As always as soon as I saw mention of anal play over on the Tell Me About schedule my immediate response was, ‘yeah, not into it’, that isn’t exactly true though. Let me take you on a journey of butt plugs, pegging and failed attempts to stick willies up my bum.
The Ultimate Vanilla Adventure
I don’t know if this holds true for everyone and I suspect in fact it doesn’t, but in my days of non-kinky sex, anal seemed to be the ultimate in adventurous and ‘dirty’ sex. I was never overly inclined towards wanting to try and told my partner at the time exactly that. What happened was it became even more forbidden in his mind and as a result, he wanted it more and more.
I was willing to try, and try we did and it was not a pleasant experience. With the memory of asshole burn in my mind, I decided to do some research and discovered lots of helpful hints and ways I could progress to full anal sex more comfortably. I shared this with my partner and his response was less than excited. More he seemed to feel it was a lot of effort and not all that sexy for him when all he wanted to do was give it a try.
I felt a little deflated and decided that if he couldn’t take the long road, that would be better for me, then we would remove it from the table entirely. I also spent a large portion of my time with him trying to learn to deep throat with no success but was met with reluctance when I asked for more kisses, more oral sex and more fingering. So a veto on anal sex was put in place, discussion over and I wanted to hear no more about it.
The Enticing Cherry
When I split with my ex-husband I made some dubious choices in play partners, one of which was absolutely turned on by a lot of things in ways I now find uncomfortable. The interest in deflowering me anally was high, but mostly because it hadn’t been done by my husband, there was a definite hint of ‘let me do what he wasn’t man enough to’, which isn’t a cool attitude if you ask me.
I did, however, embark on anal play with this person and I won’t lie moments of it were enjoyable. I started using butt plugs, anal beads and small dildos during solo play and often during partnered play as well alongside rimming and anal fingering. We never progressed to willy in bum status though and I’m actually grateful for that.
When I ended this particular entanglement I was back to saying ‘no anal sex for me’, the reason being it had started to feel dirty and not in a good way. In hindsight, I think it was just a mismatch of people, but often I’d be reminded of how much I’d enjoyed his finger up my arse, or how I’d moaned when he’d tongued my arsehole and it made me feel so uncomfortable and a little ashamed. It wasn’t during the act, sometimes it was long after, or totally randomly and I wasn’t comfortable enough with the acts or my feelings surrounding them to have them used in that way.
These days I’m pretty much always happy to have a reminder of how dirty I am from someone I enjoy playing with, but I think perhaps that’s because I choose my play partners more wisely and I know they’ll get the tone just right and I feel celebrated rather than shamed.
I’m Still a Willy Virgin
That’s right, no nobs have been in my arse, ever. Just toys, fingers and a bit of tongue! When I met Bakji I was on the fence about it, thinking that it was a definite no for new partners, but maybe one day I’d be willing to try again for someone I was a bit closer too. With Bakji that isn’t a hurdle I’ve ever needed to cross because he’s not into giving anal at all.
When we first had the anal discussion I must admit I breathed a sigh of relief, not necessarily because I hate the idea of doing it, but because it always seems to come with so much pressure and I was definitely still in that headspace of feeling negative about having enjoyed it. The idea that it didn’t matter at all to someone and they weren’t going to pursue it just felt like a massive weight off my shoulders.
Do I Ever Get Curious?
Hell yeah, all the goddamn time. I’ve including anal sex in some of my erotica and usually when I do that I’m feeling horny as hell and in these instances, my body and mind always reach for activities that are unknown to me. I wrote When Dirty Girls Dream in a haze of desperate arousal and I had not planned to include anal sex, but apparently it was on my mind, so in it went.
I’d say anal sex is currently a soft limit for me. I’m definitely not going to be engaging in it with someone I don’t trust and I’d only consider doing it with someone who understood that for some of us it isn’t an act that comes naturally. I would, however, be open to discussing it if the time felt right and the desire was mutual.
Face Down, Ass Up, That’s The Way I Like To …
… stick my strapon up someone’s bum!
Okay, that’s not entirely true. I do like popping my strapon into bottoms but not necessarily in that position. I do enjoy exploring anal as a top though. It’s not something I’m a pro at, there is definitely still a lot to explore and more bums to conquer but it’s definitely on the list of things I enjoy.
It’s strange because even though giving anal sex is the activity I am most familiar with and have had more success with it doesn’t call to me in those moments of relentless horniness, in the same way, receiving it does. There’s something about having it done to me that activates a lot of feelings around what the bottom in me currently veers towards as arousing. In part, it is because it seems ‘dirty’ but I do mean in a good way this time, maybe seeming extra naughty would be a better way of putting it and I must confess as bottom the idea of being ‘taken’ in that way does make my cunt twitch. It may always remain a fantasy though because I think the situation I’m seeking is so specific that it may not exist.
What I do know is that my kinks and sexual interests are constantly evolving, at the moment I am in a very clear state of flux, kink libido is low, sex libido is high. I’m not saying I’m rushing out to give anal a try this very second, but I know what I’m like, one day in the future, maybe a month from now, maybe a year, maybe many years, there is a high chance anal will become a larger part of my play because even with unsuccessful attempts under my belt something about it still draws me in and I am far too curious to leave a thing of intrigue left unexplored.