My image this week isn’t of me, I asked my lovely friend if I could share a photo I took of her this weekend and I am delighted that she said yes.
Happy Birthday to us. That’s right, we have now been releasing episodes for you for one whole year and what a year it has been. We went back and forth with lots of ideas for this episode, but we decided to get back to basics a little bit and discuss the things that we are constantly repeating and go into detail about why we say them and how you can go about acting on the advice should you wish to.
In episode one, Bakji and friend of the show BlueBen discussed how to make kinky friends. Floss recently gave this episode another listen, and was impressed overall that for a first episode it was pretty darn good, but also felt that we could tweak some of the advice after a year of not only podcasting, but also of getting more involved with the community ourselves as well.
In a good chunk of our episodes we say ‘go to a munch’, so we revisit this and discuss why we say that and what benefits we see to munches. We also address the fact that your first munch isn’t always going to be life changing and what to do if the munch you attend isn’t what you hoped for.
We also tackle Fetish events. Which in episode were discussed on the basis of go with friends only. However in the time we have been doing the podcast I have learnt that many larger events are doing meet and greets before the event kicks off, and we’ve also discovered that many smaller events do allow for more of a chance to socialise and meet new people.
Fetlife gets a mention as do our friends over at TheCage.co, as we talk about how best to navigate online platforms and what their uses are. This leads us to a bit of a discussion, where Floss might be a bit ranty about how certain people conduct themselves when sending messages online.
There is also some fun and frivolity, we both talk about some of our favourite episodes, things we love about doing the podcast and what, if anything we’ve learnt in the past year.
This podcast has become a huge part of our lives, and it’s been an unbelievable amount of hard work, but it has been worth every minute of it. Through the podcast we have connected with amazing people all across the world, some of those people have been guests, some listeners and we are so happy to say that many of them have turned into wonderful friends.
For anyone who has missed Floss’ social media posts about us turning one, we just want to say a big thank you to everyone who has listened, given feedback, supported and encouraged us. Each and every one of you has made this experience even better and we can’t wait to see what the next year of podcasting brings.
As always you can contact us via firstname.lastname@example.org, you can also contact us on Twitter, instagram, Fetlife and Facebook. You can also swing by our Patreon page, and check out our spinoff podcast FemDom and Fetish Fun. As well as our new feature that is coming soon Aftercare Sandwich.
We are also part of the Podcast Jukebox Network, with Off The Cuffs, Drinks with God, Parking Lot Radio and the Will Sean Podcast. You can find us all on most podcast apps, and if you listen on the Apple Podcast app you can leave us all an awesome 5 star review.
Pain play and sensation play are our focus this week. We discuss what we mean when we talk about Sadism and masochism, and how pain can be sexy and what you can do if you’d like to try some new sensations but don’t think pain is for you.
We have mini debate over what classes as sexy pain, stingy, thuddy or something else entirely. This leads to us having a bit of a run through of what the difference between the two is, and why they lead to different sensations.
While many us might identify as a Sadist or a masochist, or perhaps like Floss you’re a bit of both and like to claim the Sadomasochist label, that doesn’t we all enjoy pain in the same way though. Both Bakji and Floss enjoy pain in very different ways, and their approach to pain play also differs greatly. We discuss our own personal takes on pain, what we enjoy and why we enjoy it.
As we always say we’re not experts when it comes to the kinks we discuss, but we do try to share what safety and instructional information we do have. We do highly recommend though that if you are looking to engage in some of the things discussed for the first time that you do your research and due diligence before diving straight into the action. If you need any further information and you’re not sure where to find it, do please get in touch.
The focus of this episode does fall a lot toward the pain play side of things, however we are aware that some people really aren’t into pain at all, but may enjoy different sensations during a scene, so we try to cover some of those too.
You can as always send feedback for this episode via our email email@example.com, or our social media platforms; Instagram, Twitter, Facebook and Fetlife. You can also visit us at our Patreon page, www.patreon.com/proudtobekinky, where you can find our spin-off podcast, FemDom and Fetish Fun.
We are also part of the Podcast Jukebox Network along with Off the Cuffs, Drinks with God, the Will Sean Podcast and Parking Lot Radio. We are all available on Apple podcast and most other podcast apps, if you chose player allows for reviews please do leave one for us as it really is helpful in letting other people know we are worth a listen.
One of the events that gets mentioned most within the kink community is Torture Garden. When we started going to lots of London events I lost track of how many people asked us if we’d been, and were then surprised when we said no. There were two reasons I took my time in going, 1. I felt like I’d enjoy it more in a group and 2. I was really uncertain about the strict dress code.
This Halloween though we decided to take the plunge and off we went to our very first TG. Prior to going myself I’d heard various things about it, some good and some bad. All of which made me wonder exactly what I’d be walking into. The reality was that I loved it. In fact we love it so much we are going back in December. While I appreciate it won’t be for everybody, no event suits everyone’s taste, and TG is no different, for some of you it will be amazing.
First of all, I was 100% right about going with a group. Myself and Bakji have attended many events just the two of us, and that’s actually how we made some of the friends we went with to TG. At certain event you can mingle and socialise a little, at TG I do not see that happening unless you already know a few people. It is busy, it is loud and people are in hedonism mode, having fun and revelling in a good time, I don’t think sitting down for a chat with a potential new friend is on anyone’s agenda. I think if you went solo, you would feel really lost and probably never go to an event. If you are a couple that can entertain each other well, you will probably enjoy yourselves, ideally though I’d say gather a little group together and really go for it.
So we found our group (and what a lovely bunch of humans they are too), bought our tickets, had a place to stay for the night (God bless friends who have a spare room), all that was left was to find an outfit! AN OUTFIT! For Torture Garden! How could I ever compete with the wonderful flamboyant creations you have to have to set foot inside this most awesome of events? Well I got in, so apparently I cracked it. My advice for anyone looking to go to TG who is worried about an outfit would be as follows:
- Make an effort – if you are able to go all out and can invest both the time and money in a gorgeous creation, then go for it. Those outfits are a delight to view. If you can’t though you can still make a great outfit with key Fetish inspired pieces, working to the theme might help too.
- Make-up is your friend – Even if you’re a fella. Maybe especially if you’re a fella. Dramatic, all out make-up costs less than, dramatic all out Latex, but the effect can be incredible.
- Be hair raising (or raise your hair) – Dramatic hair is another thing that makes a huge impact on your look. I crimped my hair, and it went big and wild and it really suited the theme of the night.
- Latex – it frustrates some people that Latex is an automatic in to places like this (unless it’s stripy trousers, stripes are evil it seems), but if you’re new and uncertain Latex is a winner. Maybe combining it with awesome make-up, hair and accessories is a good way to make the extra effort.
- Plan ahead – give yourself time to order from online stores, do our research into a good outfit, and give it some trial runs so you know you’re happy with it.
- Pinterest – such a good place to get ideas for any outfit theme
- Use the TG email – Decide on what you’re wearing and you can actually email TG and ask them if it will be suitable, they have people ready and willing to give you advice so that you don’t get turned away.
For anyone wondering what I actually wore, I was too excited to remember to take a photo, so I will have to explain it. Bottom half was fishnet tights, with high waist Latex knickers over the top of them. Then on my top half I wore a long sleeved fishnet top, and my new Xenia bra from Twisted Lingerie. It wasn’t crazy elaborate but it felt sexy and I really enjoyed wearing it.
As I mentioned previously TG is loud and it’s busy, which leads me to a couple of other tips. Decide on a meeting place and know you can land their should you get estranged from your group, then if you’ve lost someone check in on the meeting place and make sure no one has been stood their for two hours waiting to be rescued. Once you’ve been a few times I’m sure it gets easier to navigate, but as a TG newbie it feels like a total maze, though I think we only have a few more event at this particular venue, so this might not be a valid point for alternate venues.
One unfortunate thing that happens when somewhere is very busy, is that it gets very hot, and when I say very, I mean VERY. Think gates of hell type heat, it was frickin’ warm people. If you are like me and are a bit susceptible to overheating, please take regular fresh air breaks and drink plenty of fluids, and not just the alcoholic kind, the water kind too. I forgot about both these things and did have a little attack of melting, thankfully we’d had an awesome time up until this point because it did mean we had to head home to bed, and it wasn’t a sexy heading to bed. It was the ‘Floss falling onto the bed dying and Bakji taking her shoes off’ kind of going to bed.
As I say though, up until that point we’d had an awesome time. I’ve often heard people say that while this is a kink event, and there are dungeon areas available, that sometimes the best way to have fun is just to focus on the kink less and enjoy the party. I think on the whole I would agree with this. That’s pretty much the approach we took and we have a great time. The beauty of an event like this though is that your behaviour can be overall more kinky wherever you are and it is in keeping with the vibe of the night. For example, forcing your partner to lick your nipples while sat on a bench in a normal club would be frowned upon, however at TG I don’t think anyone even noticed us doing this!
That’s not to say there isn’t room for kink, there was definitely plenty of that happening, and my bottom may have got involved in an awesome spanking, once again having kinky friends is awesome! I also discovered that simultaneously bottoming and Topping is actually a lot of fun! Thank you to the kind and sexy people who helped me discover this. On top of that we also danced a lot, I may have got a bit merry thanks to my old friend Southern Comfort and we generally just enjoyed the sexy fun and made the most of our first experience of TG. I could tell we had fun because when we woke up the next day there was glitter everywhere, neither of us wore glitter out, so coming home covered in it always indicates a lot of fun was had.
That pretty much covers our experience, as I say we loved TG and we will definitely be going back, December tickets have already been bought. If you’re still not sure if it’s for you, but you are curious please feel free to get in touch, you can use my contact form on this site or you can email me via firstname.lastname@example.org
You can find out how to listen to #ProudToBeKinky here and if you have questions or topics you’d like us to discuss you can send them via the contact form on this website or by emailing email@example.com
The Queen of Fetish Cabaret, Marnie Scarlet joins us for this episode and we couldn’t be more excited to chat with her. We have had the pleasure of seeing a couple of Marnie’s performances and they do not disappoint. Please do check them out. Links will be provided at the end of this post.
Latex is possibly one of the first things we noticed about Marnie, because as we may have mentioned once or twice we have both got the hots for the lovely shiny rubbery stuff. Which means we obviously asked Marnie all about making her outfits. If you haven’t seen her outfits yet, once you do you will be utterly amazed by her creations. They are gorgeous, fun, inventive and beautifully crafted.
There is a huge variety of themes across all Marnie’s acts, so we discuss where she gets her inspiration from and how her ideas go from that to a full performance piece. We also go right back to the beginning and find out how Marnie came to start performing, both within the kink scene and out of it. The type of events and countries she often travels to come up as well, so if you’re an international listener and think you might miss out on seeing Marnie live, you may be in luck, one day she might be performing at an event near you.
Marnie was recently featured in some mainstream newspapers in her outfit for London Pride. I cannot blame them for this, it was a brilliant outfit. #prideoutfitgoals for sure. With this is mind, and in light of the fact Marnie also takes her performances in non-fetish settings, we ask about the reception she receives from the non-kinky folk.
As well as checking out Marnie on social media, which once again I will recommend you definitely do, you can also come and find us on social media if you haven’t already. We are on Instagram, Twitter, Facebook and Fetlife. You are welcome to connect with us across all those platforms and you can also email us on hello@proudtobekinky.
We are also part of the Podcast Jukebox Network, so please do pop along to our sister podcasts Off The Cuffs: a kink and BDSM podcast, the Will Sean Podcast, Drinks with God and Parking Lot Radio. If you like any of those guys please do leave them a little review and of course us too if you haven’t done so already.
TheWickedJade joins us for this episode as we pick her very knowledgeable brain, about all things fashion. Kinky, sexy, fetishy fashion that is. You can follow her on Instagram (@thewickedjade) if you want to see her great pictures of some truly lovely lingerie and clothing pieces.
Once you’ve found you’ve way into the BSDM community and have decided you want to try out a Fetish event, one of the first questions people ask is ‘What do I wear?’ Nearly all of us have been there, and it can really take the edge of an event if you’re panicking that your outfit isn’t going to be right.
There can be a huge temptation to just go for the Latex option, the nature of Latex means it is inherently Fetishy, but at the same time it really isn’t for everyone. Spending the night in Latex if you really don’t enjoy it is no fun. Even those of us who absolutely love Latex, sometimes have the odd event where we just don’t feel in the Latex mood. So why not ditch the generic ideas of what is Fetish fashion, and find something that truly is your style and makes you feel fabulous.
How though? That is the question we need answering. So that is what we discuss in this episode. We talk about accessories, body painting, double act outfits and much more. Some other things we consider are cost of outfits and what you might like to do in the outfit once you’re at the event.
Men seem to flounder even more so when it comes to dressing for Fetish events, especially if they’re really not into Latex or feel it won’t flatter their body type. We have all seen men rocking some great outfits though, so we try and present some ideas that could give the guys listening some inspiration for their next kinky outfit.
We also ask WickedJade how she got into kink, and what sort of kinks interest her. This leads us to talking about ballet shoes, vet wrap, mummification, medical play and much more. Including singing the praises of eBay and our quick fire question round.
If anything we discuss in the episode doesn’t quite answer all your Fetish fashion queries then please do email us via firstname.lastname@example.org with any questions you have and we will do our best to find the answers for you. You can also get in touch on all our social media accounts, Instagram, Twitter, Fetlife and Facebook. We will respond to all messages, and we love hearing from you. You can also support us on our Patreon account too.
As always a big shoutout to our sister podcasts in our podcast network, Podcast Jukebox. Please do swing by and have a listen to them; Off The Cuffs, the Will Sean Podcast and Parking Lot Radio.
I really hope I’m preaching to the choir with this blog post, but just in case someone with no knowledge of the social side of BDSM stumbles onto my blog, I’m going to write this so it’s here for them to find.
This is another Reddit inspired blog post, I think now that I’ve deleted all the rubbish subreddits, so that my front page is entirely relevant to me you’ll be getting a lot more of these. So there I was perusing Reddit, when someone asked advice about their first munch. I send a well thought out reply, with all my top thoughts, and when I return later I see the following comment:
Munches … ‘Why do people do this? I don’t need to flag my sexuality and discuss it with other outcasts.’
Now don’t get me wrong, I am a big fan of don’t feed the trolls. I think people who comment on things online with the sheer purpose of irritating people and instigating online arguments are just the most pitiful people going. However, in a discussion where new people, who might be easily dissuaded from actually being brave enough to take that first step are likely to read such ignorant comments, I felt I had to say something to highlight the fact he was in fact a douchebag. I’d also like to say that if the question had been ‘I’ve got a sub, who I met online, I’ve never had a problem using the internet for this kind of thing, I’m really curious as to why people go to munches.’ Then there wouldn’t be a blog post. I am not against people asking why. I am against people judging why.
Anyway, I politely pointed out that we go to munches to meet people with similar interests, so we can fulfil our sexual/emotional/physical desires with someone who understands our kinks. Also that it’s nice to have friends who understand the things we’re into because not doing so can indeed make kinky people feel like outcasts. I explained that munches at their heart are about finding a community in which you can be yourself and learn from others because it’s not that easy to just randomly stumble across someone in non-scene life who has the same kinks as you, especially if your kinks are a little more unusual. I posed the question ‘People with common interests meet up all the time, sports bars, book clubs, car shows, knitting groups, why should BDSM be any different?’
His reply was priceless:
‘I don’t see other sexual deviants having these meetups. Except maybe furries … with whom I don’t want any connection. What’s wrong with the internet? Also I already have a sub, so there’s really nothing for me there. I tend to not like other bdsm people… they’re usually the special snowflakes that didn’t fit in earlier in their life.’
Firstly, hell yeah we are special snowflakes! Most of us probably didn’t fit in too well at some points in our life, the reason being? We are too frickin awesome! Secondly thank goodness he doesn’t like other BDSM people, we do not need attitudes like this at munches. I personally love meeting other sexual deviants, and I am baffled that he seems to use that as a derogatory statement. All my friends are deviant perverts and I love them all the more for it. As for Furries, I don’t know any, and that makes me sad. I am so curious about getting myself in a furry suit. I’d like to be a cute colourful fox or kitten. I’d love friends to explore this with.
On a more serious note, I know he was trolling. I suspect the fact I even replied made him feel validated! Which makes me feel dirty, and not in the good way. Attitudes like this though, and similar thought processes, are quite possibly what prevents people from being brave enough to go to a munch, because:
- What if someone finds out they’ve been? Will they be judged as a ‘sexual deviant flagging their sexuality’?
- If they do get found out will they become an ‘outcast’ with their friends and family?
- What will the other attendees be like? Will we be more perverted than they can handle?
Those thoughts are so common that I think everyone I know used one of them as a reason not to go to a munch at least once before they actually joined the scene. It is in part the reason Bakji thought up the idea that has become #ProudToBeKinky, and my belief that we need to move away from these attitudes is why I wholeheartedly supported his endeavour and how I’ve come to be so involved in it.
I am by their very definitions a pervert and a sexual deviant. I’m also a Mum, a friend, a daughter, a colleague. I try to be kind and caring, I’ve got personal issues with hugs and stuff, but I’ll put that aside if a friend needs a hug while they cry. When my son is with his Dad I go off on my adventures with Bakji, but if my phones goes, and it’s from my son or about my son, I am a Mum, always. Nothing could outrank him ever. I’ve told my Dad all about my BDSM lifestyle and guess what, he still loves and supports me, because he knows I am more than just my lifestyle. My colleagues are all non-kink, yet all ask me what my latest event was like and what I wore. None of them have been harmed by hearing about my lifestyle.
That is what you are getting when you go to a munch. Real people, with real lives who enjoy kinky stuff. Some people only do kink once in awhile in the bedroom, some have 24/7 dynamics. There are folk like myself and Bakji who love going to lots of Fetish events, and others who never go to big events at all. Even at rope groups, where the aim is to tie or be tied, we turn up in our comfy clothes, stand around drinking tea and chatting, hardly ever about rope or kink funnily enough.
The viewpoint that different equals scary and threatening is surely outdated. Though I appreciate that thought process is having an effect on the world in far more terrifying ways than stopping people going to munches. I once got told by someone that I was ‘just a free loving hippy who wanted the world to live in harmony’, and it wasn’t meant as a compliment. The statement wasn’t incorrect though, it was their tone that made me realise they thought it was a bad quality.
Essentially though it’s true, and I’ll keep this next bit Kink oriented so this blog post doesn’t get too heavy. I don’t care what your kinks are, my only thoughts about other people’s kinks and fetishes are:
- That we should engage in them with consensual adults
- That we should all be aware of the risks we may encounter
- That where possible and appropriate we learn necessary safety measures and adhere to them
If someone is happy doing BDSM things at home, with someone they met online and never wants to go to a munch. Fine. If someone only wants to do online D/s. Fine. Are you into sniffing worn socks? Fine. Scat? Fine. Bondage? Fine. Sex toys? Fine. Crossdressing? Fine. The list is endless, and covers every kink or fetish you can think of. I really try my hardest to listen, learn and not judge. What I’m not fine with? Myself and other people being told what we should or shouldn’t do, think or feel. If you are small-minded, bigoted, judgemental, cruel, or a bully online or in person, then you can fuck right off.
If however you have an open heart and an open mind, and you like to celebrate people’s differences and support safe environments in which people can be themselves and explore who they might one day become, then you’re lovely and we should be friends.