[Sex] Pondering on Period Fucking


Menstruation Matters, Relationships, Sex / Saturday, August 8th, 2020

There’s a topic that comes up fairly often in the sex blogging/sex twittering community that I have never covered in any great depth and that is period sex. I recently shared a tweet that said Mr F and I had done two new things, one of which was him coming inside me which I have already written about in Please, Come Inside and the other was sex whilst on my period. 

For the entire time I’ve been sexually active, which is about 19 years, period sex has never been something I was all that into. There are a few reasons for this, all of which are personal and have no reflection on how I think other people should feel about it. The first couple of days of my period I really don’t feel sexy, I feel icky, grumpy and despite people saying sex can ease cramps, their very existence just kills my sex drive. 

I’m also not a huge fan of the potential mess. I feel this same way about masturbating while on my period too. I have no issues with the mess that I sometimes get myself into when I change my menstrual cup (though I am better at this now), so it’s not an issue with my menstrual blood. It’s just that the additional messiness doesn’t really make sex feel as inviting. 

Thirdly and maybe the most controversial, I know because I’ve felt it with my own fingers that I feel different inside when I’m on my period. Maybe for some people, that’s a good different, or just different in a neutral way, but for me, it feels different in a squicky way. I know it’s natural, I know it’s nothing to worry about or be ashamed of, but I don’t like that feeling around my own fingers and as a result, I feel a little self-conscious about someone else feeling that same sensation.

I get that for some of you none of these things are an issue and maybe you think I’m daft or period sex negative for feeling the way I do, but I’ve never shamed anyone else for enjoying period sex, but it’s just never been something I’ve felt a huge urge to get into regularly. I say regularly because it is something I have done in the past. 

With my ex-husband, we occasionally had sex in the shower when I was on my period, though my sex drive was a lot lower then and going without whilst I was menstruating actually wasn’t too much of a problem for me. These going four days without whilst I’m bleeding can feel like the longest wait in the world. I think he would have been entirely unphased by period sex though and we probably could have done it a lot more, but my periods were a lot worse during our relationship compared to now and I just could not get my head around it being a sexy time for me. 

One of the opinions I’ve read that as the person who has the period I am within my rights to not like or want period sex, which I obviously agree with, the second part of this opinion though states that men (and this opinion tends to reference cis-gendered men specifically) should not be having sex unless they are willing to have sex with someone who is menstruating. The theory being that if they can’t cope with a bit of menstrual blood then they’re not mature enough or sex-positive enough to enjoy the pleasure a warm cunt can provide. I have to say, I don’t really agree. 

For me, someone’s attitude towards my period is key here. So long as I still feel loved and wanted during my period I actually don’t mind if my partner isn’t a fan of fucking during it. I still want cuddles and kisses and hell, I’m actually up for things getting sexy and giving my partner pleasure even if I’m not in the mood for receiving. So long as I don’t feel radioactive and like something to be avoided during my period and I am not going to judge my partner if they say their preference is not to fuck during my period. I think so long as the reasons why are expressed respectfully I don’t see why men have to be willing to fuck during their partner’s menstrual cycle. 

I have in the past been made to feel less desirable during my period by a partner and that actually does suck. Having someone withdraw other kinds of affection because they don’t think you’d ‘be in the mood’ for it is really unpleasant. Even if it’s not because they think my period is gross, it does tend to make me feel that way and if that is how not having sex during someone’s period makes people feel then I can understand perhaps why people would like a partner who is up for period fucking. I do however stand by the fact we should be open to everyone being allowed a preference and not assuming everyone who doesn’t fancy it is an arsehole who should remain celibate forever. 

Mr F and I have been fucking since late 2019 and this is the first time we’ve had period sex. I’ve always been neither here nor there on it, leaning more towards let’s not, he was less inclined than me and that’s okay because he makes me feel sexy as fuck even when I feel period yucky. He kisses me lots, grabs my ass, fiddles with my nipples, and gets us both all riled up, ready for action and cursing the fact that 4 days feels like an eternity. 

I know lots of you are probably thinking ‘if you’re both super horny then why worry about the daft reasons not to fuck and just fuck’, which is a valid question, but I’ve been in a position before where if I’d asked for it I would have got it, but I would have felt stressed the whole time that the partner in question (not Mr F) would have secretly rather not have done it, but felt obliged to say yes. 

I don’t want someone fucking me when I don’t feel my best unless I am certain they are so ridiculously turned on by me that the issues I have with period sex are inconsequential to them. Also constantly saying ‘we can fuck on your period if YOU want to’ whilst not really giving out other physical affection, definitely gives off a vibe of ‘by the way I DON’T want to’. 

So this last menstrual cycle things got hot and heavy and when I took his dick in my mouth I honestly expected to either keep going until he finished or until he was relaxed and ready to sleep. I would have been happy with both those outcomes but when he flipped me onto my back and asked how messy it would be if we actually fucked, I must admit I was pleasantly surprised and definitely up for it. 

What felt good about this, asides from the actual fucking which, as always, felt awesome, was that he wanted me enough in that moment to instigate period sex. 

Which perhaps means some of my thoughts on this matter are subject to change. I still stand by the reason I personally have never been that fond of period sex, but perhaps a bigger part of that has been not having partners who can help me see things differently. Maybe I’ve never felt sexual on my period because no one has ever treated me like a sexual being whilst on my period. That doesn’t mean I’ve changed my mind about thinking it’s okay to shame people who aren’t quite as on board with period sex as other folks, but I do think that maybe there needs to be more conversation around what does feel good when we are on our periods and how we might like to explore sexually during that time. 

I don’t think I’ve quite reached the point where I’m ready to have penetrative sex on my heavier bleeding days, but certainly, I’d be willing to make days 3 and 4 viable fucking options for us. So who knows maybe there will be an updated post on this one day and my views will have shifted even further in terms of my personal approach. We’ve hopefully got lots more sex to have and lots of years ahead of having it which makes me think the day will come where we will just say ‘fuck it, let’s just go for it’ and all those reasons I have for not engaging in period sex will just fall away and cease to be an issue for me. 

8 Replies to “[Sex] Pondering on Period Fucking”

  1. I’m with you on all counts! I totally relate to not feeling sexy when I’m cranky or bloated (my IUD helps with all of that now). Question, if you don’t mind, when you say you know you feel “different” Do you mean in terms of the texture of blood or do you feel like your actual vaginal canal feels different to the touch? Because I feel like my vagina texture changes through out my cycle and when I’m on a period week it seems more coarse, like the tougher texture of a g spot but all over. Is that how you mean? I thought that was just me.

    1. Ooh I totally should have explained that in more detail … yeah the texture changes, it’s definitely rougher to the touch and everything feels more spongy. If I masticate and it feels that way I just can’t relax because it doesn’t feel sexy to me. I can however bypass that feeling if I wear latex gloves, which I often do 🙂

  2. We’ve never let Aunt Flo come between us and sex. Foxy normally doesn’t have sex with others during that time but we still do. It doesn’t bother me but she never bleeds a lot and we have several old bath towels that are for that time of the month. Just put a towel down and afterwards throw it in the washer.

    1. I appreciate that’s what a lot of people do and honestly more power to you both for just getting on with it! As you can see from reading my post though I’m just not there, and I think that’s okay, maybe we’ll get there, maybe we won’t but for me throwing a towel down just isn’t enough to get me to embrace sex during the heaviest two days of my cycle :/

  3. Before I met my lover, I never had period sex. I wouldn’t even want to masturbate during that time of the month. Since I met my lover, we’ve had period sex a couple of times. I could do without it though. He says it feels a bit weird and more squishy when I’m on it, but he isn’t freaked out by it. I’d prefer just the cuddles or some form of affection. On those days, I feel gross and just want to know that he still wants/loves me.

  4. For the break through on period sex was having a partner who was totally unphased by it. Up until then all my partners had reacted with some version of ewwww about the whole thing and as a result I have totally absorbed that messaged. I am glad I had a partner who changed that for me because I love period sex. To me there is something very intimate about it and it is only something I would do with a partner I felt very close/connected too

    Molly

  5. There is so much stigma surround periods and period sex it’s so hard to know where to start unpacking it.

    My partner is fine with it but my sex drive vanishes the week before my period and reappears as it’s finishing up so it’s never an issue for me. I have tried masturbating to ease cramps but actually it makes them far worse then I end up In pain, frustrated and grumpy!

  6. I have had period sex. I have actually performed orally when my girlfriend was on her period. But my Queen isn’t a big fan. So we only did it occasionally! Now it is no longer an option as she no longer has periods… And that’s ok too.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

CommentLuv badge

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.