Content Warning: The title is a giveaway, but in case you missed it this post deals with the topic of incest fantasies.
On Monday I shared Talking About Taboos which opened up a very interesting set of conversations on Twitter, one of which happened in my DM’s and led me to think that this week’s That’s My Kink should be dedicated to a kink that isn’t mine. I have only done this once before since I started my That’s My Kink series and that was to cover fabulous figging. The only other time I’ve written an entire post about a kink that isn’t mine is when I shared Cuckolding: It’s Not Completely Cuckoo.
Overall I’m not a huge fan of people writing about kinks they don’t have, I often find it insufferable watching someone trot out the standard definitions and generalised versions of the play it involves and all of the nuances are lost and I feel like no one ever really learns the true beauty of any given kink that way. Which means in some ways I’m a massive hypocrite, but once in a while a kink gets under my skin and I feel compelled to discuss it and this has happened with incest fantasies.
Before I start I do want to say that while the Twitter Lovely who helped inspire this wishes to remain anonymous their input has created a post that would not otherwise exist. They are someone who enjoys exploring incest fantasies involving fictional characters, it is 100% a kink that hurts no one, explored mostly through erotica, yet it’s a kink they don’t feel entirely ready to share with the world and they are not alone. Incest fantasies, despite their popularity, appear to one of the most taboo kinks going.
I just took a quick glance at Pornhub and there were five videos relating to family members fucking. Usually, it’s Step-parents fucking their legal but ‘teen’ charges, sometimes, but rarely, for legal reasons, it’s ambiguous and just says ‘sweet sexy sisters in threesome’ or something similar. These videos are popular, and they do not feature actual family members. Research tells me though that there is at least one set of male twins who do actually record gay porn together, twincest porn as it were. By and large though if you click onto one of those ‘Step-daddy fucks …’ videos you are not watching actual incest unfold.
For many people, this is seen as a dangerous kink and the porn that depicts it equally so. In cases of genuine incest more often than not there is an abuse of power happening and likely a degree of harm and trauma is being experienced, often by a minor. I understand not wanting to perpetuate the idea that something that can have such dire effects on a person life is okay and I would never want to make light of or invalidate anyone’s experience. Please know I am discussing this because I don’t think kind and decent members of our community should be sitting alone with a kink that is actually not reflective of those genuine cases of harm and abuse.
I suspect there are people who like to see incest porn entirely removed from the world, I wonder though how people with these fantasies would view their own kinks if they didn’t have a way of knowing they weren’t the only ones to have it? This is my main reason for believing that we should discuss even the taboo kinks and have erotic outlets for them, such as porn and erotica. It also interests me that we have become desensitized in many ways to exploring the erotic sides of some darker things, yet some still remain on the ‘no go’ list.
I have admitted in front of more than one person and in fact on the podcast to having a slight ‘serial killer kink’. When I first met Bakji he had this cheap white rope, which he used to use during our kinky scenes, often around my neck, in a risk-aware and consensual way. What I loved about this was the idea that he had it in his power to kill me, he is stronger than me, was in a position of power and effectively held all the cards. I knew, without even a moment’s hesitations that he wouldn’t. Exploring those dark thoughts is fun though.
I got my best result of this year’s Smut Marathon with a story called Killer Climax (below for those who like an erotic interlude) about a woman masturbating to a guy who had committed horrific crimes. Lots of my fellow bloggers have explored similar topics and they are always popular. Murder is an abhorrent thing to do. LIterally taking someone’s life, wiping them from the earth, robbing their family of their loved one, it’s deplorable, yet we seem okay with making it sexy. No one has ever batted an eyelid when I’ve discussed this publicly. Yet if when I see my friends at the weekend I declare I’ve got a purely fantasy-based incest kink, I bet some of them would instantly be uncomfortable.
The blood on my skin was still warm and my cock so erect it hurt. Looking up from the carnage, I watched the door open. The detective always came to see my artistry. Now she could see the artist. I smiled as she stared up at me, stunned but fearless.
Hidden from view a single finger glides between my slick folds. I gaze upon him, not with fear or contempt as people might assume, but with arousal.
The file containing his every crime is arranged before me, peppered with highlights of his bloodshed and carnage. My moral fibre tells me he is a monster. My body betrays me though; cunt twitching, breasts tingling as I watch him through the one-way mirror.
Fixated by his calm demeanour I rub my clit, as an inaudible moan escapes my lips. No remorse, no shame; he simply emanates a sense of curiosity and I shudder against my own fingers as I climax.
Focus and clarity are needed to interview a killer and nothing clears my mind like an orgasm.By Floss Liddell – 1st paragraph by another blogger
Which tells me incest isn’t a palatable kink. Even at its fictional fantasy level and despite the fact when you break it down I suspect it has a lot more to do with elements of other kinks than people perhaps realise. When I pointed this line of thinking out to Bakji, he said that murder is statistically less likely to happen, whereas as incest is a more common occurrence. He’s probably right, so I think it’s worth noting that my family history states that murder is more common. So perhaps that affects how strange I think it is that people find it a more palatable interest.
Moving back to the topic at hand though, I took to Twitter for a second time to ask people whether or not they had ever watched any incest fantasy porn and the results were fascinating. The numbers of my poll perhaps less so than the responses I got in my DM’s. Fellow bloggers and twitter lovelies have this kink and they do not want to tell folks because they’re worried about the reactions they get and how they will be perceived.
Not a single one of the people I spoke to have an interest in a real-life family member, however, I’d be inclined to reserve your judgement on that scenario too for just a moment. Everyone I spoke to enjoys the fantasy elements of exploring a fictional familial dynamic in a kinky or sexual way, in many ways and for many people it seems the extreme taboo nature of it does play into the kink. Even so, I find it sad that we are pushing people into silence because we’re maybe not taking time to listen to why something is appealing and allowing ourselves the space to differentiate between what is harmful and what is not.
As with all kinks that intrigue me, or find their way onto my list of things I enjoy, I go searching on the internet to see what people are saying about them. I have in the past few years found myself in some very interesting online spaces, none have used words like ‘shame’, ‘weird’, ‘abnormal’ and ‘freak’ as much as places where people were questioning their interests in incest fantasies. Nowhere did I see anyone actually looking to engage in a harmful dynamic, it was all fantasy-based, linked in with key components we see regularly in BDSM. Power exchange, consensual non-consent, caregiver dynamics to name just a few.
What I did see, and this is the bit I suspect will have many of you disagreeing with me, unfollowing and thinking I’m of dubious character, is people exploring how in reality in their formative years they did have moments where the family members they lived with perhaps helped form or influence their sexual or kinky interests. To be crystal clear I am not talking about people who followed through or even wanted to be sexual with family members. However, there are lots and lots of people who can tell you that the skirts their sister wore definitely gave them complex feelings, or someone who gave foot massages as a youngster having a foot fetish.
In my mind that does not make those people, or their kinks any stranger than the rest of us. One of my kinks is quite literally making Bakji bleed and then licking him, how is that any better than someone having developed a kink from rubbing feet as a teenager! Yet somehow I bet I could explain my blood licking kink with less raised eyebrows than anything that involves a starting point involving a family member, even if that starting point was non-sexual and in no way abusive or harmful.
One of the theories surrounding how and why we develop the sexual and kinky interests we do is that the things we are surrounded by, or witness at a time when hormones are fluctuating and surging can have an effect on the things we enjoy as we move forward. Personally given how I came to be kinky this makes a lot of sense. Does it not also make sense that in some cases, the dynamics we experienced for a long time as a young person might hold some kind of interest for us as we explore adulthood.
Again, I am not saying this reflects on how people feel about their actual family members, but I do think incest fantasies are perhaps a far more common progression of sexual and kink interests that we are perhaps willing to explore, not only as a society but as a community of sex and kink positive folks too.
When you wander off on the internet having typed in incest fantasies, one of the terms you come across is Genetic Sexual Attraction. This is a sexual attraction that occurs between blood relatives who first meet as adults. I am certain that many of us have heard of this happening and if people are totally honest I’m willing to bet it makes them just as uncomfortable as the notion of incest does.
I wonder how many of you have read I experienced Genetic Sexual Attraction, a guest blog hosted by Girl on the Net. The person who wrote that speaks honestly about the attraction they felt towards their half-brother. The reason I mention this is because there are a whole range of situations in which our feelings can go in a direction we do not expect, attraction to a family member does not always equal non-consent and abuse. Sometimes it means confusion, complexity, sadness and loss and incest fantasies seem to inhabit that same level of complex feelings despite the fact they exist for many people in an entirely fictional manner.
For anyone who thinks incest fantasies or Genetic Sexual Attraction are things for people they don’t know. The article I linked to above was written by a well-loved and amazing blogger May More. Who I suspect you alk know and love because she is awesome. I debated whether or not my post should include May’s link, even though I thought of it straight away when I became to write this post and actually sought permission from May to do so in the end after she included her link in response to my Twitter enquiries.
I genuinely wonder how many more people have had some kind of arousing moment when it comes to incest fantasies or perhaps can follow their kink back to something a family member had or did. I am willing to bet it is more people than are willing or ready to discuss it. As for me? Well as I said, this isn’t my kink, it would be easier if it was because handling other people’s kinks with care is a lot of pressure.
I will be honest though and say I’ve watched plenty of the porn related to this topic. It often plays into a lot of other kinks I have and any issues I have in watching it are more related to ethical porn consumption rather than the ethics of the kink itself. As a teenager, I was also a huge fan of Brookside (don’t judge, it was the 90’s) which actually presented us with a plot involving two twins who were very much in love and sexually involved.
A brief venture into TV forums has conversations in recent years still asking about that storyline, saying it must have been depraved and disgusting. Honestly, I always hoped they’d just drive off into the sunset together, which they did and live happily ever after. It always seemed tragic to me that their feelings had taken them to a place that just wasn’t acceptable.
Then there is The Cement Garden. A book that was released in 1978 that I read as a teenager. This book kick-started Ian McEwan’s career and is a cult hit even 40+ years after its release, the theme? Incest. Not a bit of incest, but a lot of incest, from beginning to end. Loving that book as a teenager was something I did keep secret. I’ve since heard people say they’ve read it but found it hard to stomach. Did some bits cause my breath to catch in my throat, absolutely. Have I read it more than once though? Indeed I have.
I’m sharing these fictional instances of my own enjoyment for no other reasons than brutal honesty and total clarity. Perhaps I do understand more than I realised what it is like to sit with the knowledge that you enjoy something that others perceive to be disgusting and immoral. I began writing this post because I truly believe that silencing our kinks is more harmful than exploring them. I also know that even when you have a voice and a platform it can be terrifying to reveal parts of yourself that you know people might judge you for because at the end of the day we are here to find our people and be validated as beautiful, kinky, sex-positive bundles of awesome and it doesn’t feel that validating when someone shames you for your kink.
Many of you who visit this blog regularly have paid me many kind compliments, overall I appear to be perceived as a decent human being, which I must admit is gratifying. I suspect if any blog post will make you reconsider, it’s this one. Not because I’ve said or done anything particularly awful, but because I’ve had the audacity to discuss something that will make lots of people feel uncomfortable. I thought about this before hitting publish, before even beginning writing and I’ve decided I’m okay with making some people uncomfortable, especially if it makes even one person feel less alone with their desires.