When May and I took over Food For Thought Friday our first prompt was Room 101, this past week a post someone shared for that week has been on my mind and I realised it was probably time to discuss one of my kinks that I enjoy intensely, both as a top and a bottom.
The post that has been on my mind this week was by Missy because one of the things she said she’d send to Room 101 one was ‘kink hierarchy’ including the use of the many variations of YKINMK (Your Kink Is Not My Kink). It was never something I’d consider before to be honest, to the point where I reflected on my own usage and hoped I’d never come across as saying it in this way. I feel confident I haven’t, even more so since I shared Need the Crack of a Whip.
The pictures in that post and the one used as my header image show my very bruised bottom and thighs. Pictures actually didn’t do them justice, they were freakin’ intense to look at and I loved them. I love the scene that created them and I love the friend who was kind enough to hit me with his many impacts devices to achieve them.
When another blogger kindly shared that post to Twitter, another Twitter follower came along and simply commented ‘YKINMK’. This person doesn’t follow me and didn’t really acknowledge me despite my Twitter handle being included in her comment. When the blogger who shared it asked what that meant, they went on to clarify with an additional comment about it making them ‘cross everything and wince’ or words to that effect, I can no longer see the original comment to offer it up word for word.
Honestly, those comments were kind of unnecessary. It wasn’t a discussion, they weren’t thoughtful ways to engage in a debate about we all like different things, all they did was make it clear that the person commenting does not like my kink. Good to know, what the fuck difference does it make though? Just move along, why feel the need to say anything at all? It’s then that I absolutely got where Missy was coming from in her post and I totally agree that the kink hierarchy is totally uncalled for.
This is a post for That’s My Kink though, so negativity aside I want to make something very clear … I FUCKING LOVE BRUISES & MARKS! We are talking one of my top kinks as both a top and a bottom and when I get them I wear them with absolute pride and joy.
I’ve discussed being a masochist before and it is great fun in and of itself, but having something to show for the pain you go through is such a beautiful bonus. The scene that got me the bruises that I’m currently discussing was that had no D/s elements to it, but the exchange of energy was awesome. There was a lot of checking in as my body seemed to reach its limit, and a lot of me saying ‘nope not done yet’.
It felt amazing to be totally present for all the pain and engaged in what was happening and when I got back and realised just how beaten up my backside and thighs looked my inner masochist just swelled with happiness.
Explaining the joy of bruises to someone who doesn’t get it is a little tricky. In the same way, it’s a little bit hard to explain why I love being covered in tattoos to someone who finds them unpleasant to look at. All I know is that when I look at my skin and it’s covered in bruises that I consensually received from someone who was passionate about giving them to me it feels like a gift. My friend who gave me those bruises is not someone I am sexually intimate with, but the intimacy involved in the kind of impact play we did is just wonderful.
For reasons I will probably never uncover I get a real buzz from seeing my skin marked. I like seeing it change and evolve. For me bruises and tattoos go hand in hand, they probably don’t for everyone, but they are both a transformation, a choice, a way to outwardly show who I am inside.
As a sadist, I like bruises for different reasons. For those who are happy to receive them bruises are a beautiful way to remind someone that we played together. There’s a quote that pops up often on social media … ‘Bite marks are love notes written in flesh’ … that sums up how I feel about leaving marks and bruises on people perfectly. To be allowed to leave someone with visible memory of the fun we had is such an honour and one I am always very grateful for when it is offered to me.
With Bakji this is something that happens often. I don’t leave him with bruises like the ones I had in those pictures, because impact play isn’t something we do a lot of. However, I do like to bite and I love to scratch him with needles, both of which leave their marks. Rope also seems to like to leave little love notes on his flesh too and even those these are usually less intentional I still enjoy them immensely.
When I scratch Bakji or bite him I know it will leave a mark and there is definitely an element of claiming my territory when I do these things. As you all know our D/s dynamic is casual, and there is no formal sense of ownership, but when we play he is MINE, all mine and those marks are very much me claiming him and making that fact abundantly clear. Yes, it’s meant in a playful and loving way, but there’s no denying my intent in those moments.
It is rare I get to sport bruises of the kind I really enjoy, so when I find myself able to admire them it really is such a treat. I understand it isn’t for everyone and I know that some people have concerns about heavy bruising that goes beyond how they look, and that’s understandable, but that’s why many of us practice Risk Aware Consensual Kink (RACK) and why things that create heavy bruising and marks are considered edge play.
While people may not like what we do, it is our choice to do it and our right to enjoy the fruits of our masochism. If you don’t like it, just move on, we (by we I mean bruise loving kinksters) know this is a kink that isn’t for everyone and we are okay with that, you don’t need to take the time to tell us how awful we look to your eyes, because we think we look beautiful as fuck and you don’t need to make sure we know you think it’s weird to like this stuff, because most of us like even weirder stuff and for most of us it’s all part of our charm.
What isn’t charming is being judgemental and unnecessarily unkind, those things will mark your soul and unlike our bruises, I doubt those marks will fade.