Back in January, I wrote Periods: The Bloody Truth which in summary was a post saying, ‘I used to have terrible periods, now I don’t, contraceptives are great, woohoo I’m living it up on the implant’ to which the devilish little imp that controls period karma laughed and laughed and laughed and sat in wait to watch my incoming period drama unfold.
For the last two months, at least, maybe longer without me seeing it as a potential problem, I’ve been having what feels like an endless period. Not particularly heavy every day, but there every day. Some days it was only heavy enough to need a panty liner, it feels like in the last two months though I’ve had about 5 days where I haven’t needed some sort of sanitary product to be in use.
The point in me being on contraception was added protection against pregnancy, Bakji and I have had both protected and unprotected sex in our time together and neither of us wants a bambino, so having a form of contraception in place at all times has previously been a good thing for me. Now it’s giving me so many unpleasant symptoms that the only way in which it is useful as a contraceptive is that I feel so gross that I have next to no libido right now.
Just to be clear I don’t think periods are gross and I don’t think being on your period is gross. The last two months though I have felt like the constant presence of bleeding or bleeding adjacent discharge has just made it impossible for me to feel clean and fresh. I normally have no issue with my own smell, I don’t know that it turns me on as such, but I certainly feel no worry or embarrassment over it. Not so the last couple of months though. I just feel less fragrant and less myself.
Feeling less myself has been assisted by mood swings, tiredness and general inability to feel anything close to normal Floss. The worst thing about this being that cheerful and energised me is looking on wondering why we’ve been taking over be an endless PMS monster. It’s truly horrid to know you’re being a bit crap, but feeling unable to stop it at the same time.
I mentioned in my previous post The Joy of Hormones that I had a bad experience with the Mirena coil. The last few weeks I have been started to feel the same way about the implant. Whatever good it was doing, has now ceased completely. Thinking about its presence in my body makes me angry and the desperation to get it out is pretty high. I can feel the effect it is having on me and I don’t like it, not one little bit.
Luckily I have a doctor who is really good about this stuff and she’s scheduled me in to have it removed, I wish I’d thought about doing it sooner, but I think my brain was so foggy from feeling so dragged down by it all, it took me way longer than it should have to see the potential problem and solution.
I have no idea what a natural cycle will be like for me. During the 4 years I was trying to get pregnant I had fairly regular 32-day cycles, bleeding was average to heavy I’d say but manageable and cramps were unpleasant but nowhere near as painful as when I was a teenager. I am hoping something similar will happen again.
As eager as I am to be rid of the implant I am worried that my natural cycles will be evil and I’m all out of options when it comes to contraception. Which is likely to be a future blog post in itself. But due to all the reactions I have no had to the contraceptives I’ve tried and the issues I have with migraines, there is no contraceptive I would be willing to use or that a doctor would willingly prescribe to me. I really am hanging all my hopes on my periods being okay on their own.
One of the worst things about this whole situation is how many events I’ve felt less than sexy for when what I really wanted was to be at my absolute sexiest. I thought I was going to be in luck for Eroticon, but apparently not. Staying in a hotel is a rare event for Bakji and I, and something about hotels definitely makes me want to have all the sex, which is rare in itself for me and I am gutted that I won’t be able to enjoy that in the way I want to.
Maybe it seems like a silly thing to some people, but I’m so fed up of never feeling like it’s the right time for sexy fun. It’s making me feel really unappealing as well, I don’t feel very desirable or seductive and the whole thing is really beginning to get me down. I have one week to go until the damn implant is removed and I am keeping everything crossed that in a couple of months I can share a positive update with you all.