I currently have a scene in mind that I want to do with Bakji, elements of which we have done before, but the specifics of how it would currently play out are a good exploration of this particular kink.
I want to go out and buy Bakji new panties, perhaps a nice pair of tights too. Then I want to tie him up and force him to wear whichever panties I chose, following up by forcing him to orgasm whilst still wearing the panties. After that I might force the panties into his mouth as a gag before doing a range of other things to him, all of my choosing.
The truth of that scene would be that Bakji wants to wear the panties, he wants to orgasm and he’s happy for me to do all of the above to him. Including the undecided things. We talk about kink thoroughly and I know which things I have blanket consent to do, which things I need to approach on a scene by scene basis and which things are well and truly off limits.
When we play however the nature of our dynamic means we enjoy casting aside those truths a little bit and engaging in a bit of forced play, or consensual non-consent as others would perhaps refer to it. The reason I choose the term forced play is simply that I like the way it feels when I say it. It sends all the right sensations through me when I tell Bakji what I’ll force him to do.
This is only fun for me because when I say these things Bakji’s eye’s light up. OR when he confesses that he’d like to be forced to do a certain activity he squirms in his seat, blushing a little and I know that it is a confession that arouses him.
For me, Bakji’s absolute trust and certainty makes forced play possible for us. Not only possible but sexy and fun for both of us. The knowledge that I would never, not even in jest force him to do something he had not consented to, allows us to explore levels of play that would otherwise be out of bounds to us.
One kink Bakji has, that I wholeheartedly support is dressing in ladies clothes. This is something he is yet to explore fully in the way that he would like to, but he is definitely working on it. This, however, is different from playing with forced feminisation. Which is a kink that doesn’t sit well with everybody but I have zero problems reconciling my desire to dress Bakji like a woman, feminism and supporting folks with varying gender identities.
Forced feminisation for me isn’t about ridiculing Bakji or reducing him to something that is perceived to be lower than his masculinity. It is partly about taking control and deciding when he gets to be pretty. I go into a lot more detail on this kink in That’s My Kink – Feminisation, covering far more than just this one aspect of it.
Control and power are central to why I enjoy forced play. There is something about ‘making’ Bakji do things that just gets me all hot under the collar. Even when it’s something I know he loves to do like oral sex. Although if I’m going to force his mouth to do anything my favourite thing to make him suck would be my strapon.
I have had people ask if I couldn’t just enjoy all these things without the pretence or play acting of force. After all, if deep down you know it isn’t real then what’s the point?
On the first comment, I absolutely do enjoy all those things when Bakji volunteers to do them. If he rocked up at mine in panties and fishnets I’d be all over him like a rash. If he whispered in my ear that he wanted me to wear my strapon and let him suck it, I would not need asking twice. I can’t say for certain why adding force into the mix makes it slightly more arousing, or at least arousing in a different way. I suspect though it is because it goes against the grain of what is normal and acceptable in everyday life and rebelling against those expectations through kinky play is satisfying and safe way to test the boundaries of life.
It doesn’t overly matter what the actions I force upon him are either. Sometimes forcing a handjob on him outside of a scene, when he’s feebly saying, ‘oh no, don’t’ and making pathetic attempts to move my hand, is the most arousing thing in the world. Before anyone worries that maybe he really means no, consider the fact that he has a safe word, he is in those moments not restrained and is a hell of a lot stronger than me. I’m not saying physically strong men can’t be forced to do things or be taken advantage of, I am aware this can be the case, but I promise you that if I thought for one moment Bakji’s ‘no’ was an actual request, all play would cease.
I asked Bakji what it was he liked about this kind of play and he responded with ‘I just like you being firm and telling me what to do.’ In reality, it is that simple, he likes it, I like it, so we see no harm in embracing it. Well, I saw no harm in embracing it and forced Bakji to agree with me because #ThatsMyKink.