When May let me know that the lovely PJAWoode had suggested ‘selfies’ as a Food For ThroughFriday topic, I was instantly convinced we should use it. How could I not want to write about selfies? If you’ve ever seen any of my images you’ll know that selfies are high on my list of things I enjoy.
Strangely enough, I do not enjoy other people taking my picture. As tempted as I’ve been to get some quality images taken, when I am someone else’s subject I do not photograph in the same way as when I am my own. Even when I first started out taking more photos of myself I was really awkward in front of the camera and I was often embarrassed by some of the shots I’d taken even though I was the only one to see them. The idea of someone else capturing those awkward shots fills me with dread.
As time has gone on though I’ve worried less about me seeing the awkward outtakes and I have gradually started to relax in front of my own phone lens. Which I think has resulted in some great images, if I do say so myself.
When it comes to images I’ve taken there aren’t any opportunities I’ve missed when I’ve been alone. My images for memes like Lingerie Is For Everyone and Sinful Sunday are usually strategically planned. I do have one memory though of wishing I’d taken a selfie with someone else and I actually wrote about that in I Wish I’d Taken the Photo. Which I presented as erotica but was actually inspired by a genuine moment of wanting to take a photo and letting the moment pass me by.
Even now I often think back to that moment, one moment out of many, but it has always been that moment that I wish I’d photographed purely because Bakji looked so fucking hot and I genuinely wanted to share that with another person. I suspect that they still have that moment to be captured for themselves and the real thing will be far better than a photo anyway, but I do still wish I’d grabbed my phone before he changed position.
When I first starting taking selfies to share on social media I was mostly just curious to see what images I could take and what people thought of them. Whilst the likes and the majority of comments were lovely, it was until I started sharing images on my blog that I truly began to enjoy the actual process of taking and presenting the photos. That enjoyment was then enhanced when I joined in with February PhotoFest earlier this year.
With February PhotoFest I fully embraced a wide range of filters and edits and began the approach of pairing my image with someone else words. What I discovered happened was instead of just presenting my images I found I was beginning to tells stories with my photography. I loved the fact that other people’s quotes can help me convey the vision I have for sharing my images with my readers.
Now I’m finding that not only do I allow the words to help me tell my story but also my own sense of playfulness. May asked me which of my selfies on my blog was my favourite and why and I chose This Thing Inside Me. One of the reasons being that it is one of the images where the version of me in the photo is a character I got to inhabit for a moment in time. The more I take photos of myself, the more different variants of person I get to be. I love looking back on the images I took and choosing which ones to edit, I often look at them thinking ‘I don’t know who she is but holy hell she looks badass, or slightly terrifying’, it is the most fun thing ever to be transformed in that way, especially knowing it is all of my own creation.
Images like the one above and below are the kind I love. I know it is me, 100% it’s my face, but those women are not telling my story, whatever is going on with them is all their own tales to tell. In the early days of selfies, it was definitely about trying to be sexy and that worked. I started to my own brand of sexy in a way I never had before, which was hugely liberating. Lately, it’s less about sexy and more about creativity. Or perhaps more specifically about being creatively sexy.
When I was choosing my favourite image for May all of the ones I considered were slightly more devilish creations. My favourite ‘version’ of myself is the wicked version, the one who if she were not born within the realms of BDSM and controlled with risk-aware, consensual kink she’d be a dangerous commodity. It is exceptionally hard to share that version of myself with the world because she really is a playtime kind of girl, even blog posts about the things she loves don’t quite convey what it is she’s about. I think photos do a much better job and the photo’s I share of that Floss variant are always the ones I find sexiest.
Seeing my own sexiness has always been a challenge for me. I don’t, or at least haven’t always, possessed some of the qualities that I personally see as sexy in others. I don’t think it’s any coincidence that the images of myself that help me see my own sexy are the ones that channel a part of my personality that I most often release during FemDom scenes.
I never feel sexier than when I am in charge of Bakji’s bum, it makes me feel wild, free and incredibly powerful. The images that are my favourites are the ones where I see those same things reflected back at me.
Often the images of myself I like the best are the ones that become most popular on the blog too. Not always for the same reasons though. Sometimes what you all interpret is very different from I thought I was presenting, but I enjoy that as much as I enjoy it when people do see the same vision as me.
The photos you all liked most from this year were the ones featured in Tear Into Your Soul. The image above was also taken during the same session. Second place image goes to the ones featured in Solace, which gives me the warm and fuzzies because those images featured Bakji. Those are his hands, not mine, which wasn’t actually clear to everyone, which just goes to show that sometimes we can’t expect people to see things in the same way we do.