Tag: Sexuality

I Wish I’d Taken the Photo

I wish I’d taken the photo.

He’s lying on his back, one arm at his side, the other folded under his head. The fact it is post sex means he is beautifully naked. Exactly as he should be all the time in my opinion. The gym sessions are showing, muscle definition is popping in all the right places. In all honestly I want to have the sex all over again as I look at him.

I wish I’d taken the photo.

Why is it then, if he is so glorious, that I am thinking of you?

Continue reading “I Wish I’d Taken the Photo”

Episode 48 – Bisexuality

Bisexuality is our topic for today, inspired by the recent bi-visibility week and ally week, Floss asked Bakji if she could hijack an episode to discuss being bisexual. This is a bit of a one sided episode as Bakji as a straight man doesn’t have his own experience of being bisexual. He is however a great ally and was happy for Floss to get on her soapbox for episode to air her views.

Floss gives her own definition of being bisexual, which is definitely at odds with the dictionary definition. As we say in the episode though, we think it’s really important not to invalidate someone else’s identity and experience by saying their bisexuality isn’t the same as yours and therefore it doesn’t count. We also briefly reflect on comparisons and difference between pansexuality and bisexuality. Again the dictionary definition seems to greatly differ from what people in the LGBTQIA+ community are saying, so Floss gives her best attempt at explaining each based on definitions she has been given by people who identify in those ways, with us all being different though these means there isn’t always a one fits all explanation.

Bisexual erasure is one of the reasons we decided to this episode. Bisexual people are often ignored, removed, re-explained and falsified, both in the media and within everyday society. This is why many bisexual people have experienced the feeling that their sexuality isn’t valid or ‘real’. The continued perpetuating of bisexual erasure means that many of us have experienced and continue to experience being subjected to comments surrounding the various myths of being bisexual.

From the myth that we don’t exist, to tales of promiscuity and lack of commitment. The bisexual myths are rife. As we recorded, and when we have discussed this in the past, Bakji has often explained ‘no-one has ever really said that?’ The fact of the matter is that nearly every bisexual person I’ve ever spoken to has had the majority of bisexual myths aimed in their direction. Which make the comment of ‘your just doing it for attention’ hilarious, because the attention we get as an openly bisexual person is usually negative.

That said however, this episode is predominantly about Floss’ experience, so your bisexual journey will look different, and we are definitely not saying one size fits all. If you have a different experience that you would like to share with us then please do get in touch. As always you can contact us on hello@proudtobekinky.com. You can also reach out via Instagram, Twitter, Fetlife and Facebook.

You can also find us on Patreon, www.patreon.com/proudtobekinky where for $2 a month you can get access to our spin-off podcast FemDom and Fetish Fun, where Bakji and Floss discuss their kinky scene in great and sexy detail.

We are also part of the Podcast Jukebox Network, along with Off the Cuffs, Drinks with God, Parking Lot Radio and the Will Sean Podcast. If you podcast app allows for reviews and rating, we are always grateful for anyone who takes the time to give us an awesome review.

#BiWeek – My Thoughts on Being Bisexual

I wrote a fairly lengthy post (Coming Out – The Sexuality Version) about how I realised I was bisexual and how it took me some time to come to terms with using that particular label. However, I always knew I was bisexual, not informing everyone I met and not correcting people’s assumptions about my sexuality didn’t change the fact that I was, am and always have been bisexual.

While I didn’t always feel comfortable with the bisexual label, I was always quite comfortable with knowing I was attracted to people regardless of their gender. Other people however were never quite as accepting. So in light of it being bisexual awareness week, I’m going to discuss some of the ways in which my bisexuality has not been accepted by others.

Continue reading “#BiWeek – My Thoughts on Being Bisexual”

The Feeling When … New Things Are Awesome

Back in February I wrote Poly Ramblings From a Maybe Mono Mind which probably gave the impression I should give up on non-monogamy. Then last week I wrote Exploring New (and Sexy) Things , I realise the two together possibly make for confusing reading, but I think both are really important in showing the journey I have been on in relation to non-monogamy.

I have worked really hard on finding resources and digging deep within in myself to discover what it is I want and what kind of relationship models I can be part of. I by no means have it all figured out, but I certainly feel like I am making some progress.

This weekend myself and Bakji went on a very sexy adventure. I’m going to keep some of the details purposefully vague, because I don’t want future play partners to feel like every move they make will be chronicled here, and partly because what this blog post is really about is my reactions, not necessarily the specific actions that caused them.

When we headed out on this weekends adventure I had a degree of certainty that play with other people would ensue, I didn’t know how many people that might be, or what exact acts it would entail, but I was prepared for us to explore with others. Now as ready as I felt I was, and excited too I must admit, I still had that awful worry that it wouldn’t go well. I didn’t trust myself to react as I wanted to, I had that uneasy feeling that I’d be jealous, feel left out, or just simply realise I wasn’t into it. As it happens not one of those feelings was present.

What I actually felt this weekends was amazing. We had so much fun. Not only did we connect with other people, but we connected with each other. There was no kink, which was initially terrifying, but the absence of kink gave us other avenues to explore and that in itself was delightful. We focused on sensual touch, massages were plentiful and we revelled in exploring one another’s bodies in a passionate and sensual way. Not to say kink can’t be those things it really can be, but kink sensual and sexual sensual feel very different to me.

I challenged myself in terms of opening up my personal spaces to strangers, and it felt utterly terrifying, but it was so rewarding. While I’m not likely to be allowing any old stranger to hug me, I think I have broadened my own horizons in terms of physical proximity to other people. I learnt that I can enjoy physical touch in a wider variety of ways than I led myself to believe.

One of the comments I see often about non-monogamy is how people feel closer to their partner, both physically and emotionally after exploring with another person, be that a sexual encounter or a romantic connection. I wasn’t sure I’d have this same response. I’ve got to say though, I understand that much more now. Physically I feel like my already ardent desires for Bakji have been super charged. I just want to do more sex, more kink, more everything really and more often. Emotionally, well, you won’t catch me using the ‘L’ word very often, but the best way to explain things is that I feel like the love I have instead of just being present, has taken off and is whizzing round my body, constantly reminding me of how I feel.

Another thing that I felt certain I never would get to grips with, was compersion, or at least I think that’s the best way of explaining what I did feel. There was a moment where I couldn’t help but smile knowing someone else was on the receiving end of Bakji’s attention and that he was also enjoying this exchange, it felt oddly exhilarating, but it also felt really, really good.

I was by no means left out though, there were new hands and new lips, and they were sexy and fun and the newness of them was exciting. I feel desired by Bakji all the time, and he makes me feel sexy and awesome. However that did not diminish the joy in having someone else cause those feelings too.

Two other aspects of I enjoyed and caught myself by surprise in doing so, was exhibitionism and voyeurism. Both of which felt kind of awesome to indulge in. It was wonderful to see people embracing their sexuality, and their bodies and enjoying both in so many different ways. People were glowing and happy, couples were immersed in each other, as the rest of the room fell away for a while.

Technically I guess this was us moving into the realms of being ‘swingers’ from other people’s viewpoint at least, and that’s okay, but I do think the term Swingers conjures up a certain perception that isn’t entirely correct. This honestly wasn’t what I ever imagined an event essentially based around sex to be like. It wasn’t tawdry or clichéd. It wasn’t just about finding other couples and swapping with them, going at it for x amount of time and then swapping back. It was about connecting with people and enjoying them. People were playing in all sorts of configurations. Twosomes, threesomes, foursomes and I think there were definitely some moresomes going on.

It also wasn’t just about P.I.V sex either, which in itself wasn’t completely surprising, but it was still great to see. It does still feel like for some people, in some circles that P.I.V is the end goal of physical intimacy. Providing a penis and a vagina are present of course. Seeing all sexual acts embraced and enjoyed in and of themselves by so many people felt really positive to be around.

Overall I don’t think I have come away with one negative thing to say about this experience. I am really pleased we took the plunge and decided to give it a go. I’m not for one minute saying that this means there won’t be any future wobbles, or issues to work through, I 100% expect to have to work through plenty more stuff as time goes on. I do however feel like I’ve taken some great steps in understanding and exploring myself and that can only be a good thing.

How Do I Feel About Sexual Availability?

N.B: This blog post was inspired an email from the Loving BDSM 30 Days of D/s. If you haven’t listened to their podcast yet please do so, you can also check out the website for great resources and links on how to listen or follow on social media.


I’ve been staring at this topic for days now thinking I just wouldn’t be able to do a blog entry for this particular email from the 30 days of D/s. Then when I really put my mind into action I realised I did have thoughts on this subject, they maybe just aren’t as BDSM orientated as might be expected.

As I have mentioned in previous posts, myself and Bakji definitely have more kink related physical encounters, than we do encounters that are purely sexually driven. That said I am always happy to be sexually available to him. There really aren’t many occasions where I’d turn him down. This is however probably the first relationship where I’ve felt this way though, and I think that is due to the open and honest place kink has brought us to.

In previous relationship I didn’t have the words at my disposal to explain a lot of my feelings and thoughts around my sexual desires. I felt frustrated by the notion that because I was someone’s partner, that I in some way owed them sex. I think that this is a common pitfall of many relationships and without being addressed it the right manner I think it can cause all kinds of problems.

I also felt frustrated when I wasn’t in the mood for sex and would turn that inwards and get annoyed with myself for not wanting it. Sometimes I’d want to just do it anyway, so that I wouldn’t feel guilty for saying no, but I could never bring myself to ‘power through’.

What was missing in those kinds of interactions was my ability to fully explain who I was as a sexual being. Despite having found my footing in FemDom, when it comes to sex without kink, I am very sexually submissive. What I never had though was someone who was sexually dominant, so the balance was never right, which made sex seem hard to get into.

Despite saying I was frustrated by the notion of ‘owing’ a partner sex, it is strangely ironic that what I actually would have liked would have been for them to take that one step further and actually have taken what it was they wanted. Obviously this only would have worked with consent and negotiation, which at the time I did not have full awareness and understanding of.

I think I would have thrived sexually in my previous relationship if we could have established a more explicit understanding of what it meant to be sexually submissive. Instead of it being viewed as me being lazy or unwilling to be intimate. I didn’t understand it fully myself though, so I had no idea of what it was I needed to express. What ended up happening is that mismatched sexual interests, mismatched libidos and a lack of communication led to feelings of rejection, resentment and ultimately we are no longer together and this was one of our major stumbling blocks.

I’m not saying kink and D/s make for perfect communication and that they are the solution to these kinds of issues, but I do think the understanding we gain in kink of how important it is to talk about these things make a huge difference in how we approach our needs within a relationship.

Having the option there to talk about and negotiate what sexual availability means to us is invaluable I think. Doing it with a partner that understand the nuances of that though is imperative. One of the reasons I am happy to make myself sexually available to Bakji at all times is the knowledge that he knows me well enough to know when it wouldn’t be good time to make good on that arrangement. Feeling crappy with period pains? No sex thanks. Got a head full of Migraine? Again, not so much with the sex.

For me sexual availability is great if it’s with someone who is going to make the sex happen when they want it. If their idea of me being sexually available is to indicate they want me to be the sexual Top, then that doesn’t work so well. Telling me you want sex, but you me to surprise you with sex, or make grand plans for sex, really makes me not want sex. That approach would however work with kink activities, so it goes to show how very awkward I am.

I must admit the majority of my unrealised fantasies are related to this subject. Which may seem strange given that it’s probably a fairly basic element to many people. It just seem tricky to spell out how you want someone to behave, when the behaviour you’re craving is impromptu and of their own volition.

Perhaps though this is something I need to explore further, maybe I need to practice what I preach and open up a dialogue on this subject. This my friends is why the 30 Days of D/s emails are awesome, you can learn things about yourself you might not have done without prompting.

What Titles and Labels Do I Prefer?

N.B: This blog post was inspired by an email from the Loving BDSM 30 Days of D/s. If you haven’t listened to their podcast yet please do so, you can also check out the website for great resources and links on how to listen or follow on social media.


I’ve written a couple of things about labels before, Debauched Dyamics & Letting Go of Labels and Licentious Labels & Being a Kinky Nomad! As you can see my kink label has definitely evolved a lot since I first joined the community. After a long time of stubbornly not having a kink label, I did finally select one on Fetlife and I went for Switch. It terms of D/s play this is, for the most part, accurate. I still feel like I mostly choose and use labels for other people though. Which is how I felt when I’d tell people I was bisexual. I’m just me, I don’t find the ability to identify myself as a bisexual switch remotely enhances any of the connections I make with people.

I do understand why people use and embrace the labels that suit them though, and I am not wanting to diminish that at all. I understand that some people have had to fight for the right to use their chosen label without persecution, or that there are some people who love to be open about what their label means to them but for many reasons can’t be. I will also support and champion anyone who is an advocate for their label of choice.

For me I think my ambivalence about my own labels is due to them always being something that people see as on the fence. My bisexuality has always been met with ‘when will just admit you’re gay’? Or ‘oh, are you straight now?’ The lack of understanding about bisexuality being a valid and honest description of my sexuality made me feel like there was no point in using it a way to explain myself. I think being a Switch is often met with the same kinds of responses. People often just ignore you can enjoy both facets of D/s and just put you into the box that suits them. It can be frustrating, and can again make you feel reluctant to own your label and run with it.

As for titles, well they’re not currently something we use at all. Not even the regular ones people use when they’re not kinky. I thought I’d get to a point where this would bother me, that eventually I’d want some sort of special title to make me and my feelings feel validated. The longer I spend with Bakji the though, the less important this feels. 

We’ve discussed the use of honorifics in scene a few times. When I was doing the subbing in our early days they were pretty much a no go. There just wasn’t anything that seemed to fit, and I never fancied doing something like that just for the sake of it. If isn’t going to enhance a scene then there doesn’t seem much point to it. Plus the thought of certain words coming out of my mouth just makes me want to burst out laughing. Again, other people using them, brilliant, in fact hearing other people use their chosen titles is one of the things I enjoy about the kink scene, it’s usually very endearing and sometimes it’s a little bit hot. 

Now though, I would be the one on the receiving end of any titles used, and early on in the foray into FemDom I thought that wasn’t for me, but over a year down the line maybe my mind is shifting. I would say I’d still be an in scene only kind of girl, but let’s be honest, if Bakji decided that calling me Goddess on a daily basis was his new desire I probably wouldn’t shoot him down in flames for doing so. Who wouldn’t love to be reminded of that status on a regular basis.

However that said, we’ve yet to find the right moment to work honorifics into our scenes. I’d say it’s definitely on the list of things to include. With Goddess being the mutually approved title of choice. Which fits in well with the fact I am a big fan of being worshipped, it all ties in together rather nicely. 

Another title I feel quite an affinity to is Queen. I quite often use it when writing because it helps me make certain points rather well. For example when talking about Facesitting, I’ve explained how it makes me feel like the Queen of everything. Bakji’s face becomes the best throne in the world and sitting there makes me feel powerful, strong and ready to take on the world. I’m not quite sure I could imagine Bakji using it in scene though, but you never know, stranger things have definitely happened.

I think this is definitely an evolving part of my kink, and it will be interesting to see how changes over time. Watch this space for future updates. 

Episode 35: Take Back Your Sex

Sex is our topic of discussing this week. As we are joined by Tanya and Megan from the ‘Take Back Your Sex’ podcast. While we talk a lot about kink and sexy things in general, it isn’t very often we actually talk about sex. So it was great to have these ladies on to fuel a positive discussion surrounding this subject.

Tanya has been blogging about sex in various guises for many years, so we asked how she and Megan came together to form the takebackyoursex.com blog and what prompted them to then move into podcasting.  We also discuss a few of our own learning curves of starting the pod

We delve back into the topic of swinging again, and ask Tanya how she has found her adventures in non-monogamy. A topic that is currently a popular conversation with team #ProudToBeKinky as Bakji and I take our tentative first steps towards swinging adventures. More on that in future podcasts.

Slut shaming is a big conversation, and a topic that Tanya and Megan tackle often on their blog, podcast and social media platforms. Here at #ProudToBeKinky we definitely agree that slut shaming needs to end. So while we are not self identified sluts ourselves, we are 100% in support of those that are and are more than happy to be an ally in the fight against slut shaming.

We also discuss how things can change when you start exploring things that are new to you, in this instance those things are kink and non-monogamy. Many of us join the kink scene, or get into relationships with firm expectations of what we will and won’t do, and tend to expect our partners to fit into that same model. Often though once you start exploring new things your desires and boundaries can shift dramatically and you can find yourself interested in trying so many new things. As we have said before many times on the podcast, embracing this and being open to new things is one of our top tips for enjoying the kink community.

Sex education also comes under some scrutiny as we comment on how neither the U.S or U.K seems to quite have it right. It’s definitely something we need to be talking about more in terms of educating ourselves about everything from consent to contraception. But also how do those of us who are sex positive and also parents educate our children so that future generations are also sex positive.

Part of the sex education conversation takes us onto the topic of self love and body positivity and it’s some Floss was particularly keen to talk about. Despite her prolific use of Instagram including many, many shameless bum selfies, her body confidence was not always as high and taking those steps towards body positivity can be hard for many people.

There is much more to hear in this episode too. You can also tune in to Megan and Tanya on their own podcast ‘Take Back Your Sex’ to hear more from them. If you have any questions or comments on this episode you can email us on hello@proudtobekinky.com. You can also follow us on instagram, Twitter, Facebook and Fetlife. You can also check out our Patreon site www.patreon.com/proudtobekinky, which is now the home of our spin-off podcast FemDom and Fetish Fun, which all Patrons gain access to.

As always a shout to our friends on the Podcast Jukebox Network, Off The Cuffs, Parking Lot Radio, Will Sean Podcast and Drinks with God. Please do give them a listen and anyone who is listening on iTunes can leave a wonderful 5 star review for all of us.