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Swinging is an interesting topic of conversation. It often seems to exist in a limbo between kink and polyamory. It is something I haven’t done a lot of but something I would definitely like to do more of. Before I continue though let me tell you about the first time Bakji and I went to a swingers club.
A lovely couple, who we definitely found (and still find) attractive. As in, ‘OMG! Yes, we totally want to bang them’ attractive. Invited us to visit them in London and go to a swingers club with them. Now, Bakji says he wasn’t sure whether this was a sexy invite or not. I was personally convinced it was a sexy invite though and when I rocked up to Bakji’s house and saw how flippin’ handsome he looked, I figured he was definitely hoping it was a sexy invite. He was dressed to impress.
We live 2-3 hours out of London, so we had a nice long journey to discuss boundaries, expectations and all the other important things you should discuss before getting jiggy with other folks. I won’t lie, I was super nervous. This couple are super hot and more experienced than us when it comes to playing with others. I’d also never watched Bakji play with anyone else. Well not properly and not since I became emotionally invested in him. I was optimistic but still more anxious than I wanted to admit.
I needn’t have worried …
45 minutes from home, the car broke down. Not we’re going to be a bit late kind of broken either. The kind of broken that saw us waiting in a dodgy layby for 6 hours awaiting rescue. Watching a gaggle of people congregate by a kebab van and feeling totally miffed that they were probably having a better night than us. All while worrying we had completely blown our chance with the sexy duo, because whose car legitimately breaks down the first time you invite them to a sex club.
We weren’t going to give up though, we sent them a video of the car doing the weird broken thing. Praise the lord the chap involved not only identified it was truly broken but even told his partner what the diagnosis was. He correctly guessed that the clutch had indeed gone kaput! We did not have a sexy night that night and we still haven’t been to a swingers club. We have however smooched that couple good and proper.
Since then we’ve attended an organised sex/pleasure event. Which wasn’t marketed as a swingers night but everything I witnessed was pretty much the definition of swinging. That was where we first swapped partners with another couple and it was a delightfully delicious night out. Despite the fact the prospect of a night without kink as our go-to way of playing, I found a lot of enjoyment in sexual activity being the main method of entertainment.
We aren’t that smooth or that confident in our swinging abilities though and this is definitely something I would like for us to rectify. We are definitely very cautious when it comes to playing with others and we are definitely not forward enough. Actually, sometimes I’m forward, but only with ladies and I’m terrible at bringing them back for sharing! Even though I know many of them would be delighted to pounce on Bakji! I am the worst unicorn hunter ever, I find the unicorn, get sexy with the unicorn and then prance back to Bakji hoping he’s done the same. Bad Floss. More sharing, less getting carried away with sexy ladies. Ladies, next time we’re smooching just give me a nudge if you want some Bakji action too, I can totally make this happen. I’m like a sexy fairy Godmother. If the wish you make is getting it on with me and my partner.
For me, swinging feels indulgent and beautifully hedonistic. It also feels quite validating and naughty to have someone other than Bakji find me sexy. It’s not that he doesn’t make me feel sexy and wanted, he really does. But he loves me, he knows me and he wants me on many different levels. That doesn’t stop it being fun when another sexy person gets the hots for me too.
The main thing I like about swinging though is that it’s something we do together. I absolutely love playing with others, but I do very much it being an extension of what Bakji and I have built together. Even when that play involves branching off from each other, the bounce back is part of the fun for me. Especially as this usually involves a sexy exchange between the two of us as well. Regardless of how much sexual activity we may have just enjoyed with someone else.
I don’t have the highest of sexual libidos, neither does Bakji. With kink tending to be the thing we crave more than sex. I love that with swinging, while kink sometimes is involved, it isn’t usually the aim and I enjoy being immersed in an environment that is a little more sex-focused. This doesn’t even need to mean me getting involved, even the act of seeing other people relaxed and uninhibited as they indulge is wonderful.
I know everyone’s mileage will vary, and I know not all experiences of swinging will be like mine. Having embraced swinging in predominantly private settings I’ve perhaps not had to deal with some of the trickier aspects of navigating the swingers lifestyle. We are however giving an actually swingers club another go at the end of July. So I will perhaps have more to report then. I must admit though I am very excited by the prospect of another swinging adventure. Again we are going with friends, so worst case scenario the only people we interact with are each other and the folks we go with, which really is not a tragedy.
In terms of getting it on with people I’ve just met, I’m all for it, but in these situations, I do tend to be all about the ladies. I really struggle with physical intimacy with men I’ve just met. Even if I find them attractive. I don’t know if attending more swingers clubs and events will change this. I’ve never had sex with a man I’ve just met, I can’t imagine what that would be like. Having sex with women I’ve just met? No problem, I am all good with that scenario.
My desire and ability to seduce women isn’t exactly a new revelation to me. I have discovered some new things from trying swinging though. Mainly, I never really knew the extents to which voyeurism and exhibitionism swirled inside me until I dabbled in swinging. Neither seems to thrive in kink settings, I’m don’t mind my kink scenes being watched but I don’t get off on. Similarly, I might watch a kink scene with interest but it’s unlikely to turn me on. Watching people engage in sexual activity though, that’s a whole different thing. That does turn me on, and knowing people are watching me while I do the same, wowee that’s a buzz I never imagined I would get.
When I started exploring kink, I uncovered all sorts of things about my likes and dislikes that I never could have imagined possible. I suspect continued adventures in swinging will do the same. If nothing else the opportunity to explore these things makes my spirit feel free and wild and I love that.