Image originally posted as X Marks the Spot
Sadism and masochism are kinks that can sometimes seem a little alarming, both to people who realise they identify that way and to onlookers who do not understand why someone who enjoys receiving or inflicting pain. I am some who enjoys both giving and receiving pain in an erotic way, but I’m going to cover masochism first because it is the first of the two I indulged in.
A Masochist is Born
Before I joined the kink community I did attempt to dabble in kink with my non-kinky but willing to try ex-husband. To his credit, I think he did a much better job of embracing and accepting my new interests that perhaps our subsequent break-up implies. I rarely talk about those encounters I had with him because they seem like part of another life, but for my adventures in masochism, I think it is necessary.
As I’ve discussed before I didn’t have any orgasms, not alone or with a partner until I was 28. The catalyst seemingly being having a baby followed by discovering an interest in kinky things. One of the first kinks that seemed to push me closer to orgasm in those early days of discovering my body had finally figured out how to have them was spanking.
We definitely covered bottom spanking, but the spanking that really seemed to work was of the vulva variety. In a moment of unexpected variety my ex slapped my vulva and I won’t lie it hurt like a bitch, but oh it felt so good. That sting, followed by the spread of warmth as my flesh grew tender from repetitive strikes was delicious. My body took this new feeling and channeled it into arousal and the result was the strongest orgasm I’d had up until that point.
I was keen to explore this further and paddles and crops had soon arrived and it was at this point our interests clearly went down different paths. We didn’t really explore kink together past this point and for various reasons we parted ways and my journey into kink and masochism continued as a single person.
Finding The Right Sadist
The next person I explored my masochism with was not a good choice of partner, in the midst of what I now see as subfrenzy combined with a fair amount of depression and grief I made some terrible choices. However, as poor as my choices were I did have moments of glorious indulgence in my masochism and though I wish those moments had been with someone else, they weren’t.
I discovered in those early days that I loved heavy impact play and that nipple pain was arousing. I was also confronted with multiple orgasms which after years of none was a real shock to the system and I was presented with that deliciously torturous sensation of having multiple orgams forced from my body. Again, it hurt, but in a delicious and addictive way.
More adventures in kink unravelled, with more people that I met in the midst of subfrenzy and with very little regard for red flags and no decent information on how genuine folk explore BDSM with others. While my interest in submission came and went, my interest in masochism held fast.
Play To Your Limits
My pain tolerance, is, or at least was then, fairly high. This isn’t something I am saying to brag, it is a fact that actually did me no favours. It meant I could take things to a point fledgeling kinksters probably shouldn’t and in one case it has left me with a permanent indentation on my thigh from a bite. A bit that should have been stopped long before it was, but the Top in question told me to call red when it hurt and in a very spacey state post play combined with my pain tolerance it just didn’t hurt.
While my love of masochism perhaps led to some misguided moments it also led to some amazing moments in rope. As a rope bottom, I loved the challenge of rope that made my body ache and I am still in awe of the things I achieved in the year I was focusing on being a rope bottom. Of course, this isn’t why many people love shibari, but it was why I loved it and the freedom and catharsis I found from being tortured and challenged by rope was truly liberating.
When my love of FemDom was unleashed my masochism took a backseat, I’ve enjoyed some nice impact sessions with friends and Bakji, but overall the masochist in me was not really being nourished. When I discovered a love of needle play I found a way to play with my masochism all by myself which I go into in greater detail in I am A Medical Masturbator.
When I decided I wanted to explore needle play I needed to practice, I did a good chunk of research and when I was ready to practice on a person the only person I was willing to do that on was myself. The rush of euphoria I got when I began playing with needles was intense and I loved the specific pain sensation the needles caused. I’ve previous used impact devices on myself, but that doesn’t quite hit the spot for me in the same way needles do.
There are definitely areas of masochism that I’ve yet to explore. I’ve never quite managed to conquer canes and while it isn’t necessary to do so, it’s a desire I definitely have. When it comes to masochism I don’t believe that we all have to be enjoying or enduring at the same level. It certainly isn’t a competition with other masochists and it is incredibly dangerous to make it so. We all play at our own levels when it comes to any kink, with masochism though I think it is even more important to be honest with your limits and only go as far as you are comfortable with.
A lot of the kinks we engage in to satisfy our masochism are classed as edge play and rightly so because they come with a lot of risks. Playing with Sadists or are knowledgeable about the kinks they engage in, risk aware and who state their bottoms safety the most important thing is to me one of the key factors in getting masochism right. I’ve played with Sadists who got it really wrong, in both attitude and action and the person who paid for their errors was me.
Of all my kinks I think the one I am most protective of and most fond of is my masochism. It can be misunderstood and it can easily be taken advantage of and I don’t want that for it anymore. I want it to flourish and be enjoyed by all the right people for all the right reasons. I love being a masochist because it taps into parts of me that no other kink can and it has given me so many wonderful avenues to explore. My inner masochist and me have been on quite a journey together and I am excited to see what further adventures we will go on together.
If you enjoyed this post you can follow the badge below to visit my That’s My Kink Archives. You can also listen to episode 49 of ProudToBeKinky which is all about pain and sensation play.