If this is your first visit to a That’s My Kink post, then you might like to read That’s My Kink – An Introduction first.
Up until now all the kinks I’ve featured have been kinks I have actively enjoyed as a bottom, or as a voyeur where bottoming for said activity is impossible (see Watching Guys Fuck Guys for more information on that kind of kink). Some kinks I enjoy though I either didn’t know I had until I started Topping Bakji or I realised I didn’t actually enjoy as bottom but that only became clear through Topping, as is the case with gags.
When I first started developing my interest in kink and realised that there were things I would definitely like to try gags when straight on the list. Not because the idea of being gagged turned me on but because it seemed like an activity that was in the bedroom bondage starter kit. Blindfolded, gagged and bound seems to be the go-to starting point when people imagine spicing things up in the bedroom.
For the record, and it might be an unpopular opinion, I think gags belong a little further along in someone’s kink adventure. Removing someone’s ability to speak clearly is huge and not being able to communicate clearly can be terrifying if something suddenly feels wrong. Even in an established relationship, where you trust your partner 100% if kink is the new element things can still go wrong. I personally think that giving both the top and the bottom time to adjust to their own and each other’s style of kink and reactions during kink activities before introducing things like gags is a smart move. Or if gags are the first thing folks are keen to try maybe do it with bondage involved so the gag can be removed by the bottom if things become too much.
I have been gagged by multiple people, multiple times and those experiences range from mildly uncomfortable to okay. Which will makes this next statement seem foolish, but, I still didn’t realise I didn’t really enjoy being gagged. Even though I would often be pleased when it didn’t happen and never actively hoped I would be gagged, I never registered my reaction to gags until much later on.
It wasn’t until I’d used a wide range of gags on Bakji that my brain started to piece things together. Bakji loves being gagged. We’re talking serious subby feels and hard-on inducing feels about having a gag in place. From day one of Topping Bakji I was always happy to oblige with this and I found I really loved gags too, so long as they were going in someone else’s mouth.
There was something about seeing Bakji’s extremely positive reaction to gags that made me realise that they really weren’t my thing and even though it had been a long time since anyone had been in a position to want to gag me I still found myself doing a lot of soul searching as to why I wasn’t a fan of them.
For the most part, it’s a comfort thing. I don’t have brilliant luck with teeth, sometimes they can feel a bit tender. The idea of having certain gags near or between my teeth is actually quite disconcerting. Out of the gags I have tried, which is a fair few, not one of them was remotely comfortable. To the point where the discomfort they caused would detract from the fun I should be having during a scene.
When I discussed this with Bakji the answer was simple, whenever he Topped me he simply wouldn’t use gags. Which I must admit is a position I’m happy for us to take on things. If however, he decided his greatest desire during a scene would be to gag me I would happily consent to his doing so. Outside of our dynamic though gags have gone on the soft limit list. I do not want and cannot imagine letting anyone gag me if I was new to playing with them or they didn’t fully grasp where my concerns lie.
With Bakji there are also other methods of being gagged that I am happy to engage it at any time. Rope as gag and tape over the mouth. Rope in the mouth doesn’t cause the same discomfort as others gags do and tape over the mouth obviously bypasses the issues of something being in my mouth all together. Tape would perhaps be my main choice of being gagged, not least of all because it seems like the sexiest way to me too. The only thing that would surpass tape in terms of the sexiest way to be gagged would be someone’s hand over my mouth.
I discussed my love of being manhandled in That’s My Kink – Rough Play and a firm hand over my mouth to shut me up definitely plays into that kink. In my head, they’d use their hand just long enough to realise I wasn’t going to behave then pull the tape out to reinforce the fact that I really did need to shut the fuck up.
When I use gags at a Top stripping someone of their ability to communicate is definitely part of the fun. It’s especially fun with Bakji because he loves being gagged but he also loves being able to kiss me and answer my questions. Neither of which he can do with a gag in and it is very fun to laugh at how silly his desire to be gagged is because it means he can’t do so much of what he enjoys.
As I said earlier on I’ve tried a wide range of gags. Both on myself and on Bakji but we still have two left to purchase, that I’ve used but have yet to have the pleasure of owning. The one I’m most eager to get is a Jennings gag, sometimes known as a dental gag. It looks a bit freaky (that’s a kink), creates lots of drool (that’s a kink) and wedges the mouth right open (that’s a kink) so I absolutely cannot wait to get Bakji into one and proceed to laugh at him (in a sexy way) and probe his mouth with all sorts of delightful things. The other gag I’d like to have is an o-ring gag, which would serve much the same purpose to be honest, but perhaps looks a little less intense.
There are so many possibilities when it comes to gags, if you’ve used one and thought they’re not for you it is perhaps worth giving some other styles a try. If however like me you really just don’t enjoy them they are not a requirement for kink, despite how frequently they show up in kink representation.