It is far more about community and friendship than I ever imagined it could be. The community matters to me and encouraging and supporting others matters to me. People are a huge part of why I do this, and I don’t want to gloss over that or pretends it isn’t a huge factor in why I rock up to my laptop every day and write, visit blogs and check what you’re all up to on social media.
However, let’s get back to the pontificating. People may disagree with me, I suspect they do all the time actually, but I think a healthy dose of loving the sound of your own voice or finding your own thoughts thoroughly fascinating is a rather good way to encourage you to write more. If you don’t believe in what you’re saying or think it is completely worth someone taking the time to read, then why would they be compelled to think any different.
When someone is invested in their words and invested in other people taking the time to read them, I think it gives their work a different edge. If you don’t care, it shows, people see that they become disinterested and they don’t come back to your blog. If you’re passionate though, if you’re filled with a burning need to say what is on your mind and you tailor those thoughts into what you deem to be a dam fine piece of writing, we can tell and we come back and we cheer you on for being freakin’ awesome.
As I was writing this post I was reading through the submissions for Food for Thought week #111, ‘Words To Live By’ and Finding My Erotic Self through Anais Nin which was written by Brigit Delaney came full circle back to the thoughts I had for this post. One of the reflections Brigit made was about how other people viewed Anais Nin and Henry Miller … ‘Both writers have been slammed for their narcissism and self-centeredness, their gauche sexual views and their openness in writing about it, and their disregard for others in seeking success and pleasure.’ This is not an uncommon line of thinking with regards to creative types, especially those whose creative works reflect sexuality or anything that society sees as hedonistic.
I’ve lost count of the number of creative souls who have been criticised for similar personality traits, including people like GOTN as we discovered at the very beginning of this post and all I can ever think when I read those types of comments is ‘what do you expect?’. How on earth do people expect creativity to blossom without a little something different to what the rest of the world has going on?
My focus on this blog is kink, fetish, BDSM, sex and relationships. While I will protect people’s anonymity and respect their privacy, in terms of what I feel and what I experience there is nothing I won’t use as content for this blog. I am entirely comfortable with digging deep and baring my deepest, darkest desires to you all if I think it will create something worth your time. Hell, I wish I more deep and more dark to share, because honestly, you know most of the juicy stuff.
What this does mean though, is that I often stretch my fingers of creativity past my own being and into the realms of others. It means find topics I’m curious about and plunging into their depths and returning with something I can present as interesting to my lovely readers. Sometimes that means writing about things that might make folks uncomfortable, and honestly, that’s a little bit of my ‘why of blogging’ too.
I promise I am a genuinely nice person, and far less self-absorbed than this post suggests, maybe, at least I think that’s the case. I do enjoy ruffling feathers though, sometimes there is nothing left to do in the world except cause a little bit of mayhem, make people squirm in their seats and show them a truth that has them questioning their own values, beliefs and behaviours. It’s one of the reasons I’m happy to ‘out’ myself as a kinkster, queer person and non-monogamist because even in everyday life I sometimes find that the most interesting course of action is to say things people aren’t expecting.
I’ve had people ask if that isn’t awkward and sometimes it is, but rarely for me. It’s far more awkward for the person who’s been a judgey pants only to be confronted with the fact that their belief challenges my very existence as a person. While that is rarely the case on this blog, there are still times when I feel the need to shake things up a bit and the beauty of this platform being all mine, to do with as I wish is that I get to do just that.
Our blogs are precious and valuable spaces and yours is for you to explore your own ‘why of blogging’ in, in any way you see fit, from beautiful pontificating to baring your soul. I also strongly believe that whatever your reason for doing this, you should never apologise. Don’t be sorry if something isn’t sexy if it is your truth. Don’t apologise for ranting if you think something needs to be said. Definitely, don’t apologise for being vulgar and pornographic, more of that please people.
As for me, no apologies here. I freakin’ love my platform, I love that it gives me a voice and goddammit I love a little bit of pontification once in a while. I also love you lovely lot though and actually without the warm and fuzzies my fellow bloggers give me I’d maybe be slightly concerned about where I fell on the narcissism spectrum, but I have genuine need and desire to invest in the success and well-being of others, which makes me quite happy that my levels of conceit are manageable.