I don’t have any advice that is better than that of a rainbow. Seriously that advice is pretty much how I try and live my life. I do however have some thoughts on being yourself, sharing your true and awesome colours and shining bright and beautiful in your own unique way.
I believe that confidence is sexy.
Sometimes for me confidence is glitter, My Little Pony, tutus and rainbows.
I also believe that I am a kick ass FemDom and I have seen too many women say they can’t be the same because ‘they don’t fit the type‘!
Oh hell no!
You can be anything you want to be and don’t let the haters and the ‘one true way’ brigade tell you otherwise.
What I really want to be is a My Little Pony.
And nobody is gonna stop me!
This post was inspired by Sinful Sunday Please do visit the other submissions and show you appreciation with a like or a comment.
When I entered the Smut Marathon I declared that not matter how long I stayed, or more appropriately how soon I left, I would continue to support the other entrants and blog about the contest and I am determined to stick to that.
Part of this is because I believe in supporting and encouraging other writers. However there is a more selfish reason for my continued support and that is personal growth.
I often read through writing memes like Masturbation Monday and Wicked Wednesday when time permits, and I will leave comments where possible on the ones I enjoy most. These are never critiques though, because I don’t believe in offering criticism however constructive, unless it’s asked for.
As I learnt from my two short rounds of the Smut Marathon, feedback is mighty useful, but sometimes hard to take. The usefulness of it far outweighed my discomfort at receiving it though, so I endeavoured to leave as much feedback as possible for the writers that remained in the competition.
My feedback does not come from a place of writing knowledge. I don’t talk about semi colons, line breaks, sentence structure or anything that remotely relates to the actual technical aspects of writing. I will leave that to the Judge(s).
All I can offer in terms of feedback is how I felt, personally, on a completely subjective level about what some wrote. I wondered at first if this would be helpful, and maybe to some people it won’t be, but I know for me it would be, and that is why I decided to offer my honest thoughts on every piece submitted to the last round.
For me, the whole reason I write, especially erotica, is to make people feel something. Sexy is mostly what I’m aiming for, but erotica can do so much more than make someone feel sexy. It can help people accept their kinks and encourage them to explore new-found desires. It can create dialogue between friends, couples and bloggers alike and as this recent round of Smut Marathon has shown it can educate and inform.
In terms of how offering this feedback help my personal growth, well that’s easy. Like most people, I want to be liked, I do not admit that very often though and I try to take a very ‘those who mind don’t matter, and those that matter don’t mind’ approach to life. The interesting part of Smut Marathon though is I am offering feedback to people who do matter, at least they matter to me.
There are many bloggers I have connected with on Twitter, both prior to and because of the Smut Marathon. Many of them I would consider friends. I know lots of people don’t ‘get’ online friendships, but I do and those connections mean a lot to me. When the reveal is made and we find out who wrote which piece in the Smut Marathon it can be hard to see you didn’t exactly champion the work of someone you think a lot of.
That is why I think the initial anonymity of each round is such a good idea. If I knew whose work I was commented on I don’t know if I could be as honest. In part because I think I would be swayed by knowledge of the person and their previous writing.
I’ve since read the some of the entrants thoughts on the feedback they’ve received and in some cases it has been hard because I’ve offered less than glowing feedback to people who are struggling with confidence in their writing or the Smut Marathon process or both, or an alternate issue. I hope though that none of my feedback ever comes off as ‘hey I’m right and that’s shit’. My thought process is more along the lines of ‘I have no idea what you were trying to portray when you wrote this (because I’m not you), but here is where I, as a reader, am at with it.’
Whether I voted for your Round 3 piece, or whether it didn’t resonate with in quite the way you might have hoped, I still think everyone did so well. That was a tricky assignment and I was honestly a little bit relieved I didn’t have to tackle it. I did have a little think as to where I might have gone with it and I decided that it was nowhere good. I’m very forgiving of imperfections, unless they are my own, so you probably would have got a character sketch of what I perceive to be my worst flaws and that is certainly not going to be erotic.
Voting for the next round of Smut Marathon doesn’t open until 29th April. As always those of following do not know what the next assignment is, but I cannot wait to find out and give the entries a thorough read. Please keep your eyes peeled for social media announcements that the voting has opened, and even if you can’t leave lots of feedback, I know that all the writers appreciate every vote they are given.
Try as we might to ensure all our BDSM scenes and play session go smoothly, there is always a chance of something not going according to plan. When an action, phrase or scenario stimulates a reaction in an individual we refer to it as a trigger.
Trigger – an experience that provokes or generates a memory or reaction for someone
For the purposes of this article I am referring to the kind of triggers that are unwelcome and will likely end your scene and require all participants involved to know what the next steps are after the trigger has occurred. It is worth noting though that triggers can also be used to stimulate welcome reactions, but this should absolutely be explored after negotiation and with consent.
Triggers may be known to us, or they may be something we stumble upon during play. I have been trigger twice during my time as a kinkster and both times they were things that I did not know to avoid. Now I know and I would actively mention the activities that triggered to future partners as hard limits.
It can be mortifying to everyone involved when a trigger is found, especially if you weren’t expecting it. Nobody likes to be the one to end a scene early, but there is no good to come from blaming ourselves or others when this happens. It is one of the risks we accept when engaging in kink and how we deal with it has the potential to be a defining moment in whether or not a dynamic is successful or indeed if someone chooses to continue exploring their kinks. Not to mention that some triggers may relate to past abuse, including but not limited to things like rape, sexual assault, physical assault, verbal abuse and domestic violence. All triggers are valid and important but it is worth remembering some may transcend what we are used to handling in our own lives.
Reassuring. Kindness. Compassion. Empathy. These should be the kinds of things we aim to provide with a trigger plan. Ensuring our partner/s a safe space to recover and work through the feelings they have encountered.
To give a comprehensive list of what things might trigger someone would be impossible. Physical actions, name calling, teasing, specific words, smells, songs, body positions, tone of voice, emotions, noises, individual people, are just a few things that might trigger someone. While that may make it seem like a terrifying prospect to play with anybody, just in case you trigger them, the solution to navigating triggers is simple. Communication.
Anyone and everyone who offers advice or education on BDSM will mention communication so often that you will wonder if we get some sort of commission from a secret communication organisation. The truth is, we go on about it so often because it is so incredibly important. Discussing past experiences, current desire and hopes for your kinky future can go a long way to highlighting what might be a potential trigger.
Even with due diligence and everyone’s best effort, things can still go wrong. It might be with a new partner, it could be after years with being someone. Sometimes it might make sense, sometimes it might not. Whatever the situation or the specific trigger what can we do to help someone after the event.
As with everything in life individual cases will differ, but some of the more popular things that get included in trigger plans are:
Physical affection and closeness
Being in company
Being left alone
Food and drink
Staying warm and cosy
Peace and quiet
Talking things through
Taking their mind of it
Anything that offers comfort – cuddly toy, favourite music, favourite movie etc
Trigger plans are not just for bottoms and submissives. Tops and Dominants may also require support after triggers too. If as a bottom or submissive you are wondering how you help a Top or Dominant through a trigger, the answer is simple, treat them like a person and offer them the same kindness you would want for yourself.
It can be extremely tough to watch someone you care for suffer the effects of being triggered, especially if it is your actions or a thought you induced that caused it. While in the immediate moments and days after a trigger are quite rightly likely to be focused on the person who experienced the trigger, I would recommend that once you feel able to that you check in on your partner and enquire after their feelings on what happened.
When done correctly everything we do in kink we do together. Whether you are engaging in a long term D/s dynamic or a one time Top/bottom exchange. No one is exempt from feelings, and everyone has the potential to be triggered. The balance of giving and taking is far easier when things are going right, but keeping that same balance when things go wrong is often a lot harder, but it’s just as, if not more imperative to get right in those situations.
This is the fourth instalment in my ‘A Switchy Girls Guide to Kink, Fetish and BDSM’ series of posts. The next instalment will be published on May 7th and is titled ‘BDSM Labels and Roles’. If you would like to hear more of my thoughts you can tune in to the#ProudToBeKinky Podcast, or you can follow me onTwitter andInstagram or you can send a friend request onFetlife through _Floss_.
It was with great excitement that I decided to take part in #30DayOrgasmFun. My overall feeling about masturbation is that it is a bit dull, for me. Even though I own all the sex toys and can now orgasm, which I couldn’t until I was 28, it just lacks lustre for me. I’m pretty sure I just haven’t explored enough though, that knowledge does not compel me to try more often though, or even to try new things when the urge does come over me.
For me getting involved in #30DayOrgasmFun was about encouragement. The thought of having a reason to carve time out for self pleasure was awesome. Then came a less awesome though … Easter holidays. For me this means very little alone time, and very little energy. Neither of which is handy when it comes to sexy alone time.
I have however managed two self love sessions. Which quite honestly, is not bad going for me in one week.
Orgasm 1 – Sunday
This orgasm, like many others was courtesy of my Maison Vesta Kassandra Magic Wand. For those of you who are used to the power of a larger wand, this might not do the trick. As I am yet to get my hands on my dream Doxy though, smaller wands are what I have to hand. This is by far my favourite out of the selection of smaller wands I’ve tried. For its size and its price it really packs a punch. In a sexy way.
So me and Kassandra (the wand remember, not a sexy lady unfortunately) got down to business, and it was quick, but it was efficient and I actually felt pleased that I’d made the effort to get some kind of orgasmic delights on the go.
Orgasm 2 – Tuesday
Now this one was a lot more interesting. I got a delightful box of goodies to test and review from Satisfyer.com, and this definitely inspired me to lube up, even though it was after a late shift at work. I’m a bit erratic when it comes to new toys, I tend to try them with a bit too much eagerness, and quite often that doesn’t give a good picture of them, but it will explain how I ended up masturbating with four toys in one session.
First up was the Satisfyer Pro G-Spot Rabbit, which I’ve been really keen to try, and I think I will enjoy it, but I was finding it hard to relax into it. I think because it was new and we haven’t found our groove yet. Then Satisfyer Pro Traveler came out to play, which is frickin’ adorable, and pretty mighty for a small toy and it definitely played it’s part in making the orgasmic magic happen.
However, like I said, it was late and I was tired and I really just wanted the good fanny feels. So out came Kassandra again, this time though she has a friend with her. Oh yes, my Tracey Cox Glass Dildo (the clear one) came out to play. For some reason I haven’t use any of my glass dildos in a while, but recently I’ve taken to using them again and I have remembered why I have so many. They are unbelievably good at getting me off.
With Kassandra on my clit and Tracey Cox (the dildo, not the woman) rubbing against my g-spot I came good and proper. Like I really came, super hard. It. Was. So. Good.
Orgasm 3 – Friday
This orgasm wasn’t mine, but it was my best one of the week. That is a statement that probably sheds a lot of light on why I don’t orgasm much. Making Bakji come isn’t more fun for me a lot of the time than coming myself. The thrill I get from our kink dynamic, and especially from FemDom, kind of outweighs the thrill I get from sexual pleasure, especially of the solo variety.
During this session I got to tease and torment, as well as engaging in one of my all time favourite sexual acts, handjobs. I bloody love giving handjobs, especially to Bakji because he is so wonderfully receptive to them.
We also took the Satisfyer Men (or penis wanker as I am calling it) for its first spin. It was definitely fun, but it couldn’t claim the orgasm, that was all mine.
Now I am sure at least one person is wondering why I didn’t end up having a 3rd orgsm of my own seeing as how I had my partner right there, with his cock out and hard no less. The truth is I just don’t measure my pleasure in orgasms. It is totally cool if you do, it isn’t judgement on other people, it’s just how I work.
FemDom gives me an adrenaline rush and a mental and physical high that I do not get form sex in any way, shape or form. I love sex, I really do. It feels amazing and I love it when Bakji makes me come. Domination though, especially of Bakji, man that hits the spot. Like hardcore, body and mind satisfied.
So where does that leave me with taking part in #30DayOrgasmFun? I am still very much going to try and get a few more April orgasms under my belt. I have a few new things I’m going to try, and I have a sexy weekend session with Bakji, where we will have more time to get kinky than we did on Friday. So if he’s lucky I might let him help me out with an orgasm of my own. Or I might just make him come multiple times, I’m really quite happy to sate my orgasm needs in that way.
I’ve been thinking a lot about ways in which I feel vulnerable and the actions I take to try and protect myself from getting hurt, or simply from feeling unpleasant emotions. I try my best to be open and honest on my blog, and I am … for the most part.
There are elements of my past that are extremely relevant to who I am as a person, why I live the life I do and why I have this blog. They’re not horrific or overly traumatising, but they are the most vulnerable pieces of my story and it hurts to tell them. The truth is I judge myself for that. Even though though I find the courage to be vulnerable in others a beautiful and inspiring trait.
While this may not seem that relevant for Sinful Sunday, there is a reason I chose to share today. I have been lurking here for a long time, and I am always astounded by how raw and honest many of the images are. Part of not wanting to be vulnerable is making sure my pictures that I share online are very much ‘an image of me’. While I’m not tech savvy enough to do lots of photo-shopping, I am persistent enough and vain enough to make sure my pictures look the way I want so I can portray myself in what I deem to be ‘the internet me’.
In the interest of full disclosure even this week’s image isn’t the me you get first thing in the morning, or the puffy eyed, tear streaked me who has no idea why she’s crying (or does know but is too scared to admit it) or the me that sleeps with the light on sometimes because I’m terrified of my persistent nightmares.
I’m sharing this today because I want to work on being less afraid of admitting some of my truths, not only to others but to myself and to take the opportunity to say how inspiring and touching many of the posts for Sinful Sunday are on a weekly basis, as well as being incredibly sexy.
Please do take a moment to follow the lips to the rest of these weeks Sinful Sunday images and when you find one you love leave a nice comment and show your support to the awesome participants.
These questions are from this weeks TMI Tuesday. If you would like to get involved then follow the link below and you will find all the questions and information on how to get involved.
If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, your future, what would you want to know?
Crikey, that’s deep. I think what I’d like to know most of all right now is if the things I’m working towards will come to fruition and if they will make the difference I hope they will. Not only for myself but the people I am hoping they will have positive effects for.
What do you value most in your sex life?
Well my sex life, is more of a kink life, or an intimacy life. What I value most about my physical interactions with Bakji that includes all those things is the honesty, the exploration and the connection it has given us. I am regularly moved by how far we have come and how wonderful it is that we have found so many amazing things to share together. This includes venturing into non-monogamy as well, and I also value the wonderful connections and intimate friendships I have made with some truly wonderful people.
What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
Wow! Scary question. I think this is something that will vary massively from person to person. For me it often depends who is making the joke and what their intention is. I realise though that for many people that is irrelevant and certain subjects should be left well alone. The topics that I really don’t find funny to joke about couldn’t triggering for people just by reading them, so I’ll keep this one annoyingly vague. I will say though that sometimes I had a totally inappropriate and dark sense of humour, which doesn’t always sit well with people, but being able to laugh at awful things has got me through some tough times.
If you had to move to a state or country besides the one in which you currently live, where would you move and why?
Well I love where I live, but as we all know the U.K is going a bit loopy at the minute and as much as I love the U.S.A they’re in loopy territory too it seems. Canada seems pretty sane at the minute, so maybe I’d give that a go. If I had to live somewhere else in the U.K I’d probably go with London, then I’d be near lots of my lovelies and we could go on more adventures together. Although it has been winter here for what feels like an eternity, so maybe I should pick somewhere sunny and glorious.
Are you too nice?
Definitely not. Don’t get me wrong, I am nice, and maybe I’m nicer than some people but I’m a million miles away from being too nice. Some days I really do gives zero fucks and I work with the general public which means I often want to scream in people’s faces. Usually I manage to smile politely and be awesome, but sometimes like last week, I have to tell a colleague to back the hell away from my personal space. So yeah, too nice is not a problem I have. P.S I’m still lovely, please still like me and my blog.
Bonus: Falling in love is _____ . (one word only)
Tough asks this week. I think for the bonus question I would have to go with the word ‘complicated’! I posed this question to Bakji, I was curious as to whether or not our thinking was similar and his response was my given name (which weirdly enough isn’t Floss). So he is adorable and I’m a big cynic.
Self care comes in many forms. For me it is matching my outer me with my inner me. Recently they have felt a little bit out of sync so I needed to redress the balance. I’m not sure what is says about me that black and red is currently an accurate portrayal of my innermost being. I’m happy to roll with it though because I’m feeling fierce and fiery in my new colour scheme.
“Do Your Squats
Eat Your Vegetables
Wear Red Lipstick
And Don’t Let Boys
Be Mean To You.”
This is my first time joining in with Sinful Sunday, and I have a long way to go to catch up with some of the seriously talented, sensual, seductive and imaginative photos that get included. Please do click on the link below the lips to see all the wonderful photos submitted this week and consider getting involved yourself.