I can’t share information about my muggle job with you all, which normally isn’t a problem but for this particular post, it would have been handy. Instead, I will tell you why this job above all others is relevant to the topic of Blogger Love Languages, which has been presented to by Mx Nillin.
In my muggle life (my none kinky, none blogging life) I word in hospitality, it’s a job I took to pay the bills and I intended to leave within about three months. In about four weeks I have been there a year! The simple reason for my staying is that I feel valued and I feel valued because I receive recognition and thanks for doing my job.
I get paid to do my job, whether it’s busy or quiet I am paid to be there and I am paid to work to the best of my abilities. At the end of a shift though, especially a tough one when a manager turns around and says ‘thank you for today’ that makes a massive difference. When they look at my preparations for the day and say they’re happy with what I’ve done, that makes me feel good about myself.
This is only one way in which I find my job rewarding, you could probably also identify actions that would come under the Love Languages of quality time together and receiving gifts. It probably seems very strange to link love languages together with a job, but in truth, whether a relationship is about business or pleasure how we feel valued in our given roles tends to remain the same.
When I started blogging what made me feel rewarded for doing so was just anyone coming to visit me, those early visitors who left likes and comments were the very reason I’ve kept going. They all supported me with additional information like what memes to visit, that the Smut Marathon existed and bless them also nominating me for Molly’s Top Blogger list in 2017, even though I didn’t realise where I’d placed until the results for 2018 were almost in.
Words Of Affirmation Are My Kink
When I write my non-fiction pieces and people tell me it resonated with them, or it helped them get a better understanding of a kink they don’t have, that feels good for me. Words of affirmation are the number one way that I feel good about anything in life. Ones with meaning though, words that tell my why and how are absolutely the best.
I saw a post of Reddit yesterday that comes to mind now too. A chap asking why his wife wasn’t feeling attractive even though he’s always telling her she looks hot and someone pointed out that repeating the same words eventually leaves them lacking, likely what would have worked better are phrases like ‘that dress looks great on you’, ‘your boobs look amazing in that bra’ and so on and so forth. I definitely relate to this in personal terms and in blogging terms too.
Those of you who tell me why and how my words reached you are AMAZING! I cannot even begin to express how much love and gratitude I have for you all in my heart.
When I write erotica and you leave words that make it exceptionally clear that I at least for a moment got you hot under the collar, I am so here for that. When I write something dirty and it resonates too, well that just a bloody big bonus. Especially when I write something a little bit naughty like Secret Keeper. Which may seem naughtier to me because I know what inspired it, so though, the fact so many of you were responding with ‘hell yeah, this is the best kind of secret’ made me feel so freakin’ happy.
You Shall Not Pass
There is however a small section of people who don’t get to comment on my blog. Anyone who leaves offensive or over graphic comments does not get their comment moderated. This blog has and always will be a safe space for both myself and my readers and I refuse to compromise on that.
I do not want someone reading about their kink and feeling good because they’re reading something by someone who gets them only to read the comments and see someone telling us how we’re sick perverts who deserve no happiness. I refuse to let this happen on my watch.
I don’t mind healthy opposing opinions, I don’t mind folks letting me know that totally isn’t their kink but that they enjoyed reading my thoughts on it, but if you read something you feel the urge to truly dispute or disparage then you need to use your own platform for that. My comments section does not exist for hate, bigotry or shaming of any kind.
Do Photos Blur the Lines?
As most of you will know I do enjoy sharing erotic images on the blog. I love the creative outlet I have found in taking these photos and I am immensely proud of some of them. Some of them are very suggestive and as such they invite suggestive comments, which on other platforms has been nothing but problematic.
I use Instagram far less these days than I used to because the reception my photos get on my blog is far more appropriate than the reaction I would get for the same photos over on Instagram. By all means please tell me you think I’m hot and my photo made you squirm in your seat, especially if we have some any kind of ongoing rapport.
I’d rather not receive a dick pick and an endless stream of lewd descriptions of just how disgusting you’d like to be in my presence. This is even more offputting when it is from a total stranger. This happened every day on Instagram but is a very rare occurrence here on the blog.
To stop anyone worrying none of my regular readers who leave comments have ever upset me in this manner, I have a small selection of readers whose appreciation of my photos never fails to make me smile and yes these comments sometimes do include mentions of how their genitals responded to my image, but when I know you, even just a little bit, and I know you see me as more than just a body, this becomes a far more appropriate exchange.
What Do I Offer In Return?
I live in constantly state of regret that I can no longer seem to find the time to respond to every comment I receive on the blog. I always used to even if it was just a thank you. It sounds horribly full of myself to say I get so many comments I just can’t keep up, but it isn’t necessarily the volume of them that prevents this happening now. It’s a combination of quantity of comments, continued output on the blog and muggle life taking more and more of my attention these days.
That job that makes me feel valued has done a real number on me and I find myself actually wanting to be there more so I can be of more assistance to my team. I also work damn hard and it’s a physically demanding role, so often when I’m home I’m void of energy, getting the content created is my main concern, then visiting all of your wonderful blogs comes next, getting to the comments section always seems to be the harder part.
This is why I try and do #SoSS posts whenever I can and more importantly it is why I try and be supportive of all your individual blogs too. Again I don’t get to you all as often as I’d like. What I will say though is if you ever have anything you think I’d be interested in or even something that for whatever reason you’d like me to read then please let me know. I’m not arrogant enough to think you’re all sat at home just waiting for me to read your stuff, but I know there are times certain bloggers visit me and it makes me feel good to see them here. If for some reason I am that person for you, please, please, please let me know.
In terms of my personal relationships quality time together is my main love language. I like spending time with people that matter to me. I enjoy going for lunch with my Dad, I like going on adventures with my small human and even though it may not look the same I do enjoy quality time with my fellow bloggers.
I guess the biggest opportunity for time together is Eroticon and I cannot wait for March for my second visit. Which I hope will involve less angst than my first visit. Although Molly very kindly accepted my speaker submission so in 2020 I have a whole new set of things to worry about, mainly will anyone show up or will I just be delivering my speech to Bakji!
For those of you that will also be going, and I do appreciate it isn’t viable for everyone, I am very much looking forward to having the opportunity to share good conversation with those of you that would like to sit down for a natter. Last year when I got home there was a small flurry of messages from folks who were too shy to say hello or felt like our conversations were too fleeting. Those people, if they go again, are 100% on my list of people I am going to pin down (figuratively not literally) for some quality Floss time.
A Little More Food for Thought
When May and I took over Food for Thought we were, of course, hoping our fellow bloggers would come and join us for the F4T merriment. I am amazed at how many of you have paid us a visit and taken the time to write a post for us.
Hosting a meme is intense, Molly, Kayla and Marie are the meme Queen’s and they make it look seamless and effortless but trust me, underneath that, is a lot of hard work and a huge amount of commitment. Which means people showing up and getting involved is the very essence of everything we need to keep going.
This past week was a scheduled break for F4T because we wanted to change the days the prompt went live and the day it closed. We are hoping this will allow more of you to get involved, as we know the active days were not allowing everyone to link their post in time. The new prompt goes live today and in terms of support seeing as many of your names as possible in that link up each week makes me unbelievably happy and those of you who rock up every week and write something for us, you are my heroes.
It All Counts
If you’re worried that for some reason as a visitor to my blog you are not supporting me in some way you think I would like, please don’t. I see my stats, I know how many folks are visiting me and trust me I see every one of you and I thank my lucky stars so many of you swing by.
If you have ever pressed like on a post that’s a massive boost for me. I love my like button and when you guys push it you give me seriously good feels. Those of you who share posts via social media are not only making me feel like my post touched you but you’re also helping spread my work to other people and that is fantastic.
If you ever write a post that you feel needs an extra boost please let me know if I can share it for you on Twitter, even if you’re not on there yourself, it is great platform for directing folks to the posts you are most eager for them to see.
While I’m not arrogant enough to think I can drastically enhance your visitor numbers, I’m also not silly enough to pretend that I don’t see my own reach and if I can use that for good, to benefit other awesome bloggers in this community then I am happy to do so.
The Greatest Reward
Likes, sharing and comments aside there is one thing that means more to me than all of that and it is the connections I have built and continue to build with my fellow bloggers and readers. I LOVE, as in capital L, genuine affection felt, this community and my life is better and brighter for having all of you in it.