[Life] Floss Says Yes to Face Value


#F4Thought, Life, Relationships / Wednesday, July 31st, 2019

When I first saw the suggestion for the topic of ‘face value’ suggested by Posy Churchgate for Food for Thought Friday, I instantly wanted to go for it. While I fully accept that many of us have hidden depths and aspects of our personality we don’t share with everyone we come into contact with, I think overall I am a big believer in taking people at face value. 

When I first met Bakji he had some pretty stringent views on relationships and monogamy. I have known many, many people in my time who would have assumed he had just been hurt and certainly he would soften in his views once he ‘met the right women’. When he spoke though I listened to what he said and instead of hearing what I wanted to, or assuming there were hidden depths to his words I took his beliefs at face value and proceeded accordingly in terms of my own expectations of any ongoing dynamic between us.

Has he softened on his outlook? His actions would probably say yes, but his mindset definitely says no and I have never expected him to deviate from his beliefs when it comes to relationships. At the same time, I do expect him to be completely upfront about his intentions, expectations and desires. Purely because I won’t read between the lines or find hidden meaning in his words, so he needs to say what he means and mean what he says. 

I take this approach with pretty much everyone in my life. While I fully accept that people sometimes have things going on being the scenes that can affect their behaviour, overall I think we are what we are. Someone who seems like a total douchebag all the time is unlikely to suddenly turn round and be my new best friend. 

This doesn’t mean I’m not willing to be proven wrong though. The only time this ever really happens though is when I’m on the fence about someone. When I can’t figure out if they just don’t like me or if I haven’t quite got the measure of their personality yet. It’s times like those when people can surprise me. The times when I’ve had a pretty fixed idea about what someone is likely it’s very rare they turn around and surprise me. 

A long while back now someone started mingling in a group I was part of it. I knew she had been in correspondence with someone I knew and the first time we were at the same event I was unable to chat to her. Afterwards, I messaged her, extending the hand of friendship, being full Floss all the while feeling a little unsettled about her attitude. While she did reply she ignored me at virtually every other event I ever saw her at. When we were in the same conversation she never looked at me or attempted to engage with me. I heard on the grapevine that she thought I was intimidating and it was suggested by a mutual friend that if I made (another) first move then all would be well. 

I made that first move, knowing in my gut she either just didn’t like me or thought I had ulterior motives for being nice to her. She completely shut me down and made it very clear that she did not want to converse with me. In situations like that my gut is rarely wrong and the face value I get from people is usually spot on. I’ve been burned a few times in terms of being convinced there’s more to someone than meets the eye, so now I am very reluctant to be persuaded by other people that their gut instinct is better than mine. 

My period of time for assessing these things isn’t instant. On many occasions, I have reserved judgment because I just didn’t feel like enough conversations had been had, or perhaps the situations I met someone in was too awkward or busy to make vast decisions on whether or not they were awesome. In real life, it usually doesn’t take long for conclusions to be drawn. In internet land, it’s a little trickier. 

Again I take most fellow bloggers at face value. We’re putting ourselves out there in fairly intimate ways, whether that’s with words or photos and I think that tends to give you a fair idea of what folks are about. There are some instances though where I am utterly baffled as to what the deal is with some people. 

There are at least half a dozen bloggers who I have zero interactions with despite actively trying to engage with them because I thought they’d shared some great posts, be they wordy or visual. Now when I say zero interaction, I mean zero! Not so much as a polite like on Twitter or a briefs ‘thanks’ in response to compliment. This wouldn’t strike me as odd apart from the fact they can be seen to be replying to lots of other folks in much more in-depth ways. 

In these situations I’m left wondering if a) they just don’t like me b) think my blog is a pile of shit c) I’ve written something to offend them or d) they just hate my face! When they seem on the face of it like cool people with similar interest to me I am just left wondering what the hell it is about me they see and can’t get on board with. 

However, we can’t like everyone and everyone can’t like us. So perhaps I just have to take things like that in my stride and put those folks in the ‘who knows’ pile. Maybe they’re great, maybe they’re really not and maybe I’ll never actually find out! 

In terms of the face value of Floss, well if you like me from reading the blog or listening to the podcast then you’d like me in real life. My blog, the podcast, my Twitter it’s all me. I present myself exactly as I am. Sometimes I’m super productive and highly responsive, sometimes I’m in a slump and a bit A.W.O.L, always though my heart is filled with warm and positive thoughts for the folks I enjoy in life and that includes my beautiful blogging pals. 

I far from perfect and I do on occasion love a bloody good rant! I’m sometimes quick-tempered and have my moments of supreme grumpiness. I win people over with a generally kind disposition and willingness to fill their bellies with yummy food! Bakji often says I’m laid back and non-judgemental and I suppose they’re qualities that folks like too. 

Whether it’s on the blog or at work, I don’t pretend to be something I’m not and I suppose I approach people as if they do the same. If it turns out they were a big faker then so be it, but in those situations, I always think they were the party in the wrong and I’d rather take people at face value than live my life being suspicious of everyone or trying to get folks to show me a side of them that may not even exist.

22 Replies to “[Life] Floss Says Yes to Face Value”

  1. I think it’s rude not to respond to people who’ve taken the time to read and then made the effort to write something about their post. If they don’t respond, then it’s their loss and you should move on.
    But I think you come through as a really nice person I would love to meet in person at some point. It will likely never happen, but the desire is still there!

    1. You’re absolutely right Michael, overall I don’t give those people too much of my tine. Just the odd occasional ponder. Folks like yourself who I regularly converse with are the best part of blogging and that’s my main focus ☺️ and bloggers seem to saying hello to each other on adventures all the time so who knows, our paths may cross one day, certainly stranger things have happened

  2. Like you, with me, it’s what you see is what you get. I am at home the way I am online and I am the same at my work, and with whoever I engage with. We can’t all like all people, but I do believe we can be polite to everyone around us.

    Rebel xox

  3. I have had the same with other bloggers, choosing to ignore my extended hand – or whatever. I do think people are strange. Some just do not want to step out of their comfort zone by interacting with others – and others, well a strong shadow ban would not allow them to see interactions on twitter.
    We have not met yet. Although we will. I think u are genuine and that is why I cleave towards your corner x
    May More recently posted…Bars ~ Part Three ~ Cage LifeMy Profile

    1. Having lovely folks like you in my corner May are what makes this whole endeavour all the more fun and yes we definitely will get to say in person hellos one day and I’m sure it will be awesomeness

  4. Oh Floss, so much of what you said resonates with me (and my post on the topic). I envy you in your faster ‘gut’ instinct than mine, I can expend a fair bit of energy on someone who is just not the same speed/mindset as me. I give a bit too much, and feel a bit too much, it’s probably a bit late for me to change now.

    We have met, and you were as lovely as I had expected, although we didn’t get to chat for long. I hope we can meet again and further the friendship.

    I agree about the strangeness of some internet (non) reactions, and to May’s explanations I will also add that some people are ‘playing a tactical game’ and others are just very cliquey – they are probably that way IRL too! I often visit your site because your content is so good and it always up-lifts, educates or entertains me. Keep it up!

    1. Aw I would love to meet you again Posy we need a bloggers day out. I definitely only give those that don’t engage a passing thought because folks like yourself who visit and cheer me on are what makes this whole adventure worthwhile

  5. I find it really rude when other bloggers ignore me. I don’t expect a response all the time but when every time you tweet at them it is met with a stone called silence well that tells me something about them and I know they are not my people if that makes sense.

    Like you I always try to take people at face value and give the benefit of the doubt. Sometimes people let me down as a result which is always disappointing but I would rather be that way than me shut off and distant

    Mollyx

    1. I think you’re absolutely right Molly about the folks who don’t engage with us not being our people and at least I can say I tried and those that I do engage with are damn awesome, so that’s a mega bonus

  6. Like Posy, I was nodding along with every word of this post. I really don’t understand why some people can’t just be polite. Why would that person shut down your extension of friendship? It’s not like dating, it’s just being friendly! It’s so weird to me and I’ve definitely dealt with that in my own life. As for the bloggers, that drives me nuts as well. I think it’s rude and goes against what being a blogger is all about. If you don’t want to interact with people, then you might as well just have a diary. I think you’re funny and talented and anyone who doesn’t want to be your friend is an idiot.

    1. Oh blue your comment made my day! Not least of a because you said I’m funny in non-internet life funny is rarely a word used to describe me I’m usually the straight man (in a comedic sense only, for sure not in a sexuality sense ) so when I manage to be funny it’s awesome

  7. You just gotta move on sometimes, right? I’ll always give the benefit of the doubt to everyone but I’m learning that there’s a point where you just gotta stop giving a shit, basically.

    1. Lol, you are so right! We’d probably lose our minds of we didn’t just move on from the asshats at some point x

  8. I’ve often given too many chances as I’ve often ignored my gut when I should’ve just moved on.
    I’ve never known you as anything other than caring, welcoming and open to new people/thoughts.

    .
    Whingey old bags just pull other women down. They’re hurting but haven’t dealt with their stuff. It leaks out in odd ways.

    It sometimes hurts without a valid reason. I’ve asked people directly and clarified. Moved on. Wont be friends but at least tension dissipates.

    Keep being wonderful “open” you

    1. Well I must be doing something right because my main mission in life is to be kind, welcoming and open minded so if that’s a vibe people mostly get from me I’m a happy lady. Thank you for you kind words

  9. A great post Floss. You have no airs or graces unlike some other folk who are adept and giving the cold shoulder. In all innocence I used to respond effusively to peoples posts and tweets when I was first on here and then I realised some never replied. Stonewall silence. Ah well, as they say, there’s nowt so queer as folk!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

CommentLuv badge

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.