Category: Swinging

[Erotica] Cool Shower

‘It’s too fucking hot. I’m going for beer, anyone coming with?’

‘Count me in.’

With that we were two men down, and it was just us girls keeping each other company. I hadn’t noticed just how sweltering the heat had become, until their departure had pulled my attention away from my almost coma like sunbathing. I become aware of the sweat dripping from my body, and as I look over at you, I realise I am not alone.

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5 Things That Have Helped Me Navigate Non-Monogamy

Ethical non-monogamy is something I knew very little about before joining the kink community. It’s then something I got involved in almost as a side effect of being kinky. In truth I never thought I’d truly identify as non-monogamous and I never imagined I’d be truly happy to see someone I was romantically involved with find sexual pleasure with someone else.

As time has gone on I have started to see the value in non-monogamy, not only as something others do but as something I want for myself. I have come to realise that sexual and BDSM non-monogamy is something I really enjoy, but romantically I’m still fairly monogamous.

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Feeling Secure within Alternative Relationship Models

In my post ‘Compersion, Trust and Brain Niggles’ I spoke about how my sleeping brain was causing me to feel insecure, and how security looks different within an alternative relationship model. I’m far from being an expert on this matter, and I have so much still to learn, there are some things I’ve figured out along the way though and as always I like to share those things with my lovely readers.

When Bakji and I first started playing together I was ridiculously ill equipped to deal with the feelings I would face surrounding how our friendship would change and grow. I was so convinced that I would never be in a position of having a ‘primary partner’ while exploring non-monogamy, that I didn’t seek out the resources I needed to guide me through that soon enough.

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The Feeling When … New Things Are Awesome

Back in February I wrote Poly Ramblings From a Maybe Mono Mind which probably gave the impression I should give up on non-monogamy. Then last week I wrote Exploring New (and Sexy) Things , I realise the two together possibly make for confusing reading, but I think both are really important in showing the journey I have been on in relation to non-monogamy.

I have worked really hard on finding resources and digging deep within in myself to discover what it is I want and what kind of relationship models I can be part of. I by no means have it all figured out, but I certainly feel like I am making some progress.

This weekend myself and Bakji went on a very sexy adventure. I’m going to keep some of the details purposefully vague, because I don’t want future play partners to feel like every move they make will be chronicled here, and partly because what this blog post is really about is my reactions, not necessarily the specific actions that caused them.

When we headed out on this weekends adventure I had a degree of certainty that play with other people would ensue, I didn’t know how many people that might be, or what exact acts it would entail, but I was prepared for us to explore with others. Now as ready as I felt I was, and excited too I must admit, I still had that awful worry that it wouldn’t go well. I didn’t trust myself to react as I wanted to, I had that uneasy feeling that I’d be jealous, feel left out, or just simply realise I wasn’t into it. As it happens not one of those feelings was present.

What I actually felt this weekends was amazing. We had so much fun. Not only did we connect with other people, but we connected with each other. There was no kink, which was initially terrifying, but the absence of kink gave us other avenues to explore and that in itself was delightful. We focused on sensual touch, massages were plentiful and we revelled in exploring one another’s bodies in a passionate and sensual way. Not to say kink can’t be those things it really can be, but kink sensual and sexual sensual feel very different to me.

I challenged myself in terms of opening up my personal spaces to strangers, and it felt utterly terrifying, but it was so rewarding. While I’m not likely to be allowing any old stranger to hug me, I think I have broadened my own horizons in terms of physical proximity to other people. I learnt that I can enjoy physical touch in a wider variety of ways than I led myself to believe.

One of the comments I see often about non-monogamy is how people feel closer to their partner, both physically and emotionally after exploring with another person, be that a sexual encounter or a romantic connection. I wasn’t sure I’d have this same response. I’ve got to say though, I understand that much more now. Physically I feel like my already ardent desires for Bakji have been super charged. I just want to do more sex, more kink, more everything really and more often. Emotionally, well, you won’t catch me using the ‘L’ word very often, but the best way to explain things is that I feel like the love I have instead of just being present, has taken off and is whizzing round my body, constantly reminding me of how I feel.

Another thing that I felt certain I never would get to grips with, was compersion, or at least I think that’s the best way of explaining what I did feel. There was a moment where I couldn’t help but smile knowing someone else was on the receiving end of Bakji’s attention and that he was also enjoying this exchange, it felt oddly exhilarating, but it also felt really, really good.

I was by no means left out though, there were new hands and new lips, and they were sexy and fun and the newness of them was exciting. I feel desired by Bakji all the time, and he makes me feel sexy and awesome. However that did not diminish the joy in having someone else cause those feelings too.

Two other aspects of I enjoyed and caught myself by surprise in doing so, was exhibitionism and voyeurism. Both of which felt kind of awesome to indulge in. It was wonderful to see people embracing their sexuality, and their bodies and enjoying both in so many different ways. People were glowing and happy, couples were immersed in each other, as the rest of the room fell away for a while.

Technically I guess this was us moving into the realms of being ‘swingers’ from other people’s viewpoint at least, and that’s okay, but I do think the term Swingers conjures up a certain perception that isn’t entirely correct. This honestly wasn’t what I ever imagined an event essentially based around sex to be like. It wasn’t tawdry or clichéd. It wasn’t just about finding other couples and swapping with them, going at it for x amount of time and then swapping back. It was about connecting with people and enjoying them. People were playing in all sorts of configurations. Twosomes, threesomes, foursomes and I think there were definitely some moresomes going on.

It also wasn’t just about P.I.V sex either, which in itself wasn’t completely surprising, but it was still great to see. It does still feel like for some people, in some circles that P.I.V is the end goal of physical intimacy. Providing a penis and a vagina are present of course. Seeing all sexual acts embraced and enjoyed in and of themselves by so many people felt really positive to be around.

Overall I don’t think I have come away with one negative thing to say about this experience. I am really pleased we took the plunge and decided to give it a go. I’m not for one minute saying that this means there won’t be any future wobbles, or issues to work through, I 100% expect to have to work through plenty more stuff as time goes on. I do however feel like I’ve taken some great steps in understanding and exploring myself and that can only be a good thing.

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Episode #27: Swinging, Prostates & Bisexuality with Cooper S. Becket

Swinging is our focus this week, as we are joined by Author Cooper S. Beckett. He has written three books ‘A Life Less Monogamous’, ‘Life on the Swingset’ and ‘Approaching the Swingularity’. When we have an author on the show we always attempt to read as much of their work as possible, once again we were blown away by how much we enjoyed Cooper’s writing.

There is often a lot of me, us, them amongst the varying subsets of alternative lifestyles. BDSM lifestylers aren’t always swingers, swingers aren’t always polyamorous and polyamorous folk may neither swing or be kinky. Some people however might be all three. Part of why I loved chatting with Cooper is that he wants us all to pull together. People outside of all three of those groups are likely to be judging us, and not kindly. The last thing we need is to be turning on each other as well.

Myself and Bakji are not swingers. We are non-monogamous kinksters who have been fascinated only by each other for a fair while now. Swinging wasn’t really something either of us had ever really considered ‘our thing’. However after reading Cooper’s books and chatting to him, we are actually talking about the fact that this could be fun for us. At the end of the day we love making new friends, we enjoy being sexy and perhaps we could learn more about a lifestyle that could be great for some of our listeners.

In this episode we talk about who might benefit from opening their relationship and what things you should be considering before, during and after opening up. We also talk about jealousy and what it can mean for us when that feeling is present and what we can do to work through that with our partner/s.

If you’re new to non-monogamy as a concept it can be easy to box up each subsection of it and see them as completely different entities, however as we talk to Cooper we discuss they notion of it being more a spectrum that you can move back and forth along depending on the types of people you meet and relationships you engage in.

As the social and interpersonal podcast we are always wondering what is it about each episode that might encourage or help people get themselves out and about and making like minded friends, and/or partner/s. While we don’t yet have all the advice on swinging we will do our best to help you find the answers should you be interested in getting your swing on.

You can also check out Cooper’s Podcast ‘Life on the Swingset’ for more information. On the subject of other podcasts, we are now part of the podcast network Podcast Jukebox, with our sister podcasts ‘Off The Cuffs: a kink and BDSM Podcast’, the ‘Will Sean Podcast’ and ‘Parking Lot Radio’. Please do give them all a listen. After you’ve listened to us though, we want to be your favourite.

All feedback is welcomed, as are questions relating to the podcast or about kink in general. You can email us via hello@proudtobekinky.com, or you can get in touch through any of our social media accounts, Instagram, Twitter and Fetlife. You can also support us on Patreon, which will enable us to grow the podcast and reach more curious kinksters and help them get their kink on.

You can listen to us on iTunes, acast, soundcloud, stitcher and most other podcast apps. If you have any problems find us then please do get in touch. You can also find out more about the beginnings of the podcast here, which also includes links to listening platforms and our social media accounts.