Tag: Community

Smut Marathon Round 1: The Results

The writers of each of the 75 metaphors entered for the first round of Smut Marathon have been revealed. The results of the voting have also been announced, which means we know now who got the coveted first place and where we ranked personally.

For those who are curious, but haven’t read the results yet, my submission is below. I originally penned the title as ‘Melt’ but opted to change it in light of there being another piece with that title. Not that the title remotely reflects, how well it did or didn’t do.

Continue reading “Smut Marathon Round 1: The Results”

A Switchy Girl’s Guide To … Frenzy, Drop and FOMO

FOMO – Fear Of Missing Out

Frenzy, drop and FOMO are to my mind a trio of spoil sports who given half the chance will definitely ruin our kinky fun. Knowing that they are always lurking around the corner ready to attack is half the battle, accepting they will happen and learning how to deal with them, gives you much more control over the effects they will have on you.

Frenzy, more often than not referred to as subfrenzy, a term I am going to avoid. While it is my experience that those exploring their submissive tendencies do suffer frenzy more intensely, Tops and Dominants are not immune to it and I think it remiss of anyone to think their kink label will stop them from having the down sides of engaging in BDSM activities.

Continue reading “A Switchy Girl’s Guide To … Frenzy, Drop and FOMO”

#SoSS – Share Our Shit Saturday (on Sunday)

I’ve been following and re-tweeting #SoSS (Share our Shit Saturday) for a little while now, but this is the first time I’ve joined in with my own post. If you would like to know more about the movement amongst bloggers then please read the awesome post by ErosBlog for the lowdown.

As much as I love supporting and championing other bloggers, especially those that writeIMG_6383 about kink, sex and other things much of the world still deems inappropriate for grown adults to discuss online, I am often terrible as getting round to reading as many posts as I’d like to. However with my recent decision to get involved in the Smut Marathon, I’ve found myself carving out more time to visit other writers and I want to share some of the posts I’ve read this week.

Continue reading “#SoSS – Share Our Shit Saturday (on Sunday)”

Episode 56 – Shut The WOOF Up Podcast

Find out more about the #ProudToBeKinky Podcast, you can also listen on most available podcast apps and via our #ProudToBeKinky Libsyn Page.

Shut The WOOF Up is a new podcast that is all about puppy play and the community and activities that it encompasses. The host Volka was kind enough to join us for an episode so that we could ask him all the questions we’ve had for ages about puppy play.

First things first, Volka has a sound effects board. I am sorry I failed to control Bakji, he is far less pliable and a lot more defiant when fully clothed. You will hear a lot of sound effects, and I mean a lot. The good news is, we haven’t got a sound board. The bad news is, Bakji wants one. So watch this space.

Anyway, back to puppy play. Once you start bimbling around the kink community you start to comes across a variety of pet play, ponies, kittens and puppies are probably the most popular and puppy play is a community alongside but also separate from the kink community. There are pup munches, pup events and pup websites to help you meet other like minded pups and/or handlers.

Volka was extremely open, and wonderful about answering all our questions. Which means we were able to talk about exactly what being a pup might entail. Is it sexual? Is it platonic? Are there lady pups? What the devil do you do if you go to a pup event?

We also ask Volka all about his podcast, all about his personal dynamics, because we’re nosy like that and generally we had a blast and if you think puppy play might be for you, then you need this episode. If you don’t think it’s for you I’m pretty sure you will still find much hilarity within this conversation.

Links discussed during the show are as follows:

Shut The WOOF Up

Puppy Pride

RubberDawg Custom Hoods

As we always say because it is 100% true, please get in touch, we love hearing from you, whether it’s feedback, questions, or just something daft. You can find us and reach out to us on any of the following:

Twitter/proudtobekinky

Instagram/proudtobekinky

Fetlife/proudtobekinky

Facebook/proudtobekinky

You can also swing by our Patreon site where you can hear more from us in our episodes of FemDom and Fetish Fun, our spin-off podcast all about our kinky scenes that we enjoy together.

If you’re lookingg for new podcasts to enjoy you can listen to our fellow Podcast Jukebox Network shows, Off the Cuffs, Drinks with God and the Will Sean podcast. We will have new shows joining us soon too. We all love reviews and 5 star ratings, if you haven’t done that yet but would like to do so, then thank you in advance.

A Switchy Girl’s Guide To … Munches and Fetish Clubs

As a co-host of a podcast for which the tagline is ‘a podcast covering the social and interpersonal side of kink, Fetish and BDSM’, it will probably come as no surprise that I spend a lot of time talking about munches and Fetish events.

Before I regale you all with why I think these things can be beneficial to fledgling kinksters and veteran kinksters alike, I know a lot of people would be grateful for me explaining exactly what a munch is.

Munch – a social event for those who are kinky, or even just curious, to come along and meet like minded people. Depending on where you are based in the world a munch may be held in a restaurant, pub, and many other public spaces. They do not involve kinky play, and the dress code is casual.

While the internet is wonderful for connecting us to fellow kinksters, and indeed fellow human beings, we are not all looking for online interactions only or long distance relationships. Local munches provide the opportunity for us to meet people who are kinky and in our area.

When I’ve spoken to people about how long it took them to go to a munch after they first decided they’d like to attend one, the answer is usually somewhere between a couple of months and an entire decade. I personally took 6 months to get up the courage to go. Why do we put it off? Fear of the unknown and not having the answers to the barrage of questions we ask ourselves, such as:

  • What will everyone be like?

Personalities, looks, backgrounds and kinks will be beautifully varied. Much the same as with any other collective of people in non-kink related gatherings.

  • Will they all be weirdos?

Probably! In the awesome way. In my experience kinky people are creative, quirky and many of us are proud to be a little less ordinary.

  • Will I fit in?

More likely than not. On the whole the kink scene is very welcoming and loves to meet new people.

  • Am I kinky enough?

YES! Seriously we don’t actually mind how kinky you are. Being open minded and non judgemental is the key.

  • Am I too kinky?

NO! There is no such thing.

  • Do I need to know what I’m into?

Absolutely not. People might ask, but it’s 100% okay to say you aren’t sure but are interested in making new discoveries.

  • What if I’m the only one with my Fetish?

You might be, but you probably won’t be and if you are it won’t matter. You might even introduce someone else to it, and helping other people make those discoveries is great fun.

  • What if it’s boring?

Honestly, it might be. Some days everyone seems to be busy and it’s a quiet night, other days it’s like the whole town has turned up. That’s why we always recommend going a few times, and maybe even trying munches in other local towns.

  • What if it’s not for me?

It might not be, some people just don’t enjoy munches, but what have you got to lose by finding out?

You’ve battled through all those questions, plus many more I suspect. You’ve found your local munch and you decide to go along. What might follow next? I’ll be honest, you probably won’t find the person of your dreams on your first visit. It may take time to make connections and find your tribe, but when you do it will be so much fun.

Those of us who join the scene without a partner are likely going to hope we do find someone to share our kinky times with. Many people however discount the benefits of making platonic friends, or perhaps even casual play partners, on the way to finding a more long term or romantic partnership

Having kinky friends is wonderful if you are someone who likes to have open and honest conversations about your kinks with the people in your life. I’m personally happy to tell anyone who will listen about my kinky shenanigans, but I know that isn’t an option for many people. Forming friendships within the kink community can give you a network of support, advice and encouragement you just may not be able to get within your non-kinks circles.

Even if you are an established couple, who have no interest in meeting other play partners, you could still find a wonderful group of people to share your interests with and learn new skills from. Attending a local munch will often lead to invites to other events, and in many cases private parties. Where the opportunities to learn about and discover new kinks are endless.

Okay, so you’ve been to a munch, and maybe a play party or two, but what about if you want to experience something bigger, with more people, where on earth do you go then? That is where Fetish events come into the equations. These will vary from place to place, from country to country and even the same event came vary from month to month.

I spend the majority of my event time at Fetish events in and around London, my experiences will reflect that, so I would always recommend researching any event you might go to and asking previous attendees what you can expect.

In London the Fetish events can range from very little play, but high Fetish fashion to lots of kinky play, and very little clothing because we’ve all whipped it off to get a spanking or to be tied in rope. We’ve got events that have a grunge, gothic, alternative vibe and events that are more like a kinky rave. Whatever your specific likes and dislikes, chances are you can find an event for you.

Almost everyone I’ve ever spoken to has had a major panic about what to wear before their first trip to a Fetish event. I’m going to let you into a secret though, there is nothing to panic about. Making an effort is key, but you can do that without having a wardrobe full of Latex. Accessories and make-up can also go a long way to making an outfit shine.

My top tips for Fetish events would be:

  • Go with friends, if you haven’t got friend who will go with you, go to a munch and make some.
  • If you are uncertain about your outfit, check photos from previous nights, or email the organisers to ask advice.
  • Learn about dungeon etiquette, for example we don’t approach people during a scene, we don’t touch people stuff, if you’re in doubt about what you’re seeing then Dungeon Monitors (DM’s) are on hand to address any concerns.
  • Do make an effort with your clothes, but also wear something you feel confident and comfortable in. You first event may not be the time to give 8 inch heels a try for the first time.
  • Try a few. If the first one you try isn’t a good fit, it doesn’t mean you won’t love the next one you try.
  • Read the event listings on Fetlife, join the event group if it has one, and read their website in full if they have one, so you are not caught unawares by any event specific terms or guidelines.

You can make friends at a Fetish event, but it is harder than at a munch. Which is why going alone isn’t always the best option. That said though, a lot of events in London do organise meet and greets at the beginning of an event to welcome those who are visiting alone and/or new, to give them a rundown of the layout of the event, and what happens throughout the night.

I guarantee someone will read this who is really eager to go to a munch, but their nearest one involves some travelling and that is their only reason for not going. If you truly want to meet other kinksters outside of the internet, and you want to increase your chances of getting some kinky action, then I’ve got news for you … you might actually have to travel.

I get that it might be a mission, or it might be a whole day out of your week for a couple of hours of socialising. Wouldn’t it be worth the effort though if it got you the type of relationship or friendship group that you are longing for. I say this as someone who lives 3 hours from London, I travel there because it has the scene I love and wonderful friends, who I would not have met if I hadn’t have gone to my local munch, where I met a partner who was willing to travel with me to experience new things and meet new people.

There is a whole world of kink positive people out there, who are ready to be your friend and share their knowledge and joy of kink with you. You’ve got to meet them halfway though, they are already on the scene, they’ve probably already got friends, maybe they even know all the best event and parties, and like most of us I bet they love meeting awesome people and getting to know new friends. There’s even a chance that your new friend has a friend that is the potential kinky partner you’ve been dreaming of.

What is stopping you? For most of you the only thing standing in your way is yourself. So get out of your own way and send yourself on a new adventure.

If you have any question about how to find the munches and events in your local area then please do get in touch via my contact form and I will do my best to help you find the information you need.


This is the first in my ‘A Switchy Girl’s Guide to Kink, Fetish and BDSM’ series of posts. The next instalment is ‘Frenzy, Drop and FOMO’.  If you would like to hear more of my thoughts you can tune in to the #ProudToBeKinky Podcast, or you can follow me on Twitter and Instagram or you can send a friend request on Fetlife through _Floss_.

There Aren’t That Many Good BDSM Podcasts

When we finally released #ProudToBeKinky to the public it had been over a year since I’d started discussing it with Bakji, and even longer since he had envisioned the initial idea. By the time anyone heard our first episode we’d already put a ton of work into it to make it as good as it could be, for our abilities at that moment in time.

A year later and we’ve learnt a lot about both podcasting, and ourselves. The episodes we are putting out now are of course better than they were in the beginning, our passion and our desire to make a great podcast though has remained the same, we have both always been determined to make #ProudToBeKinky the very best it can be.

The reason we do that is because we feel, rightly or wrongly that we have something to share with those people who listen to us. It’s the same reason I write, the same reason people make movies or TV shows, we have thoughts and ideas that we feel might entertain, inform or support other people. 

I think at some point every person hosting a BDSM podcast has heard something akin to the following, ‘I love your podcast, it’s the best BDSM podcast, there really aren’t many other good ones’. Now don’t get me wrong, when someone says they like us best, that is awesome, I love being in that top spot for people. It makes all the effort and sacrifice we put into making #ProudToBeKinky worthwhile, knowing that people are enjoying it and getting something out of it. However, for me there’s another side to that statement that makes me feel less awesome, and that is knowing and listening to a lot of other BDSM podcasts.

We all have our preferred approach to things, some of us will enjoy a more serious approach to kink, some of us will want to hear about high protocol, other will be keen to hear about switching, some of us love guest episode and other will prefer hearing the hosts only. Just because a show isn’t a good fit for you, doesn’t necessarily mean it’s not a good show for someone else.

We all, myself included consume podcasts for free. Unless you are kind enough to contribute via a Patreon page or similar, as some of our listeners are. Even then though, your access to the content is not tied in with that contribution, at any moment you can stop supporting your chosen podcast and still enjoy the show. That podcast though, for the people who create is not free, in terms of both money, time and personal sacrifices.

When someone is telling me that another BDSM podcast isn’t that good all I can think about is the time and effort they put into making their show. How much they love it, how much they want their listeners to enjoy it, how excited they are when they get good feedback. I know they aren’t personally hearing the negative things I am, but my heart always sinks for them a little bit, because I know just how much of ourselves we plough into the world of podcasting.

For myself and Bakji podcasting features in our lives every single day. Between planning future episodes, finding future guests, editing recordings, promoting episodes on social media, planning and creating Patreon content and generally thinking of ideas to make the podcasts even better, there is always something for us to do and something for us to discuss. Whether we are in the mood or not, there are days where we just have to plough through and get certain tasks done. That will often include recording with guests at peculiar times, including early hours of the morning, or recording with each other instead of doing something that might be a little bit more intimate.

I’m not saying we should have our favourites, or that we shouldn’t stop listening if we’re not feeling a show and I’m well aware that sometimes there are issues that make a podcast hard to enjoy. I’ve personally stopped listening to podcasts for a variety of reasons, but I’d still give those podcasts a massive high-five for even attempting what is actually a mammoth task. Starting and maintaining a podcast becomes a way of life, it might begin as a hobby, but for most of us I think it becomes so much more.

BDSM is a wide and varied topic, many of us have our first experiences in a wild haze of sub-frenzy often learning some hard lessons along the way. The beauty of podcasts is that those of us who are so inclined to can share our experiences and hopefully people can use that as information to find their own way with their own kinks and fetishes. I think the variety of BDSM allows for a wide range of voices to weigh in with their take on things, provided of course they do so in a responsible manner.

That is why I try my very best to listen to and recommend other Kink podcasts. Even the ones that aren’t my favourites, so long as I’ve listened to them and know they aren’t providng dangerous or questionable advice, because I know that for someone they might be the podcast of choice.

If you’re waiting for me to get to my point, here it is, podcaster’s are awesome and we need love, okay that wasn’t my intended point, but I think it is valid. With that in mind I’m going to ask you a huge favour, if you’ve got a favourite podcast whether it’s kinky or not, whether it’s mine (it so should be) or not, please show them some love. Leave them a review (if your podcast app allows it) if you haven’t already and never hesitate to reach out to them and support them, whether that’s with an email, a retweet or by supporting their Patreon where possible.

To show that I don’t ask for things that I’m not willing to do myself, here are some of my favourite kink, sex or polyamory podcasts. In no particular order though, I am not telling you who my numer one is.

Off The Cuffs

Loving BDSM

Black People Kink

The Dildorks

Take Back Your Sex

Polyamory Weekly

Multiamory

Life on the Swingset

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#BiWeek – My Thoughts on Being Bisexual

I wrote a fairly lengthy post (Coming Out – The Sexuality Version) about how I realised I was bisexual and how it took me some time to come to terms with using that particular label. However, I always knew I was bisexual, not informing everyone I met and not correcting people’s assumptions about my sexuality didn’t change the fact that I was, am and always have been bisexual.

While I didn’t always feel comfortable with the bisexual label, I was always quite comfortable with knowing I was attracted to people regardless of their gender. Other people however were never quite as accepting. So in light of it being bisexual awareness week, I’m going to discuss some of the ways in which my bisexuality has not been accepted by others.

Continue reading “#BiWeek – My Thoughts on Being Bisexual”