Tag: D/s

A Switchy Girl’s Guide To … Aftercare

Aftercare – The time after a BDSM scene or play session in which those involved calm down, and slowly come back in touch with reality.

When I first joined the kink community the concept of aftercare baffled me. As someone who would not consider themselves tactile or overly affectionate I decided that aftercare wasn’t for me. I am not embarrassed to say I was wrong. I think aftercare is for everybody, and what some of us are saying when we say we don’t ‘need aftercare’ is ‘my aftercare looks different to yours’. Whether we have discovered that for ourselves or not.

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Is Confidence Affecting Your Kink?

If you are human, and I’m assuming most of my readers are, there is a chance that at some point in life you’ve had a crisis of confidence. More times than I can count I have heard someone use low confidence levels as to why they are too nervous to try a new kink with a partner. This is especially so when is comes to taking control and being the Dominant partner, though that is not to say that is the only scenario that lack of confidence infiltrates.

I have without doubt struggled with this issue myself, aided wonderfully by other people being less than encouraging about attempts I did make to try new things. When I met Bakji things started to shift, due to his constant support, encouragement and kindness and I decided that new things were definitely something I wanted to do.

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FemDom Friday: FemDom Is For Switches Too

Switch – A person who may feel Dominant or submissive depending on their mood or their partner. Switching also encompasses those who identify as Top/bottom, and Sadist/masochist

I never would have found my love of FemDom if I hadn’t initially thought I was a submissive. When I joined the kink scene it was with the assumption that I would find a Dominant to explore my submissive side with. While in some ways that did happen, another and surprising thing happened too. I realised that while I do enjoy being a bottom, I have a great passion for Topping, and the resulting conclusion was that I am in fact a Switch.

Top – A person who is in control during a scene, this person may or may not identify as a Dominant

Bottom – A person who gives up control, receives physical sensation and/or verbal instruction during a scene from a Top, this person may or may not identify as submissive

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FemDom Friday: Don’t Be Swayed By The Stereotypes

When I first tried my hand at Topping, it was not what I would call a success. I bought the clothes and the shoes that said ‘I am a Dominatrix’, my hair and makeup matched the stereotype that the word Dominatrix conjures. When it came to the nitty gritty though I found that style wasn’t enough, because in attempting to explore that side of myself, I wasn’t the ideal version of a Female Dominant that the people I was Topping had imagined I would be.

In my various wanderings around the internet, I have seen many women say they can’t be Dominant within their kink explorations for a myriad of reasons. The only reason that I believe to be valid for not trying FemDom is that is truly does not interest you. Being petite, having no sadistic inclinations, an attraction to men who take charge in their daily life, or who are physically stronger than you – none of these are to my mind barriers to exploring or enjoying FemDom.

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(Super Sexy) Thoughts on Erotic Humiliation

Yesterday I published the blog post that accompanied Episode 55 of #ProudToBeKinky in which myself and Bakji spoke to Princess Kali about eroti humiliation. For anyone read the blog post I reference how her book, Enough To Make You Blush, was one of my earliest and favourite resources when I was starting out in my FemDom journey. Having heard Princess Kali on Masocast, I was intrigued by the idea that humiliation play perhaps wasn’t what I thought it was, and decided I would read the book to find out more. What I found out was that the idea of erotic humiliation was really intriguing.

As I said in the podcast blog, humiliation seems to be one of the kinks that gets a lot of people saying ‘oh no, I’m not into that’, when I think in reality a lot of us play with it without even knowing that is what we are doing. The spectrum of humiliation play is vast, and there are so many ways to play with it and not all of them involve stereotype phrases like ‘you’re a pathetic, snivelling, dirty little worm’, although I have used the word pathetic once or twice, and there’s nothing wrong with that at all, if your partner is receptive to it.

There are lots of discussion groups on Fetlife surrounding humiliation, some of which are filled with awesome ideas, and Enough To Make You Blush also contains a lot of hints and scenes that could get you started. As with every kink though we are all different, and what humiliates one person will have no effect on another. Which means that this might be a bit of a long game kink, it might take some time to dig around in your partner’s mind a little to discover what it is that makes them tick.

I am definitely more into verbal erotic humiliation, though I definitely have more physical aspects of humiliation play that I’d like to explore. The kinds of verbal play we engage in are along the lines of embarrassment, teasing and name calling. As I said on the podcast for those who listened, Bakji has no shame, he is a proud and glorious pervert, so I have my work cut out for me when it comes to finding the right words to bring a blush to his cheeks. Unless it’s his bum cheeks in which case a few good spanks causes a beautiful rosy glow.

What I have discovered though is tone and context are everything. Calling your partner simple because they bought the wrong beans at the supermarket, not nice. Calling them simple because they are all sub-spacey and can’t use their words properly, super sexy. Pointing out they can’t use their words properly, and trying to get them to speak, even sexier. Continuing this until they’re completely incoherent and then highlighting how they’re not longer even a proper person but just a support system for a cock, insanely sexy.

Those kinds of things are only fun for me though because Bakji reacts well to them. It is not fun for me to make some cry because I’ve said something triggering and they are tears of genuine upset. It is however fun to make someone cry because they are desperate to come, extremely frustrated and mildly concerned that you’re going to drive them insane with your sexy FemDom sorcery. I haven’t actually made Bakji cry yet, but I will, and when I do it will be glorious, and I will laugh, and he will adore me for it.

This is probably a slightly terrifying insight into my mind for anyone who doesn’t find this kind of stuff fun, but I never knew how freeing and exciting this kind of play would be until I tried it. When `I’m not embracing my monstrous FemDom ego, I’m lovely. I’m very nurturing and kind, I don’t say mean things and I don’t laugh at other people’s misfortune. Which means it is rather liberating to go against the grain and embrace my inner bitch. Now of course this isn’t to say that everyone into FemDom feels this way, kinky Domination isn’t one size fits all and this is just my take on things.

Now if anyone is worrying for Bakji’s safety or his emotional well-being, especially if you’re new and this is the first post you’re reading. We are in a consensual kinky relationship, we’ve had many, many exchanges about what we are happy to engage in, what our limits are and what we are really, really into. Which means I know that I can tie him up and laugh at his sexy frustration and I can be certain he will find it equally sexy that I can enjoy myself so much by teasing him.

I also know where to draw the line. When our scene ends, words are of affection and affirmation. It is beyond important for Bakji to know that the things said during play, are part of our play and not part of our non-kink time together. I don’t randomly name call over dinner, or declare that I am everything and he is nothing when we’re discussing ideas for the podcast. I say lovely things like ‘I fancy you’ and ‘you’re pretty’, and that affords me the opportunity to verbally berate him and tease him mercilessly when we are doing kinky things together.

One of the common things that come up on forums about BDSM, or even about sex, is not knowing what to say. Whether that’s for humiliation play or for sexy talk. I would have said the exact same thing, I also would have said that the idea of speaking during intimate moments was a no go for me. When I started Topping Bakji though I noticed that I started doing this completely naturally. Often all I will do is point out how hard he is, or how badly he wants to kiss me and just the very act of pointing out his very obvious desire and arousal is enough to get the erotic humiliation ball rolling. For anyone who thinks this seems really low level kink and doubts it’s effectiveness I urge you to give it a go, with consent of course.

This all might sound a little bit stereotypical Dominatrix, and I think that probably stops a lot of people testing the waters with humiliation play, but I think it’s worth noting that I do all this with a smile on my face and joy in my heart. Even when you reach the realms of extreme humiliation and degradation, you can still embrace an element of fun when doing it and one would hope that you’re doing it to share an awesome and kinky experience with your bottom, and if that isn’t something to smile about then I don’t know what is.

As with everything I chat about on this blog, I’m no expert, and there is much to be discussed beyond my own personal experience. If humiliation is something you’re curious about though and have been nervous to try, or cautious to discuss with a partner, then this is me saying it’s okay to start small and it’s okay to not know where to being but to still want to try.

The interaction between myself and my readers is what truly keeps my blog going, your likes and comments always make me smile, if however you would like to support what I do in other ways you can follow the link below to buy me a coffee.

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Episode 55 – Humiliaton with Princess Kali

You can find out more about the podcast here, and you can listen on most available podcast apps and via our Libsyn Page.


Princess Kali is our guest for this episode and we could not have been more excited to speak to her. Her book Enough To Make You Blush was one of Floss’ early and favourite resources when she was beginning her journey into FemDom. Getting to talk to people whose work we genuinely enjoy is one of the awesome bonuses of doing the podcast.

 

Princess Kali has been on many podcasts discussing not only her book, but also sharing her approach to Domination and her work with Kink Academy. Which is another great resource for kink education. This however did mean that thinking up new and interesting questions for her was a tricky task. That said though we are really excited to bring you this episode and feel like we’ve got some great information to share with you.

Humiliation can sometimes be a kink that many people will respond to with ‘Oh yeah, I’m not into that’, with a little bit of exploration though there can often be many fun and erotic entry points for us to explore the vast variety of erotic humiliation. From mild embarrassment to hardcore degradation.

While we had Princess Kali with us we tried to get you the best information we could on why people might engage in erotic humiliation and what potential elements of it you might find pleasure in, whether that is as a Top or as a bottom. We also discuss how to get the conversation started if you feel like you’d like to explore erotic humiliation but have no idea where to begin.

If you would like to find out more about Princess Kali and Enough To Make You Blush you can do so by using the following links:

enoughtomakeyoublush.com

twitter.com/Princess_Kali

instagram.com/enoughtomakeyoublush

kinkacademy.com

As always if you have any feedback on this episode you can contact us via hello@proudtobekinky.com or you can reach out using any of our social media platforms:

twitter.com/proudtobekinky

instagram.com/proudtobekinky

facebook.com/proudtobekinky

fetlife.com/proudtobekinky

patreon.com/proudtobekinky

We are also part of the Podcast Jukebox Network along with Off The Cuffs, Drinks with God and the Will Sean Podcast. We are all available on most podcast apps and if you listen on a platform that allows reviews then please do leave a wonderful 5 star review.

Episode 54 – Incompatibility Red Flags

 Find out more about #ProudToBeKinky podcast.  You can listen below on the soundcloud player, we are also available on most podcast apps or and you listen via our Libsyn Page.


While red flags usually refer to those behaviors that would signal a relationship is unsafe or unhealthy, in this episode we are discussing the things that are incompatibility red flags. Things that have in the past, or would in the future signal to us that a relationship isn’t as well suited to us as we had hoped it might be.

Over the years we have both been in these relationships ourselves, as well as having many friends put up with varying levels of incompatibility, when we’ve looked at our reasons for staying or enquired with friends why they themselves stayed the answer is always a variation on the same thing ‘what if I don’t find anyone else who’s kinky/does the things I like sexually’.

We are big believers that no-one should be stuck in an unhappy relationship for fear of not finding someone else to indulge in their kinks with. We also know though that it’s definitely easier said than done, especially if you’re new to exploring your kink and suddenly finding someone who is into them too feels like it’s too good to be true. We are really passionate about people investing in the right people for them, and having not only a good kink dynamic but also a good friendship and relationship beyond that too.

We discuss some of the things that would be incompatibility red flags for us personally, and alternatively the green flags that make us delighted to spend time with someone. These are likely to be different for everyone, so we’re not saying take ours to heart and follow them religiously. We do however hope people are mindful of their own situations and surround themselves with good people and nourishing relationships, be they romantic or platonic.

As always if you have any feedback on this episode or on the podcast in general you can email us on hello@proudtobekinky.com. You can also follow us on Instagram, Twitter, Facebook and Fetlife.

We are also on Patreon, which you can find by using the following link www.patreon.com/proudtobekinky. Where you can find or spin-off podcast FemDom and Fetish Fun, where we discuss our own kinky scenes.

#ProudToBeKinky is also part of the Podcast Jukebox Network along with Off The Cuffs, Drinks with God, Parking Lot Radio and the Will Sean Podcast.