I am currently two weeks postpartum. For anyone who doesn’t follow me on Twitter, I had my beautiful baby boy at 00:56 on June 22nd weighing in at 8lb6oz. We had a good birth and we’re both doing amazingly well.
I said on Twitter that I don’t know when I’ll get back to sexy blogging again and I think writing might come first because I’m definitely taking some time to adjust to my postpartum body and as yet I don’t really see it as sexy and I can’t imagine how I’d take erotic images at the moment.
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with my body currently, in terms of recovery it’s doing really well and in terms of birthing the baby, I have to admit it did me proud. It’s been quite a journey for me and my body this pregnancy and if anything that journey is intensifying now I’ve given birth.
Some folks would say I was lucky with my last pregnancy because I was back to my pre-pregnancy shape very quickly. I don’t think lucky is the word I’d use though because that implies I’m unlucky now, that the curves, wobbles, stretch marks and other markers of my pregnancy still remaining is somehow unfortunate. Which it isn’t, it’s completely normal and 100% okay for my body to be different, yet for some reason I am struggling with the changes.
This body I have right now is new to me. It’s a different shape and size from what I’ve ever been before. I know it is still changing too, I’m not in my final skin and I don’t really know how to settle and adjust to what I see in the mirror at the moment. It isn’t even about seeing my body as bad or good, it’s just different and I don’t know how I feel about that right now.
I look in the mirror and I don’t see myself as sexy right now. In fairness, postpartum bleeding, maternity pads and sensible underwear are a huge part of that. I also have a rash on my belly, that whilst it’s doing no physical harm, is definitely not helping me see my body in the best light.
In the back of my mind, I keep thinking that I’d better get somewhat back to where I was eventually or Mr F might never find me attractive again. I think a feeling that is compounded by knowing some of what he witnessed when I had the baby. Nothing genital related weirdly enough, but there was an incident involving more vomit than I knew a single human could produce, lots of delirious chatter, probably a poo (but maybe he missed that) and seeing a bedpan full of my post-birth bloody wee amongst other things.
All of those things and more are embedded in my mind as reasons not to find me attractive anymore. However, Mr F has stated, more than once, that he was more impressed than anything and he’s definitely made it clear that getting sexy again is top of his to-do list. So clearly he is not turned off by any of the changes we’ve been through lately, be they experiences or boldly changes.
In fact, we’ve actively had to cool things down a bit because we both very much want to be intimate again but 2 weeks postpartum isn’t quite enough time for me to be back to it. Postpartum bleeding is a joy, and while I’m grateful to have needed no stitches after birth, I did still push a baby out and things still need time to heal somewhat.
That said, we did get a bit frisky this week. Which resulted in jizz covered boobs and I must say it was so good. It’s nice to be close again without having to navigate my bump and thankfully it seems the baby is currently sleeping long enough to allow this to happen. I feel like we should absolutely be making the most of that situation.
This shows me that my thoughts are definitely a reflection on how I view myself and not how I appear to others, or more specifically Mr F. I’m sure I will get to a point where I’m feeling my sexy self again. Probably once I’ve ditched the sensible knickers & can actually be properly and thoroughly fucked! Either way, I’ll keep you updated on this new journey. I know it’s not the erotica and filth a lot of folks enjoy from me but it is what it is and I’m sure we will resume the filth one day.