Tag: Self Reflection

#SinfulSunday: Being Vulnerable (It’s Hard To Do)

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I’ve been thinking a lot about ways in which I feel vulnerable and the actions I take to try and protect myself from getting hurt, or simply from feeling unpleasant emotions. I try my best to be open and honest on my blog, and I am … for the most part.

There are elements of my past that are extremely relevant to who I am as a person, why I live the life I do and why I have this blog. They’re not horrific or overly traumatising, but they are the most vulnerable pieces of my story and it hurts to tell them. The truth is I judge myself for that. Even though though I find the courage to be vulnerable in others a beautiful and inspiring trait. 

While this may not seem that relevant for Sinful Sunday, there is a reason I chose to share today. I have been lurking here for a long time, and I am always astounded by how raw and honest many of the images are. Part of not wanting to be vulnerable is making sure my pictures that I share online are very much ‘an image of me’. While I’m not tech savvy enough to do lots of photo-shopping, I am persistent enough and vain enough to make sure my pictures look the way I want so I can portray myself in what I deem to be ‘the internet me’.

In the interest of full disclosure even this week’s image isn’t the me you get first thing in the morning, or the puffy eyed, tear streaked me who has no idea why she’s crying (or does know but is too scared to admit it) or the me that sleeps with the light on sometimes because I’m terrified of my persistent nightmares.

I’m sharing this today because I want to work on being less afraid of admitting some of my truths, not only to others but to myself and to take the opportunity to say how inspiring and touching many of the posts for Sinful Sunday are on a weekly basis, as well as being incredibly sexy.

Please do take a moment to follow the lips to the rest of these weeks Sinful Sunday images and when you find one you love leave a nice comment and show your support to the awesome participants.

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Who else is being Sinful this Sunday?

#SinfulSunday: When In Doubt Wear Red!

Self care comes in many forms. For me it is matching my outer me with my inner me. Recently they have felt a little bit out of sync so I needed to redress the balance. I’m not sure what is says about me that black and red is currently an accurate portrayal of my innermost being. I’m happy to roll with it though because I’m feeling fierce and fiery in my new colour scheme.

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“Do Your Squats

Eat Your Vegetables

Wear Red Lipstick

And Don’t Let Boys

Be Mean To You.”

This is my first time joining in with Sinful Sunday, and I have a long way to go to catch up with some of the seriously talented, sensual, seductive and imaginative photos that get included. Please do click on the link below the lips to see all the wonderful photos submitted this week and consider getting involved yourself.

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Who else is being sinful this Sunday?

Episode 46 – Internal Conflicts of Kink

Find out more about #ProudToBeKinky and listen below on the soundcloud player. You can also listen on most available podcast apps.


Bakji and Floss return without a guest this weeks to discuss the internal conflicts some of our kinks might cause us to have. Inspired by a post Floss saw on Reddit, where the poster wanted to be submissive and also humiliated and degraded yet felt this was at odds with her feminist views.

We decided that this was a great topic of discussion because there are many kinks that often highlight this issue, in some way shape or form. Probably a lot more than we could cover in one short episode. So many of our views on our kinks seem to be shaped by the environment we grew up, and how previous partners have reacted, so what seems like a perfectly acceptable kink to one person, might cause all kinds of conflicts in another.

As well as discussing some of the kinks that most often seem to crop up in this line of thought, we also talk about whether these feelings are part of the reason some of us take our time to find our way to the kink community.

While we have both had a fair while to adjust to our own kinks and on the whole feel very comfortable and excited by them, however we have to make our own adjustments when it comes to exploring new kinks and also in enjoying long-standing kinks a little less, so we talk about those a little too and how we’ve approached those situations personally.

This topic of conversation also bring us round to the subject of how we think our kinks developes. While it could probably be a whole episode in and of itself we do discuss it a little bit. Both Bakji and Floss are now playing with similar kinks, how long we have been kinky and how we discovered them are very different journeys.

We have had lots of lovely messages the past couple of weeks, please keep them coming if you have anything you’d like to share with us. Whether is comments on the show, questions or advice on kink or a topic you’d like us to cover. You can get in touch with us on any of the following platforms:

We are also part of the Podcast Jukebox Network, so you can check out our sister shows Off The Cuffs: a kink and BDSM podcast, the Will Sean Podcast, Drinks with God and Parking Lot Radio.

Friendship – Am I Doing It Right?

I’ve written quite a few blog posts about the friendships I’ve formed since I joined the kink scene, and the last few days I’ve been thinking about friendship a lot.

I don’t require much from my friends, the only main prerequisite for being my friend is that I like you. It’s really that simple. You don’t have to be able to do anything for me, or give me a certain amount of attention per week. I have a friend who I don’t speak to for months at a time, but if he knocked on my door right now, I’d absolutely welcome him in, no questions asked.  

I don’t ask my friends to fight my battles for me or agree with me on everything. I am more than happy to agree to disagree on certain subjects. I don’t expect you to like the people I like, or dislike someone just because I do. Even Bakji, who is a very special friend indeed, you know the sexy romantic kind of friend, I don’t even expect him to keep the same company as me, or ditch people if I don’t personally like them as much as him.

You don’t need to message* me all the time, or invite me to everything you do to be my friend. All I ask is that we enjoy each other’s company when we have it. Whether we are meeting for coffee or going to a kink event. *Hilariously spell check wanted me to change this to massage, for the record I don’t requires massages for friendship either. 

I am not always a present friend. Before I get to be any other part of myself the thing I have to be first is a mum. My instinct is to keep my mothering very separate from everything else, so I won’t insist on my friends joining me and my small human on our many adventures. If however you are my friend, and you have a burning desire to come on our adventures you are very welcome.

This blog and the podcast also take up a huge amount of my time. It is quite honestly a full-time job. Between finding guests, social media endeavours, blog posts and recording, there isn’t actually a lot of time left in the week. Add to that the fact I have other writing projects I’d like to complete one day, and there is even less time left.

Then there’s Bakji, the person who get first dibs on my spare time, and I have no desire to change that. I enjoy my time with him immensely and it’s important to me that we keep our kinky fun alive, sometimes when all the podcasting is done, there’s only enough energy for cuddles. We have to work to make our kink happen sometimes, we don’t live together, the time we can spend together in a week is limited, so I think it makes sense that I’m keen to get sexy with him when the chance arises.

I also have a regular job, and a dad, and non-kink friends. I’ve had days where I’ve had plans and I’ve had to give them all up to go and do an unexpected school run due to illness.

Even when I’m doing all these things though I am always at the end of the phone. My whatsapp is always open. I’m happy to give opinions, listen to problems, hear exciting news, talk about the weather. Honestly whatever pops into my messages I will look at and I will answer.

I know that friendships change and evolve, we become better friends with some people, but other people not so much. Some friends become better over time, other people we grow apart from. This has never really struck me as a terrible thing, it’s just life. Have some friends left my life that I’d still like to hear from occasionally? Of course, but I don’t judge them or myself for their absence, it’s just one of those things.

In these days of social media we can follow a lot of our friends on a variety of platforms, nearly all my kinky friends are connected my one medium or another. I’ve had friends that were romantically involved no longer be so, where I’ve been closer to one than the other, I’ve never unfollowed a person on that basis though. I’m still happy to cheer them on and wish them well in life and social media is often a nice way to do that. Especially when so many of my friends are doing rope, seeing their rope journeys unfold is fascinating.

Part of my reflection this week though is whether or not I’ve got this whole friendship thing wrong, maybe I don’t put in enough effort, maybe I’m to carefree about what it means to be a friend. All because someone I knew I wasn’t that close to anymore saw fit to unfollow me and unfriend me on every common social media platform we have. It’s a not even a block, or a case of account deactivation. So I can still follow her should I want to, but she has no desire to see anything I’m saying or doing. It feels like a very passive aggressive way of ended a friendship, I would rather have had a frank conversation where I was called out for being a total bitch, if that’s the case.

Now I’m left wondering, ‘do I still click the love button on her posts’, or have I not done that enough? Was my friendship contingent on social media likes?

I feel like this shouldn’t matter, that I shouldn’t care. I think the reason it bothers me though is that the only real life friends or even acquaintances that I unfollow or unfriend on social media are ones that have a negative effect on me. So I’m left wondering did my presence in her life have a negative effect on her? If this was the case I would have liked my right to reply, so to speak, and been allowed to change any situation that I caused that made her deem me unsuitable friend material.

I don’t really censor myself here on my blog, and if you listen to the podcast you get a pretty accurate portrayal of who I am and now and again I’ll do a post like this that is quite hard, this issue is upsetting for me, I am sad that for reasons unknown I clearly made someone feel shit. So I’d love some feedback.

  • What is important to you in friendships?
  • What do your friends need to do to make you feel valued?

Maybe if I can gain a greater sense of what people are looking for in a friendship, I can understand where I went wrong.