Category: Love

#SinfulSunday: His T-Shirt

His T-Shirt

I wonder if you can feel me
As I breathe you in
As your scent emanates
From soft folds of fabric
Lying against my skin

I am wearing nothing
But you

I am feeling everything
Because of you

Missing
Needing
Wanting
You

Aching
Longing
Coming
For you

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There are some stunning images for this weeks Sinful Sunday, follow the link below the lips to see who else is getting involved.

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TMI Tuesday: Crystal Balls, Being Too Nice and Falling In Love.

 

These questions are from this weeks TMI Tuesday. If you would like to get involved then follow the link below and you will find all the questions and information on how to get involved.

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If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, your future, what would you want to know?

Crikey, that’s deep. I think what I’d like to know most of all right now is if the things I’m working towards will come to fruition and if they will make the difference I hope they will. Not only for myself but the people I am hoping they will have positive effects for.

What do you value most in your sex life?

IMG_7293Well my sex life, is more of a kink life, or an intimacy life. What I value most about my physical interactions with Bakji that includes all those things is the honesty, the exploration and the connection it has given us. I am regularly moved by how far we have come and how wonderful it is that we have found so many amazing things to share together. This includes venturing into non-monogamy as well, and I also value the wonderful connections and intimate friendships I have made with some truly wonderful people.

What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?

Wow! Scary question. I think this is something that will vary massively from person to person. For me it often depends who is making the joke and what their intention is. I realise though that for many people that is irrelevant and certain subjects should be left well alone. The topics that I really don’t find funny to joke about couldn’t triggering for people just by reading them, so I’ll keep this one annoyingly vague. I will say though that sometimes I had a totally inappropriate and dark sense of humour, which doesn’t always sit well with people, but being able to laugh at awful things has got me through some tough times.

If you had to move to a state or country besides the one in which you currently live, where would you move and why?

Well I love where I live, but as we all know the U.K is going a bit loopy at the minute and as much as I love the U.S.A they’re in loopy territory too it seems. Canada seems pretty sane at the minute, so maybe I’d give that a go. If I had to live somewhere else in the U.K I’d probably go with London, then I’d be near lots of my lovelies and we could go on more adventures together. Although it has been winter here for what feels like an eternity, so maybe I should pick somewhere sunny and glorious.

Are you too nice?

Definitely not. Don’t get me wrong, I am nice, and maybe I’m nicer than some people but I’m a million miles away from being too nice. Some days I really do gives zero fucks and I work with the general public which means I often want to scream in people’s faces. Usually I manage to smile politely and be awesome, but sometimes like last week, I have to tell a colleague to back the hell away from my personal space. So yeah, too nice is not a problem I have. P.S I’m still lovely, please still like me and my blog.

Bonus: Falling in love is _____ . (one word only)

Tough asks this week. I think for the bonus question I would have to go with the wordIMG_7292 ‘complicated’! I posed this question to Bakji, I was curious as to whether or not our thinking was similar and his response was my given name (which weirdly enough isn’t Floss). So he is adorable and I’m a big cynic. 

5 Things That Have Helped Me Navigate Non-Monogamy

Ethical non-monogamy is something I knew very little about before joining the kink community. It’s then something I got involved in almost as a side effect of being kinky. In truth I never thought I’d truly identify as non-monogamous and I never imagined I’d be truly happy to see someone I was romantically involved with find sexual pleasure with someone else.

As time has gone on I have started to see the value in non-monogamy, not only as something others do but as something I want for myself. I have come to realise that sexual and BDSM non-monogamy is something I really enjoy, but romantically I’m still fairly monogamous.

Continue reading “5 Things That Have Helped Me Navigate Non-Monogamy”

#SoSS – Therapy, Fucking and … More Fucking!

IMG_6992Monday brought me my first, ‘well that’s a #SoSS post’ moment when I read The Therapist by Karin at theswingshift. This week saw me starting to share some of my experiences with mental health, part of which details how I never quite succeeded in sticking with therapy. That isn’t because I don’t value it though, I absolutely do, especially when as Kinksters we find an understanding and supportive therapist. I don’t know Karin personally, only through the post I’ve read on her blog, that didn’t stop me thoroughly touched though at her thoughts on finding and visiting a therapist.

Continue reading “#SoSS – Therapy, Fucking and … More Fucking!”

#WickedWednesday – Travels Of Lust

rainbowcircle1-150This piece was inspired by the most recent Wicked Wednesday prompt, this is my first time getting involved in this particular prompt, but I am so excited to finally be a part of it. Please do visit the Wicked Wednesday site and read the other submissions, and maybe even get involved yourself.


Seth slept peacefully beside me, his bare chest mesmerising as I watched the rhythm of its slumbering rise and fall. I traced the lines of his fingers with my own, travelling up his toned and muscular arms, across his shoulders and finally coming to rest to feel his heart beating against my palm.

My eyes fluttered shut as my thoughts drifted to his hands running up and down the curves of my flesh, from tentative first fumbles, to the deep, knowing caresses of a devoted lover and to those times when we were strangers, faces hidden, few words spoken, and yet the intimacy engulfed us.

Continue reading “#WickedWednesday – Travels Of Lust”

New Year. New Plans. New Posts.

I am a firm believer in making changes when you want to, not holding off until ‘tomorrow’ and I have stuck to this at many points in my life, making changes for the better when they are right for me, and not waiting until a new week, a new month or for the big one, a new year.

That said though I am often grateful for the clean slate a new year feels like it brings with it. For me the latter part of 2017 was by no means terrible, but the winter, some personal niggles and the chaos of Christmas left me with a huge desire to hibernate until spring.

In light of hibernation not being possible for me, I needed a new approach. I allowed myself to rest well and often during the festive season, I indulged in things I usually reserve for a special treat or days when I’m poorly. I checked out various offerings on Netflix, listened to a couple of fictional audio books and took a huge step back from social media.

When I woke up on January 1st I was reminded that my body and mind don’t much care what day the calendar states it is, I still felt lethargic and to my horror, tearful! Luckily for me I had woken up with Bakji and he was kind and gentle, and not only offered affection, but support and encouragement.

My motivation has been low over the winter months, which means regular exercise and healthy eating have fallen by the wayside a little. Both of which are hugely important to my mental well-being, as well as being good for me physically. It’s always hard to tell a partner that this is where they might be going wrong, I think we are all naturally defensive when it comes to having someone shows us where we can do better. In light of me identifying I hadn’t been doing so well in these areas, Bakji didn’t admonish, but he did support their importance and agree to help me with these areas in whatever ways he can. While I pride myself on being independent and able to manage things alone, it can be beneficial to have someone to turn to when you are struggling with something.

Healthy eating, and exercise is obviously not an overnight achievement. Especially as I have a few bad habits to remove that I have unfortunately returned to after previously eliminating them, sugar and caffeine being my biggest vices, both of which have pretty adverse effects on me over a long period of time.

Another ongoing goal is to commit more time and consistency to my blog. I have so many plans for how I would like my blog to develop, in terms of making the podcast more accessible to readers, introducing a vlogging section and expanding and improving the range of items I review and my review section overall.

Two of the things I am most excited to bring to you this year, are ‘FemDom Friday’ and ‘A Switchy Girls Guide’.

FemDom Friday is going to be released on every 1st Friday of the month. I am in the process of writing 12 articles that discuss getting into and embracing FemDom for those women who think it’s not for them, despite having Dominant leanings within their kink explorations.

A Switchy Girls Guide is again a selection of 12 articles that will focus on exploring your kinks, and navigating the Fetish scene from my perspective as a switch and as a woman, though I intend all of my thoughts to be suitable for all genders, sexualities and BDSM orientations.

It is also my hope that 2018 will bring more kinky adventures my way. January is already looking to be fun filled, and myself and Bakji are going on our travels to New York in May, and with any luck we will make our way to Eroticon if funds allow before tickets are sold out.

I wish all of my readers a wonderful 2018, and I hope those of you who are using it to start new beginnings and adventures, feel fulfilled and excited by all that comes your way.

Communcation. It’s Not Just For The Poly People

I read something on social media this week that got me thinking about how some my blog posts might be perceived, and wanted to talk about it a little more. The summary of the post was:

“I get really annoyed by all this ‘polyamory’ advice about communicating. Monogamous people need to be doing that too. Communication is for everybody, not just for the poly people.”

Before I go any further, I 100% agree with this. Communication is for everybody, we should all be doing our very best to learn to communicate better and more efficiently, not only with partners but with friends, colleagues and the world in general. Here’s the thing though, we don’t. Lots of people, myself included, have not always been, or are currently not very good at communicating our thoughts. Especially if those thoughts are about a difficult subject matter.

Many of my past blog posts can be summarised by the sentence ‘Bakji and myself had a great time because we communicated well with each other’. I don’t for one minute think we’ve unearthed some unknown secret that other people are unaware of, but I do think we’ve made a conscious effort where many couples don’t. I once again include myself in this as previously terrible communicator.

I’m far from being a poly/non-monogamy expert, or a monogamy expert for that matter either. What I have noticed from personal experience and I touched upon this in my last post, is how certain situations can make it easier to neglect communication. Monogamy unfortunately seems to be one of those situations for many people. Within the safety of exclusivity and long term partnerships, I think it can be easy to become complacent about how much effort we need to put in. We take it for granted that our partner will be there no matter what, or we worry that speaking out we will cause them to leave. Alongside many other varying thoughts that are not conducive to encouraging good communication.

When you start inviting other people into your relationship, whether that is in romantic terms or purely in sexual terms, the wiggle room you have for getting communication wrong diminishes greatly. Not only do you have another person’s or people’s feelings to consider, you also have to consider your feelings towards them, and you will be engaging in activities that invite all sorts of feelings and thoughts into your mind, that do not seem as relevant within a monogamous relationship.

As an example, let’s tackle the big one that is the go to feeling people ask about when you say you’re in some form of non-monogamous relationship, jealousy. Yep the big, horrible J word. Plenty of monogamous people identify as jealous. Jealousy is a huge cause of arguments within many relationships. It is really common for someone to say ‘I could never be non-monogamous I am such a jealous person.’ One of the really useful things I learnt when perusing polyamorous resources is re-framing the feeling of jealousy. You are not a jealous person, you are a person who feels jealousy. It is not a defining characteristic, it is a feeling that highlights other issues.

When you are monogamous it’s easy to just be jealous, to put restrictions on the person or action making you feel jealous, and because of the implicit agreements that monogamy is often accompanied by your partner is likely to agree. We all know someone who has had an opposite gendered friend, but their partner got jealous and the friendship was deemed inappropriate. Whether anything was happening or not is more often than not irrelevant, the feeling of jealousy is enough to shut it down for good.

In non-monogamy/polyamory, you have agreed with your partner that other people will be a factor in your relationship. For people who are truly and genuinely committed to non-monogamy as part of their life turning round and saying ‘I’m jealous, this won’t work’ isn’t an option, because they want to work through that feeling and they want to find out what good things might come from the other people they invite into their life.

So what do we do when that happens? We talk. We talk a lot. We own our feelings, we don’t hide from them, we say them out loud in all their horrible and ugly glory and we deal with the deeper issues that are making us feel jealous.

I’ll be honest, I’ve been jealous since I’ve been with Bakji. It wasn’t pretty, it made me feel terrible and I was ashamed to admit how I felt. The reason I felt jealous? I was out of the loop, I didn’t know what was happening with his other interaction and it made me feel scared. This coincided with me realising just how deep my feelings for him were, and I didn’t want to confess that either. I felt lost in a limbo where all the feelings I had were perceived by me as awful and I was convinced that if I spoke them out loud I would definitely lose him, not only as an intimate partner but as a friend. So I kept quiet, and it never got better. That dynamic ended before I worked up the nerve to confront my feelings with Bakji, but what I learnt from that experience was invaluable.

For a long while I didn’t get to put those lessons into practice because neither Bakji or I were playing with anyone else, and it was actually kind of nice, it gave us time to explore each other in new ways and deeper ways, and we didn’t have the additional complications of other relationships to add to the mix. Monogamy in the long run has never been an option for us though, so when we came to exploring with others again I knew for sure I needed to do it better this time.

I took a deep breath, braced myself for an implosion of awful conversation and just started talking. I asked question, I gave opinions, I said what would be too much for me, and what would be super hot. I said what people had caught my eye, and pointed out when I thought someone had caught his eye and we were honest about wanting to get sexy with other people and it all became so much easier to process. The talking, the honesty, the relief in knowing you can open up and it be okay, goes a long way to making you feel better about the worries you might have and especially when the worries you have can increase tenfold when you know your partner will be going on a date with someone else or fucking someone else. It can be awesome, but that doesn’t stop it being hard, and ignoring the shitty feelings doesn’t make it easier.

That is why anyone who has any type of non-monogamous relationship goes on and on and on about communication, because it isn’t enough to communicate once, you have to constantly be making sure you are both on the same page. Even from day to day our needs can change, and that’s okay, but it’s not fair to get mad with a partner for not considering those needs if they didn’t know you had them. This doesn’t mean clamping down on them having fun, it might mean checking in more regularly at a play party, it might mean extended aftercare, or extra cuddles. The things we need to make us feel safe and secure aren’t always big scary impediments to having a good time.

This is why non-monogamous and poly folk come back to communication, time and time again. If I could give anyone in a relationship, who was looking to improve their communication, one bit of advice it would be to read blogs and books geared towards polyamory. It’s true that a lot of the information won’t be relevant, so much of it will be though. As someone who was in a long term monogamous marriage for 10 years, and for the most part I would say that was a good and wonderful relationship, I wish I’d had the tools available to me now, back then. There is so much I could have applied to that relationship from non-monogamous resources.

In a nutshell I, and I think most non-monogamous folk, don’t think we are superheroes for figuring this communication malarkey out, but without it our relationships are not only doomed, but the feelings we will end up having to deal with are hideous. I feel like this is case in monogamous relationships too, but for some insane reason we seem to be taught that it’s okay to just put up with those feelings, and that keeping things from our partner is somehow better, because heaven forbid we upset the apple cart.

Seriously take the apple cart, tip it over, throw the apples away and buy strawberries instead. Say the scary stuff, be terrified, hold your breath as you await their response, cry with relief when they say it’s all okay. Then hug each other, love each and fuck each other to celebrate coming through it as a team. If for some reason you lose someone because your honesty wasn’t what they wanted to hear, then I’m pretty sure their apple cart wasn’t worth the effort to keep tidy and in order anyway.