Tag: Life

[Life] 10 Things I Love …

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I’m not big on the ‘L’ word, when I saw it was the prompt for the week I was doing the round-up for Wicked Wednesday I really did think that was vaguely comical. In the three years I have been intimately involved with Bakji I have probably said it no more than dozen times, maybe even less than 10. Or it could be more but I might have been drunk for many of them.

In addition to the above, which must seem like a terrible admission, It took me about 2 years to say ‘I love you’, I felt it after about 3 months, at 4 months I realised I wasn’t going to undo the horror of ‘falling in love’ and promised myself that if I felt the same after 6 months I’d say it. Then for many a fucked up reason I decided to never say it, would be a wiser decision.

What happened in the absence of I love you was actually quite sweet, we found different ways to express our affection, both of us I think not daring or wanting to declare too much. I think we each had our own reasons for that, but I think in part for both of us it was not wanting to ‘jinx it’.

Even now it is something we say very infrequently, but when it is said it is rather lovely, I have to admit that. Discussing why I felt the way I do, or feel the way I do about ‘I love you’ is well known to me, but would be thoroughly depressing to write about. A lot of it is irrational and I need to let so much of it go, and I’m working on that, sort of, but I think this is one case where writing out just won’t help.

Instead I want to focus on something positive. Well ten positives actually. In a somewhat uncharacteristic display of unabashed affection I would like to share with you 10 things I love about Bakji, all of which show that he is to blame for me catching feelings in the first place.

He is super funny!

Anyone who listens to the podcast will have heard my eye-rolls when Bakji interrupts me with yet another joke. Don’t be fooled though, those eye-rolls are nearly always accompanied by a grin and he has made me laugh every single day for the last three years. He is so silly sometimes and he think up daft games for us to play to keep me entertained. My own nature is far more serious and I need that laughter in my life. That he not only can make me laugh, but is so happy to do so, is truly one of my favourite things about him

He helps me try new things!

The amount of new things I’ve tried and discovered I love since meeting Bakji is a really long list. From podcasts to food, and of course new kinks. I have discovered more about myself in three years than I did in the previous 30! He does this by sharing his likes with me, and not being a bumhead when I decide to copy. He suggests new things to me and is happy when I seem curious and decide maybe I’d like that thing too.

He’s kind and generous

In the early days of our sexy friendship I was very careful not to overshare. No mentioning my worries, no boring him with the drudgery of my life as a parent, keeping the conversation light and as carefree as possible was my main aim. I was determined to never seem ill, or out of sorts and vowed that if I ever was those things then Bakji wouldn’t be dealing with them. As time has gone on hiding all those things from someone has been impossible, and when I have shared these things with Bakji he has always been the sweetest and most loving person I could ask for, and when and where he can he is always generous in terms of helping me make things better. I still dig my heels in sometimes when it comes to being looked after, but it’s actually a wonderful thing to know that he there for me when I need him.

He loves going on adventures with me

When I first joined the kink community one of the things I was searching for was adventure. By adventure I don’t necessarily mean distant travels to far away lands, although I’m not saying no to that if someone is offering. Adventures to me can be all kinds of things, for Bakji and I our adventures together began with travelling to kink events. Living outside of London meant lots of car journeys. We would drive to London, park near the event venue, have our fun, then drive home again at any time between 1am and 4am! Usually falling into bed between 6am and 7am. It never failed to shock people, but it was fun and we were doing it all together which made it even better. We’ve also had adventures in learning rope, adventures into new realms of kinky fun and adventures in non-monogamy. It was also only this year that we actually did go on an international adventure and that was an amazing adventure for sure. I know we have many more adventures to come and I can’t wait for them all.

He gives the best cuddles and snuggles

Physical affection is something that does not come naturally to me. No big bad reason for that. It’s just the way I am, with everyone. When I met Bakji and we started doing kinky things together the aftercare bit was not what I was expecting. Content to be left alone he would initiate a hug, and I think it may have been the first time we did this I actually said ‘we don’t have to hug’, his reply to which was he would like to, if that’s okay. It was different, but it wasn’t an issue so we began to hug more and somewhere along the line I began to love those cuddles. They are so good. I’m still not the best at initiating them. I do it far more than I ever imagined I would though and I love snuggling with Bakji, especially when we have sleepovers and we are all cosy in bed together. It is one of the best feelings in the world.

He’s gorgeous and sexy

Is it cheating to include this one I wonder? Maybe, but I feel like it would be less authentic if I didn’t include it because I’d be lying if I said Bakji’s gorgeous face wasn’t one of the first things that I noticed about him. He is so pretty. Three years down the line and he is even more gorgeous now than he was when I first met him and that is quite an achievement. His body was so enticing that it made me decide that I need to learn rope and take up Topping. I know some people find focusing on physical attraction shallow, but that physical attraction and chemistry we have together is all part of what made the deeper feelings develop. Without that initial ‘phwoar, I want some of that sexy’ we may not be where we are at all.

He listens and hears

One of the things I have often found frustrating is when I try to talk something through with someone and they offer me a solution based not on what I said, or meant, but based on what they decided I’d said. Listening is one thing, but actually hearing someone is a whole other skill set. I am forever grateful that Bakji doesn’t just listen to me, but he hears me too. He doesn’t leap to solutions either,thought he does offer his assistance if he feels it’s appropriate. Often though I don’t need him to fix anything for me, I say often because sometimes I really do need that, most of all though what I’m usually looking for is just a sounding board or a listening ear and someone to tell me it will be okay. The fact that Bakji actually gets this means a lot.

He’s unapologetic about being himself

We do not have the most conventional of relationships and we have no desire to follow the more regular steps of the relationship escalator as it were. We both have our own reasons for this, some overlap, some don’t. What I have always respected about Bakji is that he has no desire to pander to society and apologise for not wanting some of the things that may be expected from him. In the beginning this meant that I didn’t quite appreciate that our relationship could and eventually develop in something a little more meaningful than I had initially imagined. It was I think a reason I didn’t really keep my guard up, because I didn’t think there was anything to guard against. Not wanting to live together or use more familiar (to society) terminology for our dynamic doesn’t make it any less special though. I think Bakji always new these things, and a multitude of other things, and it took me some time to figure them out. I’m glad I did though because I adore the slightly random way in which we have combined sexy forces and feel blessed to have done so without either of us having to have compromised on things that are deal breakers for us. (Just to add we do compromise overall, we are no immovable and unfeeling objects.)

He challenges me to be better

Not as in ‘I challenge thee to duel, be better now or I shall poke thee with my fighting stick’, although now I’ve written that I’m having thoughts about his ‘fighting stick’ (yes I do mean willy) and I think improvements could be made faster if he threatened me with it more. In all seriousness though, there are some people who drag you down in life, and some who lift you up. Quite often it’s not even about whether or not they try to do those things, it’s just human nature. Bakji is thankfully one of those people who lifts you up. He is organised, driven and always on the lookout to improve himself or learn new things. He does those things for him, but witnessing them makes me want to do them for myself too. I think I’m yet to make the leap from better self to best self, but these things don’t happen overnight and luckily I have a Bakji to keep me company along the way.

He’s supportive

I sometimes get messages on Instagram asking if I’m ‘single’ which isn’t actually true or false, non-monogamy and/or polyamory rather changes the way you need to ask and answer that question. I am however not ‘available’ to them, so I always say no, and because I don’t care to give them my life story I simply say I ‘have a partner’. To which they always nearly always reply, ‘oh, I bet he wouldn’t like knowing you show the world your arse/sell men nudes/are a massive cok tease’ etc. Not only does he know, but he wholeheartedly support me doing things that a) entertain me and b) earn me some extra monies. He is supportive of me in so many ways and he is supportive of me for the best reason ever, he simply wants good things for me. He also trusts me not to do anything stupid, like sell a kidney for a fiver or meet a random stranger offering me 50p for a blowjob.

There we have it, 10 delightful things that I love about Bakji, or things about Bakji that make me love him, I’m not really sure which way round it works. Either way though, he is the most awesome sexy-friend a girl could ask for. 


Written for this weeks Wicked Wednesday prompt, please do check out the other blog post that are added to the link up, my fellow bloggers never disappoint and you will definitely find some sexy and interesting reads there.

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Who else is being Wicked this Wednesday?

If you enjoy the content I provide both here and as part of the #ProudToBeKinky Podcast and you would like to support that, then likes and comments are joyful to receive and you can also click below to support me through Ko-fi

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[SinfulSunday] Being Vulnerable (It’s Hard To Do)

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I’ve been thinking a lot about ways in which I feel vulnerable and the actions I take to try and protect myself from getting hurt, or simply from feeling unpleasant emotions. I try my best to be open and honest on my blog, and I am … for the most part.

There are elements of my past that are extremely relevant to who I am as a person, why I live the life I do and why I have this blog. They’re not horrific or overly traumatising, but they are the most vulnerable pieces of my story and it hurts to tell them. The truth is I judge myself for that. Even though though I find the courage to be vulnerable in others a beautiful and inspiring trait. 

While this may not seem that relevant for Sinful Sunday, there is a reason I chose to share today. I have been lurking here for a long time, and I am always astounded by how raw and honest many of the images are. Part of not wanting to be vulnerable is making sure my pictures that I share online are very much ‘an image of me’. While I’m not tech savvy enough to do lots of photo-shopping, I am persistent enough and vain enough to make sure my pictures look the way I want so I can portray myself in what I deem to be ‘the internet me’.

In the interest of full disclosure even this week’s image isn’t the me you get first thing in the morning, or the puffy eyed, tear streaked me who has no idea why she’s crying (or does know but is too scared to admit it) or the me that sleeps with the light on sometimes because I’m terrified of my persistent nightmares.

I’m sharing this today because I want to work on being less afraid of admitting some of my truths, not only to others but to myself and to take the opportunity to say how inspiring and touching many of the posts for Sinful Sunday are on a weekly basis, as well as being incredibly sexy.

Please do take a moment to follow the lips to the rest of these weeks Sinful Sunday images and when you find one you love leave a nice comment and show your support to the awesome participants.

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Who else is being Sinful this Sunday?

If you enjoy the content I provide both here and as part of the #ProudToBeKinky Podcast and you would like to support that, then likes and comments are joyful to receive and you can also click below to support me through Ko-fi

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[Life] Crystal Balls, Being Too Nice and Falling In Love.

These questions are from this weeks TMI Tuesday. If you would like to get involved then follow the link below and you will find all the questions and information on how to get involved.

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If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, your future, what would you want to know?

Crikey, that’s deep. I think what I’d like to know most of all right now is if the things I’m working towards will come to fruition and if they will make the difference I hope they will. Not only for myself but the people I am hoping they will have positive effects for.

What do you value most in your sex life?

IMG_7293Well my sex life, is more of a kink life, or an intimacy life. What I value most about my physical interactions with Bakji that includes all those things is the honesty, the exploration and the connection it has given us. I am regularly moved by how far we have come and how wonderful it is that we have found so many amazing things to share together. This includes venturing into non-monogamy as well, and I also value the wonderful connections and intimate friendships I have made with some truly wonderful people.

What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?

Wow! Scary question. I think this is something that will vary massively from person to person. For me it often depends who is making the joke and what their intention is. I realise though that for many people that is irrelevant and certain subjects should be left well alone. The topics that I really don’t find funny to joke about couldn’t triggering for people just by reading them, so I’ll keep this one annoyingly vague. I will say though that sometimes I had a totally inappropriate and dark sense of humour, which doesn’t always sit well with people, but being able to laugh at awful things has got me through some tough times.

If you had to move to a state or country besides the one in which you currently live, where would you move and why?

Well I love where I live, but as we all know the U.K is going a bit loopy at the minute and as much as I love the U.S.A they’re in loopy territory too it seems. Canada seems pretty sane at the minute, so maybe I’d give that a go. If I had to live somewhere else in the U.K I’d probably go with London, then I’d be near lots of my lovelies and we could go on more adventures together. Although it has been winter here for what feels like an eternity, so maybe I should pick somewhere sunny and glorious.

Are you too nice?

Definitely not. Don’t get me wrong, I am nice, and maybe I’m nicer than some people but I’m a million miles away from being too nice. Some days I really do gives zero fucks and I work with the general public which means I often want to scream in people’s faces. Usually I manage to smile politely and be awesome, but sometimes like last week, I have to tell a colleague to back the hell away from my personal space. So yeah, too nice is not a problem I have. P.S I’m still lovely, please still like me and my blog.

Bonus: Falling in love is _____ . (one word only)

Tough asks this week. I think for the bonus question I would have to go with the wordIMG_7292 ‘complicated’! I posed this question to Bakji, I was curious as to whether or not our thinking was similar and his response was my given name (which weirdly enough isn’t Floss). So he is adorable and I’m a big cynic. 

If you enjoy the content I provide both here and as part of the #ProudToBeKinky Podcast and you would like to support that, then likes and comments are joyful to receive and you can also click below to support me through Ko-fi

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[Life] The Life You Want

These questions are from this weeks TMI Tuesday. If you would like to get involved then follow the link in red and you will find all the questions and information on how to get involved.

Who was the first person you ever had a crush on? Why did you like them?

Oooh! I’ll give two answers, my celebrity crush and my real life crush. My first celebrity crush was Kylie Minogue. I just thought she was so pretty and she seemed so sweet and her songs made me so happy. So my little 4 years olds heart just got very gleeful whenever she was on T.V on the radio. I also developed a similar and related crush on Jason Donovan. ‘Especially For You’ still does funny things to my tummy.

Continue reading “[Life] The Life You Want”

[Kink] Is Confidence Affecting Your Kink?

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If you are human, and I’m assuming most of my readers are, there is a chance that at some point in life you’ve had a crisis of confidence. More times than I can count I have heard someone use low confidence levels as to why they are too nervous to try a new kink with a partner. This is especially so when is comes to taking control and being the Dominant partner, though that is not to say that is the only scenario that lack of confidence infiltrates.

I have without doubt struggled with this issue myself, aided wonderfully by other people being less than encouraging about attempts I did make to try new things. When I met Bakji things started to shift, due to his constant support, encouragement and kindness and I decided that new things were definitely something I wanted to do.

Continue reading “[Kink] Is Confidence Affecting Your Kink?”

[FemDom Friday] FemDom Is For Switches Too

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Switch – A person who may feel Dominant or submissive depending on their mood or their partner. Switching also encompasses those who identify as Top/bottom, and Sadist/masochist

I never would have found my love of FemDom if I hadn’t initially thought I was a submissive. When I joined the kink scene it was with the assumption that I would find a Dominant to explore my submissive side with. While in some ways that did happen, another and surprising thing happened too. I realised that while I do enjoy being a bottom, I have a great passion for Topping, and the resulting conclusion was that I am in fact a Switch.

Top – A person who is in control during a scene, this person may or may not identify as a Dominant

Bottom – A person who gives up control, receives physical sensation and/or verbal instruction during a scene from a Top, this person may or may not identify as submissive

Continue reading “[FemDom Friday] FemDom Is For Switches Too”

[Kink] A Switchy Girl’s Guide To … Munches and Fetish Clubs

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As a co-host of a podcast for which the tagline is ‘a podcast covering the social and interpersonal side of kink, Fetish and BDSM’, it will probably come as no surprise that I spend a lot of time talking about munches and Fetish events.

Before I regale you all with why I think these things can be beneficial to fledgling kinksters and veteran kinksters alike, I know a lot of people would be grateful for me explaining exactly what a munch is.

Munch – a social event for those who are kinky, or even just curious, to come along and meet like minded people. Depending on where you are based in the world a munch may be held in a restaurant, pub, and many other public spaces. They do not involve kinky play, and the dress code is casual.

While the internet is wonderful for connecting us to fellow kinksters, and indeed fellow human beings, we are not all looking for online interactions only or long distance relationships. Local munches provide the opportunity for us to meet people who are kinky and in our area.

When I’ve spoken to people about how long it took them to go to a munch after they first decided they’d like to attend one, the answer is usually somewhere between a couple of months and an entire decade. I personally took 6 months to get up the courage to go. Why do we put it off? Fear of the unknown and not having the answers to the barrage of questions we ask ourselves, such as:

  • What will everyone be like?

Personalities, looks, backgrounds and kinks will be beautifully varied. Much the same as with any other collective of people in non-kink related gatherings.

  • Will they all be weirdos?

Probably! In the awesome way. In my experience kinky people are creative, quirky and many of us are proud to be a little less ordinary.

  • Will I fit in?

More likely than not. On the whole the kink scene is very welcoming and loves to meet new people.

  • Am I kinky enough?

YES! Seriously we don’t actually mind how kinky you are. Being open minded and non judgemental is the key.

  • Am I too kinky?

NO! There is no such thing.

  • Do I need to know what I’m into?

Absolutely not. People might ask, but it’s 100% okay to say you aren’t sure but are interested in making new discoveries.

  • What if I’m the only one with my Fetish?

You might be, but you probably won’t be and if you are it won’t matter. You might even introduce someone else to it, and helping other people make those discoveries is great fun.

  • What if it’s boring?

Honestly, it might be. Some days everyone seems to be busy and it’s a quiet night, other days it’s like the whole town has turned up. That’s why we always recommend going a few times, and maybe even trying munches in other local towns.

  • What if it’s not for me?

It might not be, some people just don’t enjoy munches, but what have you got to lose by finding out?

You’ve battled through all those questions, plus many more I suspect. You’ve found your local munch and you decide to go along. What might follow next? I’ll be honest, you probably won’t find the person of your dreams on your first visit. It may take time to make connections and find your tribe, but when you do it will be so much fun.

Those of us who join the scene without a partner are likely going to hope we do find someone to share our kinky times with. Many people however discount the benefits of making platonic friends, or perhaps even casual play partners, on the way to finding a more long term or romantic partnership

Having kinky friends is wonderful if you are someone who likes to have open and honest conversations about your kinks with the people in your life. I’m personally happy to tell anyone who will listen about my kinky shenanigans, but I know that isn’t an option for many people. Forming friendships within the kink community can give you a network of support, advice and encouragement you just may not be able to get within your non-kinks circles.

Even if you are an established couple, who have no interest in meeting other play partners, you could still find a wonderful group of people to share your interests with and learn new skills from. Attending a local munch will often lead to invites to other events, and in many cases private parties. Where the opportunities to learn about and discover new kinks are endless.

Okay, so you’ve been to a munch, and maybe a play party or two, but what about if you want to experience something bigger, with more people, where on earth do you go then? That is where Fetish events come into the equations. These will vary from place to place, from country to country and even the same event came vary from month to month.

I spend the majority of my event time at Fetish events in and around London, my experiences will reflect that, so I would always recommend researching any event you might go to and asking previous attendees what you can expect.

In London the Fetish events can range from very little play, but high Fetish fashion to lots of kinky play, and very little clothing because we’ve all whipped it off to get a spanking or to be tied in rope. We’ve got events that have a grunge, gothic, alternative vibe and events that are more like a kinky rave. Whatever your specific likes and dislikes, chances are you can find an event for you.

Almost everyone I’ve ever spoken to has had a major panic about what to wear before their first trip to a Fetish event. I’m going to let you into a secret though, there is nothing to panic about. Making an effort is key, but you can do that without having a wardrobe full of Latex. Accessories and make-up can also go a long way to making an outfit shine.

My top tips for Fetish events would be:

  • Go with friends, if you haven’t got friend who will go with you, go to a munch and make some.
  • If you are uncertain about your outfit, check photos from previous nights, or email the organisers to ask advice.
  • Learn about dungeon etiquette, for example we don’t approach people during a scene, we don’t touch people stuff, if you’re in doubt about what you’re seeing then Dungeon Monitors (DM’s) are on hand to address any concerns.
  • Do make an effort with your clothes, but also wear something you feel confident and comfortable in. You first event may not be the time to give 8 inch heels a try for the first time.
  • Try a few. If the first one you try isn’t a good fit, it doesn’t mean you won’t love the next one you try.
  • Read the event listings on Fetlife, join the event group if it has one, and read their website in full if they have one, so you are not caught unawares by any event specific terms or guidelines.

You can make friends at a Fetish event, but it is harder than at a munch. Which is why going alone isn’t always the best option. That said though, a lot of events in London do organise meet and greets at the beginning of an event to welcome those who are visiting alone and/or new, to give them a rundown of the layout of the event, and what happens throughout the night.

I guarantee someone will read this who is really eager to go to a munch, but their nearest one involves some travelling and that is their only reason for not going. If you truly want to meet other kinksters outside of the internet, and you want to increase your chances of getting some kinky action, then I’ve got news for you … you might actually have to travel.

I get that it might be a mission, or it might be a whole day out of your week for a couple of hours of socialising. Wouldn’t it be worth the effort though if it got you the type of relationship or friendship group that you are longing for. I say this as someone who lives 3 hours from London, I travel there because it has the scene I love and wonderful friends, who I would not have met if I hadn’t have gone to my local munch, where I met a partner who was willing to travel with me to experience new things and meet new people.

There is a whole world of kink positive people out there, who are ready to be your friend and share their knowledge and joy of kink with you. You’ve got to meet them halfway though, they are already on the scene, they’ve probably already got friends, maybe they even know all the best event and parties, and like most of us I bet they love meeting awesome people and getting to know new friends. There’s even a chance that your new friend has a friend that is the potential kinky partner you’ve been dreaming of.

What is stopping you? For most of you the only thing standing in your way is yourself. So get out of your own way and send yourself on a new adventure.

If you have any question about how to find the munches and events in your local area then please do get in touch via my contact form and I will do my best to help you find the information you need.


This is the first in my ‘A Switchy Girl’s Guide to Kink, Fetish and BDSM’ series of posts. The next instalment is ‘Frenzy, Drop and FOMO’.  If you would like to hear more of my thoughts you can tune in to the #ProudToBeKinky Podcast, or you can follow me on Twitter and Instagram or you can send a friend request on Fetlife through _Floss_.

If you enjoy the content I provide both here and as part of the #ProudToBeKinky Podcast and you would like to support that, then likes and comments are joyful to receive and you can also click below to support me through Ko-fi

Buy Me a Coffee at ko-fi.com

[Life] Feeling Secure within Alternative Relationship Models

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In my post ‘Compersion, Trust and Brain Niggles’ I spoke about how my sleeping brain was causing me to feel insecure, and how security looks different within an alternative relationship model. I’m far from being an expert on this matter, and I have so much still to learn, there are some things I’ve figured out along the way though and as always I like to share those things with my lovely readers.

When Bakji and I first started playing together I was ridiculously ill equipped to deal with the feelings I would face surrounding how our friendship would change and grow. I was so convinced that I would never be in a position of having a ‘primary partner’ while exploring non-monogamy, that I didn’t seek out the resources I needed to guide me through that soon enough.

Continue reading “[Life] Feeling Secure within Alternative Relationship Models”

[Life] Compersion: Buzzword, Or Beautiful?

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When you start delving into resources for polyamory and non-monogamy, you start to realise that as well as learning about new relationship models, you also start to learn a new language. You can find a very extensive glossary on the More Than Two site, to get a better idea of what I mean. One of the words that has popped up recently on my blog is compersion. That feeling of joy some people get from knowing their partner is finding sexual or romantic happiness with another person.

When I first joined the kink scene I had no idea I’d be presented with non-monogamy as a lifestyle choice. In my previous non-kink life, even the idea of a threesome was only hot in theory, I never, ever would have genuinely considered having one. When it became apparent that new experiences would open to me if I consider non-monogamy I decided to give it a shot. It was as a unicorn though that I decided to tip my toe in the non-monogamy waters.

Continue reading “[Life] Compersion: Buzzword, Or Beautiful?”

[Life] Compersion, Trust and Brain Niggles

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Back in September I wrote ‘The Feeling When … New Things Are Awesome’, and yes I’m aware I use the word awesome far too much, but I like it, loads, so you’re stuck with it. In that writing I covered some of my thoughts on compersion, and how I’d finally experienced it in some way, which I thought I never would. I debated whether or not writing about it again was worthwhile, for fear I might repeat myself and not add anything new to the mix, then I thought about it more and realised there is always more to unpack when it comes to non-monogamy.

“Compersion: A feeling of joy when a partner invests in and takes pleasure from another romantic or sexual relationship.”

Continue reading “[Life] Compersion, Trust and Brain Niggles”