[Life] What Was. What Is & What May Come

The thing is that you brought this out in me. 

How could I want it with anyone else – JM Storm

I would love to write this whole post about Mr F. In fact, I’d love to write all my posts forever more about Mr F and this kind of quote especially fills me with a romantic desire to focus on what we have together. To speak only of the whirlwind of sexy romance that is my here and now, but as much as I want to do that I’m not going to because I think that would be completely rewriting a whole portion of my life. 

While I’ve had relationships end, I am lucky in that none of them were bad relationships as such, they just stopped being the right fit for the stage of life I was at and each of them definitely brought something our in me that was different to the others. 

When I met my ex-husband it was all very meet-cute, we met at his Dad’s wedding, he saw me across the dance floor during there first dance and that was it, he made it his mission to date me, my Mum was his step-brother’s godmother, I’ve known his step-mum since I was a baby and generally, everything just fell together beautifully. Before him, I wasn’t too inclined towards marriage and babies, but on our first date, if my choice had been between never seeing him again or marry him on the spot, I would have married him. I’ve always said this and even now we are divorced I still say the same. 

He brought out a very nurturing side to me, one I didn’t actually know I had. He made me feel settled, safe and as if I had a whole future ahead of me with my best friend. When our marriage ended how I felt about moving forward was very reminiscent of the quote at the start of this post. I told myself and others that what I had with him, he brought out in me and I couldn’t or perhaps wouldn’t have that with anyone else. 

It is why I sought out alternative relationships. It is why I was okay with not meeting Bakji’s parents, using terms like girlfriend or having anything that even remotely resembled what society would observe as a ‘normal’ relationship. I doubt I would have admitted it at the time but I actively made my life look as different as possible to when I was with my ex. I don’t think this is a bad thing, I think I needed something different, I needed to step away from who I had been with my ex and in many ways, I needed to mourn the end of our marriage and the fact I would no longer grow old with a man I still considered a dear friend.

Someone recently asked on Twitter recently if any of us actually missed our ex’s and I have to say if I couldn’t be friends with my ex-husband I would miss him terribly. Not because I’m secretly still in love with him, or because I think one day we’ll get back together but because he was such a giant part of my life and we experienced things together that I can never go through with another person. Even now he is one of the very few people I can talk to about anything and everything and know there will be no fear of judgement, even when I’ve done something stupid or totally shitty. 

I also had so many experiences with Bakji that absolutely fit this week’s QuoteQuest prompt. He brought out the FemDom in me, no doubt about it and my god did we have some fun with that. Currently, it’s probably approaching close to a year since I really went all out with a FemDom scene and I don’t miss it. I may never miss it and if that is the case I will always be grateful for the ways in which Bakji encouraged my explorations as a FemDom. 

Then there’s Mr F … hey, I said I wasn’t going to only write about him, I didn’t say I wasn’t going to include him this at all. What Mr F brings out in me is the easiest most relaxed and perfectly balanced combination of love and lust I’ve ever felt. 

There were so many things on my never again list. I’d given myself lots of rules for my future self and then I met Mr F and just threw all of that out of the window. I don’t need any of it with him because I know what we have going on is better for being allowed to take its own path. It is still early days for us but I know we will have shared dreams, while still supporting the other persons own individual endeavours and I am excited for what the future holds for us. 

As much as I like to be fair and not erase the enjoyment I’ve had with ex-partners. When it comes to sex I have to say that the quote that started this post holds very true when I relate it to the sex I have with Mr F. It’s not that I didn’t find it pleasurable previously, I definitely did, but with Mr F we have a spark that has never been present before. The fucking with him is satisfying and pleasurable in a way that spread from the tips of my toes to the top of my head. It leaves no part of me untouched and when he strokes my hair or holds my hand a feeling ripples through that reminds me just how intense my passion is for him is. 

Alongside all of this, I’ve also been blessed with many amazing moments with awesome people that fit this quote perfectly. I’ve had spanking sessions with friends that just wouldn’t have been the same with anyone else. I’ve got drunk, silly and insightful with people in a moment that was just for us. We are still sold the fairytale romance of finding ‘the one’ and that person being our everything but I truly believe that opening your heart to special moments with friends, family and of course other partners if you’re non-monogamous is super important and can lead to a rich and wonderful tapestry of experiences.

2 thoughts on “[Life] What Was. What Is & What May Come

  1. I think, too often, as you mention here, we are sold a “one size fits all” narrative for love. But love (and lust) comes in so many wonderful packages. I appreciate how you note that each of your relationships has been the right one for that time of your life. That is a beautiful way to look at it.

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