[Life] Why Does Floss Have a Blog?

I read Personal sex stories: writing, narcissism and the value of ‘I’ by Girl on the Net and a) it was brilliant but also b) it fired me right up. My initial response was shared on Twitter when I quote-tweeted her article onto my timeline …

As I thought on things more though I wondered how many people might take issue with the word pontificate in relation to what we do as bloggers. Feeling it somehow might cast us all in a self-righteous and narcissistic light. I personally think it’s a fabulous word though and I decided there and then that one of my blogging truths is that I am without a shadow of a doubt here to pontificate. 

My first incarnation of a blog was all about erotica, a site that I doubt any of you ever visited or even knew about. That site was all about storytelling, pure and simple. It had no ego, no stats that I ever checked and I was continuously surprised by anyone who ever left comments or got in touch after reading my tales. 

That site got left behind, and when I began my journey into non-monogamy I had another brainwave, why not start blogging about that. Here’s the thing, at the time I had no idea who else was blogging about that. I had very few non-monogamous experiences but what I did have was a brain that had thoughts and a desire to share those thoughts with strangers, thus FlossDoesLife was born. That idea took off in some ways, and here I am, almost three years later still creating content for FlossDoesLife. 

My reasons for blogging though have changed. It is far more about community and friendship than I ever imagined it could be. The community matters to me and encouraging and supporting others matters to me. People are a huge part of why I do this, and I don’t want to gloss over that or pretends it isn’t a huge factor in why I rock up to my laptop every day and write, visit blogs and check what you’re all up to on social media.

However, let’s get back to the pontificating. People may disagree with me, I suspect they do all the time actually, but I think a healthy dose of loving the sound of your own voice or finding your own thoughts thoroughly fascinating is a rather good way to encourage you to write more. If you don’t believe in what you’re saying or think it is completely worth someone taking the time to read, then why would they be compelled to think any different. 

When someone is invested in their words and invested in other people taking the time to read them, I think it gives their work a different edge. If you don’t care, it shows, people see that they become disinterested and they don’t come back to your blog. If you’re passionate though, if you’re filled with a burning need to say what is on your mind and you tailor those thoughts into what you deem to be a dam fine piece of writing, we can tell and we come back and we cheer you on for being freakin’ awesome. 

As I was writing this post I was reading through the submissions for Food for Thought week #111, ‘Words To Live By’ and Finding My Erotic Self through Anais Nin which was written by Brigit Delaney came full circle back to the thoughts I had for this post. One of the reflections Brigit made was about how other people viewed Anais Nin and Henry Miller … ‘Both writers have been slammed for their narcissism and self-centeredness, their gauche sexual views and their openness in writing about it, and their disregard for others in seeking success and pleasure.’ This is not an uncommon line of thinking with regards to creative types, especially those whose creative works reflect sexuality or anything that society sees as hedonistic. 

I’ve lost count of the number of creative souls who have been criticised for similar personality traits, including people like GOTN as we discovered at the very beginning of this post and all I can ever think when I read those types of comments is ‘what do you expect?’. How on earth do people expect creativity to blossom without a little something different to what the rest of the world has going on? 

My focus on this blog is kink, fetish, BDSM, sex and relationships. While I will protect people’s anonymity and respect their privacy, in terms of what I feel and what I experience there is nothing I won’t use as content for this blog. I am entirely comfortable with digging deep and baring my deepest, darkest desires to you all if I think it will create something worth your time. Hell, I wish I more deep and more dark to share, because honestly, you know most of the juicy stuff. 

What this does mean though, is that I often stretch my fingers of creativity past my own being and into the realms of others. It means find topics I’m curious about and plunging into their depths and returning with something I can present as interesting to my lovely readers. Sometimes that means writing about things that might make folks uncomfortable, and honestly, that’s a little bit of my ‘why of blogging’ too. 

I promise I am a genuinely nice person, and far less self-absorbed than this post suggests, maybe, at least I think that’s the case. I do enjoy ruffling feathers though, sometimes there is nothing left to do in the world except cause a little bit of mayhem, make people squirm in their seats and show them a truth that has them questioning their own values, beliefs and behaviours. It’s one of the reasons I’m happy to ‘out’ myself as a kinkster, queer person and non-monogamist because even in everyday life I sometimes find that the most interesting course of action is to say things people aren’t expecting. 

I’ve had people ask if that isn’t awkward and sometimes it is, but rarely for me. It’s far more awkward for the person who’s been a judgey pants only to be confronted with the fact that their belief challenges my very existence as a person. While that is rarely the case on this blog, there are still times when I feel the need to shake things up a bit and the beauty of this platform being all mine, to do with as I wish is that I get to do just that. 

Our blogs are precious and valuable spaces and yours is for you to explore your own ‘why of blogging’ in, in any way you see fit, from beautiful pontificating to baring your soul. I also strongly believe that whatever your reason for doing this, you should never apologise. Don’t be sorry if something isn’t sexy if it is your truth. Don’t apologise for ranting if you think something needs to be said. Definitely, don’t apologise for being vulgar and pornographic, more of that please people. 

As for me, no apologies here. I freakin’ love my platform, I love that it gives me a voice and goddammit I love a little bit of pontification once in a while. I also love you lovely lot though and actually without the warm and fuzzies my fellow bloggers give me I’d maybe be slightly concerned about where I fell on the narcissism spectrum, but I have genuine need and desire to invest in the success and well-being of others, which makes me quite happy that my levels of conceit are manageable. 

Food for Thought Friday button. A writing meme hosted by Floss and May More.

18 thoughts on “[Life] Why Does Floss Have a Blog?

  1. I certainly don’t think you are narcissistic. I think that is clear from what you write. And I welcome your pontificating! Go for it!! If someone doesn’t like it, they can always decide not to read. Everyone who blogs does pontificate on some subject(s). So we read and learn or perhaps disagree and write rebuttals. But it reflects life in general. People have many thoughts on many subjects!

  2. To start with I love your pontification on pontificating. I have a tag for some for my blogs, #musings. After reading your post, I think it should be more accurately relabeled as #pontification.

    Potification is great for many anonymous bloggers, not here to solve the problems of the world but as a release to the author, sharing of ideas, sowing seeds.

    Please continue, I for one am very happy to receive your pontifications in freshly tilled soil.

  3. I’d add one small nuance about pontificating. You do this well because your point of view is derived from experience and the thoughtful way you process your experiences. When you write it is from a perspective of knowledge and analysis. Someone may disagree with it, but can’t argue the sincerity and authenticity of your lived experience.

    And I think that makes all the difference. Always love to read your pieces for fresh perspective.


  4. I had no idea pontificate was a word! Lol I think you are correct, we pontificate on our blog at times because well…it’s our blog and we write what we know and want to know and enjoy the company of others in doing so. So please keep doing you and I for one will always come back!

  5. Oh boy, it’s hard not to comments on your post. I don’t know whether I love it or hate it. Maybe that’s the point. We all are at different stages, I don’t have the history, relationship, and voice you have. I feel that I have no right to ‘pontificate’ on anything, unless I have actually done something. My opinions are really shaken right now and I would find myself saying one thing today, just to contradict myself tomorrow. Your post made me feel insecure, intimidated, and inspired.

  6. If you can’t pontificate or be narcissistic on your own blog where can you? Not of course that you do. But for me, the fact that everything isn’t all fabulous and rosy, that everything isn’t straightforward is part of the appeal. Great post Floss xx

  7. I too am entirely comfortable in digging deep and barring my soul. I want people to like my words and understand my soul. Totally get where u are coming from in this post xx

  8. “I am without a shadow of a doubt here to pontificate” is one of my favorite lines, it really made me smile, but there are many favorites. This post does a really good job expressing the energy which is why I love your blog, your writing and your photos Floss. There’s a quality of — here I am! — that is just really wonderful to me.

    Your encouragement of others in this regard is awesome too … the whole second to last paragraph in your post (never apologise [for the things you need to say/share]) — well, I believe that strongly and I think I live it on my blog but I STILL need/like to be reminded sometimes, so I appreciated reading it. It’s affirming.

    You do it magically!
    Lexy recently posted…Why write that?My Profile

  9. You do not need to promise… it is easy to see you are ‘a genuinely nice person’. I always enjoy reading your blog. I think you would be someone special to know. Oh, why did I just say ‘think’, what an idiot am I?
    elliott recently posted…Linen ShirtMy Profile

  10. I love reading when people pontificate–it means they are passionate. And I have definitely been guilty of quite a bit of that too. It’s part of why we blog–if not to share ourselves and thoughts, what is the point? Loved this post!

  11. I think pontification is exactly what makes a blog interesting to read. Being who you are, I’ve come to respect you and your thoughts more and more. It’s been an amazing journey to live your kinky life vicariously through your posts.

  12. Bravo, Floss. I really enjoyed reading this. Your line “This is not an uncommon line of thinking with regards to creative types, especially those whose creative works reflect sexuality or anything that society sees as hedonistic” is spot-on, I think. There is a perception that any personal reflections or “pontificating” on sex is viewed as self-indulgent. Very much part of that mindset that gave us “good girls don’t” and “don’t ask, don’t tell”!

    Great post

  13. Hi Floss. I constructed a beautifully crafted comment this morning but when I pressed enter it disappeared into the ether. Suffice to say I love your blog, I love your writing and though you often recount experiences that are a million miles from my own experiences I enjoy reading about them thereby indulging my kinky pleasures vicariously. You are a genuinely lovely person!

  14. I love your platform too. I think you are a very talented writer I think your passion for it shines through and this post really shows that off.

    Also this

    “Don’t be sorry if something isn’t sexy if it is your truth. Don’t apologise for ranting if you think something needs to be said. Definitely, don’t apologise for being vulgar and pornographic, more of that please people. ”

    So much yes to this.


  15. I appreciate your naming your blog and life explorations. I’m not yet a blogger. I am finding a real personal benefit to reading, thinking about,imagining your blog lives . I appreciate that you and so many others in this blog community are naming thoughts, feelings, experiences that I am not yet able to voice. And create photographs and art so imaginatively.

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