‘An eye for an eye only ends up making the whole world blind…’ Mahatma Gandhi
I’m not a vengeful person, I don’t seek revenge and overall I don’t hold grudges either. However, I don’t have a high tolerance for people’s bullshit and when people wrong me I tend to just write them off. Cut them out of my life and that’s it, I’m done. Julie mentioned this phenomenon in her post Bearing a grudge. Which I’m glad I read before I hit publish on my own post because it gives me a reminder to clarify that no one has ever been left wondering why they’re not on my list of people I chat with anymore.
I believe that truly shitty people will eventually get what they deserve, it may take a long time for karma to catch up with them but I do think in time they will get their just desserts. I’m not the karma police, I don’t see it as my job to level the playing field or dish out revenge to make myself feel better.
To my mind revenge takes up a lot of time and energy. If that person has hurt me then they don’t deserve to take up space in my life anymore, even if that space is due to plotting their demise. I don’t want anyone who has screwed me over to know they have had an effect on me. Once they’re out of my life they mean less than nothing to me. They do not get to feature in my thoughts in any way. That is the price they pay for being an arsehole.
Like I said though, I also don’t hold grudges. Some people hurt you in ways that ensures no second chance could ever be given. In other cases though I leave the door open. There are people from my past who have hurt me that I walked away from, but should they open the lines of communication again I’d be happy to chat to them and see how they’re doing.
Then again the wrongs against me have been slight in the grand scheme of things. Perhaps I would feel differently if someone had harmed, injured or irrevocably changed my life with their actions.
I suspect I would struggle not to seek revenge if someone hurt my little boy. I think I would go to the ends of the earth to make sure someone paid for what they did if anyone harmed so much as a hair on his head. Would it be rational, right or in any way change things? Probably not but I think it would make me feel better, I don’t think I could rest a single day knowing someone had gone unpunished for hurting him.
I hope though that is a situation I never encounter and my heart goes out to people who have been put in a situation where revenge feels like the only thing that will help them move on. I can’t imagine it is nourishing for your heart and soul to be consumed by the need for revenge, although I will admit I can think of many instances where I wouldn’t blame someone for allowing revenge to be sought.
This year I have burnt a lot of bridges within the blogging community. Am I sad at the loss of some of those friendships and connections? Absolutely. However, making my viewpoint known on certain matters was important to me, especially when those topics affected people that I view as part of my wider community in terms of identifying as part of the LGBTQ+ community. I know why my actions saw me lose certain connections. I knew as I wrote certain posts what reactions would be, I had a variety of exchanges that I knew were sadly severing ties. On the other hand though have been left wondering where I went wrong, as people blocked me despite our viewpoints being the same. I had to ask myself which post I liked, or blogger I still conversed with that caused offence or if as I stepped away from my blog a little, I was as continually vocal about these issues as I ideally should have been.
The truth is I’m not owed an explanation and regardless of my intent maybe I did cause some hurt and maybe that’s for karma to deal with at some point. I hope no one out there is plotting revenge on me though or planning for my ultimate demise, my conscience is clean with regards to my actions and I think at the end of the day I am the person I have to answer to first and foremost. The wider world will either like me or not and I can only worry about that so much before I have to move on and live my life as I see fit.