[FemDom Friday] Be Prepared for Top Drop

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For any newbie kinkster starting to explore BDSM the topic of sub drop comes up fairly quickly. Whenever I write about drop it is always in a generic sense. It is not only submissives that can get drop, anyone engaging in any kinds of BDSM activities leaves themselves open to dropping afterwards. The reason is simple, what goes up, must come down.

When we engage in kink activities it can often feel euphoric, we can space out, fly high and when the fun stops, especially without proper aftercare we can come crashing back to reality with a bang. Tops are not exempt from this.

When I started engaging in FemDom with Bakji I got a bigger rush than I perhaps ever did with subbing. I love the headspace it takes me too, and our dynamic means I push myself as Top further and further as my experience as a Top progresses. I hadn’t experienced sub drop for a fair while when I started Topping, so I naively wasn’t prepared to drop as hard as I did.

It was actually Bakji that pointed it out to me, and we made a plan together to try and alleviate or with any luck avoid drop. This is where good aftercare comes in, and lucky for me I have a partner who is committed to making my aftercare as entertaining as possible! Laughter is a great source of aftercare in my opinion.

What drop looks like can be different for everyone. For me though my drop manifests in the same way whether it’s from bottoming or Topping.

Feeling Blue – Sometimes after a scene I can just feel a little bit sad & tearful and sometimes that can feel a bit confusing and overwhelming, especially when you really enjoyed your scene.

Feeling Tired – This is especially true of my Top Drop. I use so much energy and focus when I’m Topping that afterwards I feel like I’ve got no energy left to give and all I want to do is snooze.

Feeling Insecure – I’ve often noticed that even though we’ve just enjoyed an incredible level of intimacy that the days post kink are when my insecurities are most like to surface. Not insecurities about the scene or my abilities as a Top necessarily, but just overall wobbles about myself.

The ‘One True Way Dominants’ will probably declare that this mean I’m not a proper Dominant, and to them I say; ‘Screw You Asshole!’ I refuse to perpetuate the myth that drop is any kind of weakness or an indication that you are not a ‘True Dom’.

Drop may be an indication of your aftercare needing tweaking. It can also be a sign of your scene being more intense than usual, or perhaps you’ve had a long day and you’re feeling more tired than normal. Maybe there seems to be no rhyme or reason to it and that’s okay too. Drop isn’t an indicator that you’re doing kink wrong, it is however a gentle reminder to nurture good aftercare practices, whether that is with a partner or on your own.

Half the battle with drop is being aware of it and accepting it might happen to you. Even if you’re the Domliest Dom from Planet Uber Dom, it is still okay to get drop and open up about it. People still ask on a regular basis is Top Drop is a thing, the more we talk about it the less likely it is to perceived as a wrong-doing or deficiency on the Tops part.


This is the fifth article of a 12 part series, the six part is ‘It Doesn’t Have To Be 24/7′. You can hear more of my thoughts on FemDom and Kink by tuning in to the #ProudToBeKinky Podcast, or you can follow me on Twitter and Instagram or you can send a friend request on Fetlife.

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3 thoughts on “[FemDom Friday] Be Prepared for Top Drop”

  1. Excellent post. And quite timely since I spent yesterday deep in sub drop and am just coming out of it.

    I’m glad you’ve spoken about top drop. I still have to explain that it is a very real thing, most people seem incredulous about that. Why it should be considered a weakness or a vulnerability for a top to acknowledge and deal with the high, is beyond me. Different motivations for top and sub, but arriving in similar places. Why the concern should always be about the emotional well-being of the sub to the detriment of the top is a mystery.

    Aftercare is very important and the more of it you can get, the easier it is to cope with the drop. There is one important point here, you and Bakji have the time to engage in aftercare and understand where each is at in the cycle, be it top or sub drop. For those seeing a pro, the time available for aftercare is very limited and they largely have to deal with the drop by themselves. To do so, they really need to learn to understand themselves and their drop cycle.

    Like

    1. So pleased you enjoyed the post! And you are absolutely right about aftercare! In a previous post I have discussed aftercare as both part of a dynamic or as self administered. I’m trying to keep my focus in these pieces so did not delve into aftercare too much on this occasion x

      Like

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