Long time, no blog post! I am still here though and I hope to commence with business as usual very soon. Before I do though I’d like to share a short post with you about where I’ve been and why my poor blog has been neglected.
At the end of April I saw an advert in a local tattoo studio looking for a new body piercer. While I wasn’t at the time a body piercer by trade, I felt that my interest in them in previous years combined with my recent foray into needle play, might just be enough knowledge to get me started with the guidance of someone who knew a little more about it.
As part of my message of interest in the position I explained that I was involved in BDSM and how that includes needle play, and I think it’s safe to say this is the one and only time in my life that being a pervert has landed me a job.
Offering body piercing is fairly new to my studio, and in a town that is inundated with tattoo and piercing studios it is taking time to get ourselves well known as offering this service. Which means I need to find another way to supplement my income.
After doing some little doodles for my colleague who is the lead tattoo artist, she suggested that I do a tattoo apprenticeship. I’ll admit I initially turned her kind offer down. I am extremely passionate about people getting good tattoos, and I honestly felt like I wouldn’t be good enough to make that happen for someone. As time went on though, I started thinking of little designs and I decided that I’d love to be in a position to share them with others.
With that my tattoo apprenticeship began.
That new adventure is the reason for my blog being so quiet. Not only do I have a lot to learn when I’m at work, when I’m at home I am practising my drawing, thinking up new designs and to be honest sleeping a lot more. I am thoroughly knackered. Not only have my working hours increased a fair bit, I am adjusting to a new routine and sucking up a whole range of new knowledge and skills. It is a tiring business. Add that to the fact I am still needed for school runs and general day to day parenting, as well as wanting to see Bakji when I can and do kinky things too. There really hasn’t been much spare time for me to dedicate to writing.
I haven’t abandoned the blog though. I’ll hopefully get back into the swing of things soon. Myself and Bakji are having a kinky day soon to celebrate his birthday and I am very much hoping that is blog worthy, so stay tuned for more information on that.
While they are not perfect, and when I look at them all I can see is how they could be perfect, I would like to share my efforts so far with you. All the tattoos that are pictured throughout this piece of writing are my own work. Both designs and tattooing, with the exception of the Triskele.
Thank you to everyone who is still here, patiently wondering if I’ve dropped off the face of the earth. You are all wonderful and I can’t wait to write some sexy things for you to enjoy. I’m going to spend my morning catching up on this weekends Sinful Sunday posts, and check in with Masturbation Monday and Wicked Wednesday too. Because I’ve missed having the time to check in with your blogs as well.
I love women. Well I love all genders, but this post is specifically about women. But I promise I’m not leaving the rest of you out. You will get your post another day.
Growing up I really struggled to make friends with or maintain friendships with other girls. There was always an underlying feeling of competition and bitchiness that I found very hard and had no desire to participate in. When I joined the kink scene it was with the same level of hesitancy about forming female friendships.
When it comes to kink, the friendships I have formed have been far more intimate and rewarding than any non-kink friendship I have ever had. I have friends I play with, from chaste kisses to full sex, both may or may not be accompanied by all manner of kinky joys. While to the non-kink world these encounters would move things from friendship into something else, for me this is what friendship sometimes looks like within the kink community.
When I began exploring non-monogamy I was a little bit unsure of how I would fit in. As an onlooker to other people’s dynamics and as a sometimes unicorn in other people’s dynamics, I started to form a very fixed view … ‘I need to be open to friendships with the women who I might encounter as metamours.’
Unicorn: Single, bisexual female who is willing to be involved with both members of an existing couple.
As a non-monogamous person, as opposed to an actively poly person, metamour might not be the best word for me to use, it is however shorter than saying ‘my sexy friend’s other sexy, but potentially more casual friend/s’, so we are going to use metamour for the duration of this article.
I have spoken briefly of the fact that in the early days of our relationship Bakji had a non-monogamous adventure that was hard for me in many ways. In hindsight and with a lot more knowledge about what I need from non-monogamy, I know that a good chunk of my issues stemmed from the lack of friendship between she and I.
At one point a mutual friend stated that it was because the other lady in question was ‘intimidated by me’. Okay fair enough, I was willing to work with that information and did my best at an event to start a conversation and try to build some kind of friendship with her. To be clear, she was straight, and I was not trying to find my way into their dynamic. I just wanted to know her a little bit. What she liked, what her hopes for the future were, who she was a person.
I unfortunately formed some heavy judgement about her when she rebuffed my attempts at friendship. Even now, I don’t doubt that she was probably a lovely person, after all Bakji has pretty good taste, but I cannot get over the fact she was so willing to quite literally leave her marks on Bakji, while being intimidated by me, but could not find her way to even have a vaguely friendly conversation with me.
Metamour: The partner of one’s partner, with whom one does not share a direct sexual or loving relationship.
I understand that even within polyamory, where feelings are often more developed and longer term, that some people do choose not to be close friends with their metamours and I place no judgement on those people. For me though, for my personal sanity and the way I am as a person, I need that friendship. We don’t have to be BFF’s and we don’t have to play together. I do however expect us to exchange pleasantries and be up front with each other about fancying the pants of the same person.
I had started to think I was alone in this. That the kind of relationship I wanted with a metamour was out of reach. Even in dynamics where this appears to be present, I have seen the underlying feelings definitely be something other than friendship. I don’t want to compete, or be scheming against someone.
Then we made new friends, and I met women who were like me. Women who seem to embrace other women and want to build them up. Some of the women I know in real life, some of these women I only speak to online. All of them I have oodles of love and respect for.
We have since the Autumn of last year been getting our non-monogamy on a little bit more and there have been so many moments that have made me smile both inwardly and outwardly, because it feels like I am finally meeting women who feel the same as me. Who don’t want to sneak around trying to woo Bakji, but are willing to be open and honest. Which is brilliant for me because then I get to tease him about it, and then is a huge thrill for me in our dynamic.
We currently aren’t looking towards polyamory, but as I keep saying to Bakji, never say never. If that day does come though I want the fact that there is two of us to be an asset to someone, not an issue. Even if it is someone I am not intimately involved with myself, I want her to know my door is always open, for questions, for worries, for sharing happy moments. Again that might not work for everyone, but I would extend that kindness to anyone I am friends with. To not offer to someone my partner was involved with seems baffling to me.
I mentioned women I had encountered online only and they are the ladies I’d like to talk about next. Through getting involved in memes like Masturbation Monday, Wicked Wednesday and Sinful Sunday I have connected with so many wonderful people. I also have Twitter and Instagram to thank for helping me discover a whole host of awesomeness.
One of the things that struck me about the online sex and kink blogging communities is the huge amount of support that is offered to new writers, or new photographers as it is for Sinful Sunday. Now I will state that throughout all those memes the support comes from all genders. It was the interaction between other women that struck a chord with me though. Purely because it is so far removed from the experiences with women I had growing up.
I feel so lucky to have connected with people who are so committed to building up other people instead of tearing them down and it gives me faith in humanity and hope for future friendship building to know that ladies with a similar mindset to mine do exist. Women who want to encourage, support and create meaningful connections with other women without secretly trying to be their undoing.
I don’t want to name and cause blushes to anyone specific, in part because privacy is a thing, and also because I’m bound to forget someone. If you’re a participant of any of the memes I mentioned then I mean you, if you run those memes, I definitely mean you. If I follow you on Twitter and like your tweets, I mean you. If we’re Instagram pals and I’ve liked or commented on any of your pictures I mean you. If I like or comment on your blog posts I mean you. If I know you in real life and we’ve been on adventures together, I mean you. If I’ve frolicked gleefully with your boobs and smooched your face I mean you. If we’ve Whatsapped each other this week about sexy things, then I definitely mean you. To all the women who are in my life, this means you.
You are all wonderful and I think each and everyone of you is delightful. Thank you for your continued inspiration and support.
For those of you who don’t identify as female you are also fabulous and your support and inspiration is also valued, and I hope this blog post is received in the spirit it was intended. Not to exclude or berate other genders, but but to celebrate the beauty and spirit of friendship between women.
I am sharing this as part of Wicked Wednesday, please follow the link below to see who else is being Wicked this Wednesday and show some love for their work.
If you enjoy the content I provide both here and as part of the #ProudToBeKinky Podcast and you would like to support that, then likes and comments are joyful to receive and you can also click below to BuyMeACoffee.
Apologies for being behind on these #SoSS posts lately. May was a bit of a manic month for me. My first ever holiday with Bakji, to the wonderful New York City, a new job, the loss of my beautiful little cat and half term means I’ve been rallying hard to just keep the changes in routine from setting my anxiety skyrocketing.
It’s June now though and perhaps that is a good time to start a fresh, treasure my May memories and let the tough times go somewhat. I think a great way to start June of right is by sharing some truly sexy blog posts with you.
The wonderful Posy Churchgate wrote a piece for this week’s Masturbation Monday called ‘Under My Thumb.’ At the end of the piece, which I found to be a very thought provoking read, and while I began to comment on her post directly, I feel that my thoughts might be suited to some of my readers here.
Can You Be ‘BDSM Curious’?
“Since joining the kink community which surrounds the Twitter sex bloggers, I have begun to refer to myself as BDSM curious. I don’t know if it’s an actual ‘thing’ …” – Posy Churchgate
Wonderful, lovely and sexy readers, get ready to open multiple browser tabs and be prepared for a roller-coaster ride of sexy and emotional blog posts. I have an an EPIC week (yes it did need the capitalisation) of blog reading and I am about to hit you all with some awesome and in some cases intense posts from some fabulous people.
Oh, Cousin Pons what a delightfully smutty blog you have. This weeks offering to Masturbation Monday from Pons was ‘Hornithology’, now while it did leave me with more questions than answers, it did also give me the horn. So that’s a win. You can also see more of Cousin Pons if you pop along and browse through the Sinful Sunday submissions. Would anybody like to see his bottom? If so head to his blog now.
These questions are from this weeks TMI Tuesday. If you would like to get involved then follow the link below and you will find all the questions and information on how to get involved.
If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, your future, what would you want to know?
Crikey, that’s deep. I think what I’d like to know most of all right now is if the things I’m working towards will come to fruition and if they will make the difference I hope they will. Not only for myself but the people I am hoping they will have positive effects for.
What do you value most in your sex life?
Well my sex life, is more of a kink life, or an intimacy life. What I value most about my physical interactions with Bakji that includes all those things is the honesty, the exploration and the connection it has given us. I am regularly moved by how far we have come and how wonderful it is that we have found so many amazing things to share together. This includes venturing into non-monogamy as well, and I also value the wonderful connections and intimate friendships I have made with some truly wonderful people.
What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
Wow! Scary question. I think this is something that will vary massively from person to person. For me it often depends who is making the joke and what their intention is. I realise though that for many people that is irrelevant and certain subjects should be left well alone. The topics that I really don’t find funny to joke about couldn’t triggering for people just by reading them, so I’ll keep this one annoyingly vague. I will say though that sometimes I had a totally inappropriate and dark sense of humour, which doesn’t always sit well with people, but being able to laugh at awful things has got me through some tough times.
If you had to move to a state or country besides the one in which you currently live, where would you move and why?
Well I love where I live, but as we all know the U.K is going a bit loopy at the minute and as much as I love the U.S.A they’re in loopy territory too it seems. Canada seems pretty sane at the minute, so maybe I’d give that a go. If I had to live somewhere else in the U.K I’d probably go with London, then I’d be near lots of my lovelies and we could go on more adventures together. Although it has been winter here for what feels like an eternity, so maybe I should pick somewhere sunny and glorious.
Are you too nice?
Definitely not. Don’t get me wrong, I am nice, and maybe I’m nicer than some people but I’m a million miles away from being too nice. Some days I really do gives zero fucks and I work with the general public which means I often want to scream in people’s faces. Usually I manage to smile politely and be awesome, but sometimes like last week, I have to tell a colleague to back the hell away from my personal space. So yeah, too nice is not a problem I have. P.S I’m still lovely, please still like me and my blog.
Bonus: Falling in love is _____ . (one word only)
Tough asks this week. I think for the bonus question I would have to go with the word ‘complicated’! I posed this question to Bakji, I was curious as to whether or not our thinking was similar and his response was my given name (which weirdly enough isn’t Floss). So he is adorable and I’m a big cynic.
In my last Smut Marathon blog post I mentioned that I had discovered lots of new blogs to enjoy through entering the contest. In response to that post someone asked if I would point my readers in the direction of these wonderful bloggers I’ve discovered so that they could visit their sites and enjoy them too.
#SoSS Saturday seems a brilliant time to champion some of my Smut Marathon favourites, both those that are still active in the contest and those who are no longer competing. I have included their ‘about me’ from the Smut Marathon website, so you can read in their own words what they are all about.