Category: Instagram

Maintaining D/s When You’re Apart

N.B: This blog post was inspired an email from the Loving BDSM 30 Days of D/s. If you haven’t listened to their podcast yet please do so, you can also check out the website for great resources and links on how to listen or follow on social media.


As we’ve established mine and Bakji’s D/s dynamic doesn’t formally extend into our everyday lives. However, as we don’t live together we do spend time apart regularly and in between seeing each there is a lot of relationship maintenance occurring. What we refer to as Relationship Engineering.

Some of the things that help us keep things ticking over while we are apart are Whatsapp, Instagram and Trello.

Whatsapp is our daily communication, Good Morning messages, Good Night messages and everything in between. I’m not quite sure I could manage a week without seeing Bakji without these daily interactions. I like knowing how he is doing each day, and catching up on how he’s getting on with his podcast tasks and being able to update him on my movements too.

Things do also get a little sexy on Whatsapp too. We often have conversations about what kinky things we might have coming up. When we have these conversations I will often assume my position of Supreme FemDom Ruler of Bakji’s Bum and remind him to say ‘please’ and question his commanding tone, even if he is asking for something good like to worship my bum. All of which is done in good humour and because it is sexy fun. If it wasn’t well received it wouldn’t happen.

Sometimes though our Whatsapp is on a more serious line of conversation, and that is necessary. It usually means we are discussing the podcast or making more detailed plans for travelling to events. In situations like this it’s nice to have other outlets to keep the sexy on the boil. This is where Instagram and Trello play their parts.

Instagram is brilliant for finding ideas for things we would like to try together, especially in terms of images containing Latex. We will often send each other images and ask what the other thinks of it, or check to see if that’s similar to what we may have discussed previously. This can be especially helpful if you couldn’t quite explain something as well as you’d like to have done.

We also send each other pictures of cats and kittens quite a lot too via Instagram. Which has nothing at all to do with D/s, but it’s worth mentioning because if you follow me on Instagram and see cute animal pictures feel free to send them to me. I particularly enjoy videos of them being daft or hugging.

Then comes Trello. Hot Diggidy, we do love Trello. A project management app turned into a sexy management app. We have a board for all our sexy ideas, thoughts and future plans. Some of them can be implemented instantly, some will take time to plan out. Trello has been our number one tool in discussing our kinks together, and it can definitely keep the fire burning when we are apart.

I know lots of other couple use telephone calls and Skype to keep their D/s dynamics and relationships kindled while they are apart, and while we have spoken on the phone a few times, we are usually pretty content with the written form of messaging. We do have a sexy Skype scene suggested for a future date, but we haven’t quite got round to doing it yet.

I think it is definitely important to find the ways of connecting that work for you, and it’s even more important to make it known that connecting and maintaining your relationship/dynamic is important to you too. We all have different needs and expectations for this kind of thing, and it can be easy to get frustrated if those needs aren’t being met. If one partner is content to Skype once a week though and the other would love a daily Good Morning text, someone is going to be bummed out and the other person will have no idea why.

I’m also a big believer in letting someone know if you’re pattern of communication will change. It takes no time at all to send a message letting someone know you will be unable to access your phone for part of the day. I think suddenly going incommunicado on someone when you’d usually be freely messaging them for example can actually be a bit mean. Some of us are natural-born worriers and will leap to all kinds of crazy conclusions. Letting us know you’re going to a business dinner, meeting friends or going on a date can ease a lot of worries that needn’t be present.

If you want to know a little bit more about how myself and Bakji manage our relationship you can listen to Episode 26 of #ProudToBeKinky, where we discuss Relationship Engineering and how we make it work for us.


My blog is now on Patreon, you can come and have a little look at that via https://www.patreon.com/floss. You can also contact me by clicking on the new ‘Contact Floss’ page. Please feel to use that for any messages you might like to send.

Episode 33: Sophia.Shibari Discusses Rope Modelling & the Rope Community

Shibari is back! We know we may have mentioned it once or twice before, however we have got a wonderful guest in the lovely Sophia.Shibari who is an all round rope enthusiast. We have been long time followers of her Instagram account, and when we saw her perform a self suspension at the SlapStick Club (listen to episode 23 for more on that) we decided to reach out and see if she would like to come and chat with us, and to our delight she said yes.

Sophia is not only a rope model, but also a rigger, she also teaches and facilitates rope jams at Anatomie Studio in London. Which if you ever get a chance to go to is well worth a visit. Anatomie Studio is a dedicated rope space, that not only offer tuition in rope, but also a wide range of other classes and opportunities. We do discuss this lots more within this episode.

We talk to Sophia about what led her to joining the rope community, and as is often the case we end up discussing why we love it here at #ProudToBeKinky. We make a great case for how awesome the rope scene is and why anyone who is curious about rope should definitely give it a try.

Floss marvels at how effortless Sophia makes self-suspension look and she tells us a little bit about her self-suspension performances, and how she finds the experience of tying herself. We also delve into how she got into the rigging side of rope, and how she developed the skills she has honed so beautifully.

On the practical side of things we ask Sophia the following things:

  • What is her advice for anyone wanting to get into Shibari?
  • What conversations should people be having before they tie together?
  • What are her favourites ties as a rope model?

As always you can reach us on hello@proudtobekinky.com if you have any comments on this episode, or any queries about the podcast or kink in general. Don’t forget you can also follow us on Instagram. Twitter, Facebook and Fetlife. We love hearing from people who are listening so please do reach out if you are a listener following us on any of these platforms.

You can also check us out on Patreon, www.patreon.com/proudtobekinky. As if is an NSFW account you will need to follow the link to find us, we won’t show up in a Patreon search. Our new spin-off podcast ‘FemDom and Fetish Fun’ is going to be a Patron only reward as of episode 2, Floss is now sharing weekly Patron only posts and we are currently conspiring to come up with lots more awesome rewards.

Don’t forget to check out our sister podcasts from the Podcast Jukebox Network, Off The Cuffs, Parking Lot Radio, the Will Sean Podcast and our new addition Drinks With God. You’re probably sick of me saying but if you’re listening on iTunes (Apple Podcast App) please do leave a review, they make a huge difference to whether or not some people will be willing to take a punt on a new podcast.

Episode #28: Fetish Fashion with TheWickedJade

TheWickedJade joins us for this episode as we pick her very knowledgeable brain, about all things fashion. Kinky, sexy, fetishy fashion that is. You can follow her on Instagram (@thewickedjade) if you want to see her great pictures of some truly lovely lingerie and clothing pieces.

Once you’ve found you’ve way into the BSDM community and have decided you want to try out a Fetish event, one of the first questions people ask is ‘What do I wear?’ Nearly all of us have been there, and it can really take the edge of an event if you’re panicking that your outfit isn’t going to be right.

There can be a huge temptation to just go for the Latex option, the nature of Latex means it is inherently Fetishy, but at the same time it really isn’t for everyone. Spending the night in Latex if you really don’t enjoy it is no fun. Even those of us who absolutely love Latex, sometimes have the odd event where we just don’t feel in the Latex mood. So why not ditch the generic ideas of what is Fetish fashion, and find something that truly is your style and makes you feel fabulous.

How though? That is the question we need answering. So that is what we discuss in this episode. We talk about accessories, body painting, double act outfits and much more. Some other things we consider are cost of outfits and what you might like to do in the outfit once you’re at the event.

Men seem to flounder even more so when it comes to dressing for Fetish events, especially if they’re really not into Latex or feel it won’t flatter their body type. We have all seen men rocking some great outfits though, so we try and present some ideas that could give the guys listening some inspiration for their next kinky outfit.

We also ask WickedJade how she got into kink, and what sort of kinks interest her. This leads us to talking about ballet shoes, vet wrap, mummification, medical play and much more. Including singing the praises of eBay and our quick fire question round.

If anything we discuss in the episode doesn’t quite answer all your Fetish fashion queries then please do email us via hello@proudtobekinky.com with any questions you have and we will do our best to find the answers for you. You can also get in touch on all our social media accounts, Instagram, Twitter, Fetlife and Facebook. We will respond to all messages, and we love hearing from you. You can also support us on our Patreon account too.

As always a big shoutout to our sister podcasts in our podcast network, Podcast Jukebox. Please do swing by and have a listen to them; Off The Cuffs, the Will Sean Podcast and Parking Lot Radio.

Bum Pictures Are Not an Invitation

I think I’ve covered this before, it seems however some topics just can’t be covered enough. Maybe my true message was lost between too much rambling, so I’m going to have a mini rant again.

**Once again I am using Cisgendered Heteronormative pronouns, because CisHet guys you are the only people as yet to be guilty of this in my inbox.

So you’ve seen someone catch you eye on Fetlife, Social Media or another outlet. You think you’d like to chat to that person, you probably also find them physically attractive and your imagination may have run away with thoughts of what it would be like to play with them. So far, so good. I’ll admit to having had people catch my eye in this way myself.

Do you know when it all goes wrong though? When you decide to use your penis to write a message! I don’t mean physically, please no one tell me you are actually typing with your dicks, although in some cases that would account for some serious spelling and grammar issues. What I do mean though, is common sense and common decency are entirely forgotten, on the off chance your message might result in some action for your penile friend!

If you expect a nice reply from someone, send a nice message. Show you’ve read their profile. This includes noting whether or not they have a partner, and whether or not they are looking for an additional partner or any partner at all.

All of the following are paraphrased version of messages I’ve received and all of them drive me nuts:

  • ‘Hi. How are you?’  If I don’t know you, this is way too vague and random for me. Plus think about how many other people might send this too! I’m not going to answer that same question ten times over every day.

  • ‘I have *insert fetish* fantasies.’ Would love to chat to you about them?’ Really, how nice for you. So I get to talk to you about your fetishes? What the hell is in that for me? Nothing that’s what. Especially when half the time they aren’t even fetishes I enjoy.
  • ‘I see you’re into *insert fetish* I can help with that. Message me.’ Er … do you know who else can help with that? My partner, funny that! And if he couldn’t I would pick a friend over a stranger for kinky play any day of the week.
  • Any message that assumes my submission. No. Just no. This just shows me that person doesn’t understand the subtleties of D/s. Or human interaction for that matter.
  • Any messages that assumes anything. Seriously you don’t know me, unless you know me. Fetlife, Instagram, it’s all just words and pictures. It’s a small percentage of who I am as a person. Making judgements on that small portion of me is just dumb. Especially when they’re shitty assumptions.
  • Dick Pic – Gross. Block.

I know this will prompt some people to ask the following questions:

  • Why use these sites if the reactions you get annoy you so much?
  • Why share sexy pictures if you don’t want people to respond in a sexy way?

First of all, not all of the responses I get annoy me. Most people can express their appreciation of my pictures or writing in a lovely, polite and friendly manner, that makes me really grateful for their message. It’s actually really fun to connect with people online, from different countries and different walks of life. I enjoy people, what I don’t enjoy is morons and douchebags.

There’s also a massive difference between approaching someone to say you think they have gorgeous pictures, or a nice body and getting in touch because you think they can fulfill your desires. Very few women, put their pictures on places like Fetlife or Instagram as an advert. We do it for many reasons, but that is very rarely one of them. For some women it’s about acceptance of our own bodies, for some it’s liberating, for some it’s just a giggle and yes maybe in some way it’s about validation. That however can be offered without being sleazy and expectant.

Then there’s the men that message and think that they’re very charming, who feel for whatever reason they actually do genuinely have a lot to offer. Usually money and experience on the scene. The trouble with these messages is that they come with an undertone of being better, than me, than anyone I know, than the whole universe. Oh I lucky I am that they’ve chose to message little old me! Imagine all the things I could learn if I just ditched my partner and my friends, not to mention my child and just ran off into their dungeon with them. No. No and did I mention NO!

I am not an idiot. I don’t lose a handful of brain cells every times I take a picture of my bum. If I did I’d be a cabbage by now because I take a lot of bum selfies! Why do I do that? Because it’s fun and because I like my bum, and I like to show it off. The list of people who can touch it, or make assumptions about it though? That is a damn small list. One person has free reign over it, and a handful of other people would be allowed friendly access to it if they asked and I consented. All of these people I have known for years. I trust them. I know them. I feel safe with them.

Strange man I have never met. I don’t know you. I don’t trust you. I don’t even know if I would like you if we met. That is why I find your lewd comments and sexual assumptions so offensive.

This is part of the reason Bakji started the podcast, and why I so eagerly joined him in his endeavour. We know that all the guys who message me (and nearly every other woman on Fetlife and similar sites) are really just looking to find a partner, someone to live out their fantasies with and that’s okay. That’s what Bakji and I do together. Get sexy and live out our dirty thoughts. We really want other people to be doing that too, just not with me. So I know this sounds really ranty and like I’m truly evil, but it comes from a good places. Guys, please stop with the messages that will get you nowhere, instead get to a munch and find real life people to converse with and who knows one day soon you might actually get some kinky action in your life.

 

Kinky 2016 Retrospective

img_7182

So this week on the #proudtobekinky podcast myself and Bakji each selected five of our highlights of the last year in our 2016 retrospective episode. Ithought I would do a little bit of a more in depth post here though about the things that really gave 2016 it’s sexy kinky
awesomeness.

In the first half of the year myself and Bakji did some really lovely suspensions, as I’ve mentioned in previous posts I absolutely love being his rope bunny, it comes with the added bonus of a real feeling of sensual subbiness. Which is a little different to the more wanton subbiness I get when he throws in things such as spanking and sexual play. Either way though this has always been so much fun, I couldn’t really imagine it being rivalled. When you have a super sexy partner though, you never know when the sexiness might go up a notch.

img_0299

I’ve done an account of how much fun I find Topping, but at the beginning of the year I never imagined I’d even be ready to give it a go, never mind being in a place where I absolutely love it. It has been one of the most exciting things to discover about myself. Not only that but it meant I got to discover a whole new side to Bakji too, while getting to play with his subby side and quite frankly it’s sexy and adorable and it’s really no wonder I’ve had so much fun Topping.

My journey into Topping started with my finally learning some Shibari, about 18 months after I first attempted it and decided it really wasn’t for me and I’d much rather just be tied. So the moments this past year where my TK finally took shape, and I found a hip harness that I actually felt comfortable tying, felt like massive achievements.

img_0686Initially in those early days of my foray into Topping I couldn’t imagine doing it anywhere but in the privacy of my own four walls. The thought of anyone watching was a little daunting. However this year, myself and Bakji tried out a fair few Fetish clubs and Fetish clubs have equipment we just don’t have at home, and at some point during our adventures I just forgot to worry and realised enjoying myself was what really mattered, and I really, really enjoy myself when I wrap Bakji in rope and tease him up good and proper.

It would be really easy just to focus on these things, which despite presenting me with some personal challenges, they were essentially so much fun and so exciting that they always felt absolutely worth the effort. Other improvements aren’t always quite as fun to achieve but even more beneficial if you can crack them.

I will readily admit that I’m not the best when it comes to communication. As a natural born worrier and a bit of a fatalist, I will dwell on things instead of opening up a dialogue that might be uncomfortable, so my mind will run away from me and the fear of what might happen stops me having a conversation that would more than likely calm my fears not confirm them. I’m also not a fan of confrontation, so starting a conversation that could result in an argument is something I try to avoid. When it comes to BDSM though, communication is key, and not just communication about your kink needs and desires, but about everything, because if you’re not in the right frame of mind for any reason then engaging in kink becomes a lot less rewarding.

So another big thing for me in 2016 was improving a little when it comes to saying what I need to say. There are still improvements to be made, but even the small steps I took felt like giant leaps. If anyone else out there has visions of their whole world imploding because they have something they need to talk through, I can confirm that chances are it won’t.

I’ll move onto to fun things again, because there is definitely more fun in kink than anything else. Another things that I really enjoyed in 2016 was outfits. Outfits and shoes! More specifically Latex and high heels. My love of both has definitely increased massively this year, probably aided by the fact they both make me feel super sexy and really confident, so combining them with Topping is hot as fuck.

img_6885Finding items of clothing that really work for me has made events extra fun as well, I enjoy the getting dressed up aspect of things and I love going to events feeling all shiny and rubbery and events wise there have definitely been a few this year. Myself and Bakji hit the road on more than one occasion, finding our way around Fetish clubs a bit further away from home, mostly in London, but Brighton got a couple of visits out of us too. I think 2017 is definitely going to have many, many more outings in it. A week in and we’ve already been to two events, so it’s off to a good start.

Privately there was also a lot of kinky fun, I’m not massively into detailing what goes on when we do scenes at home. But I may do a little of this for the blog in 2017. I have been asked lots of questions about how our ‘switch dynamic’ works for us, so may combine the two at some point in the future and do a little bit of writing on how our scenes and our dynamic plays out when we are on our own.

I’m really looking for to 2017, and can’t wait to share lots of things with everyone who checks out my blog. Thank you again for all your support in 2016 and I wish you all a very kinky and fun 2017.

Podcasts & Princess Parts

Back in June 2015 I met a lovely fella, who is hella gorgeous and holy-fuck sexy, which combined with the fact he is beautifully kinky has the effect of making my Princess parts feel like there’s a party in my pants every time I see him. That alone is pretty fun, and very satisfying. However, that is not where his interesting attributes end. He is also funny, and smart and driven, and has taken it upon himself to start a kinky podcast.

#ProudToBeKinky can now be found on iTunes and acast , but it has been no mean feat getting to this point. The time and effort that has gone into it is vast and I am so honoured that I have been part of making his vision come to life, and exceptionally proud of his commitment to the endeavour. I truly believe it is a fab idea, and I wholeheartedly think it is a podcast that has something to offer.

It can be really tough finding your way in the world of fetish and kink, especially if you enter as a singleton with no one to do the scary first times with. There are so many unknowns; What is a munch? What happens at a munch? What are Fetish nights like? Are people on the scene friendly? Do I need to know what I identify as? Will I be expected to know lots about BDSM? The list is endless.

What the #ProudToBeKinky podcast aims to do is make those first ventures into the scene a lot less daunting. Myself, and the three other podcast members all took those unnerving first steps onto the scene and have never looked back. We are all kinky, all proud and all really want to help other people meet like minded friends and partners.

Now, not that I’m a shameless self promoter, okay maybe I am, a little, but the first episode of the podcast that I am actually in has now been released. In this episode, which is episode #003, myself and Bakji chat about how I got into kink, and what led me to my local fetish scene. Which is pretty fun and interesting if I do say so myself. It’s also worth noting that while I’m not personally in episodes #001 and #002, they were so much fun to listen to, so do check them out as well.

So for anyone who has seen my instagram, or read my writing in the various places it pops up, now is the chance to get to hear the voice that goes with all that. I understand completely if you all wee a little bit from excitement, it really is the dog’s doo-dahs!