[Photography] Sexier

Nothing is sexier than a man who admits he wants you

and does anything and everything he can,

to have and to keep you … – Unknown

When I wrote Secrets, Lies and Letting Go I knew, even if I hadn’t admitted to anyone or even to myself, that I was hoping for some kind of proper relationship with Mr F. As time went on though he was not catching up with my feelings it seemed and I thought I was destined to end up with a serious case of a broken heart and hurt pride.

It seems I was actually wrong and time was all it took for us to be on the same page. When we had the chat that resulted in us defining our relationship as a monogamous coupledom Mr F went headlong into being very excited. I have never and I mean never, has anyone be this excited to be with me, not only that but to be so eager and so happy to show me off.

The quote I used above is so true. It is sexy as fuck to see him bouncing around filled with energy and happiness and excitement because I am his. It’s also adorable and makes me feel like I something that should be looked after and treasured. I do not remember the last time I felt that way, there is a chance I have never felt that way before.

Today Mr F did something big for us, he did something that showed me he will do what it takes to be with me, properly, not just in some parts of life but in all parts of life and again, knowing that he is not only willing but actively wanting to take those steps, shows me that I mean something to him.

I knew that in 2020 I had to move away from being someone who was hard for a partner to explain. I didn’t want to worry anymore that my existence might lead to someone having to answer complicated questions about me. My poor heart was starting to grow tired of being in the shadows I think, of being compartmentalised in relationships and

While I found many wonderful things within the kink community, one of the difficulties I found was how sometimes the many options for labelling dynamics and relationships styles overcomplicated things instead of simplifying them. For me, at least, I just need the simplicity of having a boyfriend. That’s it, no long-winded explanations, no trying to find the right word for him, no worrying that I might get it wrong one day, just easy, simple, it is what it is and it is wonderful.

I’ve spent a long time reassuring myself that I don’t need a whole host of various things from a relationships and the more time I spend with Mr F the more I realise that maybe I don’t need them, but damn it’s nice to have them and now I’ve got them I don’t think I will ever want to let them go.

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