I wonder if you can feel me
As I breathe you in
As your scent emanates
From soft folds of fabric
Lying against my skin
I wonder if you can feel me
As I breathe you in
As your scent emanates
From soft folds of fabric
Lying against my skin
He is such a good boy. Waiting. Patiently.
He looks fucking glorious, and he is glorious to fuck. Collar on, he kneels in the centre of the room. You arrive first as planned and we continue to adorn him with his accessories of submission. Ankle and wrist cuffs, his harness and for the time being a blindfold and a gag.
Our eyes meet as we stand either side of him and I’m compelled to touch you. The collusion in planning this for him has brought us closer together. I am delighted to find you are as wet as I am as my hand reaches under your skirt. My finger moves between your slick and inviting labia … and the doorbell goes!
‘It’s too fucking hot. I’m going for beer, anyone coming with?’
‘Count me in.’
With that we were two men down, and it was just us girls keeping each other company. I hadn’t noticed just how sweltering the heat had become, until their departure had pulled my attention away from my almost coma like sunbathing. I become aware of the sweat dripping from my body, and as I look over at you, I realise I am not alone.
Cuckolding. Is It What You Think It Is?
The dictionary definition of a cuckold is, ‘the husband of an adulteress, often regarded as an object of derision.’ In terms of cuckolding as a kink or Fetish there is a lot missing from that sentence to get a clear picture of why people enjoy cuckolding with the kink community.
I’m going to start with the term adulteress. Adultery is defined as extramarital sex that is objectionable on the grounds of social, religious, moral or legal grounds. In terms of consensual cuckolding as part of a kink lifestyle, I don’t think many people would identify themselves as an adulterer. While society may class any extramarital sex as adultery, when the sex in question is strengthening or adding to your marriage or long term relationship, it doesn’t really come under the same category as infidelity.
There are many branches of non-monogamy, some of which are more familiar overall than others, but all of which are misunderstood by anyone not well versed in them. Cuckolding is no different. Within the kink community anyone who is engaged with cuckolding, if doing it in a healthy manner, will have consent from all parties involved, boundaries and/or limits they adhere to and lots of communication.
There are as many ways to conduct a cuckolding relationship as there are people into it. It isn’t one size fits all and we shouldn’t assume everyone does it for the same reasons. Yes many men who identify as a cuckold will be into humiliation and that will be huge part of the dynamic with his partner, however many men will not engage in the humiliation element of cuckolding and their dynamic will focus on other aspects that cuckolding can encourage.
The paragraph above was very gender specific, which is something I normally try to avoid, but I specifically went there because when most people think of cuckolding they think of a cisgendered heterosexual man, whose wife or certainly female partner is cheating on him with another man or multiple men. As with most, if not all kinks though, cuckolding does not have to be, and is not gender specific. People can be into cuckolding no matter their gender, sexuality or kink identity.
If It Isn’t Always About Humiliation, What is It About?
Validation of Choices – Have you ever felt pleased when someone complimented you on a new purchase? Be that shoes or car. Knowing someone else is attracted to your partner can cause that same feeling. That isn’t to say that this kind of validation is needed for people to love or be attracted to their partner, but it can certainly enhance arousal.
Power Exchange – Being stripped of your ability to have input while your partner engages in sexual activity, while you not only get none for yourself but may also be ‘forced’ to watch as they fuck someone else can be an extremely arousing situation for some people. It is worth repeating that these kinds of dynamics need clear negotiation and explicit consent before being embarked upon.
Sexual Arousal – For many people it is arousing to see their partner or hear about their partner being sexual with another person. There will be no more or no less to it than that.
Exploration of Taboos – Exploring and experiencing things we have grown up being told are wrong can be a really powerful sexual motivator. Cuckolding lends itself well to many people exploring a lot of societal taboos.
Escapism – As with many kinks, engaging in cuckolding will be a way of letting go and escaping the everyday for many people. That isn’t to say there aren’t 24/7 lifestyle cuckolds, of course there are. There are probably more casual cuckolds though who simply enjoy it when they can to take a step away from daily grind for a while.
Chastity – Lots of men are into chastity. Not all of them are into cuckolding. However, for some men into chastity one of the things that makes being locked away even hotter is knowing that other penises are free to fuck the woman that owns their very locked up cock.
Humiliation – Why have I have saying it isn’t about humiliation only to go and say it is? Easy, because when people think of the humiliation aspect they often get it wrong. Erotic humiliation can be extremely arousing and powerful form of emotional masochism. To engage in humiliation in a healthy and constructive manner you need to have oodles of trust in your partner, great communication skills and a really good idea of what humiliation means to you. Humiliating your partner without their consent is just abuse, fucking someone else to humiliate your partner without their consent is cruel not kinky. Being able to embrace your desire to be humiliated takes a lot of strength and courage, so it doesn’t necessarily correlate with the usual assumption of a cuckold being weak.
Cuckold? Really? Can We Have Another Word?
The origin of the word cuckold comes from the Cuckoo* bird’s habit of laying its eggs in another birds nest, therefore the unwitting bird will raise offspring that is not its own. Originally being used to refer to men whose partners were deceiving them by sleeping with another man, or men who were unwittingly raising another man’s offspring. With means that it is a somewhat imprecise term for many people who are into cuckolding.
Alternatives are thin on the ground though, and probably don’t provide many better options. HotWife lifestyle is probably the only other descriptive that offers similar activities but without the associated negative connotations of its roots being in infidelity and humiliation. However I am well aware many people would not feel it is suitable for them, and I am neither supporting nor condemning it.
*Because disclaimers are all the rage I feel obliged to mention that not all species of Cuckoo do this. I do not want to offend any non-cuckolding Cuckoos or any Ornithologists.
When it comes to terminology, there are some options but again I don’t think they feel like the right fit for everyone. Especially if gender specific terms are not appropriate or wanted.
Cuckquean – Female variant of a cuckold
Bull – Man with whom a cuckold’s partner is having sex
Cuckcake – Woman with whom a cuckqueans partner is having sex
What if you are the partner who is free to enjoy sexual encounters while your cuckold stays home or watches the fun in some cases? You may be a CuckQueen (note this is different to cuckquean), Cuckoldress or HotWife. Interestingly male versions of these terms do not seem to exist, so make of that what you will.
Surely If The Terms Don’t Fit Your Kink Is Something Else?
Yes and no. There is a specific element of cuckolding that you don’t get with other branches of non-monogamy or kink. While your partner is fucking someone else, you aren’t. You’re not fucking them and you’re not fucking anyone else either. Maybe you’re watching, maybe you’re sat at home alone or maybe you’re at work knowing your partner is getting their kicks anywhere but with you. Why someone is turned on or content with that might vary, but the specific nature of cuckolding means that you are not providing the sexual pleasure.
Perhaps if we saw more positive and honest examples of this particular kink we would be able to move away from the negative and sometimes incorrect assumptions that usually come with it.
Floss Is Wrong and She’s Ruining My Life
Wow! Sucks to be you then.
On a more serious note I realise that for people who live this lifestyle I may not be supporting the truths of how they view cuckolding and what that means to them. Unfortunately though no matter who you are or what your kink is, it is going to evolve and cuckolding is no different.
It is evolving and as such demanding people do it in one particular way is going to achieve nothing. The ‘one true way’ BDSM folk are dwindling, though still existing I grant you that, because their reluctance to accept new and/or alternative ideas makes them seem unpleasant and elitist.
Surely someone understanding, supporting and embracing something even if only from time to time is better than them having no outlet for their desires and being unfulfilled.
Before, during and after I wrote this I perused cuckolding forums and cuckolding groups on Fetlife and Reddit to ensure I wasn’t making any absolutely absurd claims. I do not want to misrepresent anyone, and I do not speak for the entire kink community on this blog, what I do want to do though is challenge people’s assumptions of a wide variety of kinks and try to encourage more acceptance of not only kink in general, but for kinks that may not be our own.
My blog mainly reaches people who are new to kink and are looking to learn and as such I try present my information in a way that is supportive, non-judgemental; and will hopefully give people a starting point for what may or may not be their kink. For that reason it may not match your own experience if you have been in the lifestyle for a long time.
The interaction between myself and my readers is what truly keeps my blog going, your likes and comments always make me smile, if however you would like to support what I do in other ways you can follow the link below to buy me a coffee.
‘I won’t be a very good Top/Dominant because I don’t want to hurt people’
Most Sadists will at some point be the Top in a scene, due to the nature of Sadism being a doing thing, not a receiving thing. Not all Sadists will identify as, or have any desire to be a Dominant though. On the flip side of that, many Tops and Dominants have no Sadistic inclinations at all.
‘What can I do to be Dominant though if I don’t like causing pain?’
Pain play is a huge part of BDSM … for some people. It is the SM (Sadism and Masochism) part of the acronym. If you are neither a Sadist or a masochist though, you still have all the other letters to play with. Bondage and Discipline and Dominance and submission. None of which need to involve pain.
Switch – A person who may feel Dominant or submissive depending on their mood or their partner. Switching also encompasses those who identify as Top/bottom, and Sadist/masochist
I never would have found my love of FemDom if I hadn’t initially thought I was a submissive. When I joined the kink scene it was with the assumption that I would find a Dominant to explore my submissive side with. While in some ways that did happen, another and surprising thing happened too. I realised that while I do enjoy being a bottom, I have a great passion for Topping, and the resulting conclusion was that I am in fact a Switch.
Top – A person who is in control during a scene, this person may or may not identify as a Dominant
Bottom – A person who gives up control, receives physical sensation and/or verbal instruction during a scene from a Top, this person may or may not identify as submissive
Aurora Glory joins us for this episode. Yes that is right, we have a guest with us again. We were delighted to have the chance to chat to Aurora, about everything from sex toys, to lube and of course blogging.
We start off this episode with a very important question. That you won’t want to miss. A long and earth shattering debate is finally put to rest. Want to know more, then you will have to listen in. Once that is cleared up though we move onto the juicy stuff .. sex toys. We ask Aurora how she got started with reviewing sex toys, and how that led to her starting a blog.
Floss has got her own fair share of sex toys nestled away in the bedroom, and wondered if she was alone in her favourite not being the high-quality toys people usually mentions a favourites. Turns out she is alone in this. Aurora’s favourite toy is definitely one of the higher quality and well recommended toys. One that Floss doesn’t have but is keen to get.
While we all know sex toys are more popular than ever, and rightly so. There do seem to be some other things that still aren’t the norm to use when it comes to masturbating and for sexual encounters with a partner, and one of those things is lube. We talk to Aurora about what it is she loves about reviewing lube, and discuss why it is that so many people still aren’t regular users.
The day before we spoke to Aurora her blog turned one! So we obviously couldn’t let the conversation pass without having a chat about her blog too. We discussed what inspired her to start a blog, whether or not it has been what she imagined and what her plans for the future of her blog are. We also ask what her top tips would be for anyone out there who is looking to start a blog.
You can find Aurora in the following places:
You can of course find us in those same places to, our website is also now up and running so you can go to www.proudtobekinky.com and read our blog posts there as well as in our show notes. To find us on other social media platforms simply search for proudtobekinky, all one word, no spaces. However if you would like to find us on Patreon, you will need to click on the following link, www.patreon.com/proudtobekinky, Due to us being an NSFW account you cannot search for our content.
As regular listeners will know we are part of the Podcast Jukebox Network, along with our friends from Off the Cuffs, Drinks with God, Parking Lot Radio and the Will Sean Podcast. We are all available on most podcast apps, and only two of us are kink related shows, so if your interests vary do check the other shows out too.