[Life] Making My Mind a Priority


Erotic Journal Challenge, January Jump Start 2020, Life, Mental Health, Self Reflection, Sex Bloggers for Mental Health / Tuesday, January 14th, 2020

I have a busy brain and I’m not very good at turning it off and that is primarily the root of my on and off existence with anxiety. Last year I pushed my brain to work harder than it ever has before. I made it create endless pages of content for the blog whilst also focusing on muggle work and my personal life. By the end of 2019 I was a little bit frazzled and I am in all honesty giving myself a massive break right now. 

Assuming that parenting is always my top priority and putting that aside as a given, last year my number one priority became this blog and I am so proud of what that achieved for me. In 2020 though there needs to be a bit of a shift, not only because life is a little different now, but because my brain probably can’t take the same pace again, not alongside my other changes too. I’ve gone from working 20 hours a week to 30, over the festive period it was actually closer to 45. Maintaining those hours and the same level of content as last year would be impossible. 

This does, however, mean I need to figure out two things; what my priorities are and what steps I’m going to take to be a little bit kinder to my brain. 

As I’ve mentioned previously I am 100% continuing to blog, there is no chance of me giving this up or leaving it behind. I love my blog, I love my readers and I need to be here for my own sanity. This outlet is a massive part of how I unravel my thoughts and get things straight in my mind, and your feedback and comments are a huge part of that. You folks often observe and point out things that I perhaps overlooked or not seen from a valuable perspective and that is invaluable to me. 

I am going to ease up though and I’m not going to panic if work keeps me tied up for a few days and posts don’t get done. One of the memes I’ve loved being involved in is Lingerie Is For Everyone, which I’ve missed for a couple of weeks now. Partly because I’ve been wearing less underwear, and partly because the energy to take photos has been lower. I will get back to it, but for now, I’m just having to accept that I need to go where my creativity and energy leads me. Another good example of my haphazard approach to blogging this year is that I starting writing this prompt for week 52 of Sex Bloggers for Mental Health but didn’t get it finished in time, so I’m linking it up in week 53 instead. I didn’t finish it because human interactions won over writing and I think this is a sign of me doing things right. 

As for the writing I will end up doing, well at the minute you’re just getting a long stream of me figuring things out about myself as I enjoy a new human. Apologies if I get boring with that, be grateful that I’m keeping it fairly factual and I’m not actually releasing the endless gushing about how fucking cute he is and how goddamn horny he makes me every single second of the day. I’m not sure anyone is ready for that, least of all him if he happens to stop by here, which is a possibility. 

Which leads me nicely to another priority, enjoying myself. I’m going to say yes to things that genuinely excite me and no to the things that don’t fill me with glee. This is also about mindfulness as well. I really struggle when I end up doing things that actually give me pangs of anxiety and just more stress than they’re worth. It feels harsh because this may mean saying no sometimes to people who mean well or genuinely wants to see me, but some people have no concept of why they make me anxious and really that doesn’t feel like my problem. Looking after myself is my problem, making myself happy is my problem and I committed to doing both those things as authentically as possible in 2020.

In terms of saying yes to things that make me happy, I have discovered some things of late that make me happy and I had no idea I missed them so much. I enjoy doing the regular things that folks often do together with another person. In the last month, I have been shopping, been for coffee and watched movies with someone all without worrying that we’d already done things together that week and without it meaning we needed to forego other plans. It’s been eye-opening, I had no idea I missed those kinds of things, but I think I have and doing them with someone has made me super happy. 

I also mentioned in passing to a colleague today that I’d like to go to the cinema more and she also said there are loads of movies she’d like to go and see but no one to go with. I genuinely like this girl, she’s fun to talk to and we have a good amount in common. I have promised myself that I am going to follow this up. I am not great at instigating friendships, but I think a message asking when we are hitting a movie together would be well received and it would make me so happy to have a movie friend. 

I’ve spent a long time living a fairly alternative lifestyle and I don’t regret that for a moment, I have loved my life over the last 6 years, but for the sake of mindfulness, I think I need something else for a while. That’s not to say the last few years have been bad for my mental wellbeing, that absolutely isn’t the case. I was living exactly how I needed to live and I treasure the time I spent being a kinky motherfucker and the people I had those kinky adventures with. My decision to open myself to something a little more ‘social norm’ is very much about where I am now, and a lot less about where I have been. 

I think I’m a little way off from my ideal or perhaps preferred situation in terms of relationships, as happy as my current play partner makes me (who was given the awesome nickname Mr Fuckery by my regular reader Michael, which I love and I will have more on this soon) I don’t think I can expect to him to ultimately want the same things as me, and that’s okay. He has his own reasons for wanting the things he does, and his own reasons for not wanting some of the things I do, at the minute I enjoy his company and our time together in such a way that it is worth balancing both our wants and needs and keeping things active between us. 

Part of my approach to keeping my mind calm is to eliminate unnecessary worries, which there can be many of if you’re someone who has any level of anxiety. I have promised myself that I will not continue in any dynamic, current or future, without being honest about my feelings and my desires. This might mean losing something good at some point, but I’ve taken many deep breaths and reminded myself that losing someone because you asked for something you needed and they couldn’t provide it is actually a blessing because it allows you the freedom to find what it is you are looking for in another place. 

It’s actually quite liberating to have reached this point, I’ve held so much in with regards to many aspects of life in the past with the aim being to please those around me and cater to their requirements often to the detriment of my own sense of wellbeing. That’s got to stop though, an example of me still doing this came up over the weekend, and my guarded bullshit came into action with Mr Fuckery and it almost cost me a night of lovely fucking and morning cuddles. Whereas straight-up honesty that I was free to see him and that I would like to would have got us to a sexy point much sooner. 

I think if I get my priorities straight it will do wonders for my sense of mindfulness and mental wellbeing. Emotional honesty and sexual needs are right up there as 2020 priorities and if I can get those things met I will be a very happy Floss. 

16 Replies to “[Life] Making My Mind a Priority”

  1. As I have anxiety, among other things, I completely relate to everything here. I left for a while because I needed too. We are different on blogging being an outlet though. Sometimes my blog is a wonderful outlet and sometimes it’s stress.

    “This might mean losing something good at some point, but I’ve taken many deep breaths and reminded myself that losing someone because you asked for something you needed and they couldn’t provide it is actually a blessing because it allows you the freedom to find what it is you are looking for in another place. “

    I ended my last because I took back my agency and started accepting nothing less then exactly what I want and need. It has been an awakening.

    You do you. *smiles*

    Respectfully,
    Mysticlez

  2. I love reading your posts. Whatever you do, I will keep reading them, even if they are less frequent (I don’t get to all of them the way it is, sorry!) And for human contact, keep it up! I haven’t done a ‘jump start’ post since my 2020 is pretty much mapped out, but I’m reading “The Body keeps the Score” by Bessel van der Kolk to figure out how my childhood and parents have fucked me up, even if they didn’t mean to. xoxo

  3. Floss,
    You know yourself the best obviously, as a follow anxiety person I know that keeping somewhat busy occupies my mind. In a good way, like the comfort I feel when it rains.
    Glad you’re putting yourself first. My kids are grown and my wife an I are empty nesters. That makes it easier, but it still took me way too long to do what you are doing.
    Keep up the great work and lm looking forward to your future posts, knowing there may be fewer.
    Tom

  4. First, thanks for the shout out! Much appreciated! Second, I can’t get the thought that you are wearing less underwear out of my mind—it is a huge fantasy for me for women to be without undergarments—particularly when they are in a dress or skirt!
    Third, if you write less, I will be grateful—sounds mean, but as I religiously read every post of every person I follow, sometimes I get overwhelmed. So a few less posts to read would be welcome! lol.
    Finally and most importantly (other than the underwear thing), I’m glad you’re looking after yourself! You are an amazing person but everyone needs to take responsibility for themselves. We all need to get adequate rest, sleep and nutrients. We need to recharge our minds and bodies! You’re making an investment in your future and all around you will benefit as well! Great post Floss!!
    (Are you wearing a dress??)

    1. Dresses and skirts have definitely become a more regular thing too! Often with knee high or over the knee socks, not in a school girl kind of way, but more in grown up sexy lady kind of way! I’ve never really been a fan of going without underwear, especially bras because I feel a bit self-conscious then about it being small boobed, but actually when it’s well received and someone is excited by it then the whole thing is totally different ☺️ it really has been a very fun thing to start discovering m, even more so as I don’t think it was something either of us planned, it just became a thing between us organically which is even better x

  5. You know what they say about too much work – so I am glad u are prioritising yourself (as well as parenting of course). I have no doubt u will still be entertaining us with your excellent words and images and co-hosting F4T – well u better lol – anyway – wishing u an amazing 2020 and with sb4mh u can link up no matter how late u are
    xx
    May More recently posted…Organise me ~ A Fleeting FlashMy Profile

  6. I can relate to so much here – you hit blogging last year like it was an olympic sport – and you won a gold! I’m glad your current “busy” is over things which are good, fulfilling and which help other parts of you to grow and flourish.
    Of course you can /should give yourself permission to do only what fulfills you, what nurtures you. I’ll keep visiting to read what you share; like Francesca, I don’t always catch everything, especially the frequency at which you were posting before. I love your Blog sharing how Floss does life. You call the tune, those who admire you will follow.

  7. Taking time to work out what you want from life and from your blogging and writing is worthwhile and necessary. Things and priorities change and it’s great to explore new things. Great post Floss xx
    Julie recently posted…Balancing our needsMy Profile

  8. This sounds really good. For the last few months you’ve written about how you’re changing on many fronts. To read that you’re working out what your needs and priorities are with these changes is great.

    Nice uplifting post.

  9. It sounds like you are very aware of what you need, and how to balance your needs and that is a good thing. I will always be here to read your words, even though I don’t always comment 🙂

    Rebel xox

  10. We all have different seasons of our life, and we must roll with them. It sounds like you are finding a healthy way to do that. Enjoy it for what it is. I know it can be very difficult to keep the anxiety at bay…I have a lot of trouble with that myself, which is why I made MINDFULNESS my keyword for 2020.

  11. I really identify with so much of what you’ve said here, Floss. It’s hard to find the balance sometimes, and taking care of the mind and mental wellbeing is so important. Whenever and whatever writing and photography you put on your blog, I will certainly be remaining an avid reader.

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