The writers of each of the 75 metaphors entered for the first round of Smut Marathon have been revealed. The results of the voting have also been announced, which means we know now who got the coveted first place and where we ranked personally.
For those who are curious, but haven’t read the results yet, my submission is below. I originally penned the title as ‘Melt’ but opted to change it in light of there being another piece with that title. Not that the title remotely reflects, how well it did or didn’t do.
My body melts under his touch, he is the flame, I am the wax, I am fluid beneath him, I drip, drip, drip as he burns me with his desire
Overall I placed 19th, I won’t fill this post with the breakdown of the votes, they are definitely worth a look though and have been very interesting to read as someone taking part. I got some feedback but not vast amounts. I have never put myself forward before to receive criticism of my writing, so I am working on receiving the feedback positively and considering how I can apply it to improve my writing going forward.
- I like the repetition here. Do you need the ‘burns me with desire’ at the end?
- I have issues with your punctuation. This should be 3 or 4 sentences at least.
- This is a great image, you got my vote! I would prefer periods to commas in most places.
- The idea here is good, but it feels like several sentences has been put together to make one. A different sentence construction might have been better.
What I am taking from the feedback above is that perhaps I need to work on my knowledge of grammar and punctuation. We were tasked with using one sentence only to write our metaphor, so perhaps my liberal use of commas didn’t do me any favours.
Something I know I struggle with is changing my structure once I’ve written something, which is reflected in the last bullet point. I think had I been able to shuffle things around a bit it might have alleviated the punctuation issues as well.
At my heart I am a storyteller when I write, however I think perhaps with this task it led to me using too many words. Having read my piece back without ‘burns me with desire’ at the end, I can see where the person who made that comment was coming from.
I must admit it wasn’t easy to realise everyone didn’t love my piece, not that for one minute I imagined they would, but I think most of us would hope to be as well received as possible.That said, my overall hope going into the first round was to finish in the top 35, and I did that with places to spare. I am therefore trying not to be too harsh on myself.
Enough about me though. There were after all, another 74 people that took part in this first round of the Smut Marathon. I voted for my top three, and it has been just as interesting to see how they did as it was to find out my own position. My top three were Scene by Lucy, Cosmic by Hyacinth Jones and Catalogue by Paige La Marchand.
- Scene – Your knee just barely brushing mine and —! darling it’s a lovely theatre the music’s quite delightful but god, the flickering when our knees brush in the stalls: that’s the show.
- Cosmic – He tasted like Jupiter and felt like stars streaking deep across my warm cosmic belly; my heart cast against asteroids, ground to cosmic dust, hot and still like the sun.
- Catalogue – She examined and filed away every sight, sound, touch, taste and scent; her mind becoming an ever-expanding catalogue of sensual experiences to be re-experienced at will.
When I voted I didn’t know who I was voting for, as it turns out I have voted for two bloggers I’ve not read before, and Paige I have encountered through her podcast The Pageist. The reason I voted for these pieces is because they all evoked a feeling in me.
When I read ‘Scene’, I loved the image it brought to mind and how it drew my focus to those small, but wonderful moments that can encapsulate so much. I found it interesting that this piece ranked in the same place as mine. What I enjoy, both as a writer and reader does not seem to be what captures the eye of the majority of people.
‘Cosmic’ for me was another piece that painted a beautiful image in my mind, and I adore the idea of stars streaking across a deep warm cosmic belly. To me that described something I have myself so many times, that I couldn’t not vote for it.
‘Catalogue’ for me brought about images of being alone and aroused with memories of erotic moments. I imagined those times I haven’t been with Bakji, yet my hands move across my body to the memories of his kiss, or his touch. Again with this piece evoking that kind of thinking, how could I not love it.
Both Cosmic and Catalogue placed 24th overall and I am so surprised they weren’t higher. As well as reflecting on my own feedback, I have also reflected upon the feedback of these three pieces too. To try and identify what it is about the pieces I enjoyed that didn’t quite get them the top spots I felt they would achieve. As it turns out, sentence structure, punctuation and trying to say too much all feature. Which gives me a good idea as to where I need to be paying more attention.
As well as voting for my top three I also left feedback for three pieces that just didn’t hit my erotic buttons. Two of which ranked far higher than mine, and my top three. One ranked in a similar position. Two were identified as similes, and one received multiple comments about not being overly erotic but still outranked many that I found more appealing.
I’ve found the feedback for the pieces I critiqued less valuable because they seem to have been voted for because they resonated well with the voters rather than being true to the assignment set, or due to technical writing skills. Which makes it a bit tricky to take direction from their success. I’ve also read and considered the feedback for the three pieces that ranked top overall, which is leading me to consider the art of subtlety and humour.
This round has been a positive learning curve, even if I don’t make it to my personal goal, which I won’t disclose in case I jinx myself, I feel as if I’ve gained a lot of valuable information already. I am so pleased I decided to enter the Smut Marathon and I hope all the other entrants are managing to process their ranking and feedback in a positive light.