N.B: This blog post was inspired an email from the Loving BDSM 30 Days of D/s. If you haven’t listened to their podcast yet please do so, you can also check out the website for great resources and links on how to listen or follow on social media.
I’ve always known 24/7 wasn’t for me and as much as I respected other people’s decisions to do it, I could never quite get my head around it. Which is quite often the case I suppose when you can’t see the personal benefits to something for your specific situation. The past couple of weeks though I’ve encountered a personal situation that made me look at it in a different light.
You may have noticed that after a streak of posting daily, I suddenly went a bit quiet. The reason being, I was insanely tired. I don’t mean a little bit sleepy and I needed to catch up. I’m talking on the phone to the doctors in tears saying I cannot take another night of no sleep. I was at breaking point. I’m not entirely sure why, but I think prolonged overuse of coffee may have been a factor, as was an unfortunate run of lucid nightmares.
The doctor gave me a few sleeping tablets to try to kickstart some decent sleep, but this not a long-term solution. The doctor recommended a self-referral for CBT (the behavioural therapy kind, not the cock and ball kind) but the waiting list is crazy long and the team I will be referred to unfortunately do not have the best reputation. Meaning my best hope is to help myself.
This means a strict bedtime routine, strict and minimal use of coffee and implementation of a better morning routine. I’m not going to lie, even though I know this i for my own good, it’s hard to be tough on myself and make it happen. In those moments of feeling utterly desperate and thoroughly exhausted the idea of handing over the reigns to someone else who could offer me the guidance and structure I needed suddenly made a whole lot of sense. I wondered to myself if that is the appeal for some people.
It was easy to imagine how the structure, support and authority of a D-type would have made my struggles that little bit easier. Once I’d managed to access a part of myself that could relate to 24/7, it was a lot easier to understand how the rest could follow to.
I still don’t think it’s for me, and I’m not for one minute saying I’ve given an accurate portrayal of everyone’s 24/7 or anyone’s for that matter. I feel like I just accessed a part of myself that could understand it on some level, even if that level was my own.
Realistically though it isn’t for me. At least not right now. If I’ve learnt one thing in my time as a Kinkster it’s ‘never say never’. I never thought I’d be addicted to FemDom, but I totally am, so things really can change. For now though 24/7 isn’t for me.
A large part of why 24/7 isn’t for me being a Mum. I know there are people out their parenting and doing 24/7, so I’m not saying no-one can do it. I’m just saying I can’t do it. My son spends his time fairly evening between my house and his Dad’s house. When he is with me though, I am all his. In fact even when he isn’t with me I’m still his. He is my 24/7. No matter where I am or what I’m doing I would drop it all in a heartbeat if he needed me. I love being my sons Mum, but I’m not a natural maternal type, so it takes a lot out of me. I think in part that’s why I struggle to imagine offering myself to someone else on a 24/7 basis.
I know quite a few people who are 24/7 D/s, or M/s, and to that end I do understand that comprises are made, and real life does still intervene. So I’m not writing this from a place of thinking I’d never be able have five minutes to myself ever again. I also know that 24/7 encompasses many things for many people and like many things in BDSM is does appear to be a sliding scale, with some people being more relaxed about their approach and some people being very strict about everything it entails for them.
Thought it is worth noting that I have been craving stricter and more protocol based scenes, so perhaps I am on the slippery slope to wanting to be a 24/7 D-type. Who knows. Stranger things have certainly happened. If anyone has any experiences to share of how they came to engage in 24/7 D/s I’d love to hear it, either in the comments or with a link to a relevant blog post.