Category: Friendship

Community, Cliques and Making Friends

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When I first started this blog I wasn’t involved in the blogging community at all. Through the podcast I started to converse with other podcasters, and that felt like a far easier community to break into that the blogging one. Until that is I realised something, I hadn’t actually tried to be part of the blogging community.

When I decided to eventually start taking part in things within the blogging community I will be honest and say I did so because I thought it might be a good way to promote ProudToBeKinky. However, far more of you visit me for my writing than my podcasting, so I can be upfront and say that plan did not work out.

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[#SoSS] Darkness and Shadow(banning)

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It’s that day of the week again and I couldn’t go with doing a #SoSS post this week. I read some awesome blog posts and I can’t wait to share them with you. First of all I wanted to take a moment to address why we do these posts. While it is lovely to see the camaraderie within the blogging community, introduce our blog regulars to new finds and drive traffic towards new blogs those are not the initial reason the Share our Shit Saturday movement was started.

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[Erotica] Reading, Interrupted

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She sounded out of breath as she answered the phone, I wondered if I’d interrupted her running errands, or doing housework, she said she was just doing some reading before she ran herself a bath though and that she had time to chat. As our conversation moved on I wondered what she had been reading, I personally love a good horror story, and many of them have made me breathless, I assumed, naively, she had experienced the same.

‘What book were you reading, before I rudely interrupted?’

‘Don’t be silly, I said you weren’t interrupting and it’s just a book of romance stories, nothing too adventurous.’

Continue reading “[Erotica] Reading, Interrupted”

[#SoSS] New Kids on the Block

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Setting up a blog is fairly easy. There a wide range of platforms where you can have a blog set up in minutes. Feeling your a legitimate blogger and not an imposter though is much harder. When asked why we write, many of us will give answers that revolve around doing it for ourselves, myself included. While that is true, I think once you start putting your words on a public platform, it is also nice to know you’re not talking into the void.

When I comment on the various memes I get involved in, especially Sinful Sunday because I endeavour to view and comment on every picture, I often notice that some of the newer participants were getting far less comments than the regulars. I understand not everyone can dedicate the time to comment on every image. Or every blog post if it’s Wicked Wednesday or Masturbation Monday, I myself can’t always do that because  reading is far more of a time commitment than viewing images. Quick shout out to Friday Flash as well because I’ve also recently given that a go for the first time. 

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[Life] 10 Things I Love …

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I’m not big on the ‘L’ word, when I saw it was the prompt for the week I was doing the round-up for Wicked Wednesday I really did think that was vaguely comical. In the three years I have been intimately involved with Bakji I have probably said it no more than dozen times, maybe even less than 10. Or it could be more but I might have been drunk for many of them.

In addition to the above, which must seem like a terrible admission, It took me about 2 years to say ‘I love you’, I felt it after about 3 months, at 4 months I realised I wasn’t going to undo the horror of ‘falling in love’ and promised myself that if I felt the same after 6 months I’d say it. Then for many a fucked up reason I decided to never say it, would be a wiser decision.

What happened in the absence of I love you was actually quite sweet, we found different ways to express our affection, both of us I think not daring or wanting to declare too much. I think we each had our own reasons for that, but I think in part for both of us it was not wanting to ‘jinx it’.

Even now it is something we say very infrequently, but when it is said it is rather lovely, I have to admit that. Discussing why I felt the way I do, or feel the way I do about ‘I love you’ is well known to me, but would be thoroughly depressing to write about. A lot of it is irrational and I need to let so much of it go, and I’m working on that, sort of, but I think this is one case where writing out just won’t help.

Instead I want to focus on something positive. Well ten positives actually. In a somewhat uncharacteristic display of unabashed affection I would like to share with you 10 things I love about Bakji, all of which show that he is to blame for me catching feelings in the first place.

He is super funny!

Anyone who listens to the podcast will have heard my eye-rolls when Bakji interrupts me with yet another joke. Don’t be fooled though, those eye-rolls are nearly always accompanied by a grin and he has made me laugh every single day for the last three years. He is so silly sometimes and he think up daft games for us to play to keep me entertained. My own nature is far more serious and I need that laughter in my life. That he not only can make me laugh, but is so happy to do so, is truly one of my favourite things about him

He helps me try new things!

The amount of new things I’ve tried and discovered I love since meeting Bakji is a really long list. From podcasts to food, and of course new kinks. I have discovered more about myself in three years than I did in the previous 30! He does this by sharing his likes with me, and not being a bumhead when I decide to copy. He suggests new things to me and is happy when I seem curious and decide maybe I’d like that thing too.

He’s kind and generous

In the early days of our sexy friendship I was very careful not to overshare. No mentioning my worries, no boring him with the drudgery of my life as a parent, keeping the conversation light and as carefree as possible was my main aim. I was determined to never seem ill, or out of sorts and vowed that if I ever was those things then Bakji wouldn’t be dealing with them. As time has gone on hiding all those things from someone has been impossible, and when I have shared these things with Bakji he has always been the sweetest and most loving person I could ask for, and when and where he can he is always generous in terms of helping me make things better. I still dig my heels in sometimes when it comes to being looked after, but it’s actually a wonderful thing to know that he there for me when I need him.

He loves going on adventures with me

When I first joined the kink community one of the things I was searching for was adventure. By adventure I don’t necessarily mean distant travels to far away lands, although I’m not saying no to that if someone is offering. Adventures to me can be all kinds of things, for Bakji and I our adventures together began with travelling to kink events. Living outside of London meant lots of car journeys. We would drive to London, park near the event venue, have our fun, then drive home again at any time between 1am and 4am! Usually falling into bed between 6am and 7am. It never failed to shock people, but it was fun and we were doing it all together which made it even better. We’ve also had adventures in learning rope, adventures into new realms of kinky fun and adventures in non-monogamy. It was also only this year that we actually did go on an international adventure and that was an amazing adventure for sure. I know we have many more adventures to come and I can’t wait for them all.

He gives the best cuddles and snuggles

Physical affection is something that does not come naturally to me. No big bad reason for that. It’s just the way I am, with everyone. When I met Bakji and we started doing kinky things together the aftercare bit was not what I was expecting. Content to be left alone he would initiate a hug, and I think it may have been the first time we did this I actually said ‘we don’t have to hug’, his reply to which was he would like to, if that’s okay. It was different, but it wasn’t an issue so we began to hug more and somewhere along the line I began to love those cuddles. They are so good. I’m still not the best at initiating them. I do it far more than I ever imagined I would though and I love snuggling with Bakji, especially when we have sleepovers and we are all cosy in bed together. It is one of the best feelings in the world.

He’s gorgeous and sexy

Is it cheating to include this one I wonder? Maybe, but I feel like it would be less authentic if I didn’t include it because I’d be lying if I said Bakji’s gorgeous face wasn’t one of the first things that I noticed about him. He is so pretty. Three years down the line and he is even more gorgeous now than he was when I first met him and that is quite an achievement. His body was so enticing that it made me decide that I need to learn rope and take up Topping. I know some people find focusing on physical attraction shallow, but that physical attraction and chemistry we have together is all part of what made the deeper feelings develop. Without that initial ‘phwoar, I want some of that sexy’ we may not be where we are at all.

He listens and hears

One of the things I have often found frustrating is when I try to talk something through with someone and they offer me a solution based not on what I said, or meant, but based on what they decided I’d said. Listening is one thing, but actually hearing someone is a whole other skill set. I am forever grateful that Bakji doesn’t just listen to me, but he hears me too. He doesn’t leap to solutions either,thought he does offer his assistance if he feels it’s appropriate. Often though I don’t need him to fix anything for me, I say often because sometimes I really do need that, most of all though what I’m usually looking for is just a sounding board or a listening ear and someone to tell me it will be okay. The fact that Bakji actually gets this means a lot.

He’s unapologetic about being himself

We do not have the most conventional of relationships and we have no desire to follow the more regular steps of the relationship escalator as it were. We both have our own reasons for this, some overlap, some don’t. What I have always respected about Bakji is that he has no desire to pander to society and apologise for not wanting some of the things that may be expected from him. In the beginning this meant that I didn’t quite appreciate that our relationship could and eventually develop in something a little more meaningful than I had initially imagined. It was I think a reason I didn’t really keep my guard up, because I didn’t think there was anything to guard against. Not wanting to live together or use more familiar (to society) terminology for our dynamic doesn’t make it any less special though. I think Bakji always new these things, and a multitude of other things, and it took me some time to figure them out. I’m glad I did though because I adore the slightly random way in which we have combined sexy forces and feel blessed to have done so without either of us having to have compromised on things that are deal breakers for us. (Just to add we do compromise overall, we are no immovable and unfeeling objects.)

He challenges me to be better

Not as in ‘I challenge thee to duel, be better now or I shall poke thee with my fighting stick’, although now I’ve written that I’m having thoughts about his ‘fighting stick’ (yes I do mean willy) and I think improvements could be made faster if he threatened me with it more. In all seriousness though, there are some people who drag you down in life, and some who lift you up. Quite often it’s not even about whether or not they try to do those things, it’s just human nature. Bakji is thankfully one of those people who lifts you up. He is organised, driven and always on the lookout to improve himself or learn new things. He does those things for him, but witnessing them makes me want to do them for myself too. I think I’m yet to make the leap from better self to best self, but these things don’t happen overnight and luckily I have a Bakji to keep me company along the way.

He’s supportive

I sometimes get messages on Instagram asking if I’m ‘single’ which isn’t actually true or false, non-monogamy and/or polyamory rather changes the way you need to ask and answer that question. I am however not ‘available’ to them, so I always say no, and because I don’t care to give them my life story I simply say I ‘have a partner’. To which they always nearly always reply, ‘oh, I bet he wouldn’t like knowing you show the world your arse/sell men nudes/are a massive cok tease’ etc. Not only does he know, but he wholeheartedly support me doing things that a) entertain me and b) earn me some extra monies. He is supportive of me in so many ways and he is supportive of me for the best reason ever, he simply wants good things for me. He also trusts me not to do anything stupid, like sell a kidney for a fiver or meet a random stranger offering me 50p for a blowjob.

There we have it, 10 delightful things that I love about Bakji, or things about Bakji that make me love him, I’m not really sure which way round it works. Either way though, he is the most awesome sexy-friend a girl could ask for. 


Written for this weeks Wicked Wednesday prompt, please do check out the other blog post that are added to the link up, my fellow bloggers never disappoint and you will definitely find some sexy and interesting reads there.

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Who else is being Wicked this Wednesday?

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[#SoSS] Sizzling Sex Bloggers

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It’s been a sizzling summer and the sex blogging community has been matching that, if not exceeding the temperatures with some of the awesomely sexy writing they have been sharing, this last week was no different.

I personally shared two posts Love Me Some Face Slapping, inspired by Kink of the Week and submitted to Masturbation Monday and The Passenger which was inspired by this weeks Wicked Wednesday prompt.

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[Erotica] A Friend in Need

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I closed the door behind me, leaning against it as I did so and closing my eyes. I was leaving my friend’s house to get ready for a date I didn’t want to go on, in an outfit I didn’t want to be wearing, to eat food I wasn’t hungry for and to drink wine I didn’t want, but would most definitely need!

As I stood there contemplating why on earth I was doing this to myself, I made a split second ‘fuck it’ decision. I grabbed my phone out of my bag, sent an all to brief apology cancelling my date ‘because a friend needed me’, which, in my defence wasn’t entirely false and knocked on the door to be let back in.

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[Sinful Sunday] Ropes in the Shadows

My image this week isn’t of me, I asked my lovely friend if I could share a photo I took of her this weekend and I am delighted that she said yes.

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[Life] Wicked Women

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I love women. Well I love all genders, but this post is specifically about women. But I promise I’m not leaving the rest of you out. You will get your post another day.

IMG_9080.JPGGrowing up I really struggled to make friends with or maintain friendships with other girls. There was always an underlying feeling of competition and bitchiness that I found very hard and had no desire to participate in. When I joined the kink scene it was with the same level of hesitancy about forming female friendships.

When it comes to kink, the friendships I have formed have been far more intimate and rewarding than any non-kink friendship I have ever had. I have friends I play with, from chaste kisses to full sex, both may or may not be accompanied by all manner of kinky joys. While to the non-kink world these encounters would move things from friendship into something else, for me this is what friendship sometimes looks like within the kink community. 

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[Erotica] I Wish I’d Taken the Photo

I wish I’d taken the photo.

He’s lying on his back, one arm at his side, the other folded under his head. The fact it is post sex means he is beautifully naked. Exactly as he should be all the time in my opinion. The gym sessions are showing, muscle definition is popping in all the right places. In all honestly I want to have the sex all over again as I look at him.

I wish I’d taken the photo.

Why is it then, if he is so glorious, that I am thinking of you?

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