I love feeding people, in lots of ways and it is definitely one of my love languages and usually, one of the earliest to show itself. For me it’s not just cooking a meal for people either, it’s providing them with food in any way I can. Quite often when I go to work in the morning I will grab something to eat, don’t judge folks, but it’s often a sausage roll from Greggs! If I know Mr F is also working I will grab a spare, knowing the chances of him turning down a sausage roll are slim. Even that act of supplying him with food gives me pleasure, even if it is food I haven’t made.
When I am at work, food is the entire product of my job. I prepare it, I cook it and other people serve it to our guests. I love my job, even though I don’t know, or interact with the people I feed, I love feeding them. I enjoy knowing that they are perhaps eating with us to spend time with friends, family and often a date. There is a pleasure in knowing that the food I am cooking is part of their shared experience.
One of the things I have enjoyed immensely since being with Mr F is how food has played a role in our time together. We have eaten out, sometimes planned, sometimes spontaneously and I cannot stress how much I love this activity. The simple act of sitting, eating and talking together over food is one of the most delightful things you can do with another person. It is something I neglected for a long time, something I pushed to one side and stopped asking for and I probably should never have done that.
What I have always done though is make food for people. I probably cooked 95% of all the food my ex-husband ate in the ten years we were together. I made his breakfast, his lunch and his dinner every day from approximately our 6th week of being together. He was not much of a cook, still isn’t but I know he tries a bit harder these days, mostly because on some days of the week he has two small boys to feed. The truth is though I was happy feeding him, and he was happy to get takeout or eat out on the days I didn’t fancy cooking.
I also baked for him and would turn my hand to cooking anything he was in the mood for, even if it was something I didn’t enjoy myself. I’m don’t eat seafood, but he was a huge fan and I used to find great pleasure in buying and cooking those things for him, trying out new ways and seeing which ones he enjoyed the most. Food was definitely a huge part of our relationship and even now he tells my son how much he loved Mummy’s cooking and which things I am absolutely the best at. Above all else, hearing that he has fond memories of my food gives me the warm and fuzzies.
There’s always a moment when I find myself interesting in someone where that desire rises in me to say ‘How about I cook you dinner?’ and from the moment I know I want to do it, that question almost sits in wait, much like the words I love you do when you know that feeling has taken root and soon enough those words will leave your mouth. The strange thing about offering to feed someone is that they rarely understand the weight of the offer. For me though if we are fucking and I visibly enjoy feeding you then there’s a good chance I’ve got all the other feelings for you too.
As long as I’ve known Mr F food has been part of our conversations and he always stated that he wasn’t that great at cooking. Which doesn’t surprise me, I am apparently very skilled at finding men to fall for who aren’t great at cooking. What did surprise me though was his willingness to try and when he offered to feed me, not once, not twice, but repeatedly I think perhaps I caught a few extra feelings than I already had.
It’s not that partners haven’t fed me before, they have, but this is different in that is doesn’t feel like an imposition. Previously I’ve always felt a bit bad that I’m putting the other person out, and I should just be doing the cooking like I normally do, but there is something in the way Mr F offers, and his reaction once the food is made that makes me willing to sit back and let him do the feeding once in a while.
As I say food is something we talk about a lot and one of the conversations that sticks with me is when I offered to cook a roast dinner. Unfortunately, my oven died midway through cooking and the dinner never happened, but the run-up to it was great. Discussing what we’d be having Mr F made a comment that it had actually given him a hard-on knowing I wanted to cook him a roast dinner. He questioned if that was normal or not and honestly I think it probably is a fairly standard reaction for many people. Or maybe it isn’t and my assumption that it is, highlights how food is related to both love and sex appeal in my mind.
One of the other things Mr F does, that I’ve realised I enjoy and I actually don’t think anyone has ever done it before, or if they have, not frequently enough for me to notice, is putting food into my mouth with his fingers. Usually something sweet, but what it is isn’t actually relevant, it’s that act of him using his hands to put food into my mouth that makes something swell inside me, it feels good, though not sexual, it’s not a being fed kink as such, it’s just this lovely sense of food related intimacy.
I’m fairly sure I know why food is one of my love languages, I grew up with an extended family that used food as a way to show affection. Family gatherings centred around food, there was always a sense of ‘I’m so happy to see you, I’ve missed you, here have some food’.
Then there was the fact that until I was about 6 years old we didn’t have a lot of money, as in not enough money to pay all the bills, get broken things fixed, no matter how essential and often so little money my mum would be grateful when someone else offered to feed me. When money became a little more abundant it became clear how much my mum relished the fact that feeding me was no longer something she had to worry about, apart from the fact she worried in the opposite way, so feeding me up and making sure I had things that I enjoyed and things that nourished me became a very clear objective in her life.
I am not dissimilar in how I feel about feeding my son, I remember sometimes having to hear no in relation to food and it is very rare I say no to my little one if he wants to eat unless of course, it’s to moderate his sweet intake or similar. He is a growing boy and there really isn’t enough food in the world for him and as his mum, I am always happy to fill his belly and also I hope to help him explore new foods and grow a good relationship with food. Not only a healthy relationship with food but a joyful one. One of my favourite things to hear him say is that I am the best at making curry and roast dinner, hell yeah I am and putting those foods in my boy’s belly makes him happy and that in turn makes me one happy and satisfied mama.
The last thought I’ve had on food is also work related, though not in terms of making the food we sell. The people I work with have interesting boundaries in terms of interpersonal working relationships. Which is not unusual in the hospitality industry! One of the things I have had happen at this job, which has never happened in another job and has rarely happened in any personal situations either, is people having almost non-existent boundaries about sharing food.
On more than one occasion I have been eating something and someone has either just walked by and grabbed a bit of something off my plate, and even stranger I’ve had people take a bite of something I was holding in my hand and eating myself. I know for a fact that behaviour would be 100% not okay for many people and I understand why. Honestly though, I’ve become so used to it that it just feels like another way of sharing food with people and being the person I am I kind of enjoy it. There’s something quite sweet about someone feeling they can just take your food and enjoy it with you and of course we are all sensible and do know the limits; taking a chip or two, no problem, eating someone’s entire burger? Not cool.
I don’t think there is a relationship in my life, be it romantic, with family, with friends or with colleagues that doesn’t revolve around food in some way and I love that, I love food, I love feeding people and I love having people in my life to share this passion with me.