[That’s My Kink] Public Play


#TellMeAbout, BlogDaysOfSummer, Kink, That's My Kink / Friday, August 16th, 2019

Image is me at an event where I definitely got my public play on!

As with everything related to kinky adventures I’ve been on a bit of a journey with public play. When I first joined the kinky community I was a little bit lost and looking for new friends, I had a whole life of my own that I needed to build. I was so focused on finding people, that many of the acts I might participate in never even crossed my mind. 

My first experience of playing in public was unplanned and not something I’d recommend other people undertaking, but was in truth totally exhilarating. On my first visit to our now-defunct local peer rope group, I did my very first rope suspension, having never been in rope before. To this day it is still one of the most intense suspensions I’ve ever done. I had no concept of rope and it’s dangers because I was the very definition of a fledgeling kinkster. While hindsight tells me it wasn’t a great move, memory tells me how awesome I felt. Not only did I feel amazing in the ropes, but once I was out of them the reception from people watching was addictive. 

After that day I did a lot of rope bottoming, I learnt a lot more about the dangers and intricacies of rope bondage and I worked damn hard to be the best rope bottom I could be. My core strength increased, my knowledge of what my body could and couldn’t tolerate increased and I loved every moment I spent in rope. I won’t lie though when there were other people to watch my rope scenes my enjoyment soared to new heights. 

I loved that people were watching as I was put through my paces. I enjoyed doing things that made them ooh and aah, it was fun, it was performance and for the first year of being a community kinkster that was my only experience of public play. I never imagined at the time that my experience of public play would extend to being a Top and I certainly never imagined having sex in public! 

Topping in public was my next venture, so we shall stay true to the timeline and discuss that next. When I started learning rope on Bakji, it wasn’t with a lot of D/s dynamic involved. I felt quite self-conscious about showing people that other side of me and was terrified people would criticise my technique, not just with rope, but as a Top in general. 

Once again though things change and as our dynamic shifted further towards FemDom there came a point where Bakji just didn’t fancy Topping at events anymore and playing meant I needed to step up and dominate his bum publicly as well as privately if we wanted to do more than just socialise at events. Which I very much did want to, I wanted to play and take advantage of equipment and eventually I realised, I wanted to be watched 

Maybe not the first time, maybe then I hoped no one was really paying attention. Maybe not the second time, when I could see people watching but pushed them from my mind until a nice gentleman said how great we were to watch. Maybe the third time though, yes maybe then I scanned the crowd and hoped they’d be watching me put Bakji through his paces. 

Why do I hope people are watching? Various reasons I think. I have someone who I think I worthy of being looked at. Bakji is gorgeous, every day, always but there is something that amplifies his beauty when he subs, not just for me, for others too and I want people to see that. It’s glorious and I love knowing people are watching when I draw that out of him. There’s also a clear cut case of enjoying the chance to show off. When we’re young we’re told that showing off isn’t appropriate and as a child, it’s something I never did, and as I grew older I was very careful to be modest and humble and resist the temptation to showboat even when the opportunities arose. 

As a kinkster all those things I was told to do or not do as a child definitely manifest in many of my kinks, and a permission you are granted when you play publicly is permission to show off, just a little. Should that be the entire purpose of your scene? Probably not for a kink scene no, but a little goes a long way, and that small amount of grandstanding always feels incredibly fun to me. 

Even once I discovered I enjoy kinky play in public on both sides of the slash, I still never imagined I’d be into public sex. A lot of the kink events we go to aren’t very sex-focused in public areas, and we had never been inclined to head to any couples rooms. Then we went to an event focused solely on sex and I discovered the joy of public play all over again. 

That event worked wonders for my understanding of my voyeuristic and exhibitionist tendencies. I loved being able to watch and not worry if I was staring, because that was rather the whole point. On the flip side though I loved being able to really go for it, riding Bakji hard on a sofa, giving into every ounce of pleasure that came my way, knowing that other people were getting off on it and using it to fuel their own arousal too. 

One of the things I enjoy about playing with someone in public, and due to our non-monogamous status it isn’t always Bakji I play with publicly, is that despite all the people around us, I do find myself thrust into a little bubble with the person I’m engaging with. I am aware that other people surround us, aware that I’m being watched but my focus, the main object of my desire is the person I have tied to a spanking bench or the person who has brought me to my knees by their feet. 

I love knowing that while everyone can see what we’re doing, rarely can anyone else hears the whispers or the whimpers. Even in public, there are many aspects of play that are just for me. That smile, that moan, that look in their eye. Even if someone else sees it, do they know what it means or why it occurred, quite possibly not. 

There is something wonderful in displaying yourself and your dynamic, yet knowing seeing is not experiencing and so much of your delicious and beautiful intimacy can never be known by others even if you played publicly a thousand times over. I feel like this even when I play with someone new for the first time, which often takes place publicly. Even if I only play with someone once, there are nuances and secrets of that scene no one will ever know even if they watched it from start to finish. 

When it comes to lots of kinks I enjoy, I find when I analyse them that what I enjoy is the contradiction of them. Either they are a contradiction of what I’m like in everyday life or they’re a contradiction of what people think them to be and public play is a little like that for me. By its very nature, it is not a private kink, yet at the same time, it is, intensely private. You can watch, but you can’t touch. You can touch, but you can’t take me home. 

I often see folks wondering if public play is for them. If they’d enjoy engaging in a kink scene at BDSM club or having sex at a sex party and to be honest I think the only way to know is to try. You can imagine what it might be like, and you can consider all the reasons it may or may not be for you, but doing it comes with a whole host of feelings and sensations that I don’t think you can necessarily predict. 

I never would have predicted the joy I find in playing publically, no one could have explained how or why it would thrill me the only way I discovered it was by trying and now it’s absolutely a kink I indulge in when opportunities for it come my way. 

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6 Replies to “[That’s My Kink] Public Play”

  1. Thank you for sharing your experiences… can I ask? How did you go about improving your physicality for rope suspension? Its something MrH and I want to get into but I worry I am not fit enough…..

    1. Of course, I’ll be honest though and say, that provided you follow all safety precautions and the knowledge to do suspensions is there, then you absolutely are fit enough. I’ve seen all kinds of people do suspension and fitness did not always play a key part in ability. Just putting that out there in case I get told off for being elitist towards fitness! In terms of what helped me in terms of rope bottoming, anything that focuses on your core strength will help. All kinds of exercises can help with that, including yoga. Which has the added benefit of encouraging flexibility which is another factor that helps with suspensions. Against isn’t a must-have, but increased flexibility does help. I don’t know if you’ve read them, but there are two books by Evie Vane which are fabulous for rope bottoms to read https://www.amazon.com/Little-Guide-Getting-Tied-Up-ebook/dp/B00LK2KKTS that one and also Better Bondage for Every Body. There’s also some great information in this PDF by Clover http://kinkyclover.com/downloads/rope_bottom_guide.pdf. If you’ve not read anyone them I 100% recommend them all, I think they’d really help with this topic. Also not sure how much rope MrH has done in general, but if you’re learning from scratch or beginning again after a long time I definitely recommend learning from people if you can. Especially if you are lucky enough to have rope groups nearby. Hope that helps and if you’d like any more information I’m happy to help where I can. Floss x

  2. It is posts like this which make me sure that there would be something for me in public play that I have yet to experience. I love the way you write about how it has been for you and the thrill of being watched. It makes me think that finding the right place would mean that it could be a really pleasurable and intense experience. I also love what you have written about Bakji and what being able to play with him in public means for you.
    A really informative piece

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