Content Warning: I mention many taboo kinks in this post, and perhaps expand on others in ways some people may find distasteful or triggering. Including but not limited to blood, knives, poo, incest and cannibalism.
I am very excited to see what people write about for this week’s topic of taboo acts. I am purposely writing mine ahead of time so that I am not swayed by any other posts or even by the questions May might pose for us. When May first told me she was going to included taboo acts as a prompt I definitely got a tingle because on many levels taboo things definitely arouse me. As I began to ponder what I would write about though I realised that I’m not entirely sure what counts as taboo these days.
I’m certain that before I joined the kink community I would have considered things taboo that I now actively engage in, perhaps even love to engage in. Things I now think of as fairly standard kinks are perhaps still on the taboo list for many folks and because of the kinds of people I mix with I’m not entirely sure where the line is drawn between socially acceptable and still a bit out there.
I made a mental list in my head of the things that I do that potentially might be taboo for other folks, then I googled ‘most taboo sexual acts’ and realised that I was correct. Either I have no clue, or the people writing articles have no clue. To be clear, you get a different list if you type in ‘taboo fetishes’. The top 10 most taboo sex acts accordingly to top google results are:
- Public Sex
- Knife Play
- The Rusty Trombone – analingus with a reach around handjob
- Men in Lingerie
- Adult Breastfeeding
- Foot Fetish
I know people into all of those things, adult breastfeeding less so, but I certainly know folks who are curious in that direction. I suspected when I made my mental list that knife play was perhaps one of my kinks that is slightly taboo still but I never expected five of my other interests to show up; pegging, men in lingerie, foot fetishism, exhibitionism and watersports. If we include playing in front of folks at sex/kink events then public play is also on my list.
Neither myself or Bakji are huge fans of anal tonguing which is why the two analingus items don’t feature on my list of kinks, but if Bakji woke up tomorrow with a desperate desire to be rimmed I’d totally be moving them onto the to-do list. In terms of adult breastfeeding, hormonal issues meant I didn’t produce enough milk to feed the baby I had, so producing enough milk at this moment in time to supply an adult is just not viable. Making it the only kink on the list I physically cannot do. I understand why knife play and adult breastfeeding might be taboo topics in most social circles, they certainly deviate from the norm in many ways. As for the other eight actions though, I had no idea they were still considered taboo to some folks.
What then was on my mental list of kinks I thought might be taboo …
- Knife play
- Blood play
- Needle play
- Some other elements of medical play
- Extreme bondage
It makes no real difference to me if these are considered taboo or not, and unless your arousal is hinged on something being taboo, then I don’t think it should really matter to you either whether your kink or sexual practices are taboo or not. This is something I covered in How Taboo Is You Kink? And Why Does It Matter. Included in which is the list of fetishes that come up if you google ‘taboo fetishes’.
Of course, some things are taboo for very real reasons and engaging in them can potentially land you in jail. To be crystal clear, these are not the kinds of taboos I am talking about! I’m also not talking about legal grey areas where technically some elements of consensual BDSM can be argued to be illegal acts. I mean the things that are abhorrent and wanting to do them as any part of your life for pleasure makes you an awful human being. I won’t list them as I don’t want to the words present on my blog, but I’m sure you know the ones I mean.
Kinks or sexual acts that occur between two consenting adults though as unusual or rare as they might be shouldn’t be all that taboo in my opinion. I know that in many cases though exploring something that is taboo is the exact reason for it being arousing and I wouldn’t want to take that away from anyone either.
On my internet explorations to see what other people out there consider taboo I found 43 Unspeakable Sexual Fantasies. I know it’s Buzzfeed, so not exactly the most accurate cross-section of society, but even so, I gave it a read. Of those 43 ‘unspeakable’ acts, only one made me squint a little and only one made me laugh. Normally I never, ever laugh at people’s fantasies but the last one is a desire to fuck Putin and I’m sorry but it was so unexpected that laughter was all I had in response.
Further google clicking led me to 50+ Sexual Fetishes You’ve Never Heard Of. Where a lot of the terms were new to me, but in reality, not many of the acts or fantasies were brand new information. I’m sure this all makes me sound like an insufferable know it all, but I am moving towards a point.
Due to the nature of this blog and the podcast, I spend a lot of time purposely trying to uncover and understand things that other people enjoy. While a huge part of why I share is about getting my personal experiences out there, I also share so people feel less alienated by their kinks and fetishes, which can be a lonely place for many people. Kinks that we see as commonplace in our community can feel like a huge taboo to someone who is newly exploring.
Part of my mission with the blog and podcast is to welcome anyone and any kink to the table because I know for a fact if one person is into it, someone else will be too and in talking about them we make them more accessible and we hopefully make other people feel better about their desires.
I never imagined I would end up being into some of the things I am and it certainly has been a case of collecting slightly more taboo or perhaps intense kinks as I go. I think partly due to exploring with the same person for so long our trust levels have increased and the boundaries are fun to push past. I perhaps need to remember I’ve got to this point though, I’d hate to inadvertently cause offence or horror by wheeling out a conversation about a kink I think is totally normal only to discover most people are crying at the thought of it. If the thought of making people cry turns you on though, that’s also a kink I’ve met people with, so you’re not alone. I also have dreams of making Bakji cry too (in a hot and consensual way), so I can relate.
I took to Twitter to ask my Twitter Lovelies what they considered to be taboo, and one of the things that became apparent is the definitions of taboo definitely vary. Did I mean kinks people wouldn’t do? Did I mean kinks that instantly made people feel angry or judgemental? Or did I mean kinks we wouldn’t want our family knowing about? As it happens I hadn’t really considered what I meant by taboo, more what came to other people’s mind when I said ‘taboo kinks or sex acts’.
If I were to judge taboo kinks on things I wouldn’t do then some very widely accepted things would be on the list, like receiving anal sex. If taboo kinks were ones that automatically made me cast judgement then there’d be a tiny list of taboo kinks. In terms of a taboo being what I wouldn’t want my family to know about, meh, let them find out about them all, I’m really not that fussed. So I definitely don’t think I am the person we should take our lead from in deciding what is and isn’t taboo.
Kinks the lovely people of Twitter mentioned as taboo were:
- Consensual Non-Consent
- Incest Fantasies
- Extended Isolation
- Nun/Priest stuff
- Age Play
- Needles and Knives
By a landslide, scat (faeces play) was the one mentioned the most, closely followed by knives and bloodplay. I’ll be completely honest and say that with the exception of extended isolation, which is presenting me with more cons than pros, so I’m inclined to think it’s a bit on the risky side, I think all those kinks, are 100% valid if they are done between two consenting adults, with cannibalism and necrophilia this does mean keeping it as a fantasy or roleplay kink though.
When I reached out to Twitter I asked for all responses to be kept pleasant, any resulting kink-shaming would see me simply delete the post. The reason being that one of the things I find interesting about some kinky folks is whilst they are broad-minded enough to get into kink, there comes a moment that it stops and it then seems fair game to condemn, criticise or just publicly judge a certain subsection of kink. Scat is the number one (funny because it’s actually a number two) kink that this happens with. I totally understand that playing with poo isn’t for many folks, in fact, most of us, but it is a kink for many, many people and I hate the fact that they must constantly see and hear people shaming their kink.
I also found it interesting how many folks said Nun/Priest, and I’m guessing as an extension of that religious themes, in general, would also be taboo. Here we have a great example of how I do understand how something being taboo adds to the joy of playing with it. I don’t do this as a kink and haven’t got a nuns outfit, but I do love to dabble with these things in erotica. When I write stories like that I absolutely get a little bit aroused by their taboo nature and I suppose in a way I enjoy putting them out there knowing that they’ll cause some folks to go ‘oh hell no’.
To return to cannibalism, and actually, incest fantasies can come along for this ride too, while the actual real-life consequences of those acts could potentially be horrendous I see no harm in having them as a fantasy. The Hannibal Lecter movies and TV show are proof that other folks clearly agree with me, especially as Mads Mikkelsen as Hannibal has a huge following in the kink community and don’t think people are just imagining having tea with him. Tea with a side of flesh, perhaps that’s more their daydream.
Incest fantasies are obviously very different to cannibalism unless your fantasy is to eat and fuck a family member, (FYI that totally is someone’s fantasy, so no yucking someone’s yum in my replies) but as Game of Thrones has shown we aren’t all totally squeamish when it comes to watching these fantasies play out. Jamie and Cersei were brother and sister, twins no less and plenty of people were horrified by this in season one, but it didn’t stop many of us watching. We also had Daenerys and Jon Snow, who were biologically aunt and nephew, even if they didn’t know it when they first did the deed. I have lots more thoughts on incest fantasies, so keep your eyes peeled for a full post on this soon.
The things we can fantasise about and roleplay with consenting partners can definitely venture into some territories that if acted upon out of a consenting BDSM context becoming illegal, dangerous and potentially fatal acts. I see no harm in dabbling in the fantasies though, even with kinks that are perhaps seen as taboo by the vast majority of people.
I’ve reflected a lot on some of the answers people gave on Twitter and discussions I’ve had in the past about taboo kinks and I suspect a large part of the issue is that they nudge us towards a crossover between consensual kink and illegal activities. I think people are constantly on high alert to make sure people know they understand that consent is key and things involving animals, minors etc are bad.
I also find it interesting how some ‘bad things’ are deemed okay to fantasise about, yet others are definitely going to raise eyebrows. Essentially it seems that imagining bad things happening to you is acceptable, but imagining doing the bad thing is a no go area. But in many cases, bottoms who are into roleplaying some of these taboos, need a Top who is also into it, or at the very least can find an aspect of it they can enjoy.
For me, many of the kinks mentioned in this post that I am into, I enjoy as a Top, so I have to own my desire to do them. With things like needle play, I’d imagine the physical sensations of it as a bottom, are perhaps things people could get their head around. In terms of the desire to pierce someone else flesh, and get off on that, maybe that isn’t the aspect of needle play people are going to respond to as favourably. That’s my truth though, as is the fact that when those needles cause Bakji to bleed my instinct is to lick the blood away and that absolutely makes me the weirdo in most people’s eyes.
I love all my kinks though and I’m not ashamed of them and I know that I am a safe partner and I also know that I’m not anywhere close to blurring the lines between consenting kinks and actions that would see me labelled as a psychopath. I think perhaps when we are interested in some of these taboo kinks we do need to grow a thick skin. I’ve had some pretty damning comments left on the blog about a lot of my kinks, none of which ever see the light of day because they’re hateful. I don’t think this is how it should be though, especially within our own community. I would love to see more acceptance and representation of more taboo and niche kinks.
Why does this matter to me? Because I think it’s harmful and scary to be left to imagine you have this big, bad, unspeakable kink that no one else in the world has. I think that path is far more dangerous than actually exploring taboos. I’m not saying everyone needs to see and enjoy everything, but I think we still have a lot of room for improvement when it comes to welcoming certain kinks into the fold of our community and that my friends is one of the missions of FlossDoesLife, welcoming all kinks and kinksters with open arms, but maybe not for a hug because I’m not really into them and they’d probably be on the list of taboos if we went by things I find awkward to collate the taboo list.