Licentious Labels & Being a Kinky Nomad!


BDSM, Kink / Wednesday, January 25th, 2017

Image originally posted as The Ground Under His Feet

Before I start I want to be really clear that this piece is very much a personal reflection, it really is all about me and not for one minute how I expect anyone else to approach the subject. I do however love hearing about other people kink evolution, so please do share any thoughts you have on the subject matter.  

In my previous post ‘Debauched Dynamics & Letting Go of Labels’, I spoke briefly on how I sometimes have trouble adopting and using labels to identify my sexual or kink orientation. I then shared some thoughts on my Switch identity in ‘Let’s Talk About – Communication’.

One of the reasons I feel less inclined to adopt one particular label in terms of kink is the feeling that one label doesn’t quite say it all. Yet some of the broader labels, don’t feel quite focused enough. So basically labels can’t win with me.

While I am a big fan of the idea that we shouldn’t need labels to traverse either non-kink or kink life, I appreciate that for many people they play an important part in their identity, and in identifying potential play partners when it comes to kink labels. So I am by no means belittling their use, I’ve just always struggled to own and feel comfortable with my own labels.

However, as I discover more about my kinky self, it becomes easier to see how well some label fit me and why I possibly never quite felt comfortable with others. I think my subconscious was always working against me when I was trying to fall in line with a state of being that wasn’t quite true to my full nature.

Anyway, it’s time to massively contradict myself and have everyone wondering if in fact I actually love labels and my main issue is just that I can’t wear all my hats at once so to speak. Time to discuss what roles I do identify with and a little bit about why.

Switch

This is relatively new for me, I’ve always known there was a small part of me that would enjoy Topping, but I always thought it was such a tiny part of me that it was almost insignificant. I also saw it as more of a Service Top element, so I could do it if I was asked to, but the pleasure would be in offering that service, not the Topping itself. As you might have read though, in my post ‘The Joy of Topping’, that is absolutely not the case. I both sides of the D/s slash with equal fervour. Currently, I’m on a run of Topping and I think Bakji might have to wrestle me to take the Toppy reigns back. Partly because there’s just no fun in giving in easily. I now wonder if part of the reason I discarded my submissive role so easily was that I knew at some point it wouldn’t be a good fit.

Kinkster

I think this is a pretty accurate summary of my general kink personality, I love D/s but I’m not hardcore into the protocol side of things. I love Latex in a fetishy way but I’m probably not yet at the level of some fetishists, I’m into pain play but it’s not my primary love. So I think my wide-ranging interests make Kinkster a really good fit, why I don’t use it is anybody’s guess. Just sheer bloody-mindedness I think.

Fetishist

When I first tried Latex, it was just to have a go and see what it was like and even though the first piece I tried was only a mid-range piece, I instantly loved it. I knew then I would definitely want to get more, what I did not know was how far this new found passion would go. It is only with Latex that I began to understand what it meant to have a Fetish for something. More about that in an upcoming post though.

Rope Top

When I went to my first every rope munch I tried my hand at tying a TK, and I just couldn’t take to it. Handling the rope, learning the ties, all felt so strange to me and I just could not see me ever enjoying it. When my Toppy side started to refuse to shush until I let her out to play though, rope as a Top became of interest. This time around while the learning was still a challenge it did at least make sense. I now have enough rope skill to hand that I can use it effectively when Topping. Which still feels like such a massive accomplishment.

Rope bunny

Oh, the joys of being a rope bunny. It is a truly wonderful experience, that I am exceptionally inept at describing. It was the first thing I did in a kink sense that gave me a feeling of belonging. It also gave me moments of peace and a haven to rest in when my mind and heart were cluttered with too many thoughts and feelings to sort through. I am on a bit of a bunny hiatus at the moment, but I know for sure I will be back in the ropes one day.

Sadomasochist

For me, this is definitely one that is ‘under construction’. I definitely enjoy both causing and receiving pain in play. Where I land on the scale of both sadism and masochism feels like it is in a vastly evolving state at the moment. I haven’t been doing much in the way of masochistic play of late, which seems to be pushing that side of me in a more extreme direction, at least in my mind’s eye anyway. As for the sadistic side of me, I’ve spent a long time suppressing that desire refusing to indulge or enjoy it. Slowly but surely though, she is coming out to play. Albeit on a tight leash at the moment, I’m sure in time though I will grant myself more freedom to play in that particular way. Especially as Bakji seems to be a fan of mean streak!

So that’s me in a kinky nutshell, all those parts ebbing and flowing within me at all times. Some rising to the top one day and falling to almost a whisper at some points, yet they always remain, which is what makes pushing one forward as my primary role feel so tricky for me.

Thankfully I am growing accustomed to being something of a Kink and Fetish nomad, and that pressure I felt in my early days of being on the scene to define myself is gone. I enjoy being all facets of my kinky being, and I’m having all the fun in the world using all of those part of me in play.

If you enjoyed this post we discussed the idea of being fluid with your kinks in episode 61 of ProudToBeKinky.

61 – Being Fluid With Your Kinks

Inspired by their own recent experiences and conversations Bakji and Floss discuss the fluidity of kink. We all know there are many kinks and fetishes to be discovered, but what happens when our favourites go out of favour and new passions evolve into something deeper?

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