Tag: Kink Positive

[FemDom Friday] The Secret to Success

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One of the most common questions I get asked about FemDom is ‘where do I begin’. After establishing that your partner wants to be Dominated and that you want to do the Dominating people suddenly panic about how to go about doing that, and what formula they can follow to get it right. I not only understand the thinking behind this question, but it was a question I asked myself before I started to get my confidence in Topping Bakji.

The secret to worrying about this less is a lot simpler than you’d think, and if you can take it to heart and truly believe it your FemDom sessions will surge forward with much enjoyment for you both. The key to FemDom success?

They Want Your Attention.

I made it bigger and bolder because I want you to seriously consider what it is I am saying and commit it to memory and remind yourself of it every time you think you might be getting something wrong.

I can think of a multitude of times where I fumbled during a scene, took too long to decide what to do next, generally thought the whole scene was a bag of scrap and worried that Bakji was hating every minute of it. If you ask Bakji however many times that has been the case? Zero. That’s right, not once has he noticed anything being amiss. All he’s ever focused on is the the fact I’m doing sexy stuff to him. In the pauses where I’m thinking, or wondering what to do next, he is anticipating just how sexy the next thing will be.

Your actions don’t have to be fancy and elaborate for a FemDom session to be fun, especially not in the early days. If you’ve never explored the Top/bottom dynamic before, and things like bondage and blindfolds are new too, then the most simple of sessions can actually be mind blowing.

Even now when my own scenes have moved forward a little, and we do on occasions indulge in some more intense kinks, I don’t forget the simpler acts. Using simple under bed restraints, blindfolding your partner and kissing every inch of them, might seem really tame to some people. The person tied down though is likely to end up aching for more, and probably eager for attention that perhaps has a more sexual direction, especially if you’ve carefully avoided their more intimate areas as you play.

Being the focus of someone’s attention is delightful, and having someone be at your mercy (in a sexy and consensual way of course) is the flip-side of that and it too is wonderful position to be in.

It can be all to easy to overthink what it means to be the one in charge of a scene, and yes as time and dynamics progress the responsibilities and intricacies of that may well grow. In your early days of exploration though there is nothing wrong with keeping it simple and lavishing your bottom with lots of sexy attention that will have them weak at the knees and desperate to come.


This is the eleventh article in a 12 part series, the final instalment ‘Enjoy Yourself and Have Fun’ is coming soon. You can hear more of my thoughts on FemDom and Kink by tuning in to the #ProudToBeKinky Podcast, or you can follow me on Twitter and Instagram or you can send a friend request on Fetlife.

2019-Help.pngIf you enjoy the content I provide both here and as part of the #ProudToBeKinky Podcast and you would like to support that, then likes and comments are joyful to receive and you can also click below to support me through Ko-fi. All support through Ko-fi is going towards my Eroticon attendance in March. 

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[Kink] Getting Risky Makes Me Frisky

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Who else is discussing KOTW?

When I saw the Kink of The Week was risky sex I immediately got excited, then I realised I probably don’t have much risky sex and felt a bit deflated. When I sat and pondered my reactions I realised a two things:

  • I assumed in my own mind risky sex alluded to things like getting caught
  • I assumed sex referred to traditional sexual activity

This was daft because the actually Kink of the Week post included much more that as as inspiration, but I guess my mind was just having a silly pickle moment. It was those assumptions though that left me feeling like this wasn’t a topic for me. While I do enjoy sexual activity in my sexy times, it isn’t always our primary focus when compared to kink activities and it is very rare that it is non-kinky sex. We also don’t engage outdoor sex or any risk associated with getting caught. This is not a reflection on our feelings surrounding other people doing it. It just doesn’t get us off.

Continue reading “[Kink] Getting Risky Makes Me Frisky”

[FemDom Friday] It’s Okay For Submissives To Have A Voice

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My own D/s dynamic only comes into play when we engage in kinky scenes. However I stand by the message of this article regardless of whether you have an in scene dynamic only or a 24/7 Master/slave dynamic and I am prepared for the onslaught of emails telling me I am wrong, but I think it is very important for some people to hear my take on this.

Regardless of your specific D/s dynamic or the frequency of it, your submissive does not cease to be a human being, and as such they have their own thoughts, feelings and desires. While the Dominant one in the dynamic may well do a lot of the leading and decision making, again depending on your specific situation, no Dominant is all knowing. Despite the spate of ‘Dominants’ who seem to think they are just that.

Continue reading “[FemDom Friday] It’s Okay For Submissives To Have A Voice”

[Kink] Communication: It’s Good For Ewe

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Apologies for the terrible pun of title, but I couldn’t resist when I decided to use this photo off Pixabay for my featured image. 

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One of the most recurring topics of conversation about how to do kink ‘right’ is about communication. What kinks people have and how they enjoy them is 100% down to their personal preferences, provided of course that they are engaging in them with other consenting adults. For many of us though good communication is a fundamental part of exploring kink. What ‘good’ looks like may indeed vary from person to person, and I think like myself and Bakji, your ‘good’ becomes better over time, and your old ‘good’ looks a little lacking.

Myself and Bakji have grown together in terms of improving our communication and honestly it has been one of the most rewarding parts of our sexy-friendship. Neither of us were great at face to face discussions in the early days, and that meant finding more creative ways of sharing our thoughts with each other.

Continue reading “[Kink] Communication: It’s Good For Ewe”

[#SoSS] You Are EPIC!

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Wonderful, lovely and sexy readers, get ready to open multiple browser tabs and be prepared for a roller-coaster ride of sexy and emotional blog posts. I have an an EPIC week (yes it did need the capitalisation) of blog reading and I am about to hit you all with some awesome and in some cases intense posts from some fabulous people.

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Get involved with Masturbation Monday

Oh, Cousin Pons what a delightfully smutty blog you have. This weeks offering to Masturbation Monday from Pons was ‘Hornithology’, now while it did leave me with more questions than answers, it did also give me the horn. So that’s a win. You can also see more of Cousin Pons if you pop along and browse through the Sinful Sunday submissions. Would anybody like to see his bottom? If so head to his blog now.

Continue reading “[#SoSS] You Are EPIC!”

Hard-Ons, Handjobs and RSI!

Hi, my name’s Floss and I love handjobs. That is giving them. I don’t have a cock to receive them. Well that’s a lie, I do have a cock, it’s made of purple silicone but what that enjoys is a blog post for another day.

So back to the matter at hand (pun absolutely intended). Handjobs. I’ve always been partial to a handjob but have always had partners who were ambivalent about them or just didn’t see the point, mostly in the non-kink days of life, so I guess they were always aiming for the gold standard in non-kink sex of actually ‘doing it’. Alas, my handjob desires went unfulfilled. Isn’t that the saddest thing you’ve ever heard. Truly tragic.

Fear not though reader, do not shed those tears of sorrow for my poor handjobless hand. For I have found a willing participant and he is kind of heart and his willy is hard, a combination that means my desire to give handjobs and cause jizz explosions can finally be realised. It is quite literally, a dirty dream come true.

So the weekend has been and gone, and not being one to kiss and tell, you are not getting all the gory details (sorry folks, my erotica can totally be used for wank fodder though, so go here for that), however it’s probably obvious my hand might have got in on the action. Today is now Monday and the muscle ache in my thumb and hand that began in the early hours of Sunday morning still remains.

Now the questions I have been asking myself are:

  • Was the hard-on so hard that it has bruised my hand? (If so, holy fuck that’s hot)
  • Or have I got RSI from vigorous and repetitive handjob action? (I only have myself to blame for being a big tease if so!)

I don’t think I will ever know for sure, and I may have to rest my right hand while it recovers. Don’t panic though peeps, I can totally do lefty handjobs while righty rests. In fact, maybe this is an excellent opportunity to develop a higher level of handjob ambidextrousness and hope that in the process hope I don’t get handjob RSI in the other hand too. Although if that happens I guess I could just use my feet, but again we have hit upon a topic for another day.