Tag: Sex Bloggers

Wicked Women

I love women. Well I love all genders, but this post is specifically about women. But I promise I’m not leaving the rest of you out. You will get your post another day.

IMG_9080.JPGGrowing up I really struggled to make friends with or maintain friendships with other girls. There was always an underlying feeling of competition and bitchiness that I found very hard and had no desire to participate in. When I joined the kink scene it was with the same level of hesitancy about forming female friendships.

When it comes to kink, the friendships I have formed have been far more intimate and rewarding than any non-kink friendship I have ever had. I have friends I play with, from chaste kisses to full sex, both may or may not be accompanied by all manner of kinky joys. While to the non-kink world these encounters would move things from friendship into something else, for me this is what friendship sometimes looks like within the kink community. 

When I began exploring non-monogamy I was a little bit unsure of how I would fit in. As an onlooker to other people’s dynamics and as a sometimes unicorn in other people’s dynamics, I started to form a very fixed view … ‘I need to be open to friendships with the women who I might encounter as metamours.’

Unicorn: Single, bisexual female who is willing to be involved with both members of an existing couple.

As a non-monogamous person, as opposed to an actively poly person, metamour might not be the best word for me to use, it is however shorter than saying ‘my sexy friend’s other sexy, but potentially more casual friend/s’, so we are going to use metamour for the duration of this article.

I have spoken briefly of the fact that in the early days of our relationship Bakji had a non-monogamous adventure that was hard for me in many ways. In hindsight and with a lot more knowledge about what I need from non-monogamy, I know that a good chunk of my issues stemmed from the lack of friendship between she and I.

At one point a mutual friend stated that it was because the other lady in question was ‘intimidated by me’. Okay fair enough, I was willing to work with that information and did my best at an event to start a conversation and try to build some kind of friendship with her. To be clear, she was straight, and I was not trying to find my way into their dynamic. I just wanted to know her a little bit. What she liked, what her hopes for the future were, who she was a person. 

I unfortunately formed some heavy judgement about her when she rebuffed my attempts at friendship. Even now, I don’t doubt that she was probably a lovely person, after all Bakji has pretty good taste, but I cannot get over the fact she was so willing to quite literally leave her marks on Bakji, while being intimidated by me, but could not find her way to even have a vaguely friendly conversation with me.

Metamour: The partner of one’s partner, with whom one does not share a direct sexual or loving relationship.

I understand that even within polyamory, where feelings are often more developed and longer term, that some people do choose not to be close friends with their metamours and I place no judgement on those people. For me though, for my personal sanity and the way I am as a person, I need that friendship. We don’t have to be BFF’s and we don’t have to play together. I do however expect us to exchange pleasantries and be up front with each other about fancying the pants of the same person.

I had started to think I was alone in this. That the kind of relationship I wanted with a metamour was out of reach. Even in dynamics where this appears to be present, I have seen the underlying feelings definitely be something other than friendship. I don’t want to compete, or be scheming against someone.

Then we made new friends, and I met women who were like me. Women who seem to embrace other women and want to build them up. Some of the women I know in real life, some of these women I only speak to online. All of them I have oodles of love and respect for.

We have since the Autumn of last year been getting our non-monogamy on a little bit more and there have been so many moments that have made me smile both inwardly and outwardly, because it feels like I am finally meeting women who feel the same as me. Who don’t want to sneak around trying to woo Bakji, but are willing to be open and honest. Which is brilliant for me because then I get to tease him about it, and then is a huge thrill for me in our dynamic.

We currently aren’t looking towards polyamory, but as I keep saying to Bakji, never say never. If that day does come though I want the fact that there is two of us to be an asset to someone, not an issue. Even if it is someone I am not intimately involved with myself, I want her to know my door is always open, for questions, for worries, for sharing happy moments. Again that might not work for everyone, but I would extend that kindness to anyone I am friends with. To not offer to someone my partner was involved with seems baffling to me.

I mentioned women I had encountered online only and they are the ladies I’d like to talkIMG_9079.JPG about next. Through getting involved in memes like Masturbation Monday, Wicked Wednesday and Sinful Sunday I have connected with so many wonderful people. I also have Twitter and Instagram to thank for helping me discover a whole host of awesomeness.

One of the things that struck me about the online sex and kink blogging communities is the huge amount of support that is offered to new writers, or new photographers as it is for Sinful Sunday. Now I will state that throughout all those memes the support comes from all genders. It was the interaction between other women that struck a chord with me though. Purely because it is so far removed from the experiences with women I had growing up.

I feel so lucky to have connected with people who are so committed to building up other people instead of tearing them down and it gives me faith in humanity and hope for future friendship building to know that ladies with a similar mindset to mine do exist. Women who want to encourage, support and create meaningful connections with other women without secretly trying to be their undoing.

I don’t want to name and cause blushes to anyone specific, in part because privacy is a thing, and also because I’m bound to forget someone. If you’re a participant of any of the memes I mentioned then I mean you, if you run those memes, I definitely mean you. If I follow you on Twitter and like your tweets, I mean you. If we’re Instagram pals and I’ve liked or commented on any of your pictures I mean you. If I like or comment on your blog posts I mean you. If I know you in real life and we’ve been on adventures together, I mean you. If I’ve frolicked gleefully with your boobs and smooched your face I mean you. If we’ve Whatsapped each other this week about sexy things, then I definitely mean you. To all the women who are in my life, this means you.

You are all wonderful and I think each and everyone of you is delightful. Thank you for your continued inspiration and support.

For those of you who don’t identify as female you are also fabulous and your support and inspiration is also valued, and I hope this blog post is received in the spirit it was intended. Not to exclude or berate other genders, but but to celebrate the beauty and spirit of friendship between women.


I am sharing this as part of Wicked Wednesday, please follow the link below to see who else is being Wicked this Wednesday and show some love for their work.

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Who else is being Wicked this Wednesday?

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#SoSS – Wicked Masturbation!

IMG_6998Apologies for being behind on these #SoSS posts lately. May was a bit of a manic month for me. My first ever holiday with Bakji, to the wonderful New York City, a new job, the loss of my beautiful little cat and half term means I’ve been rallying hard to just keep the changes in routine from setting my anxiety skyrocketing.

It’s June now though and perhaps that is a good time to start a fresh, treasure my May memories and let the tough times go somewhat. I think a great way to start June of right is by sharing some truly sexy blog posts with you.

Continue reading “#SoSS – Wicked Masturbation!”

Is BDSM Curious a Valid Kink?

Masturbation-Monday-badge-1The wonderful Posy Churchgate wrote a piece for this week’s Masturbation Monday called ‘Under My Thumb.’ At the end of the piece, which I found to be a very thought provoking read, and while I began to comment on her post directly, I feel that my thoughts might be suited to some of my readers here.

 

Can You Be ‘BDSM Curious’?

“Since joining the kink community which surrounds the Twitter sex bloggers, I have begun to refer to myself as BDSM curious.  I don’t know if it’s an actual ‘thing’ …” – Posy Churchgate

Continue reading “Is BDSM Curious a Valid Kink?”

#SinfulSunday: His T-Shirt

His T-Shirt

I wonder if you can feel me
As I breathe you in
As your scent emanates
From soft folds of fabric
Lying against my skin

Continue reading “#SinfulSunday: His T-Shirt”

#SoSS: My Smut Marathon Favourites

In my last Smut Marathon blog post I mentioned that I had discovered lots of new blogs to enjoy through entering the contest. In response to that post someone asked if I would point my readers in the direction of these wonderful bloggers I’ve discovered so that they could visit their sites and enjoy them too.

#SoSS Saturday seems a brilliant time to champion some of my Smut Marathon SmutMarathonfavourites, both those that are still active in the contest and those who are no longer competing. I have included their ‘about me’ from the Smut Marathon website, so you can read in their own words what they are all about.

Continue reading “#SoSS: My Smut Marathon Favourites”

#SoSS – Is Your Sunday Sinful?

I wasn’t going to do a #SoSS post this week. With one thing and another I just haven’t had the time to sit and read as many blog posts as I would have liked to. I did however stumble across a tweet from @Mollysdailykiss, which inspired me to take action.

If you haven’t heard of #sinfulsunday, then now is your chance. Hosted by Molly from Mollysdailykiss, it a chance for people to showcase their sexy and erotic pictures. With the shadowban being placed on more and more of our wonderful community sharing these kinds of memes is becoming even more important.

Continue reading “#SoSS – Is Your Sunday Sinful?”

#SoSS – Therapy, Fucking and … More Fucking!

IMG_6992Monday brought me my first, ‘well that’s a #SoSS post’ moment when I read The Therapist by Karin at theswingshift. This week saw me starting to share some of my experiences with mental health, part of which details how I never quite succeeded in sticking with therapy. That isn’t because I don’t value it though, I absolutely do, especially when as Kinksters we find an understanding and supportive therapist. I don’t know Karin personally, only through the post I’ve read on her blog, that didn’t stop me thoroughly touched though at her thoughts on finding and visiting a therapist.

Continue reading “#SoSS – Therapy, Fucking and … More Fucking!”