‘My dick is so fucking hard, I just need to watch a ton of porn and jerk off until my balls stop aching.’
‘Let me watch.’
‘What? Are you joking? You want to watch me jerk off?’
I did, I really fucking did. I was as horny as he was hard, and if there hadn’t been an ocean between us I’d have let him destroy my cunt with his dick until neither of us could walk. Instead, I’d settle for watching him pump his fist up and down his shaft, praying I got the cum shot I was eager for.
I peered through the crack in the door, almost certain of what I’d see and I was not wrong or disappointed. He held in his hands a pair of my knickers, lacy, flimsy and definitely no match for his ever increasing erection.
‘Interesting choice. What made you choose them to wear?’
‘What? I … er …. oh, haha, very funny, no I just found these in my drawer and was putting them back for you.’
‘Or you were planning to wear them, watch porn and have a wank. But now you are going to wear them, not watch porn and be wanked.’
… I wanted to call this post ‘On Writing‘. I shan’t dwell on that though. However, if you haven’t read that particular title of Stephen King’s I highly recommend it.
Back to the post at hand and what perfect inspiration this week’s Wicked Wednesday prompt is for me. The blog has been quiet the last week or so. New working hours have been well and truly kicking my ass, there has been a lot of daytime snoozing to make sure my physical and mental health don’t slip. I have had to accept that for the moment the blog isn’t the most important thing in life right now. That doesn’t mean regular service won’t resume though, it will and the reason is that I love writing and when I saw the Wicked Wednesday prompt I knew it was the perfect blog post to kick start my writing again.
For me, writing has been an outlet of emotions since my teens. My first love when it came to producing writing was poetry. I can’t recall my exact age but I was around twelve I think when I read ‘Love’s Philosophy’ by Percy Bysshe Shelley. That single poem felt to me like the purest and most wonderful thing ever written. It sent me on a journey to discover a poem I loved more than that one. To this day I have never found one, that poem remains my all-time favourite. It moves something inside me everytime I read it and I never tire of it.
Try as she might sleep finally stole her away from the world. She was a self-enforced insomniac, using as many methods as possible to reduce the amount she slept, much preferring her waking thoughts to those she battled within the darkness of slumber.
When her eyes opened she surveyed her surrounding as she always did, everything was as it was before she had fallen asleep, including the discarded socks on the floor and her kindle by her side having fallen from her hand as she dozed off. The signs were good. She’d slept and she’d woken, this would be a good day.
It was when she decided to sit up that she realised things were not as they seemed. She could move but everything was in slow motion, her limbs were heavy and one simple movement enveloped her in a lethargy that reduced her to complete stillness once again.
The word fiasco didn’t even begin to cover the shit show that was unravelling in front of Elly. She had thought she was at the helm of all the deceit and mayhem. It turns out she was as clueless as Jay. Poor Jay. He’d had his faults, but he did not deserve the torture Richard and Ben had put him through. No one deserved that, except perhaps Richard and Ben.
They thought they were so clever, putting all the pieces together, erring on the side of caution that Elly wasn’t all she seemed and that her interest in Richard might not be genuine. If only Ben hadn’t seen that rare picture of her and her mother that she’d tagged Richard in after he’d made an irritating number of enquiries as to what she looked like. It was Ben seeing that photo that ruined everything, he and Richard had connected far too many dots and when Elly reached out to Ben it was the confirmation they needed that she was plotting against her husband.
I pause to take in the sight before me. He’s bloody, bruised and battered. This beautiful boy of mine is not a masochist, yet here he stands having barely flinched at the pain I have inflicted upon him. I never imagined he would fall this deep. That our new explorations would work so well, that the 3, 2, 1 of erotic hypnosis would actually work. Though I didn’t count him down. There was no swinging watch face, or flourishes to entertain a watching crowd.
There was just he and I as I guided him into a new state of being. Through fields of glorious colour. Shade after shade pictured in his mind and as he moved into each vivid colours he was straying further from himself and further into me. When he reached the end, and the colour he saw was a bright burning white, instead of needed to shield his eyes from it, he felt comfort and safety and he walked into that light, into me and fell deep under my spell.
A follow on piece from this weeks #MasturbationMonday piece ‘Reading, Interrupted‘, because I just had too much fun with them to leave their story as it was.
My heart pounded in my chest, seemingly louder than my knocking at her door. My earlier bravado was slipping away from me; what if the chemistry between us just wasn’t there in person. What if, what if, what if. So many maybes plagued my mind but before any of them could take hold and truly ruin everything she was standing before me.
She looked as bedraggled as I’d imagined her being when I’d hung up the phone, a benefit perhaps of me living so close, was that she’d had very little time to compose herself. We stood in silence once I’d entered her flat, and I wondered if she’d even washed her juices from her fingers, or if I’d smell her scent lingering upon their litheness if I lifted them to my nose.
When I saw the Kink of The Week was risky sex I immediately got excited, then I realised I probably don’t have much risky sex and felt a bit deflated. When I sat and pondered my reactions I realised a two things:
I assumed in my own mind risky sex alluded to things like getting caught
I assumed sex referred to traditional sexual activity
This was daft because the actually Kink of the Week post included much more that as as inspiration, but I guess my mind was just having a silly pickle moment. It was those assumptions though that left me feeling like this wasn’t a topic for me. While I do enjoy sexual activity in my sexy times, it isn’t always our primary focus when compared to kink activities and it is very rare that it is non-kinky sex. We also don’t engage outdoor sex or any risk associated with getting caught. This is not a reflection on our feelings surrounding other people doing it. It just doesn’t get us off.
I’m not big on the ‘L’ word, when I saw it was the prompt for the week I was doing the round-up for Wicked Wednesday I really did think that was vaguely comical. In the three years I have been intimately involved with Bakji I have probably said it no more than dozen times, maybe even less than 10. Or it could be more but I might have been drunk for many of them.
In addition to the above, which must seem like a terrible admission, It took me about 2 years to say ‘I love you’, I felt it after about 3 months, at 4 months I realised I wasn’t going to undo the horror of ‘falling in love’ and promised myself that if I felt the same after 6 months I’d say it. Then for many a fucked up reason I decided to never say it, would be a wiser decision.
What happened in the absence of I love you was actually quite sweet, we found different ways to express our affection, both of us I think not daring or wanting to declare too much. I think we each had our own reasons for that, but I think in part for both of us it was not wanting to ‘jinx it’.
Even now it is something we say very infrequently, but when it is said it is rather lovely, I have to admit that. Discussing why I felt the way I do, or feel the way I do about ‘I love you’ is well known to me, but would be thoroughly depressing to write about. A lot of it is irrational and I need to let so much of it go, and I’m working on that, sort of, but I think this is one case where writing out just won’t help.
Instead I want to focus on something positive. Well ten positives actually. In a somewhat uncharacteristic display of unabashed affection I would like to share with you 10 things I love about Bakji, all of which show that he is to blame for me catching feelings in the first place.
He is super funny!
Anyone who listens to the podcast will have heard my eye-rolls when Bakji interrupts me with yet another joke. Don’t be fooled though, those eye-rolls are nearly always accompanied by a grin and he has made me laugh every single day for the last three years. He is so silly sometimes and he think up daft games for us to play to keep me entertained. My own nature is far more serious and I need that laughter in my life. That he not only can make me laugh, but is so happy to do so, is truly one of my favourite things about him
He helps me try new things!
The amount of new things I’ve tried and discovered I love since meeting Bakji is a really long list. From podcasts to food, and of course new kinks. I have discovered more about myself in three years than I did in the previous 30! He does this by sharing his likes with me, and not being a bumhead when I decide to copy. He suggests new things to me and is happy when I seem curious and decide maybe I’d like that thing too.
He’s kind and generous
In the early days of our sexy friendship I was very careful not to overshare. No mentioning my worries, no boring him with the drudgery of my life as a parent, keeping the conversation light and as carefree as possible was my main aim. I was determined to never seem ill, or out of sorts and vowed that if I ever was those things then Bakji wouldn’t be dealing with them. As time has gone on hiding all those things from someone has been impossible, and when I have shared these things with Bakji he has always been the sweetest and most loving person I could ask for, and when and where he can he is always generous in terms of helping me make things better. I still dig my heels in sometimes when it comes to being looked after, but it’s actually a wonderful thing to know that he there for me when I need him.
He loves going on adventures with me
When I first joined the kink community one of the things I was searching for was adventure. By adventure I don’t necessarily mean distant travels to far away lands, although I’m not saying no to that if someone is offering. Adventures to me can be all kinds of things, for Bakji and I our adventures together began with travelling to kink events. Living outside of London meant lots of car journeys. We would drive to London, park near the event venue, have our fun, then drive home again at any time between 1am and 4am! Usually falling into bed between 6am and 7am. It never failed to shock people, but it was fun and we were doing it all together which made it even better. We’ve also had adventures in learning rope, adventures into new realms of kinky fun and adventures in non-monogamy. It was also only this year that we actually did go on an international adventure and that was an amazing adventure for sure. I know we have many more adventures to come and I can’t wait for them all.
He gives the best cuddles and snuggles
Physical affection is something that does not come naturally to me. No big bad reason for that. It’s just the way I am, with everyone. When I met Bakji and we started doing kinky things together the aftercare bit was not what I was expecting. Content to be left alone he would initiate a hug, and I think it may have been the first time we did this I actually said ‘we don’t have to hug’, his reply to which was he would like to, if that’s okay. It was different, but it wasn’t an issue so we began to hug more and somewhere along the line I began to love those cuddles. They are so good. I’m still not the best at initiating them. I do it far more than I ever imagined I would though and I love snuggling with Bakji, especially when we have sleepovers and we are all cosy in bed together. It is one of the best feelings in the world.
He’s gorgeous and sexy
Is it cheating to include this one I wonder? Maybe, but I feel like it would be less authentic if I didn’t include it because I’d be lying if I said Bakji’s gorgeous face wasn’t one of the first things that I noticed about him. He is so pretty. Three years down the line and he is even more gorgeous now than he was when I first met him and that is quite an achievement. His body was so enticing that it made me decide that I need to learn rope and take up Topping. I know some people find focusing on physical attraction shallow, but that physical attraction and chemistry we have together is all part of what made the deeper feelings develop. Without that initial ‘phwoar, I want some of that sexy’ we may not be where we are at all.
He listens and hears
One of the things I have often found frustrating is when I try to talk something through with someone and they offer me a solution based not on what I said, or meant, but based on what they decided I’d said. Listening is one thing, but actually hearing someone is a whole other skill set. I am forever grateful that Bakji doesn’t just listen to me, but he hears me too. He doesn’t leap to solutions either,thought he does offer his assistance if he feels it’s appropriate. Often though I don’t need him to fix anything for me, I say often because sometimes I really do need that, most of all though what I’m usually looking for is just a sounding board or a listening ear and someone to tell me it will be okay. The fact that Bakji actually gets this means a lot.
He’s unapologetic about being himself
We do not have the most conventional of relationships and we have no desire to follow the more regular steps of the relationship escalator as it were. We both have our own reasons for this, some overlap, some don’t. What I have always respected about Bakji is that he has no desire to pander to society and apologise for not wanting some of the things that may be expected from him. In the beginning this meant that I didn’t quite appreciate that our relationship could and eventually develop in something a little more meaningful than I had initially imagined. It was I think a reason I didn’t really keep my guard up, because I didn’t think there was anything to guard against. Not wanting to live together or use more familiar (to society) terminology for our dynamic doesn’t make it any less special though. I think Bakji always new these things, and a multitude of other things, and it took me some time to figure them out. I’m glad I did though because I adore the slightly random way in which we have combined sexy forces and feel blessed to have done so without either of us having to have compromised on things that are deal breakers for us. (Just to add we do compromise overall, we are no immovable and unfeeling objects.)
He challenges me to be better
Not as in ‘I challenge thee to duel, be better now or I shall poke thee with my fighting stick’, although now I’ve written that I’m having thoughts about his ‘fighting stick’ (yes I do mean willy) and I think improvements could be made faster if he threatened me with it more. In all seriousness though, there are some people who drag you down in life, and some who lift you up. Quite often it’s not even about whether or not they try to do those things, it’s just human nature. Bakji is thankfully one of those people who lifts you up. He is organised, driven and always on the lookout to improve himself or learn new things. He does those things for him, but witnessing them makes me want to do them for myself too. I think I’m yet to make the leap from better self to best self, but these things don’t happen overnight and luckily I have a Bakji to keep me company along the way.
I sometimes get messages on Instagram asking if I’m ‘single’ which isn’t actually true or false, non-monogamy and/or polyamory rather changes the way you need to ask and answer that question. I am however not ‘available’ to them, so I always say no, and because I don’t care to give them my life story I simply say I ‘have a partner’. To which they always nearly always reply, ‘oh, I bet he wouldn’t like knowing you show the world your arse/sell men nudes/are a massive cok tease’ etc. Not only does he know, but he wholeheartedly support me doing things that a) entertain me and b) earn me some extra monies. He is supportive of me in so many ways and he is supportive of me for the best reason ever, he simply wants good things for me. He also trusts me not to do anything stupid, like sell a kidney for a fiver or meet a random stranger offering me 50p for a blowjob.
There we have it, 10 delightful things that I love about Bakji, or things about Bakji that make me love him, I’m not really sure which way round it works. Either way though, he is the most awesome sexy-friend a girl could ask for.
Written for this weeks Wicked Wednesday prompt, please do check out the other blog post that are added to the link up, my fellow bloggers never disappoint and you will definitely find some sexy and interesting reads there.
If you enjoy the content I provide both here and as part of the #ProudToBeKinky Podcast and you would like to support that, then likes and comments are joyful to receive and you can also click below to support me through Ko-fi
I wanted to do a ‘New Blogger Special for #SoSS this weekend, and while I have definitely got some great blogs to recommend, I’m greedy and I want more. I am going to spend the next week finding new blogs, so that I can share them with you for next weeks #SoSS. If you have started your blog since January and you’d like me to give you a shout out then please say hello in the comments below.
As you know I am a big fan of Masturbation Monday and Wicked Wednesday, for lots of reasons but one of them being that it makes sure I remember to visit some of my favourite blogs, even when life is busy and time is short. This week I submitted to both memes, A Twist of Fate for Masturbation Monday and Nurse Floss Will See You Now for Wicked Wednesday.
This week for #SoSS I have picked 3 writers I have not shared before (at least not that I remember) whose posts definitely got me hot under the collar this week.