[FemDom Friday] Your sub Doesn’t Have To Be Weak!

Image via Pixabay

Submissive men don’t exactly have the best reputation, and while FemDom isn’t only for submissive men, it is the go to notion when people imagine FemDom. Which is a crying shame because FemDom is sexy for all genders. For the purposes of this post though, predominantly due to outside views, I am going to be awful and make this a very gender focused post and I hope you will see why as you read on.

When people who don’t know any better think of Female Dominants and male submissives, they tend to get a very stereotypical image enter their heads. Totally ruthless bitch of a FemDom and a pathetic, grovelling, snivelling, weak willed man.

I want to be clear here and say that I love being a ruthless bitch during my FemDom scenes sometimes and I love a little bit of grovelling alongside that, and I by no means judge anyone who is into that stereotype, it’s popular for a reason and I’m not one to argue with what rises to the top of porn sites.

A common trait amongst many submissives (regardless of gender) is that they are strong people, and I am referring to emotional and mental strength here (I will come to physical strength a little later). Part of what makes submission wonderful is that it gives you a time out from life. Whether that is just for a scene, or for the entire time you are with your Dominant, or even beyond that for those that engage in 24/7 dynamic. Quite often a Dominant will become a safe have, a place to retreat when your mind is too full and you just need to let go of the reigns for a while. 

The strength it takes though to let go and give yourself over in that way though is all too often overlooked. I think especially in a society that still seems determined to define gender by action and how masculine/feminine you are perceived to be, the courage it takes for someone to step outside of that and follow their kink authentically can definitely be big step.

Especially when even within the kink scene the mention of submissive men will often cause someone to roll their eyes and say something rude and judgemental. There are still many women who won’t entertain the idea of playing with, or being in a relationship with a chap who identifies as a ‘switch’ because the thought of their submissive side is a complete turn off.

What I discovered when I started playing with a Switchy male is it’s freakin’ hot to have him submit to me. I found it so hot in fact that I am reluctant to let him do anything else. In everyday life he is strong, competent, charming and he absolutely knows which sexy buttons to press to make my body turn into an orgasmic puddle.

That is why it is so much fun for me to take all that away from him. He could easily overpower me, he is physically much stronger than me. Which is something I get messages about a lot. ‘My partner is bigger and stronger than me, doesn’t that make his submission kind of fake?’ Absolutely not.

When some agrees to be tied down, have you fuck with their mind, restrict their breathing (as we do a lot) and generally trust you not to take things further than you have previously agreed, there is nothing fake about the faith they have in you and the desire they have to submit to you. If the only way someone is submitting to another is because of physical power then that isn’t submission, that is most likely fear and potentially abuse.

Submission is so much more about the mind than it is about anything else and missing that point is why so many people don’t get to experience Femdom in the way they might like to, or a way they didn’t know they could.

Too many submissive men, in my opinion, assume that what Dominant ladies want is the ‘Yes Mistress. No Mistress. I’ll do anything for you Mistress’ right from the off, which 99% of us don’t. We want someone with a bit of a backbone, who can handle his own shit and enhance our lives with his submission, not be a snivelling doormat with no functioning brain cells. I get messages everyday from men like that and after many attempts of trying to help them in the right direction, I gave up and now I ignore them. What I want is to seduce you into doing anything for me, their is no fun in submission I haven’t earned.

I also think the assumption that all submissive men are the same, or that being submissive somehow strips them of their ability to be a ‘real man’ (what a God awful phrase if ever there was one) means some people miss out on enjoying how much fun it can be to explore that with a partner. Too many people shy away from even the smallest actions that might be seen as submissive, and as a result miss out a lot of kinky and sexy fun. 

I think this blog post could go on forever, there is so much to unravel in terms of gender expectations, buying into stereotypes, misogyny, sociopolitics, feminism and many many more inflammatory topics that would stray away from my main point, no matter how important they are. I mention them though because I know some people will feel like they deserves to be mentioned when discussing this topic.

Now some parts of this might have people scratching their head as to whether or not I’m into submissive guys or not. To be very clear, I very much am and I love it when submissive men are happy to share that with the world and do so in a classy and educational way. With that in mind I would like to share two blogs that absolutely make me smile when they share their tales and images of submission. Collaredmichaelcom and KinkyandPerky. If you are a submissive male and you think I’d like your blog also, then please do share a link in the comments below.


This is the seventh article of a 12 part series, the eighth ‘It’s Okay For Your Submissive To Have A Voice’ is coming soon. You can hear more of my thoughts on FemDom and Kink by tuning in to the #ProudToBeKinky Podcast, or you can follow me on Twitter and Instagram or you can send a friend request on Fetlife.

If you enjoy the content I provide both here and as part of the #ProudToBeKinky Podcast and you would like to support that, then likes and comments are joyful to receive and you can also click below to support me through Ko-fi

Buy Me a Coffee at ko-fi.com

19 thoughts on “[FemDom Friday] Your sub Doesn’t Have To Be Weak!”

    1. You are very welcome, I’d love it if more people could see the variety in submissives, of all genders and I think blogs like yours, and I hope mine go some way to achieving that x

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Urgh! How sad that they have so little to do with their life except send messages like that. Wouldn’t be so bad but I bet none of them have partners who are as well loved as your Queen. People always seem to miss that part of these kinds of dynamics. All the love and adoration that goes into them x

        Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m glad you found it interesting, it’s such a sensitive subject in many ways, but being as my personal dynamic involves a male sub 99% of the time, I feel really passionately about it. It was very hard not to turn this particular post into a novel though, lol x

      Liked by 2 people

      1. You could break it down into parts? I am sure that people would be interested in reading as the monitory of writing is based on male Dom female sub and I know that there are female Doms online who are looking to find good information.

        Like

      2. You might be onto something there. This post is one of 12 I’m in the process of writing, but I do think it has definitely led to more thoughts than any of the others. So watch this space I reckon 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      3. They are indeed, although some of them can be adapted to all manner of BDSM dyanmics, but I using the focus of FemDom as that’s my main area of interest and I’m trying to reach people who may feel the same but are feeling uncertain about giving it a go. I’ve done 7 parts out of 12 so far … https://flossdoeslife.com/category/femdom-friday/ They should all be there should you fancy checking them out xxx

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Is it ok if I link them on the forum at the safewords club? We have a section on resources and it would be helpful as we do get members who are in an F/m dynamic.

        Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m so pleased you enjoyed it 🙂 and you are so right about the misconceptions out there, but it is so awesome to be able to share with others how it is for us and why it is super sexy and a lot of fun =D

      Liked by 1 person

  1. It’s taken me a few days to get around to reading this, I’m glad I saved the link.

    As you highlight there’s a big disconnect between what the many perceived assumptions are about a male sub of his weak demeanour or behaviour and what is of more interest to a domme. Many of us have posted and ranted along the lines of ‘subs, wake up, think for yourself, this is how good it really could be.’

    A very long time ago I was good friends with a domme, she explained what she wanted and saw in the sub she owned. Very much as you suggest, in vanilla life he was assertive, strong, successful. She summed it up very well “he’s all those things, but I’ve made him want to submit to me, only and ever me. He’s mine and no one else’s”. That was when I was first exploring and it was an excellent filter to parse the crap that’s out there.

    With variations I’ve seen that repeated so many times that I almost regard it as a truism for the successful relationships I know.

    And yes, so much is about developing and playing on the mental side. For me, being asexual, the mental component is probably even more important than for others. Trusting someone to let them in to every dark corner that you hide from every other person and knowing that the, to not be afraid of letting them see and play with whatever is in there.

    Great piece, I almost wish you had continued. I look forward to the next in the series.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s