As you have read many times on this blog since Mr F and I began dating I am very sexually satisfied right now. Whatever it is that makes two people sexually compatible, we have it and lots of it. It is refreshing, liberating and it makes me desire him and love him in ways that feel brand new. It makes me think of the quote from F. Scott Fitzgerald …
There are all kinds of love in this world,
but never the same love twice.
I never want to undo or wash away the ways I’ve loved other before now, but I cannot deny that what I feel now is worlds apart from what has gone before. The sexual chemistry and well-matched libidos go a long way towards that I think, but another truth I know, one that I feel in my heart is that it’s the little things that are really making the difference.
… he pulls me close, all the time. On the sofa, in bed, in the supermarket, when we’re chatting, when we’re silent. Asleep and awake he pulls me to him, wraps me in his arms and never seems in any rush to let me go. I always feel like that embrace is the best thing he could possibly be doing and I have never once felt the need to pull away or apologise for taking up his time and space.
… he kisses me well and often. There are kisses I start, but many more that I don’t and I love that. He kisses my lips, my neck, my back, my boobs, my belly. He kisses me when we’re cosy, when we’re in public, when we’re fucking and when we should be doing other things. He kisses me like kisses matter, not like they’re perfunctory or a means to end. He kisses me in the way I think everyone deserves to be kissed.
… he listens. He doesn’t cut me off mid-sentence or seem like what I have to say is uninteresting or too complicated for him to follow. He has listened to my thoughts about blogging, about parenting, about daft things and serious things. He’s asked questions when he needed clarification but has never just dismissed my words. Most of all I know he will be there to listen to things I have yet to discuss, the things I don’t yet know I even need to talk about and all the things big and small that matter to me.
… he feeds and waters me. I probably do the majority of cooking for us. But he can do it and he does do it and that is amazing to me. Sometimes it’s the simple act of placing a glass of water in front of me because he knows I’ve not had any. Or making me coffee or handing me a chocolate bar. It’s not that they’re big or complex gestures it’s that he cares enough to make them at all.
… he doesn’t judge me. Whether I’m discussing a kink he’s not into, even the more extreme ones, or my desire to spend all day playing Animal Crossing sometimes, not once has he made me feel like he’s casting aspersions on me. He just accepts me exactly as I am and has never once made me feel like a little more me or a little less me would make me a better version of myself. Rather he makes me feel like I am perfect exactly as I am.
I wondered for a long time if I wanted too much from relationships. That perhaps passion, kink, romance and thoughtfulness came together in such an unbalanced fashion that I always have to trade one, or even two, to experience the others in any satisfying way. Mr F has proven to me that I am not asking too much, that it is entirely possible for me to enjoy all those things in equal measure and not feel like I am lacking something in certain departments. I feel exceptionally lucky and exceedingly grateful to have found someone as lovely as Mr F to enjoy my adventures with.