Category: Fetish

#WickedWednesday, BDSM, D/s, Erotic Humiliation, Erotica, Fetish, Kink, Sex, Submission, Writing, Writing Prompt

Erotica – Cool Shower – Part 2

A follow on from last weeks Wicked Wednesday piece Cool Shower.

Content Warning: Humiliation and degradation.

‘So … Together or apart?

‘Apart. They’ve enjoyed each other too much today. Time to separate them.’

At our attempts to get on with showering and preparing for lunch, their hands rose into a stop motion and the words ‘don’t you dare move’ were uttered. We both sat motionless on the bed, as the atmosphere in the room shifted.

‘Which one do you want?’

‘Well mine needs a shower, she’s filthy and some punishment for fucking yours. So you take her.’

I love it when they speak about us like this, reduced to nothing but commodities, things they can share between them. The loving endearments of our individual relationships cast aside, while the focus becomes ownership and hedonism.

I am unceremoniously dragged to the bathroom and he shuts the door behind us, muffling the sounds that are beginning to come from the bedroom. He has that look that tells me he is going to make this hurt, whether that is physical or emotional it’s hard to tell.

Physical comes first as his hand makes contact with my face in a firm slap, with a simultaneous command to get on my knees.

His shorts are barely containing his cock and it bursts forth as if it has been suffocating when he undoes his button and zip. Once free it is forced into my mouth, his hand clamped in my hair. I gag and I drool as tears stream from my eyes.

When he releases me, I briefly gain enough focus to hear deep, enthusiastic moans of pleasure coming from the bedroom. I know he’s inside her, pushing, throbbing, lost in the thrill of her warm, wet cunt consuming him.

I am pulled to my feet by my hair, and left standing while his hand reaches for the shower.

‘You look so fucking grubby. Get in the shower and make yourself decent again … if that’s even possible.’

The warm water is mine for just a second before he turns the temperature dial and ice cold water cascades over my body. My eyes close in shock and when I open them he is stood before me, safely out of reach of the water, his eyes upon me, cock in hand.

‘Turn the water off and kneel down.’

I do as I’m told and it soon becomes apparent that my painfully cold shower was completely pointless. The rhythm of his hand now promises to be fruitful, and it would be optimistic of me to think he’d do something as kind as order me to swallow.  

I am transfixed by him. He is awful to me in these sessions. He does his absolute best to humiliate and degrade me. Having excavated all the darkest and most depraved thoughts I possess from my mind in order to use them against me. Which is how he knows that I can’t abide having come in my hair, but as he pointed out with great glee, not enough to have it on my list of limits.

I watch as he shudders and tenses while his orgasm builds within him, before his come lands just above my hairline.

He smears his come into my hair and across my face. There is nothing sexy about this, which begs the question why my thighs are wet with my own arousal.

With the shower off and a brief lull in our own activities, I hear the noises of our respective partners floating into my mind as if calling to me from a far away place.

He opens the door just a fraction, and the sound of their pleasure becomes more audible. He moves me into position, my head is leaning against the door frame, he is purposely holding it there because he knows that not only will it be uncomfortable, but it also give me the slightest glimpse of them.

He closes in on me, his body holding me captive as his mouth falls to my ear and I struggle against him, but he holds me in place, knowing my desire to escape is half hearted.

‘Look at them. Look at how much he’s enjoying her. I bet you thought they were still fucking, hard and dirty, like you always beg for. That’s not fucking though is it?’

When I don’t reply, he pushes my head harder against the wooden door frame, repeating his question with an almost venomous force. My voice cracking I manage to utter a single word, ‘no’.

That isn’t good enough though, he wants to hear me say the words that I can’t bear to use. Watching them though, I can see why he wants me to say it. Missionary, would describe the basic position, but it wouldn’t convey the intensity of their interaction. I can see them moving in harmony together, taking deep, laboured breaths that look as if they are breathing in each other, not the surrounding air. Her head cradled by his hands, as his lips keep returning to hers, for one more kiss, and one more, and one more. Their eyes flicker from open to closed and back again, drinking each other in while they are open, committing the others face to memory for when the depth of the pleasure draws them shut. It is so fucking sensual I could cry.

‘Tell me … if it’s not fucking, then what the hell is it?’

‘It … it looks like … like … m-m-making love.’

I cringe inwardly as I say it. It’s a phrase I hate and an action I find hard to embrace. Seeing it though doesn’t create one emotion, but many. It’s hard to untangle them, they well up inside me, until I’m like a river threatening to burst free from its banks. Just as it starts to verge on unbearable, he saves me.

‘That’s enough voyeurism for you. Lie in the bath and spread your legs. Head under the tap.’

His fingers do not move gently or with grace. They slam into me, hard and unforgiving, and the shame of how close I already am to coming brings the moment of climax even closer still. His voice graces my ears with a tirade of verbal degradation, the more he belittles and berates me though the more turned on I become. His fingers continue slamming into me, with what seems like reckless abandon, but he is actually exceptionally aware of the spot he is hitting. Over and over again, pushing me closer and closer, just as I am perched on the edge, only one more forceful push to tear my climax from body, he turns the shower on.

I can barely breathe as the water cascades over face, and it feels like an eternity of fear has descended upon me. It pulls me back from the edge ever so slightly, but his fingers keep on going and before I know it fear and arousal have combined, and I don’t know if I’m going to die or come, and for just a second I don’t care, because wave after wave of pleasure starts to wash over me and suddenly the water is gone too, and the deep breath I take seems to fuel the fire and I come so hard the world goes black.

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Who else is being Wicked this Wednesday?

 

#MasturbationMonday, #SinfulSunday, #SoSS, #WickedWednesday, Alternative Lifestyles, BDSM, Blogs, Community, Erotica, Fetish, Kink, Kink of the Week, Masturbation, Self Expression, Smut Marathon, Social Media, Twitter, Writing, Writing Prompt

#SoSS! You Are EPIC!

Wonderful, lovely and sexy readers, get ready to open multiple browser tabs and be prepared for a roller-coaster ride of sexy and emotional blog posts. I have an an EPIC week (yes it did need the capitalisation) of blog reading and I am about to hit you all with some awesome and in some cases intense posts from some fabulous people.

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Get involved with Masturbation Monday

Oh, Cousin Pons what a delightfully smutty blog you have. This weeks offering to Masturbation Monday from Pons was ‘Hornithology’, now while it did leave me with more questions than answers, it did also give me the horn. So that’s a win. You can also see more of Cousin Pons if you pop along and browse through the Sinful Sunday submissions. Would anybody like to see his bottom? If so head to his blog now.

This next blog post is all about the feels.’ Travels with You’ by submissy is just wonderful. In the almost three years I have been with Bakji we have journeyed hard. Sometimes I find it hard to articulate just how much that means to me, but this piece speaks for many of us I think. It is not only one of my favourites from this week, but one of my most favourite things I’ve read in a long time. I honestly think it deserves all the love so please do give it a read. I actually sent this link to Bakji, because I suspect my blog readers see more of my feels than he does, and I felt like this piece of writing said something that I’ve been wanting to say for a long time, but didn’t know how to.

Through Twitter, Sinful Sunday and possibly through the Smut Marathon which his Miss (Violet Fawkes) is taking part in, I have recently started frequenting KinkyandPerky’s blog. This week he wrote ‘Absent’ and I loved it. His Sinful Sunday pictures also cause me to giggle, quite often it’s my FemDom giggle too, which is the best giggle I possess, so finding a blog that encourages that is awesome.

Violet also happens to be the author of one of my Smut Marathon Round 3 favourites,

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What’s the Kink this week?

‘Weak Flesh’. While the voting may have ended, you can still visit the Smut Marathon entries and give it a read. If you need anymore encouragement to enjoy Violet’s writing maybe I suggest her most recent Kink of the Week submission ‘Worn Out’, it is hella sexy.

I have given a shout out to Pixie before, but I’m doing it again. Less for a specific post and more for her entire run of recent posts. I won’t lie, some of them will be hard for people to read, but Pixie is so brave and honest about topics that many people shy away from and I think that needs to be championed. I was recently in awe of the post she wrote about her Mum’s passing, within days if not hours of it happening. My Mum died nearly 9 years ago, and I often think I should blog about it, I want to, I do, but I just … I can’t. Grief is so complex, for so many reasons and in so many ways, and unpacking that in words can be brutal. Pixie has my sincere admiration for being able to share that process with her readers.

CuriousClitty brings us back to Kink, with ‘K is for Kaleidoscope’. Her take on the myriad of kinks we can all encounter, whether we enjoy them or just learn of their existence is fabulous. She also talk about adding colour to her deeper, darker kinks and that really resonated with me on a personal level, as I’ve been doing a little bit of that myself lately.

IMG_6998Social media platforms are becoming more and more restrictive in what we can see and share as a sex positive and kink positive community. Current political climates in a variety of our countries will only add to this. While this seems like a bit of fun, which it is, it is also really important that we do not let each other be silenced. #SoSS allows us to support and share fellow writers who may be unable to reach people due to the recent and ongoing spate of shadow-banning.  If you have a platform where people are listening to your voice and you can share some of your favourite sex bloggers then please do. The more of us that get involved in this the better.

There were also amazing posts for Wicked Wednesday, Sinful Sunday and for #30DaysofOrgasm which some of us are indulging in for April. They are all worth a visit and you are guaranteed to find thought provoking and sexy posts there.

#WickedWednesday, BDSM, D/s, Erotica, Female Led Relationships, Femdom, Fetish, Kink, Nonmonogamy, Polyamory, Sex, Sexuality, Submission, Topping, Writing

Erotica – Just Like a Lamb

He is such a good boy. Waiting. Patiently.

He looks fucking glorious, and he is glorious to fuck. Collar on, he kneels in the centre of the room. You arrive first as planned and we continue to adorn him with his accessories of submission. Ankle and wrist cuffs, his harness and for the time being a blindfold and a gag.

Our eyes meet as we stand either side of him and I’m compelled to touch you. The collusion in planning this for him has brought us closer together. I am delighted to find you are as wet as I am as my hand reaches under your skirt. My finger moves between your slick and inviting labia … and the doorbell goes!

One by one our guests begin to arrive, until we are at our final numbers. Ten women and one man.

We take our places, forming a circle around him, there is something sacrificial about the scene, and the phrase ‘like a lamb to the slaughter’, seems positively appropriate. As I step forward to remove his gag and blindfold, I can see his muscles tensing as he realises just how many women we have invited to enjoy him.

With a nod of my head, everyone steps forward, we close in on him as hands descend upon his skin. He knows he is not to move or make advances upon anyone without instruction, only you and I can present him with orders and no one can seek anything from him without presenting their wishes to us first. Yes he will be used, but he will also be protected.

His first task is to serve drinks and mingle, so those present can decide what they might want from the evening, as well as giving everyone a chance to relax get to know each other better. His behaviour is impeccable and I swell with pride knowing that the collar he wears around his neck is mine. Being able to share him and encourage others to indulge in him is an honour.

As flirtations increase, and it becomes clear that friskiness is becoming the main feeling in the room we invite our guests to remove some layers, and before I know it I am surrounded by visions of bare skin, lace, silk and Latex. Some of us remain in our heels, others wiggle their toes as the air hits them and there is at least one pair of adorable socks on show.

You are next on the list of things to do. Tugging on the d-rings of his harness to make your intentions known, as you settle down on one of the snuggle piles we’ve created, you direct his mouth to your cunt and he wastes no time beginning to administer pleasure. When your body begins to tremble and your hands turn to fists in his hair, you move away from him and I usher another woman into your seat. His eyes widen as he realises this might become a conveyor belt of oral sex. He shows no signs of worry though, he just licks, and sucks, his hands travelling across warm skin when permission is granted.

The moans of pleasure increase around the room, as women entwine with one another, and his fingers as well as tongue are called into action. With every moment that passes I can see him slipping deeper and deeper in subspace. His eyes shining, with that glazed look, his words muffled and low as his thoughts become increasingly more muddled. He looks to us for answers for every question he is asked.

As the latest woman to enjoy his attention spanks his bottom before wandering off to find herself some much needed hydration, I take the opportunity to take things to the next stage of our evening.

Part of our intricate planning involved every woman present bringing with her, or being provided with a strap-on to wear. Many of us willing to use them, some happy just to wear them. As I guide him to the piece of furniture we will be tying him too, his eyes dart around as each of us starts to step into, buckle up and stroke their strap-ons.

It is possible with the position he is in and the type of bondage bench we are using for him to both penetrate and be penetrated. As I stand between his spread thighs, you straddle his cock. As I watch him slide into you I feel like I could come from that image alone. Then he attempts to thrust, his movement hindered by the restraints. You lean forward and kiss him, and a moan escapes his mouth as you start to fuck him mercilessly. I finally stop perving over you both long enough to remember I should be doing something. With great satisfaction I draw a grumble from him as the lube feels cold against his arse, a grumble that turns to a groan of pleasure as I slide into him. We fall into an amazing rhythm, and my hands find your boobs and I as I peek around your torso I can see his eyes fixed on you as your movement brings him ever closer to climax. As we sense that moment looming, we both stop. He won’t come without permission, but taking him right to the edge, and then leaving him to fight his way back is most definitely part of our fun.

We takes turns in ushering women forward, his eyes fixed on them as they declare their intention to slide onto him or slide into him. He watches as new hands unwrap condoms, straining against his restraints when boobs and bums are aching to be grabbed. He does amazingly well as woman after woman fucks herself to climax with his cock, one decides she’d like to give him a blow job, while her new friend tries pegging for the first time. It is a joy to behold, and with unflinching honesty you whisper in my ear to ask if her blowjobs look better than yours. A few heads turn as I say louder than anticipated …

‘Remember; a flower does not think of competing with the flower next to it. It simply blooms’

You laugh at my choice of moments to be philosophical, but you still squeeze my hand gently in silent thanks.

fb6318518f9516c69229a07e541a335bFinally our guests leave and we all snuggle together under a blanket, and we place matching kisses upon his face. In a very soft, but alluring whisper, you mention how he still hasn’t come yet. His cock twitches and he waits with bated breath to see if we will indulge him. Luckily for him you’re a voyeur too, and it has been a long time since you saw us fuck. For the first time tonight he’s ordered to make me come, and I do, as my tongue tastes you and your own gushing orgasm flows onto my face. Still he’s thrusting, breathless and mindless, and I wonder why he still hasn’t come, and I can’t help but giggle as I realise my own mistake.

‘Come for us slave.’

He does, spectacularly and we all collapse in a sweaty, messy heap.

Tonight we sleep. Tomorrow we reminisce.

BDSM, Communication, Consent, Emotional Well-being, Fetish, Kink, Limits, Self Expression, Self Reflection, Switchy Girl's Guide

A Switchy Girl’s Guide To … Trigger Plans.

Try as we might to ensure all our BDSM scenes and play session go smoothly, there is always a chance of something not going according to plan. When an action, phrase or scenario stimulates a reaction in an individual we refer to it as a trigger.

Trigger – an experience that provokes or generates a memory or reaction for someone

For the purposes of this article I am referring to the kind of triggers that are unwelcome and will likely end your scene and require all participants involved to know what the next steps are after the trigger has occurred. It is worth noting though that triggers can also be used to stimulate welcome reactions, but this should absolutely be explored after negotiation and with consent.

Triggers may be known to us, or they may be something we stumble upon during play. I have been trigger twice during my time as a kinkster and both times they were things that I did not know to avoid. Now I know and I would actively mention the activities that triggered to future partners as hard limits.

It can be mortifying to everyone involved when a trigger is found, especially if you weren’t expecting it. Nobody likes to be the one to end a scene early, but there is no good to come from blaming ourselves or others when this happens. It is one of the risks we accept when engaging in kink and how we deal with it has the potential to be a defining moment in whether or not a dynamic is successful or indeed if someone chooses to continue exploring their kinks. Not to mention that some triggers may relate to past abuse, including but not limited to things like rape, sexual assault, physical assault, verbal abuse and domestic violence. All triggers are valid and important but it is worth remembering some may transcend what we are used to handling in our own lives.

Reassuring. Kindness. Compassion. Empathy. These should be the kinds of things we aim to provide with a trigger plan. Ensuring our partner/s a safe space to recover and work through the feelings they have encountered.

To give a comprehensive list of what things might trigger someone would be impossible. Physical actions, name calling, teasing,  specific words, smells, songs, body positions, tone of voice, emotions, noises, individual people, are just a few things that might trigger someone. While that may make it seem like a terrifying prospect to play with anybody, just in case you trigger them, the solution to navigating triggers is simple. Communication.

Anyone and everyone who offers advice or education on BDSM will mention communication so often that you will wonder if we get some sort of commission from a secret communication organisation. The truth is, we go on about it so often because it is so incredibly important. Discussing past experiences, current desire and hopes for your kinky future can go a long way to highlighting what might be a potential trigger.

Even with due diligence and everyone’s best effort, things can still go wrong. It might be with a new partner, it could be after years with being someone. Sometimes it might make sense, sometimes it might not. Whatever the situation or the specific trigger what can we do to help someone after the event.

As with everything in life individual cases will differ, but some of the more popular things that get included in trigger plans are:

  • Physical affection and closeness
  • Being in company
  • Being left alone
  • Food and drink
  • Staying warm and cosy
  • Peace and quiet
  • Talking things through
  • Taking their mind of it
  • Anything that offers comfort – cuddly toy, favourite music, favourite movie etc

Trigger plans are not just for bottoms and submissives. Tops and Dominants may also require support after triggers too. If as a bottom or submissive you are wondering how you help a Top or Dominant through a trigger, the answer is simple, treat them like a person and offer them the same kindness you would want for yourself.

IMG_7094It can be extremely tough to watch someone you care for suffer the effects of being triggered, especially if it is your actions or a thought you induced that caused it. While in the immediate moments and days after a trigger are quite rightly likely to be focused on the person who experienced the trigger, I would recommend that once you feel able to that you check in on your partner and enquire after their feelings on what happened.

When done correctly everything we do in kink we do together. Whether you are engaging in a long term D/s dynamic or a one time Top/bottom exchange. No one is exempt from feelings, and everyone has the potential to be triggered. The balance of giving and taking is far easier when things are going right, but keeping that same balance when things go wrong is often a lot harder, but it’s just as, if not more imperative to get right in those situations.

This is the fourth instalment in my ‘A Switchy Girls Guide to Kink, Fetish and BDSM’ series of posts. The next instalment will be published on May 7th and is titled ‘BDSM Labels and Roles’.  If you would like to hear more of my thoughts you can tune in to the #ProudToBeKinky Podcast, or you can follow me on Twitter and Instagram or you can send a friend request on Fetlife through _Floss_.

 

BDSM, Communication, D/s, Femdom, FemDom Friday, Fetish, Kink

FemDom Friday: Be Prepared To Find New Kinks

This one is actually great advice for anyone exploring kink, fetish and BDSM, regardless of the initial interest that begins their exploration. Without exception every kinky person I have had in depth conversations with about kink has discussed at least one kink they never knew they had or never believed they would be into.

Fledgling Floss: I would never do piss play

FemDom Floss: OMG I sooo want to try piss play

Fledgling Floss: What happened to I would never … ?

FemDom Floss: *shoves a gag in Fledgling Floss’ mouth*

Bringing it back round to FemDom though, a journey many of us embark on in a fairly low key manner. Often with a little hesitation thrown in too due to many of the thoughts I will be addressing in these articles; Will I get it wrong? What if I’m not Dominant enough? What if I’m not a Sadist? These list goes on.

We decide to take the leap into FemDom though and we start off tentatively, gently exploring what it’s like to be in charge of a scene or to set a daily task for our submissive and for many of us one day there is a shift. Or maybe several shifts over a long stretch of time. Before you know it though you look back and wonder when it was you changed gears and became into so many different kinks.

I can only speak as a woman who enjoys Domination, so this is probably something that occurs for all manner of Dominants, submissives and kinksters. Bear in mind though that I am specifically discussing my FemDom experiences. The reason I point this out is because for me this shift in kink gears was thrust much further due to my interest in FemDom.

Those things I thought I’d never do, I suddenly got them. I could see their potential and the reasons they could be arousing. In learning to exercise my control of our kinky sessions I found myself wanting to take us further in our explorations and this meant exploring new kinks.

The things that can sometimes startle us as fledgling kinksters can soon become something we are curious about once they become more familiar to us. Some of our initial reactions to things come from our social conditioning, we are told as we grow that certain things are ‘wrong’, ‘dirty’ or ‘shameful’. It can take time to reframe them as not only acceptable but as a potential kink. It’s also worth remembering that for some of us wrong, dirty and shameful are the exact words that turn us on.

For me FemDom unlocked a part of my brain that decided to give no shits and embrace my desires no matter what they were. Under the proviso of the usual disclaimer that those desires were not illegal and were undertaking with another consenting adult. Or adults in the plural for some of my kinks.

The reason I chose to focus on this as a complete topic is because I don’t think I am alone in this discovery, and it is a discovery that can be a little alarming depending on what new kinks it is you develop. It can be even harder to admit to your partner/s that you want to try something new, especially if you don’t know their feelings on it.

My tops tips for discussing newly discovered kinks are:

  • Write them down – It can be scary verbalising these things, especially if you’ve been on the receiving end of ‘you’re into what?’ at any point in your life accompanied by that awful grimace of disgust people do. Writing things down give you time to select your wording and gives the other person time to process.
  • Offer them as an option not as a requirement – Our kinks don’t always align even with the best will in the world, so never assume your partner will do them.
  • Create a safe space – You don’t have to be into a kink to accept a kink. Letting your partner know they can discuss any kinks without fear of judgement is a wonderful thing and hopefully will mean they offer the same to you in return.
  • Find a low level entry point – Even the most extreme kinks have a low level starting point (more on this in a future article).
  • Incorporate new kinks into masturbation – This won’t be possible with every kink, but is perfectly possible to explore many kinks alone. Which gives you an understanding of how much you enjoy them and how you might like to explore them with a partner.

If you actively want to find new kinks, which is definitely a lot of fun. My top tips for that would be:

  • Keep an open mind
  • Be a curious kitty
  • Use a Fetish Checklist/Activities sheet
  • Talk to fellow kinksters
  • Head to a play space/dungeon/fetish night
  • Attend workshops/demos where possible
  • Check out kink/fetish/BDSM porn
  • Browse kink equipment online
  • Where possible give things a go

There are a few phrases that pop up in the kink community quite often, two of which are definitely applicable for this topic.

Don’t Yuck My Yum

And

Your Kink Is Not My Kink, But That’s Okay.

One of the reasons I never yuck anyone’s yum is because I am never 100% certain it won’t one day become my kink. As for YKINMK, great. How dull would this community be if we all liked the same stuff?

This is the fourth article in a 12 part series, released every first Friday of the month. The next article ‘Be Prepared For Top Drop’ will be published on April 6th. If you would like to hear more of my thoughts you can tune in to the #ProudToBeKinky Podcast, or you can follow me on Twitter and Instagram or you can send a friend request on Fetlife.

Alternative Lifestyles, BDSM, Communication, Consent, Cuckolding, D/s, Erotic Humiliation, Female Led Relationships, Femdom, Fetish, Kink, Nonmonogamy, Sex, Sexuality

Cuckolding. It’s Not Completely Cuckoo!

Cuckolding. Is It What You Think It Is?

The dictionary definition of a cuckold is, ‘the husband of an adulteress, often regarded as an object of derision.’ In terms of cuckolding as a kink or Fetish there is a lot missing from that sentence to get a clear picture of why people enjoy cuckolding with the kink community.

I’m going to start with the term adulteress. Adultery is defined as extramarital sex that is objectionable on the grounds of social, religious, moral or legal grounds. In terms of consensual cuckolding as part of a kink lifestyle, I don’t think many people would identify themselves as an adulterer. While society may class any extramarital sex as adultery, when the sex in question is strengthening or adding to your marriage or long term relationship, it doesn’t really come under the same category as infidelity.

There are many branches of non-monogamy, some of which are more familiar overall than others, but all of which are misunderstood by anyone not well versed in them. Cuckolding is no different. Within the kink community anyone who is engaged with cuckolding, if doing it in a healthy manner, will have consent from all parties involved, boundaries and/or limits they adhere to and lots of communication.

There are as many ways to conduct a cuckolding relationship as there are people into it. It isn’t one size fits all and we shouldn’t assume everyone does it for the same reasons. Yes many men who identify as a cuckold will be into humiliation and that will be huge part of the dynamic with his partner, however many men will not engage in the humiliation element of cuckolding and their dynamic will focus on other aspects that cuckolding can encourage.

The paragraph above was very gender specific, which is something I normally try to avoid, but I specifically went there because when most people think of cuckolding they think of a cisgendered heterosexual man, whose wife or certainly female partner is cheating on him with another man or multiple men. As with most, if not all kinks though, cuckolding does not have to be, and is not gender specific. People can be into cuckolding no matter their gender, sexuality or kink identity.

If It Isn’t Always About Humiliation, What is It About?

Validation of Choices – Have you ever felt pleased when someone complimented you on a new purchase? Be that shoes or car. Knowing someone else is attracted to your partner can cause that same feeling. That isn’t to say that this kind of validation is needed for people to love or be attracted to their partner, but it can certainly enhance arousal.

Power Exchange – Being stripped of your ability to have input while your partner engages in sexual activity, while you not only get none for yourself but may also be ‘forced’ to watch as they fuck someone else can be an extremely arousing situation for some people. It is worth repeating that these kinds of dynamics need clear negotiation and explicit consent before being embarked upon.

Sexual Arousal – For many people it is arousing to see their partner or hear about their partner being sexual with another person. There will be no more or no less to it than that.

Exploration of Taboos – Exploring and experiencing things we have grown up being told are wrong can be a really powerful sexual motivator. Cuckolding lends itself well to many people exploring a lot of societal taboos.

Escapism – As with many kinks, engaging in cuckolding will be a way of letting go and escaping the everyday for many people. That isn’t to say there aren’t 24/7 lifestyle cuckolds, of course there are. There are probably more casual cuckolds though who simply enjoy it when they can to take a step away from daily grind for a while.

Chastity – Lots of men are into chastity. Not all of them are into cuckolding. However, for some men into chastity one of the things that makes being locked away even hotter is knowing that other penises are free to fuck the woman that owns their very locked up cock.

Humiliation – Why have I have saying it isn’t about humiliation only to go and say it is? Easy, because when people think of the humiliation aspect they often get it wrong. Erotic humiliation can be extremely arousing and powerful form of emotional masochism. To engage in humiliation in a healthy and constructive manner you need to have oodles of trust in your partner, great communication skills and a really good idea of what humiliation means to you. Humiliating your partner without their consent is just abuse, fucking someone else to humiliate your partner without their consent is cruel not kinky. Being able to embrace your desire to be humiliated takes a lot of strength and courage, so it doesn’t necessarily correlate with the usual assumption of a cuckold being weak.

Cuckold? Really? Can We Have Another Word?

The origin of the word cuckold comes from the Cuckoo* bird’s habit of laying its eggs in another birds nest, therefore the unwitting bird will raise offspring that is not its own. Originally being used to refer to men whose partners were deceiving them by sleeping with another man, or men who were unwittingly raising another man’s offspring. With means that it is a somewhat imprecise term for many people who are into cuckolding.

IMG_7318.JPGAlternatives are thin on the ground though, and probably don’t provide many better options. HotWife lifestyle is probably the only other descriptive that offers similar activities but without the associated negative connotations of its roots being in infidelity and humiliation. However I am well aware many people would not feel it is suitable for them, and I am neither supporting nor condemning it.

*Because disclaimers are all the rage I feel obliged to mention that not all species of Cuckoo do this. I do not want to offend any non-cuckolding Cuckoos or any Ornithologists.

When it comes to terminology, there are some options but again I don’t think they feel like the right fit for everyone. Especially if gender specific terms are not appropriate or wanted.

Cuckquean – Female variant of a cuckold

Bull – Man with whom a cuckold’s partner is having sex

Cuckcake – Woman with whom a cuckqueans partner is having sex

What if you are the partner who is free to enjoy sexual encounters while your cuckold stays home or watches the fun in some cases? You may be a CuckQueen (note this is different to cuckquean), Cuckoldress or HotWife. Interestingly male versions of these terms do not seem to exist, so make of that what you will.

Surely If The Terms Don’t Fit Your Kink Is Something Else?

Yes and no. There is a specific element of cuckolding that you don’t get with other branches of non-monogamy or kink. While your partner is fucking someone else, you aren’t. You’re not fucking them and you’re not fucking anyone else either. Maybe you’re watching, maybe you’re sat at home alone or maybe you’re at work knowing your partner is getting their kicks anywhere but with you. Why someone is turned on or content with that might vary, but the specific nature of cuckolding means that you are not providing the sexual pleasure.

Perhaps if we saw more positive and honest examples of this particular kink we would be able to move away from the negative and sometimes incorrect assumptions that usually come with it.

Floss Is Wrong and She’s Ruining My Life

Wow! Sucks to be you then.

On a more serious note I realise that for people who live this lifestyle I may not be supporting the truths of how they view cuckolding and what that means to them. Unfortunately though no matter who you are or what your kink is, it is going to evolve and cuckolding is no different.

It is evolving and as such demanding people do it in one particular way is going to achieve nothing. The ‘one true way’ BDSM folk are dwindling, though still existing I grant you that, because their reluctance to accept new and/or alternative ideas makes them seem unpleasant and elitist.

Surely someone understanding, supporting and embracing something even if only from time to time is better than them having no outlet for their desires and being unfulfilled.

Before, during and after I wrote this I perused cuckolding forums and cuckolding groups on Fetlife and Reddit to ensure I wasn’t making any absolutely absurd claims. I do not want to misrepresent anyone, and I do not speak for the entire kink community on this blog, what I do want to do though is challenge people’s assumptions of a wide variety of kinks and try to encourage more acceptance of not only kink in general, but for kinks that may not be our own.

My blog mainly reaches people who are new to kink and are looking to learn and as such I try present my information in a way that is supportive, non-judgemental; and will hopefully give people a starting point for what may or may not be their kink. For that reason it may not match your own experience if you have been in the lifestyle for a long time.

Alternative Lifestyles, BDSM, Community, D/s, Fetish, Kink

How Taboo Is Your Kink? And Why Does It Matter?

How Taboo Is Your Kink?

When we first start exploring our own individual kinks the vast majority of us seem to expect that we will be the only one into our particular kink. In reality I am yet to meet someone who is the only one with their kink. Which means in 3 years I haven’t encountered a single person who has a truly unique kink, in theory everyone I have met, either online or in person could potentially engage in their kink with another person.

An email from a #ProudToBeKinky listener got me thinking about taboo kinks, and how taboo our kinks really are and whether or not that matters. As always I think there are lots of strands of thinking to this. First of all what is taboo in the non-kink world is very different to what is taboo in the kink community. When you don’t have any other kinksters to discuss these matters with, it can be easy to assume your kinks are uncommon and therefore will shock others when you open up about them.

If you type taboo fetishes into google the first entry offers up:

  • Mecaphilia – Fetish for mechanical objects
  • Tickling Fetish
  • Squashing – defined as having someone sit on you chest
  • Scat Play
  • Electrical Stimulation
  • Golden Showers – aka urophilia, watersports, piss play
  • Sex Parties
  • Balloon Fetish
  • Diaper Fetish
  • Furries

I have had personal interactions, by this I mean conversational exchanges, with people who have between them had all but one of those Fetishes. The only one I have never encountered personally is Mecaphilia. While I admit that discussing any of these kinks over dinner with family or over lunch with colleagues is going to raise more than a few eyebrows and will likely lead to the individual opening up being unfairly shamed for their interests, within the kink community the reaction would be a lot different.

Most reasonable and kind kinksters will apply the ‘your kink is not my kink but that’s okay’ line of thinking to most kinks they do not have a desire to engage in. The exception to this would be if your kink is likely to endanger you or someone else, violates another person consent or involves minors.

Am I Saying No Kink Is Taboo?

Definitely not. There are kinks and Fetishes that for understandable reasons will cause people to either wonder if your reasons for engaging in them are safe, sane and consensual or cause someone who is into them to question their own personal beliefs, morality and state of mind. Many taboo kinks have political or social overtones to them than cannot, and should not be overlooked. I think it is important to both accept and understand why more taboo and extreme kinks and Fetishes might be challenging for some people to hear about and/or witness.

There are certainly some kinks that I would advise people to conduct largely in private unless they were certain the company they were keeping would not feel at best uncomfortable and at worse triggered by being exposed to a kink or Fetish that may have negative connotations for them. Interests that I would say often come under this umbrella for many people include but are not limited to race play, rape play and incest play. Also anything that Fetishsizes and glorifies people or parties that are largely condemned as abhorrent.

Just to be clear I am not saying you should be ashamed of or hide even the more taboo kinks, and I’m certainly not saying you shouldn’t engage in the with a consenting adult. Being mindful and aware of other people’s feelings though is not the same as hiding away and being shamed.

When I opened this conversation on Twitter a follower kindly shared Ugol’s Law with me.

Ugol’s Law will tell you that for every time someone asks the question, “Am I the only one who likes this?” that the answer will always be no. The law stems from the idea that we have more in common as human beings than we might think. It also suggests that once you start looking for like-minded people, you will inevitably find someone who shares the same feelings, desires, and kink as you do. – From Kinkly.com

So whatever our kink we there will be another person with the same interest. Why then do we find ourselves feeling like we are alone in our desires and why does the question of something being taboo matter?

IMG_7285In a group chat with friends I posed this same question and one of them hit the nail on the head with why this comes up again and again. When you haven’t found like minded friends and/or a like minded partner, you may as well be the only person with your kink. With a world population of 7 billion people the chances of you just bumping into a person with your kink at the local pub or at a work event are pretty slim.

Even when you reach the kink community there are definitely those kinks that feel common place, and it seems like everyone is doing them. BDSM, in its full form of Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and submission and Sadism and masochism, is often used as a blanket term for kink. However it’s quite possible to have a kink or Fetish you are really passionate about and not identify with any of the branches of BDSM. In that scenario I can see how opening up about your specific kink can feel scary even to fellow kinksters.

What is The Solution?

Find a community. This doesn’t mean you have to go to your local munch. Even though I do think this is a great way to actually meet like minded people and increase your chances of meeting someone who will engage in your kink with you. Online communities are also a totally valid way of connecting with people and for the more taboo kinks I think this can be a really good way to feel less isolated.

Also reaching out to people who seem open minded and friendly can often be a great way to share your kinks and be reassured that they’re not as outlandish as you might think. It might even be that they can recommend resources and/or folks with similar interests, even if they are not into it themselves.

Being prepared to start small can often be make or break in whether or not you get to live out your kink not only to its fullest but at all. When you have never considered a kink before being asked to take it to its most extreme is likely to fill most people with a variety of feelings, many of them will make the prospect of trying whatever it is quite daunting. Even those new to spanking, which is am extremely popular kink, are really nervous to give it a try, so being asked to cane someone until they before you’ve tried spanking is going to feel terrifying to most people.

Having some kink is better than having no kink in most situations. If your deepest desire is full on forced feminization, with wig, makeup and a full Latex sissy maid dress, but your partner is wary and wants to start out with lace panties and stockings, then go with that. People take time to find their own comfort zones, especially when it isn’t their specific kink they are exploring. Many kinks crossover though and we can find enjoyment through embracing our own kinks while indulging other people in theirs.

While acknowledging your kink and starting to explore it can often feel isolating and daunting, there is every chance that you are not alone and that you can and will find someone to engage in it with you. Patience, mindfulness and being proactive in a community with definitely help your chances though. If you have found this because you have you own kink or Fetish that you are uncertain about or feel alone with, please feel free to use the contact form to get in touch.