When you first join Fetlife, or even when you are perusing BDSM accounts on platform like Twitter and Instagram, you would be forgiven for thinking the majority of D/s enthusiasts are living the lifestyle 24/7, with high protocols and a signed contract as long a their arm tucked away for safekeeping.
Don’t misunderstand me, I am not dismissing the 24/7 lifestyle. It is valid and fulfilling for those who are suited to it and I am the first to love hearing from people who do enjoy their D/s dynamics in this way. However, for some of us, it just isn’t possible, or yearned for, and that is okay too. While I am not currently involved in anything close to 24/7 I certainly do not rule it out, you never know what is round the corner and I think staying open to all manner of BDSM opportunities is a wise move.
One of the most wonderful things about sharing my interest in FemDom as it has grown is getting to help other people find out what FemDom might mean to them. This week a friend asked me a question and I thought it would make a great blog post for anyone else who has had the same thought …
‘How do you get off during FemDom scenes?’
The reason I think this is such a great question is because it took me a long time to figure out how I incorporate my own sexual pleasure into FemDom sessions. I am specifying sexual pleasure, because even if I didn’t have an orgasm, I was getting a serious brain and body high from the act of Domination in and of itself. Wanting to include orgasms for me actually came along a little later, and it was then that I had to figure out just out to do that without losing the d/s dynamic that we have present during a FemDom session.
I often mention Sinful Sunday on my blog, either when submitting and image or as part of #SoSS posts when I am able to do them. When perusing the submissions for the first weekend of June, which was prompt week, one particular image inspired a line of thinking that ended up being a full blown story. Cousin Pons posted a picture of his feet titled ‘Underneath the Arches‘, and it got me to pondering what a story where a man feet were the catalyst for action. While that isn’t necessarily the story I ended up with, I am actually very fond of the piece of fiction below that did transpire from that initial idea. Thank you Cousin Pons for triggering some inspiration and very much hope you don’t mind me mentioned you image as my starting point for this piece.
Dinner has been served and devoured. As always his culinary skills are only outdone by his commitment to serving me. He works long days, as well as performing his duties for me, and it is appreciated that he never waivers in what is asked of him. He is instructed to sit and relax for a few moments while I prepare myself for our session.
When I return to him he has fallen asleep. Dozing peacefully in his favourite chair, his feet resting on the large footstool in front of him.
Aftercare – The time after a BDSM scene or play session in which those involved calm down, and slowly come back in touch with reality.
When I first joined the kink community the concept of aftercare baffled me. As someone who would not consider themselves tactile or overly affectionate I decided that aftercare wasn’t for me. I am not embarrassed to say I was wrong. I think aftercare is for everybody, and what some of us are saying when we say we don’t ‘need aftercare’ is ‘my aftercare looks different to yours’. Whether we have discovered that for ourselves or not.
I joined the fetish scene to explore my submissive side, so my adventures in Topping were brief and a little ill-fated. Chemistry, passion, trust and encouragement can go a long way though and those things combined with someone who is crazy hot has made Topping all of the fun.
I can’t help but smile as his breathing is restricted, just a little. It gets like that when someone is sat on your face. His body is squirming below me in frustration, and every single part of me that can feel something, is on a high. There has been more before this point, teasing and tying, kissing and caressing, moments that made the world slowly fall away. Until all I know for certain is that he exists, my focus solely on all the subtleties of his body.
Every reaction no matter how small feeds the desire he has triggered in me, every intake of breath, every moan, every gasp, the twitches, and the flinches, the stolen kisses, the sorry’s and the please’s. The adoration I feel in these moments is hard to express, when he’s bound and his senses are restricted, and his body language shifts making his submission in that moment palpable, it makes my heart soar and my knickers wet.
All his wonderful responses make me want to learn him better, so that we can delve deeper with each shared experience and our dynamic can continue to evolve, because it is quite honestly the most fun I’ve ever had. He also makes me want to be the best Top I can be, but in a way that is true to my nature. I’ve realised I don’t need to adhere to other people’s ideals, I can absolutely do this my way, and if my way is cute and kitten-ey with a side serving of feisty and that’s not your thing, then walk on by, because chances are, you’re not my thing either. His trust in being a willing, and beautifully eager, rope bunny and BDSM bottom, has given me the confidence to step outside of my comfort zone and truly enjoy and embrace another facet of myself.
I’ve loved getting to know another part of him too, watching his eyes sparkle and eagerness overflow when I mention something that involves him being subby, just gives me the warm and fuzzy’s in the best possible way, it’s also fascinating to see the difference between this and his steely-eyed, determined Domly demeanour. I’m not going to lie, both absolutely work for me, but getting to play with both is just the best.
I have also learnt a lot about myself and my kinks in the short time since I tentatively began Topping. As a bottom I struggle to articulate, even to myself what I want from a scene, but as a Top, I can envisage with the utmost clarity how I’d like a scene to pan out. It is a refreshing state of mind for me. I’ve also found that revelling in someone else’s enjoyment of certain acts, or implements, or kinks, can shine a light on just how much I actually do or don’t enjoy those things for myself.
When the kink has subsided though, and recovery mode begins, I curl into him like a kitten, for head strokes and hugs, because somehow his aftercare seems to be taking care of me. In these quiet moments, I’m still learning. Mostly because our after kink chats are random and lead to us to Wikipedia, but also because the calm, soft aftercare that follows the adrenaline rush of Toppy kink allows me to reflect and process and feel. Which is pretty handy to someone whose natural inclination is to ignore and repress.
Often, well actually always, I think of nice things to say when I’m busy freeing him from the wraps of my rope, or when I’m curled up and cosy in hug, but they inevitably get stuck, and go unsaid. As someone with a fondness for words, I am often ridiculously inept at using them. So instead I wrote this, and I hope it conveys how special and exciting I find our time together, and how very grateful I am to have him in my life.
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